Experiencing the Cinderella Complex: I married a FSU woman

[BC]

For those who haven't read carefully the DV was filed by me against my wife, not her against me.  She almost went to jail.  I dropped the charges.

Sorry, but I'm quite European when it comes to DV.. with no black eyes or bleeding noses and no bodily harm inflicted by lethal weapons involved it's not abuse IMHO.  Kinda hard to imagine someone that has been chopping wood since their teens would consider someone blocking the doorway as abuse..

But I do understand a bit about the legal system in the US and don't overly criticize your actions.

[gousa]

I'll repeat again that I came to send a message that says,

"Don't do this to yourself or let it happen to you."

A waste is a terrible thing to mind.   Anything else I think about is of little or no signifigance.   I wanted to hear a similar story like that Bean guy told.   That is an example of the problem going completely out of hand.   I have heard some others I just wanted to get mine out and read another one.

Have you read "Warning to the west" by Alexander Solzhetsyn?
 I'm working on that now.

For BC,  she is a combination of lousy traits and good traits, as most people are.
I am suspicious that I have not seen the last of her,  if she has poor luck finding someone to spoil her,  she will remember my defiance and respect it,  for certainly a Russian has utmost respect for those who stand up for what they believe.   Or maybe not, because if you stand up in Russia someone usually shoots you down.  Maybe it's better to be a mouse there.  I just couldn't maintain any self respect and still maintain the love, sex, and money relationship game at the same time.    The relationship was always a rollercoaster ride and we were always dumping each other.  Recently she re-dumped me again to begin her new man search and I was agreeable to that.  Once in a while she sends me a spam about some shopping site.  She knows I hate shopping and spewing out money.  LOL

For KenC.   Yes I painted a picture that was fairly good but I believe she already had a grander notion previously installed in her mind.   After all this is the golden country
and the streets are paved with gold here and all that.    I should have said "Gee we can be financially independant but let's not go overboard."  I think she might have understood only part of that statement.   I think she definitiely had some pre-concieved notions.   I didn't really have to make many promises.   She just plain liked me from the start.  But I did say something about a liesurely life style but I meant some liesure for both of us, not me just taking care of her needs.   The house I bought is a nice house, built in 2000,  much newer that the old ones in the north.    How do you stop upgrading once you start?  How and where do you draw the line?  Especially with someone who probably only understands half of what you say.

I am a self sufficient character.   I drove a garbage truck for a living for awhile and boy did I collect stuff that other people threw away.  I used it or gave it away or took it to the thrift stores.   It took a lot of time and energy to do that.  The throw away wasteful society we have really bums me out.  

But the RW's, I believe,  take an inch and turn it into a mile.  If you give an inch it will be interpreted as a mile tomorrow.  Once I told her that she wanted a mouse, not a man.   It would have helped if she would have accepted the marriage counseling that I offered.   But communication is not one of her finer qualities.  She just wants what she wants and to hell with the communication and compromising.   I believe she came here with that attitude.  

 I like this famous quote:

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. "
John Stuart Mill

[Globetrotter]

Let me get this straight...you met her once for 2.5 weeks and fell in love, thinking she was an income earner after some time, but moved her into a house on a lake with a pot bellied stove, but needed to buy a new house for her?  I would think so!

You blame your lawyer for not presenting you with a proper pre-nup in a timely manner (but not yourself for marrying her anyway without one?)  I think you can buy these at Office Max...then modify them for your situation, after which you may want a lawyer to "sprinkle holy water" on what you want to do!

Would you marry someone here after knowing her for 2.5 weeks facetime and lots of letters?  

And again, who do you blame for all of your troubles?

As said before, the FSU is the greatest singles bar you will ever enter, but will cost you $2G's to walk in the door...much more if you're stupid!  I've been at this for 5 years and had relationships with several, but if it don't seem right...run Forrest, run.

There's an old joke....that if you are thinking of getting married for a second time...just find the girl you hate the most, and buy her a house!  Doubly true for you.

Anyway, best of luck in the future.

[BC]

Believe it or not, I give 60/40 chances that they both still somehow love each other.

[GreginGa]

For every Gousa story of how he went about it wrong, I can probably give you 2 or 3 where the guys did the visits and it still didnt workout. Hell what about prearranged marriages? Those people dont even spend the 2 weeks together and they make it. People who have known and lived together for years get married and divorced.
I know Mexicans that have lived and worked like a sonofabitch in this country for 20 years and are not entitled to a social security number where they can pay their taxes and you're telling me this chick deserves half of this guys shit for being married to him for 3 or 4 years. Gousa,you just picked the wrong one my friend.It could be worse, you could have colon cancer. There is no exact science and if there was everyone would be doing it. Marriages fail everyday.  You took a chance, rolled the dice and got burned as romantic as it started out. I like KenC and I enjoy his posts,insight and knowledge about this process ,but I think he is absolutely wrong to pile on. KenC or anyone else never lived with your wife,but they only hear one side of the story.  She could have always returned to her beloved Russia if things wasnt so great here and didnt live up to her expectations. I got lucky and so did a few others around here.

Your wife couldve been from Orlando and been the same bat shiat crazy and lazy. Maybe she'll get it by bus if she harbors that much malice in her heart towards you.

[Gator]

What caught my attention are GoUSA's words in his first post:

But I was a single, [47-yo] never married American guy and not the fully and completly domesticated family man that she wanted. 

Gousa, being a bachelor for so long, you understand neither what being married entails nor what role you would have to play.  You probably would have had trouble with an AW.  Making it worse was adding a RW and her culture and mentality (her definition of “traditional wife” does not include the word “compliant”).

I would advise American men who have been single most of their lives to rethink any marital plans they may have with anybody, for most women in general especially those with children will want a lot of everything and that includes any time or money you used to have saved for yourself.

Duh!  That is part of the package.  Yes, the money you formerly spent on yourself must now be spent on yourself plus providing for a wife and her child until she becomes fully adjusted. 

she really didn't want to work or support herself or contribute to the relationship in any other way and she didn't work for three years until our conflicts became so ridiculous that I moved out and filed divorce.

This is the most damning evidence about your wife.  Every RW I met wants to work in her new country.   You said that she did not want to work as a nurse, a profession with reasonable pay and in high demand.  That does not speak kindly about her.

It cost me about 30,000 a year to support her and the child for three years.

 

That is not far above the poverty line.  You got off easy IMO.

[KenC]

For every Gousa story of how he went about it wrong, I can probably give you 2 or 3 where the guys did the visits and it still didnt workout. Hell what about prearranged marriages? Those people dont even spend the 2 weeks together and they make it. People who have known and lived together for years get married and divorced.
I know Mexicans that have lived and worked like a sonofabitch in this country for 20 years and are not entitled to a social security number where they can pay their taxes and you're telling me this chick deserves half of this guys *snip* for being married to him for 3 or 4 years. Gousa,you just picked the wrong one my friend.It could be worse, you could have colon cancer. There is no exact science and if there was everyone would be doing it. Marriages fail everyday.  You took a chance, rolled the dice and got burned as romantic as it started out. I like KenC and I enjoy his posts,insight and knowledge about this process ,but I think he is absolutely wrong to pile on. KenC or anyone else never lived with your wife,but they only hear one side of the story.  She could have always returned to her beloved Russia if things wasnt so great here and didnt live up to her expectations. I got lucky and so did a few others around here.

Your wife couldve been from Orlando and been the same bat shiat crazy and lazy. Maybe she'll get it by bus if she harbors that much malice in her heart towards you.

Greg,
Are you kidding me?  Please tell me you didn't just wish this woman gets "H"it by a bus?  What is wrong with you?

What malice does she harbor against our "white knight"?  And you are also wrong in your claim that this woman gets half of everything goUSA has as his inheritance is protected.  She (like any woman in the US) gets one half of the assets gained during the marriage.  And why shouldn't she?  Even goUSA sys she loved him very well during the marriage.
KenC

[GreginGa]

The woman got a free house for 3 years marriage. Everything she owned in Russia she packed in a bag and landed probably in Orlando. I dont get the white knight thing either. I dont think the guy had getting divorced after 3 years in mind when he married this chick. The guy has 1 failed marriage now. Lets have a show of hands for everyone here that has at least that many. Lucky for me both of my hands are down.

[KenC]

The woman got a free house for 3 years marriage. Everything she owned in Russia she packed in a bag and landed probably in Orlando. I dont get the white knight thing either. I dont think the guy had getting divorced after 3 years in mind when he married this chick. The guy has 1 failed marriage now. Lets have a show of hands for everyone here that has at least that many. Lucky for me both of my hands are down.

Greg,
The "white knight" reference is to the attitude that goUSA had when he "saved" his RW.  It is quite appropriate in this situation.

Do you think his wife thought the marriage would only last 3 years when she gave up her country, family, friends and career?  And put her son into the situation?

What do YOU think would be fair for her in a divorce case like this?  Keep in mind that she kept up her end of the deal and loved him "very well" (goUSA's words)

Was goUSA completely forth coming with her?  Did he tell her that he furnishes his house with other people's trash?  Did he tell her that he buys his clothes second hand from charity organizations?  GoUSA tells that he spent $30K/per year for living expenses.  That doesn't sound too overboard to me.  What we have here is a 47 year old bachelor who didn't think things through too well and his new family cost him a lot more than he anticipated.

I take it that your last crack is to somehow disparage anyone that has a divorce under their belt.  I beg to differ.  With over 30 years of experience in being married (21 first time/9 so far in this one), I certainly understand the concept of "give and take."  It is your buddy goUSA that needs the help here, not me.
KenC

[GreginGa]

Well Ken I'm not here to get into a pissing contest with you or anyone else. The ole boy made some mistakes and I think he knows it. I dont think calling him names and tearing him a new ass on a forum is the right thing to do. Guys could learn from his mistakes and that was probably his intentions when he posted. I dont know the guy and he might just be the biggest sonofabitch that has ever been,but I dont know that. This girl he was married to might be the sweetest thing to ever grace our fair shores,but I dont know that. All I know is a marriage failed for whatever reason and I wish he felt better about it. I'm not trying to disparage anyone with a divorce under their belt but I would think those of you who did could feel a little empathy for the guy. With that being said I would hope that we can agree to disagree on Gousa and wish him the best in life and love.

[KenC]

Greg,
With the experience of going through a divorce, I can tell it is rare that either side tells the story true.  We have heard only his side here.  But there are insights he provides in telling his side that exposes some of his mistakes too.  His "intentions" in posting here was to warn us all against the selfish money sucking RW, not to show his errors.

You didn't answer my question:  What do you think would be fair to the woman?  A ticket back to Russia?
KenC

[I/O]

I grew up with an axe in my hand.  It was my job to split up all the heating wood for the house.   I'm really good with an axe, chainsaw or any heavy forresting equipment and I am very good at falling trees and cutting them and piling them up.   I also have a dual BS degree in mathematics and computer science,  an MCSA (Microsoft Certified System Administrator) certificate and a private pilot license.   I worked with my father on the trailer park and in the woods until I was 14 when I got my first job at a full service Holiday gas station.    I was there when a phone call came that the tree had fallen on my father.  He was 67 then, I was 16.   He became a paraplegic and my mother and I took care of him for the next 14 years until he passed.   We continued to operate the trailer park.   My folks got a small place in Tampa because they didn't want to sit with him in his wheel chair indoors all winter.  I helped them move there for the winters.     I worked various jobs including steel erection and then went to colleges in both the north and the south.

Read the above. Why is this not adding up? If that earning capacity were true, why complain about the loss of a lousy 200k over 3 years? It's chicken food if the overall picture is halfways true. Some or all of this story isn't saleable, at least not in my world.

I/O

[DKMM]

I/O what earning capacity?  he had a moderate inheritance of mostly land that probably generates little income.  That many acres is not worth that much in the part of USA.  If I had to guess, his inheritance is under a mill, which is hardly enough to generate more than a middle class existance in a low cost city.

[I/O]

I/O what earning capacity?  he had a moderate inheritance of mostly land that probably generates little income.  That many acres is not worth that much in the part of USA.  If I had to guess, his inheritance is under a mill, which is hardly enough to generate more than a middle class existance in a low cost city.

I also have a dual BS degree in mathematics and computer science,  an MCSA (Microsoft Certified System Administrator) certificate and a private pilot license.

I/O

[Maxx2]

The chance to improve lifestyle is always sought after..

Decreasing lifestyle is a huge hurdle..

I submit that gousa's wife, when presented with the necessity of degrading her newly acquired lifestyle, found herself in a position where there was little, if any difference with the overall quality of life where she came from.  She did after all give up a respected job, family, friends and everything else to join him.

I got this from 4 years ago and I know things have improved since then but not by multiples.

Mosnews.com
November 17, 2004
Russians Need $300 for “Normal Life” - Poll

The Yuri Levada Analytical Center conducted a public opinion poll to find out what level of personal income is considered sufficient for a “normal life” in Moscow and Russia’s other regions. 2,407 respondents took part in the survey. The results of the poll were published on Wednesday, Nov. 17, and show that Moscow residents need 13,903 rubles ($480) per month, while across Russia the figure is 9,151 rubles ($315) per month.

According to Moscow residents, the real minimum subsistence level amounts to 6,808 rubles ($235), and a family can be considered really poor if its monthly per capita income does not exceed 3,602 rubles ($124). The residents of other Russian regions name much smaller sums  4,228 rubles ($146) and 2,283 rubles ($78) respectively.

According to data provided by the Federal Statistics Service, the incomes of 30 million Russians do not exceed the subsistence level. The average per capita income in Russia in August 2004 amounted to just over 5,800 rubles ($200) per month. The official minimum subsistence level amounts to 2,285 rubles ($78).

As MosNews reported in September when the World Bank released its Poverty Assessment Report, where it said that in the period between 1999 and 2002 the number of people living below the poverty line in Russia had decreased by approximately two times  from 41.5 percent to 19.6 percent. The experts see the reason behind this tendency in sustained economic growth, based on high world oil prices.

In some Russian regions, according to WB estimates, the amount of people living below the poverty line in 2002 amounted to only 3.1 percent, while in others it was as high as 55.6 percent. In Moscow poor people made up 6.6 percent of the city’s residents.

Supposition here. Russian doctors are often times low paid unlike here. Gousa tells her he is supported by living off his inheritance. She thinks he's rich and she's going to be living as a spoiled housewife ala Santa Barbara. He sees how she is living in her little apartment and thinks "Wow! she's going to appreciate my square footage and the lake view!" The rest is history.


Maxx
   

[steviej]

... Was goUSA completely forth coming with her?  Did he tell her that he furnishes his house with other people's trash?  Did he tell her that he buys his clothes second hand from charity organizations? ... 

It seems she didn't know or understand any of this about her future husband's character. This set of attributes, and his hard life growing up poor (and relatively isolated), are fundamental elements of who he is and hit attitudes. If he had explained to her "I really admire, want and expect my wife to be a woman who understands and appreciates how to buy used clothes, old furnishings that I pick from other people's trash .." she would not have married him. They didn't know each other at all.

Did gousa love her when he married her? I think not. He desired her. He wanted to be a hero and save her. And he wanted to end his lonliness. But its not enough. You must love the woman you want to marry. You must love who she is. I don't think gousa had any idea of her real personality, nor she his. They are so incompatible. Is it possible she's "just" a gold digger? Maybe small percentage chance. Honestly, I think she did want to love her husband, and had no idea about what she got into or what to expect. I think she had a lot of hysterical behaviors from not realizing what's going on. (I don't mean crying etc, I just mean continued dysfunctional behaviors.)

From getting a glimpse of gousa's personality (and thank you for sharing honestly) I think a Russian woman is fundamentally the wrong kind of woman for him. I like the guy who commented (forget who) that he sensed there really was at times some love that had grown between them, but their incompatibility was just enormous, too much for the situation.

[steviej]

(Aside) Turboguy - about postnup:

I have a prenup. From curiousity I asked my lawyer if there was such a thing as a postnup. He said technically, yes, and some unprincipled lawyers would sell you one (in his opinion), but that he felt they were worthless and that they are almost never held up in court because there are so many bases for voiding it. Perhaps it varies from state to state.

The other question would be: for what purpose could one want a postnup? It would mean that either one or the other party would be agreeing to get less in a divorce than their state community property laws would allow, although they are already married into that condition. ?? Doesn't make sense. Why would the party to receive a lesser share ever sign it at that point? It would seem that the lesser party could therefore always claim it was signed under duress, in which case it would be voided.

But anyway, newbies here need to understand their situation w.r.t. a prenup. If they're thinking postnup, its already too late.

A few guys here say things like "my wife and I knew each other so well, and knew our love is so true etc ... etc.. that I knew I didn't need a prenup... " That is just naive. Nice and romantic, but still naive. Everyone feels that way, the same way you felt, the same way I felt, when they get married. We all feel the same way. But half end in divorce. Not having a prenup does not add depth to the "trueness" of love.

[Blues Fairy]

Gousa, your quotes from your wife (re: golden toilet etc.) reveal a very undeveloped woman; I wonder what moved you to marry her in the first place?  What kind of love was that if either you two were completely unable to communicate, or you did not care if she was a match for you on the intellectual level? 

[GreginGa]

Greg,
With the experience of going through a divorce, I can tell it is rare that either side tells the story true.  We have heard only his side here.  But there are insights he provides in telling his side that exposes some of his mistakes too.  His "intentions" in posting here was to warn us all against the selfish money sucking RW, not to show his errors.

You didn't answer my question:  What do you think would be fair to the woman?  A ticket back to Russia?
KenC

Without knowing exactly what was accumulated during the marriage I cant honestly say what the girl deserved,but whatever it was she didnt work and help in earning process. When the shiat hit the fan the woman didnt work as well. What would this guy have gotten in Russia had the roles been reversed? Had I been the judge, I wouldve started from there and worked my way down.

[Jumper]

With more explaination ,.this simply  got worse,

Gousa thanks for your honesty.


 The knight in shining armour brings home a  Rw, with Santa Barbara expectations.
it happens.

Remember the old *newsletter* floating around here for about  5 year?
He's not Rockefeller,shes not Cinderalla ?

It was kind of a made up  "jest" scenerio?
-
and seems to have depicting exactly gousa's and his RW's situation?


I hope the ONE thing new guys glean from it, is this:

I agree that I did not examine her thoroughly and I only went to visit her once for 2 1/2 weeks.  That was a big booboo but my mom was in a nursing home then and I was helping care for her and I didn't want to take multiple vacations across the globe.

ambach you listening..?
 head this guys tale well
and more importantly read Beans rant
(i remember when he made that,,he made several infamous ones)


you need to take whatever time you need,,
to at least know some good fundamentals about the person,,
hopefully you'd want to go beyond that as well..

and if  they don' seem concerned about pulling up thier whol eenmtire lives and about relocation , or real conern in really   knowing  you well.
then for heaven sakes Run forest Run!!


The financially successful guys on here,
 that often ignore basic due diligence, amaze me.

yes yes of course you could STILL get taken,
or the person could change..there are a million variables,,
but to  START a marriage without knowing the person  well, just seems ....
 


greginga-
 i do feel empathy for the guy
(and no i've never divorced)

he mised some real fundamentals though..
so to come here saying to all of us--

Dont  do this!!  most RW are bad news !!!!!!!!!!! (essentially his message at its root)

sorry he deserves a bit of flack?

you know what i think his message should have been?

people can you believe it? be careful!
There are actually some $harks in the ocean !!!
they arnt just on TV!
I know! I was injured and bleeding,
 i jumped in swam around for awhile,
and one bit me right in the a$$ets!!


I do wish him luck and a recovery to his emotions ..

but like i stated earlier , i'm dying laughing at what most good RW i know would have said to his "proposal" during the K1 period..


and honestly can imagine a far worse scenerio for him ?
if he stated that same "and dont be a gold digger"
'line"  to some of the bad RW i know, as it would have fueled thier fire to use and abuse him with a lot more abandon..and viciousness than he saw from his Ex
(think of a Hostel type filetting in court and in his wallet)

Ultimately he got off very very easily,,wether he realizes it or not.

just sayin'

[KenC]

Greg,
No offense, but I cannot understand what you wrote.  Can you clarify?

She didn't work, but "working" was not a requirement of goUSA until near the end, when she did get a job.

Like I said, it is pretty standard for a couple to split 50/50 all assets acquired during the term of the marriage.  What the laws are in Russia is really irrelevant to this discussion.

Come on Greg, don't be evasive here, what percentage of the marital assets is fair to her.  Zero?  A ticket back to Russia?  What is her compensation for buying into goUSA's promises?  She didn't work, but that was never part of the deal.  She gave up her country, family, career and culture based on goUSA's offer to marry her.  Last I checked, the marital vowes do not have a 3 year expiration date.
If 50% is unfair, what is fair?
KenC

[Maxx2]

As misery love company here is another tale of woe. "The Best of Intentions meets The Worst of Intentions"
One guy who married a RW. Lived in a modest house in a small town Iowa. She had her sights on a Boston or New York mansion overlooking the ocean.  

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2236.0

Last I heard she is working in a office at a concrete plant in a Des Moines, Iowa and is dating a used car salesman. The daughter's modeling career never took off and bags groceries at a supermarket.
He has given up on women after a few forays in the local Match.com dating world and is content with his peaceful life running his business.


Maxx

[Maxx2]

If 50% is unfair, what is fair?
KenC

In Minnesota one's inheritance belongs 100% to one's self even if it is invested into jointly owned property. 50% of the assets accumulated during the marriage plus what ever he gave her such as her car and sometimes but not always depending on her income verses his and other circumstances, spousal maintenance for half the duration of the marriage.   


Maxx

[Ronnie]

Much of this thread has been centered around the OP's inheritance and his grieving over the loss of his marriage and the loss of a portion of his inherited assets.  Perhaps more the latter than the former.  If it's any consolation to him, most states recognize the separate property rights of the assets each individual owned before the marriage or inherited during the marriage. (You can certainly transmute the character of those assets into the community but that must be done consciously and by written agreement, at least in my state).

Those rights allow the individual to trace his assets as they are exchanged from one form of holding to another.  If he purchased a home with funds from his separate bank account or from the sale of inherited land, that initial investment in the home remains in his separate property estate. 

However, if the home appreciates in value, that appreciated portion is joint or community property.  Now, since home prices have fallen over the past 3 years generally there is unlike to be any community portion to the home, and if the home that was purchased was a prefab or mobile home, appreciation would not likely occurr in any real estate market. 

So it would seem that it is his ex who will out the loser financially.  But she has gained a new start and given her son opportunities for a better life.  At least that seems to be her take on it.

GoUSA...my heart goes out to you.  You have not lived a life that many of us are familiar with.  Living without a companion for all those years has been difficult and lonely.  My wife was divorced early and remained single for the next 20 years.  But she was fortunate to have the companionship of her son.
 
As someone who has been on the other side of life's experience, that is, married for practically all my adult life and never without companionship, I can only imagine the strong attachment you had to your parents.  FWIW, my father too was a logger and died when I was young.  My mother died in the same way yours did. 

But your parents were all you had and now their inheritance has come to you and you feel that money is sacred in a way and to let it evaporate is making you feel like you're letting them down.  It's not hard to understand your angst and your suffering.

The problem is your wife was brought by you into your vulnerable situation and like many who come from a life of scarcity, she took full advantage of the bounty that presented itself.  It was not that she was a bad person, it just that many (not all) from her culture are schooled to take while the taking is good because you never can know when or if another chance will come. 

My wife talks about "deficits"  during communism.  One old RM told me that in his former country (USSR) people never asked, "how much did you pay for those shoes?"  It was "Where did you get those shoes?"  His point was that availability was more on people's minds than affordability.  Your ex just didn't understand you and you didn't understand her.  Three years was not enough time.  Neither of you is to be faulted.  I got a lump in my throat reading how she held on to your clothes when you tried to leave her.  It was not about controlling you, my friend.  She loved you and was in agony over the prospect of her new family falling apart.  The arguments that drove you apart were the product each of you not knowing what made the other tick.

Some of the guys on this board have said some pretty hurtful things to you.  You don't deserve that.  And you like felt grossly misunderstood.  But neither does your ex deserve your hostility toward her.  I'm certain she felt you didn't understand her either, and she'd be right.  She had nothing to do with the fact that you had an inheritance that you wanted to protect as if it were your parents' ashes.   I'm sure she seemed insensitive to the deep-rooted significance that money had for you.  Insensitive because she couldn't possibly have understood.  People who have lived her life, place value only in what can keep one going for a day.  Dreaming of Corvettes?  Everytime my wife sees one she wants one too.  Hopes and dreams...why not?

I will agree with others on one point:  An RW was the wrong choice for you in your situation.   I don't think that will ever change and maybe you needed that experience to teach you that you can have companionship with an American woman.  She may not be so attractive as you would like, but believe me, I've said this before, you get numb to the physical beauty pretty darned fast.  I think you may have already experienced that! 

You may need to spend some of your money on counseling in order to prepare you for your next relationship.  If successful, it will be the best possible use of your parents' inheritance and I'm sure they'd be smiling to know what you used it for preparing yourself to be happy.  Happiness is all any parent wants to leave their children in the end.

[Turboguy]

Well, I will start off by saying GoUsa has gained a little respect in my book for handling himself well.   I still have my doubts that Cinderella was as bad as he thinks.   Of course just like Maxx's tales we hear one side.   I tend to think Maxx's side is pretty real.   I know my ex wife's view of our marriage and it is as far from my view as could be.   

I have always been a believer that things were relative.   Ask a 5 year old what an old person is and he will say 14.  As a 14 year old and he will say an old person is 25.  Ask a 25 year old what old is and he will say 40.  As a 40 year old and he will answer 65.  Ask a 65 year old and he will say 80.   Here you have someone who admits to shopping in Goodwill and picking up trash to take home for furnature saying his ex was extravagant.   Could not that be that she wanted normal things that any RW would want.  Yes, she wanted a corvette but she accepted a $ 10,000 car.  Yes she wanted a golden toilet but accepted the white one in their average house. 

We have said many times that you have to be "a man" in a relationship with a RW or they will walk all over you.   Perhaps GoUsa tried to hard to please his wife and needed to be stronger and things may have been fine.

(Aside) Turboguy - about postnup:

I have a prenup. From curiosity I asked my lawyer if there was such a thing as a postnup. He said technically, yes, and some unprincipled lawyers would sell you one (in his opinion), but that he felt they were worthless and that they are almost never held up in court because there are so many bases for voiding it. Perhaps it varies from state to state.

Personally I don't think most lawyers know as much about prenups and postnups as they should.   In the real world of AM-AW not many people use them.   Even here where a higher proportion may be in a situation where one is called for only a small percentage of guys use a prenup.  I think most lawyers work with it so little that they just download a boilerplate prenup, make some changes based on your situation and don't really know a lot more than the man on the street.

For anyone planning a prenup there is a very good book called "How to write your own Prenup" that is available on Amazon.   I am not recommending writing your own but if you read it you will know 10 times more about prenups than your lawyer and can guide him through some common pitfalls.   The book also talks about postnups.   It has been a while since I read it but they are usually valid.   I remember reading some of the things that must be dealt with in a postnup.  I don't recall exactly what they were but trusts may have been one of them.