Experiencing the Cinderella Complex: I married a FSU woman

[2tallbill]

Without knowing exactly what was accumulated during the marriage I cant honestly say what the girl deserved,but whatever it was she didnt work and help in earning process. When the shiat hit the fan the woman didnt work as well. What would this guy have gotten in Russia had the roles been reversed? Had I been the judge, I wouldve started from there and worked my way down.

Greg, quite some time ago I talked to you on the phone about going to
Odessa, I am glad that you talked with me and gave me a few insights.
I was too_tall back then on the other forum which seems to have died.

I want to say thank you for your help.

I am also glad to see you here at this forum.

Take care,

Bill

[I/O]

Turbo: If it is not designated in your prenup, can you will me the president's chair in the Rah Rah club, because I think I am shifting to the "other side" but take heart, I would be slightly more aggressive when cheering someone on.

Frankly I don't believe this story. Too many things don't add up, but among other things today, as I usually am, I have tried to be fair and reflect on what is the deal IF this were true. Ronnie touched on one point of conclusion I drew. The inordinate attachment to that inheritance. Ronnie, I think you are close to the mark. Next I think Ronnie is close when saying a RW was a bad choice for this guy at this time and I agree with some of his reasons why.

Notwithstanding, I have tried focus on the lady and what drove her. For all intents she was the model wife give or take a yard or two in the very early stages.  Like Ronnie, I can't get that picture out of my head of her pleading and begging him to stay. I also consider why she would accept another man so quickly. My conclusion, in very contemporay terms, "Post Traumatic Stress". Or in simple old terms, plain simple depression.

This lady was not a big spender in Russia so why did she suddenly change? Has it not been documented many times, doctors and other high paid people going on unaffordable spending binges when suffering depression? Big time spending and no amount of good financial advice will stop them. Does this fit the scene here? No brainer.

She didn't want to cook? Didn't she say, if you are doing it, why should I? Isn't that RW thinking all over? Maybe not often applied to cooking but....................? Nobody else recognise this?

Regardless of what anyone says, I have long felt and I more strongly feel now there is a little "Princess" attitude in any Russian women. It starts from their early experiences with men. Will not a RM spend his last rouble courting a woman? You betcha. Tell me they don't learn to expect this a little. No offence to the RW reading here and no criticism of mine, it is simply something I have come to understand. I had two RW living in my house for a few months and I spotted this very early. Had I not put a very sharp stop to it, I don't think I would have coped with it. Two RW got the message very quickly there was certain boundaries not to be crossed. There was some head butting for a while but it didn't last long. I think our friend, if any of his story is true was wholly unequipped for such a situation.

RW, in my experience are frugal with relatively small amounts of money, but in the early stages of adaption often (not all) don't know much about dealing with larger sums. A Russian guy told me 5 years ago (In Russia), give a RW $1 and she will care for you for a week. Give her $1000 and it will be gone in a week. IMO he wasn't entirely stupid.

The girl would have been confused, upset, not understanding, knowing she was getting it all wrong, frustrated because she didn't know why, distressed with a new living situation, frightened for her child and herself and basically distraught. Three most stressful things in life statistically, Change Job, Change House and Get Married. This girl did all three and Changed Language and Changed Country. Hello, anyone see cause for depression here? Believe me, I watch Mrs I/O very closely for the signs. So far she is doing brilliantly with few minor ups and downs but I noticed a slide a few weeks back and acted very quickly with project "Find an Interesting Job". She now says herself that she was feeling on the edge and didn't know why. She is on top of the world right now and hard to keep up with..........bugger!! Might be that age gap starting to rear it's head. She says she was not missing home, she just didn't understand why she was struggling. I am no expert but I have seen it before (In a marriage) and was on the lookout. I think someone less experienced would easily miss it. I doubt it will be the last time I will see it, but I'll leave that to the OMB's to comment if they so choose.

Regradless of how many pictures this guy showed the lady of his living situation, no matter how he tried to explain his ideas on life, the bottom line is, she too was swept off her feet by the possible situation of an attentive husband, home of her own, goodness, overlooking a lake, what a thing to tell your RW friends about. She would have developed her own picture of how it would be. Doesn't everyone? RW can be the most practical and the most ridiculously romantic animals all rolled into one. I'm seeing that in this story. The shock of the reality has been too much. His demand for 100% compliance, albeit if he didn't always say that coupled with a host of other things has been too much and she has gone over th edge with no safety net to catch her. Then when he is leaving, her worst nightmares are realised. What next? Fill the gap of the thing you feel is missing. She has dreamed of her new husband/man in her new country and that is still her focus. With that in mind, it all fits into place.

I/O

[GreginGa]

Greg,
No offense, but I cannot understand what you wrote.  Can you clarify?

She didn't work, but "working" was not a requirement of goUSA until near the end, when she did get a job.

Like I said, it is pretty standard for a couple to split 50/50 all assets acquired during the term of the marriage.  What the laws are in Russia is really irrelevant to this discussion.

Come on Greg, don't be evasive here, what percentage of the marital assets is fair to her.  Zero?  A ticket back to Russia?  What is her compensation for buying into goUSA's promises?  She didn't work, but that was never part of the deal.  She gave up her country, family, career and culture based on goUSA's offer to marry her.  Last I checked, the marital vowes do not have a 3 year expiration date.
If 50% is unfair, what is fair?
KenC

Ken I realize that vows are supposed to extend more than 3 years,but about 50% of the time they dont. As you well know some states are different on what is owed and divided. I'm no lawyer and I've never had to worry about it. If this guy wouldve told her that he was a jet airplane pilot or surgeon for example and mislead her by blatant lying then I might be a little more on her side. Peoples financial situations change during the course of a marriage. If I were a judge I would look at what she did to help the marriage in regards to income and spending habits. I dont think I'm being evasive. I think the particulars and cold hard facts and figures of this case is far too broad to ascertain a fair settlement in this thread on this forum. Again I'm not a lawyer but I will have to start billing someone by the hour if we continue at this rate.

Every situation is different. Why guys are protected in some states and not others is beyond me just like some RW are protected more in certain states. We're certainly not going to come to an agreement on this today. There is no child involved except for her adult child therefore it should be easier to cut the ties with this woman without it costing him 200K. Right now I see the only thing this woman brought into the marriage was her ability to sex it up and maybe good borsht. Gousa hasnt mentioned her cooking but  I wouldnt marry Rachael Ray for 3 years if it cost me 200K.

[Bluebell]

The link was a reference to information that practicly duplicates my situation but I'm not supposed to point to other peoples works here and ther are a lot of them on this subject that I would like to point to.
My home is in a region of America that has a low female population.    Eligible parnters were few and far between and rather unattractive at best.   Some friend of mine suggested that I try the Russian market and I was skeptical but I became desperate daring and entered a Russian dating webwsite.  It was an intoxicating experience and I soon fell under the spellbinding effect of communicating with scores of gorgeous, interested, and available women.  It was a heck of a ride and I wrote a lot of letters and I chose a doctor who nice looking and was my age and had  a son.  It would have been better to have chosen an older woman with older children now I believe.  I was skeptical about the younger and middle aged FSU women who wanted children because I had an inheritance to protect and I was skeptical about having children with foreign women.  So I chose one with a child since I had previously many girlfriends with children and I had some child raising experiences with them.   It was a choice based on hope, not practcality.  I hoped something would work.  But I was a single, never married American guy and not the fully and completly domesticated family man that she wanted.  I would advise American men who have been single most of their lives to rethink any marital plans they may have with anybody, for most women in general especially those with children will want a lot of everything and that includes any time or money you used to have saved for yourself.

What happened?   It was a personality and cultural mismatch.   I liked her and married her but overspent,  while naively submitting to her dominance, a lot of inherited money on her high maintenance for three years.   She delivered a fairly high quality of love, and that's a lot I admit, but the cost of maintaining that love was staggering and unacceptable.   Her English was lousy which didn't help the fact that she really didn't want to work or support herself or contribute to the relationship in any other way and she didn't work for three years until our conflicts became so ridiculous that I moved out and filed divorce.  At that time her English was improving and  she reluctantly got a job but I had to fill out the application and submit it for her, while telling her that she WILL WORK AND DO IT NOW or else I would leave her permanently.  I could write a book about what happened but in short I believe she wanted to be selfish and spoiled,  marry my inheritance, get what she wants, and be taken care of for the rest of her life and say that she loves me.  It was a love based upon wants, and spoilings, and if I didn't give in her one way mentality the marriage was disfunctional.  That was the bona fide love.

Reasons for what happened?

 I also she believe she wanted to get her spoiled child out of the FSU for fear that he would not survive the mandatory military service he likely would have been exposed to.  I learned about that later.   THe reasons as best as I can describe were a mixture of sincerity and opportunism.  She wanted to marry the money and I resented and continue to resent that mentality.   Especially for someone who doesn't cook or contribute to a relationship other than love and sex.    I believe some people in general just simply do not want to contribute to relationships at all.  Either that or they are unable to do so or a combination of those two perspectives.  Call it opposing the woman's perogative if you want but I will oppose any effort of anyone profiteering from a marital link to my inheritance, and that's what I did.   All my efforts to develop a prenuptual or postnuptual agreement failed, and I spent ten thousand dollars on that project alone and it was a lost cause.  I could not stay married without her owning my inheritance and without me having to live with opportinism, profiteering and disrespect for the rest of my life, so I ended the marriage on my own decision and the advice of everyone I talked to including several attorneys.  Now she sits in the house that I bought, driving the car that I bought and wearing the clothes that I bought  while having men.   Everything she has I paid for with my inheritance and it was never enough, and she recognizes that our relationship is incompatible and she works on finding someone who will do what I would no longer do and that is marry her and spoil her and take care of her and lose lots of money.   I estimate this three year marriage cost me close to 200,000 spent on her alone.  That includes everything, high female maintenance costs, house, her medical and child costs and everything.  I call her mentality a one way, do nothing,  basic golddigger, Cinderella type mind set, and I have expericed American women with this mentality but her's seems to be worse.   The American women seem to have a conscience about it, she never seemed to have that.
I am having a hard time forgiving myself for marrying such a person, but she did have a good side but it was buried in an avalanch of advantage taking and using and opportunism and her perogatives.

I can sure tell more about it if anyone wants more.

Gousa, did you love your ex at all? You received 'a fairly high quality love' from her, but what did she receive from you? besides some of the inherited money you spent on the needs of a woman and child who had uprooted their life to live with you in the hope of creating a loving family and decent life with you, what else were you able to give to them? Perhaps understanding, care, promises to be there for them no matter what? Or just whining that no, oh no my inherited money.

 You don't seem to have other money than the inherited one from your parents, so, if you did not plan to share it with them, how and from what did you plan to support them in the first years?  How is that you, a 47 year old man is not able to support his own family without touching the inheritance, but you WANT your wife go and support herself and her child and maybe even make enough money to support you too? A 44 year old woman who speaks poor English, how many years you think she needs to get to the level of a decent English? At least 3-5 years. By the way, what is your level of Russian? And how many times you went back with your wife to visit her mother and family? Did you send some money to her mother to help a bit? You probably understand that she got money and help from her daughter back home, children normally do that to their older parents, either with money either with other (like physical) help. Did you try to contribute to the loss of this old lady? Hmmm....

None of you were generous to each other, just two selfish people in my eyes. None of you contributed much to this marriage, one his parents' money, the other sex. Though the woman at least delivered ' a fairly high quality of love'.

[Maxx2]

I am impressed by the analysis of Gousa's wife by I/O, Turboguy and Ronnie. There is often times but not always, good and sometimes a lot of good in the wives of these failed marriages. I will admit that my ex had her good points. The bad gets mentioned because that is where the pain and the problems come from. Sometimes the bad is so bad that the good doesn't equal it out or even come close.


Maxx

PS Powerful observations by Bluebell

[KenC]

Good posts Turbo & I/O,
This is such an odd story.  Everything about it is odd.  GoUSA had an odd lifestyle to begin with and the addition of a RW just made it more odd.  Some of my observations:

$30K per year does not afford one an extravagant lifestyle as goUsa seems to indicate.  Only a quite frugal existence can be had for that amount IMO.  GoUSA was not prepared for the financial obligations that come with having your own family.

GoUSA's hermit background didn't prepare him for life with his new family.  He really did not get into his social background much other than to say it was quite lonely. GoUSA was not prepared for the social interaction that was required to have his own family.

GoUSA rushed into this marriage due to his frugal ways.  In the end, the marriage simply cost him more than he anticipated.

I cannot even imagine the woman that might be attracted to goUSA's odd and frugal lifestyle.  It certainly had to be a nightmare for his Russian wife.  This makes me suspect of just how honest a picture was portrayed by goUSA to the RW.  By his own words, goUSA was in competition for the RW's attention.

I have empathy for both of them, but more for the woman in this case.  I say that because of the feeling that goUSA probably oversold himself to her.  She bought into the American dream and it turned into an American nightmare for her.
KenC

[Turboguy]

There are a lot of things that confuse me about this story as well.   GoUsa has all these degrees and sounds like he has been ambitious in the past.   With the education he has he should be able to make a very comfortable living but seems to only work when the need is there.

There are innuendos about her demanding this and that but she seems to have been happy to keep her marriage going and live in the house he bought and drive the car he bought.   I have to believe that she was happier than he was based on the things he has said but it also seems to me that she did a reasonable job of trying to be a good wife until he pitched her out the door.   OK, so she didn't cook after the first year.   I have had times I didn't let a woman cook and either ate out or cooked myself and never thought anything about it.   Usually in those cases the food she cooked was so bad there were no options. 

I just have to think it was just two people who were not right for each other.   I don't think too many RW want to shop at goodwill.   It is too bad we can't get the other side of the story.  I think it would be quite interesting.

[groovlstk]

I'd have had a lot more sympathy for the OP if he had been a little more willing to admit that he was at least partly responsible for the trainwreck in his initial posts.

Instead, he painted himself as a white knight who's only flaw was that he was "too trusting" and naive and made the mistake of getting himself hooked to a rapacious, greedy, single-minded RW (whom he nonetheless described as "one of the good ones").

There is a lot in his account to contradict that (which, by the way, brings up another point: Whenever a RW comes here to tell her story and lobs insults and accusations against her ex-husband, the men's rights guys are always quick to point out that we're only hearing one side of the story. I'd bet every $ of my own inheritance, small as it is, that his ex-wife would have a very different take on why their marriage collapsed).

Forgive me if I'm not a "bros before hos" type of guy, but gousa wasn't struck by lightening, his situation did not materialize out of thin air - and if everyone blindly supported him RWD would simply be the male version of Antidate. 

[steviej]

Wow ... the last several posts in this thread have been so insightful, and even most throughout the entire thread. Really, I am impressed and it gives one so much to think about. It's hard not to have sympathy for both of them. Gousa is indeed an odd bird, very hard impoverished childhood, isolation, lonliness, wanting to have a meaningful relationship, but with absolutely no ability to have one. Our mysterious RW, no doubt lively, pretty, intelligent, with some of the RW princess that is in all of them (and thank God for it! ) totally confused and disoriented about what to do, what to expect. I love that quote that a RW can live for a week on $1, but will spend $1000 in a few days. That's so true. She's crying and begging her husband not to leave her after 3 years? That just doesn't sound like the gold diggers you read about. The gold diggers know how to set it up: get the accounts established, get the DV set up, and when they leave, they are not crying and begging you to stay, are they? They are so incompatible. But who is more incompatible? I think gousa would be incompatible with way more women, compared to his Dr. wife who may be compatible with many men of a different sort than gousa. He didn't want to spend any more money to visit her more to get to know her before marrying her. Really, that is just SO CHEAP !!!!

[Faux Pas]

I'd have had a lot more sympathy for the OP if he had been a little more willing to admit that he was at least partly responsible for the trainwreck in his initial posts.

Instead, he painted himself as a white knight who's only flaw was that he was "too trusting" and naive and made the mistake of getting himself hooked to a rapacious, greedy, single-minded RW (whom he nonetheless described as "one of the good ones").

There is a lot in his account to contradict that (which, by the way, brings up another point: Whenever a RW comes here to tell her story and lobs insults and accusations against her ex-husband, the men's rights guys are always quick to point out that we're only hearing one side of the story. I'd bet every $ of my own inheritance, small as it is, that his ex-wife would have a very different take on why their marriage collapsed).

Forgive me if I'm not a "bros before hos" type of guy, but gousa wasn't struck by lightening, his situation did not materialize out of thin air - and if everyone blindly supported him RWD would simply be the male version of Antidate. 

I've been following this thread with interest and trying to withhold anything judgemental. But, I think I'll add mine now. FWIW It's blatantly obvious to me and most everyone that Gousa made some serious mistakes with the single trip and marrying a woman he didn't know. He clearly wasn't prepared for such a relationship and as others mentioned earlier probably wasn't certainly prepared for one with a RW.

He has been hammered throughly on this and accused of playing the "white night". It doesn't sound to me as if he misled led her as much as he didn't tell her no when he should have. He told her and showed her pictures of his life. That doesn't equate into free gratis into his inheritance. Yes he seems too frugal for my tastes but to each his own.  Some have turned up their nose at the 30K per year and in NYC and Southern California that may be the case. But in the boondocks of Florida with no mortgage and other places in the country thats hardly poverty. If his story is true, he is obviously in the wrong but how can he be anymore than 50% the cause? She is apparently an educated woman and is with fault as well. She wanted to spend and he wanted to save. Not much unlike many other marriages. The core of the problem here is that they didn't then and apparently still don't know each other.

If she truly wanted to keep the marriage alive and well, she would have respected his desire to save and live a bit more thrifty. On the same lines he would have been more understanding of her needs other than but also including money and finances.

This appears to be a loveless marriage from the onset and a train wreck waiting to happen. I'm surprised it lasted 3 years. It is pretty easy for us to post and project what a bad man he is but he is not the anti-christ here. I see it more as a marriage that was doomed for failure because their was no foundation at the beginning. IMHO

[GreginGa]

In my humble opinion Faux Pax hits the nail on the head.

[Ronnie]

I went to bed last night unable to get the vision out of my head of his 40+ year-old wife, in a strange country and no job pleading with her sole protector not to leave her. 

I remember somebody from RWG, a British expat living in Spain, whose wife did the same thing...don't know if they stayed together or not.  No real man should ever, ever let that happen to a middle-aged woman with a child after bringing her to a foreign country.

If I read correctly, the RW has a new man.  I feel better for her. I hope she is better off. I hope she has learned some things.  As for GoUSA, I'll just repeat that he should get counseling to prepare him for a future relationship with a plain-looking (maybe not slim) but caring AW companion and after all is said and done, the story could still have a happy ending for both sides.

[Faux Pas]

In my humble opinion Faux Pax hits the nail on the head.

I think it unfortunate that in all likelihood Gousa still doesn't see the error of his way. I read it that he does believe he is a victim, I can't say that. He by his own admission didn't have ample experience with women, much less with RW. So he really didn't know what to expect or how to progress into a healthy loving relationship. Thus he feels comfortable blaming all Russian women. He still has issues.

I can't see her as a victim either even though (by Gousa admittance) was a good wife other than her lust for money and child rearing inadequacies. She is not an illiterate he pulled of the Siberian tundra. Because they may not have been parameters set early in the relationship doesn't mean there shouldn't be any, ever.

It is also unfortunate that this marriage ended even though they were both seemingly sincere. It is a shame neither had enough experience or desire to make it work or work on loving each other. At some point after the marriage they could or should have recognized, let's go back to square one and do it right. But now that is arm chair quarterbacking after the fact.

[Ade]

If the attorney 'botched' the paperwork, that would mean it was not prepared before she arrived in the USA ?
If you tell that there was a 'fairly high quality of love and loyalty' do you mean she had sex with you and did not sleep around much ?
That is at least what I understand from it.

It seems you were played a long time.

I didn't even get through the first page of this long thread before I had to shake my head in exasperation! I'm sorry but the man is a fool, and you know what they say about fools and their money! I mean seriously, anyone that marries a woman that they can hardly communicate with because of language barriers is equally a fool and the chances of success are minuscule. What the hell is "high quality love" if it doesn't even incorporate those qualities commonly associated with love?

And this man's obsession with his "inheritance" - it's no wonder that  he's his late 40's and never been married. Sheesh.

[BC]

What he sought were the typical RW characteristics hyped up by many agencies.  In a way another victim of false advertising.

[GreginGa]

I'm just happy to be a part of such a diverse internet talk group. I consider myself very lucky and I'm probably not worthy of posting here. It's very obvious that this forum is filled with attorneys, marriage counselors, Doctors of Psychiatry, financial advisers, judges,jurors, executioners, Russian women marriage specialist and a bevy of others that are all knowing on the subject of how to always do the right thing and not make mistakes while being involved in this process. Had this been his 2nd or 3rd time around I could understand crucifying the poor guy. Just be happy that you're married to the right one if you are.

[KenC]

What he sought were the typical RW characteristics hyped up by many agencies.  In a way another victim of false advertising.

BC,
I thought that too, but now I think they both were victims of being misled by the agency.  Or at least they both bought into the dreams that are presented by the agencies.  He was hoping to get a cozy home and some tastey meals prepared by his old fashion wife and she thought she was moving to Santa Barbara.  Sad, really.
KenC

[GreginGa]

BC,
I thought that too, but now I think they both were victims of being misled by the agency.  Or at least they both bought into the dreams that are presented by the agencies.  He was hoping to get a cozy home and some tastey meals prepared by his old fashion wife and she thought she was moving to Santa Barbara.  Sad, really.
KenC

Now that is something we can both agree on.

[KenC]

I'm just happy to be a part of such a diverse internet talk group. I consider myself very lucky and I'm probably not worthy of posting here. It's very obvious that this forum is filled with attorneys, marriage counselors, Doctors of Psychiatry, financial advisers, judges,jurors, executioners, Russian women marriage specialist and a bevy of others that are all knowing on the subject of how to always do the right thing and not make mistakes while being involved in this process. Had this been his 2nd or 3rd time around I could understand crucifying the poor guy. Just be happy that you're married to the right one if you are.

Greg,
I don't know if you are being serious here or are speaking with your tongue in your cheek, so I will assume the former.

There is such a wealth of information here from so many diverse backgrounds that we all do need to step back once in a while and just appreciate it all.  When I went through this process there was one guy I could call in CT for advice!    Fortunately fo me, he knew his stuff pretty well.  Now, if a newbie has a question or even makes an observation here, he is assured to get 42 different inputs on the subject!   He may not like all the answers he gets, but it will be some straight poop.
KenC

[GreginGa]

There is a huge wealth of info available on this sight. When I started there was 1 guy I went to as well. He was a former boss(now living outside Houston) and he was getting married and is still married to a girl from Lviv. Along with a guy I met on my first trip to Kiev,he was from Great Neck Long Island by the way. They kinda walked me through the process. The guy that really helped me with my DCF was from Ohio. That really helped me speed up the process.

You are right about this place being a gold mine. I just think it's easier to be critical when you are flanked my a beautiful woman when in turn we are the ones that should be more understanding and helpful. I can certainly see where I couldve made monumental mistakes had I not gotten lucky.

[BC]

BC,
I thought that too, but now I think they both were victims of being misled by the agency.  Or at least they both bought into the dreams that are presented by the agencies.  He was hoping to get a cozy home and some tastey meals prepared by his old fashion wife and she thought she was moving to Santa Barbara.  Sad, really.
KenC

Now that is something we can both agree on.

Difficult to say, expectations are quite normal and there are some quite good possibilities posed in this thread as to what may have gone wrong.  Putting my wife into the shoes of gousa's wife, the actions, or rather reactions described are well within the realm of possible..  

Adjustment is a two way street filled with confusion, emotion, depression, stress and a host of other troublemakers on both sides.  We walked that razor edge for a good while and it took a huge amount of effort from both of us to bridge that extreme gap... tough enough so that when someone we meet or know ask about finding a mate in RU (and there have been a few), the standard answer I give is 'forget it'.  

In my experience true adjustment is a process that takes years. It is even quite possible that my adjustment was more difficult than that of my wife.  With almost 6 years under our belt it ain't over yet, but we are over the 'hump' with a lot of fine tuning to keep us busy for a while.  Marriage is hard work.

Relationship autopsies aren't very nice.. especially when demise (as I see it here) was avoidable.

[KenC]

Relationship autopsies aren't very nice.. especially when demise (as I see it here) was avoidable
Good way of putting it, BC.
KenC

[Turboguy]

Adjustment is a two way street filled with confusion, emotion, depression, stress and a host of other troublemakers on both sides.  We walked that razor edge for a good while and it took a huge amount of effort from both of us to bridge that extreme gap... tough enough so that when someone we meet or know ask about finding a mate in RU (and there have been a few), the standard answer I give is 'forget it'.  

In my experience true adjustment is a process that takes years. It is even quite possible that my adjustment was more difficult than that of my wife.  With almost 6 years under our belt it ain't over yet, but we are over the 'hump' with a lot of fine tuning to keep us busy for a while.  Marriage is hard work.

Personally I think it is a highly individual thing.  I went into this expecting a lot of adjustment problems and wanting to do all I could to make it easy.  I think typically people do have problems.   For us there were so few problems that I can't really say there was any adjustment or adjustment period.  

There are a lot of things people do to try to make things easy.  Russian TV for one.  VWRW did not want it.  She did not want anything that would take her away from learning English.   I hooked her up with ESL classes.   She gave up on them quickly because she could learn faster on her own without waiting for others to catch up.  

We did spend more time together before she arrived here than most do.  I am sure that helped.  Despite what some consider a vacation setting it really wasn't.  We just lived a normal life together and when she did arrive it was just like what we had been doing all along.

She made the comment the other evening that she did not know any couples in Russia who were the way we were together.   Maybe that was a complaint but I think it was a big compliment.  

I have tried to do what I could to help her with her goals.  That is important to her and her happiness is important to me.    She starts school on Sept 2nd.  She just took some exams at her school.   She did not finish the first day and was really down in the dumps because she thought she did terrible.  She commented that she had to pick the most appropriate words for certain sentences and did not know the meaning of either word.  She went back on Friday and finished the math part and we were prepared for her to have to take some remedial classes to bring her up to speed.   When the lady administering the tests printed out the scores we were amazed to hear her say Excellent, Excellent, Excellent.   She ended up well into the 90's on both reading and comprehending English.  Some of the native American gals who took the test with her had to take remedial English to bring their skills up to speed.  She also tested at pre-calculus on math.  Her end goal is to be a forensic accountant.   I think she will do well at it.  

For us there have been maybe a few days of homesickness.  Mostly right after her Mom went home.   We had talked about her going back for a visit but she does not want to set her English back so we are settling for bringing her Mother back in the Spring for another visit.  Really it has been one of the easiest adjustments we could ever hope for and probably far easier than when I married my first wife.

I am not saying these things to brag, just to make the point that we never know how hard or easy it will be for our women to adjust.   I think we always need to be prepared for the worst and to give it our best to help them but I am sure I am not the only one who found adjusting to live together a piece of cake.  I really don't see that GoUsa did his share to make things work with his wife.  I agree with Ken.  GoUsa's problems were avoidable.

[BC]

Yes is probably individual.  Honeymoon period for us the first year, with a critical period around 18 months to 2.5 years IIRC.

You're probably doing the right thing by keeping busy..

[steviej]

I'm just happy to be a part of such a diverse internet talk group. I consider myself very lucky and I'm probably not worthy of posting here. It's very obvious that this forum is filled with attorneys, marriage counselors, Doctors of Psychiatry, financial advisers, judges,jurors, executioners, Russian women marriage specialist and a bevy of others that are all knowing on the subject of how to always do the right thing and not make mistakes while being involved in this process. Had this been his 2nd or 3rd time around I could understand crucifying the poor guy. Just be happy that you're married to the right one if you are.

Greg,
I don't know if you are being serious here or are speaking with your tongue in your cheek, so I will assume the former.

Ken, Greg is mocking us.