Lesson Learned.....

[Doll]

umm WOW. all of us guys are here reading and learning about Russia... I assume there is more to their economy and family budgeting... than knowing how to count...1,2,3.

Come on! I don't mean counting 1,2,3! I mean counting money. RW are smart to understand finances and very often they are smarter than AM. Trust me.

Asking a guy how much he makes is like asking a woman her weight. How well your salary spends also depends on what part of the country you live in.

A certain man lives in a certain area and it is not hard for him to tell the woman how he spends the money.
As for Steve we know he lives in a small town in Ohio.I think I do have an idea how expensive the life is there.

[Doll]

Let's flip this around. The lady knew she wanted to live in a big city (Los Angeles) and Steve was from Ohio. Instead of being upfront about it she waited until after Steve proposed. You might call Steve green but I don't think you can put the relationship's failure on him.

She said she wanted to live in a big city, he came back to the US without having broken  the relationships he even continued it for some more time and when he thought he was spending too much he dropped it.
I am not putting the failure on him, I am talking of the lack of communication.

[Misha]

She said she wanted to live in a big city, he came back to the US without breaking the relationships he even continued it for some more time and when he thought he was spending too much he dropped it.
I am not putting the failure on him, I am talking of the lack of communication.

Well, the question is at what point do people truly reveal their expectations. We don't know what really transpired. You would think that after seven months, she should have told him that she did not want to live in Ohio. Or, she told Steve, and he hoped that she would change her mind.

[topofthekey]

Well we can never know 100% for sure if we are being told the truth here. Steve started this and it seems like he is being honest about it.

Steve did you only find out about her demanding to move to Los Angeles and all the other demands after the engagement?

Doll,

In no way did I suggest that RW were not as smart or smarter than anyone else. You made the counting comment- so I wanted to point out that prices (gas, housing, etc) fluctuate depending on what part of the country you live in. And not matter how good your financial skills are you aren't expected to be an expert on the economy of Ohio if you live in Russia. I'm certainly not an expert on the Russian economy.

Regardless there is no need to get off track in discussing RWs understanding of the US economy.

The only way Steve can be at fault in this was if she expressed to him that she expected him to move to Los Angeles and do all these things before he traveled out and proposed to her. IF IT HAPPENED AFTER THE PROPOSAL... then I don't think we need to be getting on Steve about this. He's the one who started this lessons learned thread. He never revealed the woman's name or pictures. He doesn't sound revengeful at all. You've got to give him the benefit of the doubt.

[Misha]

I reread this thread. Steve does write that he had asked her several times whether she would have a problem living in Ohio. According to Steve, she told him several times that would not be a problem, though she kept referring back to LA.

The other point that comes across is the need for her to impress her friends. From what I gather in reading Steve's posts is that he was doing his best, but that was never good enough. She always wanted him to spend more money.

[Doll]

And not matter how good your financial skills are you aren't expected to be an expert on the economy of Ohio if you live in Russia. I'm certainly not an expert on the Russian economy.

Honey, I make 4K a month, my mortgage is this and that, my utility bills are this and that, I pay child support $$$ and so on. What we can spend a week is $$$. That's it. Vacations- no vacations. New car/ used car/ no car.
Something like that.
I don't need Ohio economy but I was told some of PA economy.

[Doll]

Also I did get my engagement ring with some limitations (the price) and I was promised the car worth so much . I was explained almost everything so I couldn't ask for more even if I wanted.

[steve057]

Wow!!!!! Ok folks, she did not tell me about living in California until after we were engaged ! I aksed her many times about living in Ohio she always told me she had no problem with it! She was not born and raised in St Petersburg, she grew up in a small town in southern Russia close to Belgrod ( hope I spelled it right!) but small town Russia and small town America are very much different. Yes this city I live in is small but the one a few miles away is about 400,000 not small at all. Compared to St Petersburg it is.

[steve057]

Oh, by the way Doll I did try to explain my finances to her and just kept getting this deer in the headlights look from her. So you want to know what I make a year huh? Tell me what you weigh and what you age is and maybe I'll tell you

[topofthekey]

there ya go. we got our answer. truly a lesson learned. I don't write to ladies, but for those that do I'm sure Doll's advice is good. Talking about finances and explaining it all sure saves headaches later. Well Steve tried that route... didn't work out. Then  you're moving to LA, you're doing this, etc.

[Doll]

OK, my weight is 112 lb . I have two sons, one is 28 -married  
Your turn, Steve

[Doll]

....which makes me your age , Steve 

[steve057]

Well Doll you got me there I have two sons also,one is 32 and married and one 17 so you probably are close to my age! So I make just about 10,000 more than our ages(not put together!)

[Doll]

OK 

[steve057]

 

[Sculpto]

I think the finance most of us live with in the US are a giant mystery to people that live in other less prosperous countries. 

When I lived in Mexico and mroe so after when I made frequent return visits I experienced this often.  There was a family I was very close friends with who often invited me to dinner with them.  The Father was always asking me for "loans" but I always refused, in part because I knew his loans were really gifts, but, also because I just never had the kind of money he was asking for.  Then, one day right after he asked e for the hundreth time and I was fed up with fending off the solicitations, I finally explained to him something like this.

I said, "look Juan, no matter how humble it is you OWN your house and the land it sits on.  I do not, I rent and I use my extra money to come visit here.  So, in reality, because you own your house you are actually richer than I am."  This made sense to him and he never asked me to borrow money again.   Since my first trip to Donetsk I have had the same feelings about the lack of understanding of the US economy relative to how people live in Ukraine. 

Also, based on my experiences with a woman who recently arrived in SF from Kiev on her own with a green card in hand.. she is in shock about the economy here.  She is making the same amount of money as she did in Kiev.. about $10 an hour.  But, in Kiev she could afford her own studio flat, to go out to clubs when she wanted and to eat out.  10 an hour in SF means she shares a two bedroom with three other girls and unless there is some guy paying their way they do not go out at all.  My friend has been here almost 10 months and she is just now realizing she needs to raise her skills up to be able to get a better job that would pay her enough to have the same lifestyle she had in Kiev.  No one told her it would be so competetive here.