Wife split!

[BC]

Wayne.. correct me if I am wrong but it sounds like you would like to have her deported...

yep.. would be nice to push down that lever and make it all swirl around and go away.

[Doll]

Wayne, they will get the conditions removed themselves.
As for the address - people can go for a visit, so what?

[BillyB]

I found this information on the USCIS website:

Penalties for Failure to Comply
A willful failure to give written notice to the USCIS of a change of address within 10 days of the change is a misdemeanor crime. If convicted, the alien (or parent or legal guardian of an alien under age 14 who is required to give notice) can be fined up to $200 or imprisoned up to 30 days, or both. The alien may also be subject to removal from the United States. (INA § 266(b)). Compliance with the requirement to notify the USCIS of any address changes is also a condition of an alien’s stay in the United States. Failure to comply could also jeopardize the alien’s ability to obtain a future visa or other immigration benefit

Since wife and daughter have been gone for much longer than 10 days, they should have filed a AR-11 Alien"s Change of Address Card.  If they have, it may serve as a means to locate them.  If not, then they have broken a law. 

Wayne, you're spending too much time trying to figure out what laws your wife is breaking. Everytime you find yourself speeding down the road, do you wave down the nearest cop to have him write you a ticket?

If by chance Homeland Security finds a reason and urgent need to deport your wife, I'm sure your wife has cards to play too. DV is one of them and it'll be hard for you to defend yourself. All a woman has to do is fear physical harm from you and you are guilty. No way to defend that and wife has a permanent ticket to stay in America. If you continue to fight to kick her out of the country, I'm sure she'll fight too. Do you feel lucky?

Are you sure you have an attorney? You seem to be seeking advice on how to locate your wife to serve papers but your divorce attorney should have the answers you need.

[groovlstk]

Divorce after the issuance of a conditional green card
Aliens who obtain their permanent residence based on their relationship with a U.S. citizen spouse or step-parent are granted conditional permanent residence if the qualifying marriage took place within two years prior to the date permanent residence was conferred. Conditional permanent residence means that the permanent residence is subject to termination if it is found that the qualifying marriage was a sham marriage or a marriage that was entered into only for purposes of obtaining an immigration benefit. Other than the conditional permanent resident being subject to having his status terminated for this reason, he is afforded the same rights as is any other permanent resident. Within ninety days prior to the two-year anniversary of the permanent residence being granted to the alien, the alien and spouse must apply to have the condition removed.

When permanent residence is granted conditionally to an alien spouse, that conditional permanent residence may be terminated within two years from the date permanent residence was granted if the marriage has been terminated through divorce. This rule also applies to the child of the alien spouse who obtains his conditional permanent residence based on the marital relationship of his parent. In other words, the general rule is that divorce terminates conditional permanent residence. Nevertheless, in this scenario, it is possible for the alien to obtain a waiver of the termination. A waiver of the termination is granted to the alien if the alien can show that the marriage was a union in good faith and the alien was not at fault for his failure to file the joint petition to remove the condition. Generally speaking, when the conditional permanent resident can show that the marriage was entered into in good faith, it is presumed that he was not at fault for failing to file a joint petition. Two ways to show that a marriage was entered into in good faith are proving that the couple had a child together and producing evidence that the couple owned property jointly.

While Wayne may be powerless in regards to his wife's permanent residence application, if you can accept the bulk of his story it's pretty obvious his wife violated the spirit of the law. 

It happens all the time and the USCIS doesn't seem to care, but whenever a guy arrives here and states his intention to use the 90-day K1 window as a trial period prior to committing to an official marriage, there's always an overwhelming chorus of posts about how this violates the intent of a K visa, etc. I can see opposition to such a plan based on the pure foolishness of it - but it seems there's a double standard at work if you think it's OK for a RW to play fast and loose with the rules but then lecture a man for doing the same.

Pike may be right when he said there are a number of p*ssywhipped guys here.

I'm just sayin'.     

[Misha]

I can see opposition to such a plan based on the pure foolishness of it - but it seems there's a double standard at work if you think it's OK for a RW to play fast and loose with the rules but then lecture a man for doing the same.

Pike may be right when he said there are a number of p*ssywhipped guys here.

Well, I for one abhor the behavior of women who use the system and use men to achieve their goals, and I also think that men who fill out K paperwork to bring over a woman they barely know are foolish at best. I am just happy that I am not American and that Canada has eliminated the fiancé visas. Yes, it makes the process harder, but it does a good job at weeding out a lot of the fools in the process.

[Doll]

it's pretty obvious his wife violated the spirit of the law. 

Which is...?

[Doll]

I AM sorry, but it is Wayne who violated the spirit of the law in the eyes of the government- he got through the GC interview willingly , the interview being set for the INS (the government) to make sure the marriage is working. Wayne, the US citizen who is responsible for his actions lied.

[groovlstk]

I AM sorry, but it is Wayne who violated the spirit of the law in the eyes of the government- he got through the GC interview willingly , the interview being set for the INS (the government) to make sure the marriage is working. Wayne, the US citizen who is responsible for his actions lied.

Of course Wayne is guilty, and he's paying the price for it on many levels. Yet in his defense he was perfectly happy in his role as a husband and provider even if he had zero affection from his wife.

Can you at least entertain the remote possibility that Wayne's wife might have even a tiny responsibility for their failed marriage? Even on a microscopic level?

Doll, if Wayne's wife had cut his thumbs off you would blame Wayne for having long fingernails. It's perfectly clear that you will always take the women's side in any debate, and I suppose that's useful given in topics like these as it's hard to find balance on a board dominated by men.

I've managed to pi$$ off good people on both sides of this debate so without getting dragged into the kind of mental gymnastics about what you suspect is true or not true about Wayne's story, I'll simply point out that your train of logic went out of service just north of Delancey Street.

[Doll]

Can you at least entertain the remote possibility that Wayne's wife might have even a tiny responsibility for their failed marriage? Even on a microscopic level?

Of course she is responsible! But here you are making a white wings angel out of Wayne so I commented this.
Why does the GOVERNMENT set this interview? For one reason- to make sure the marriage works. Wayne went there and said- yes it does work.

[Doll]

I'll simply point out that your train of logic went out of service just north of Delancey Street.

Like I care what you are pointing out. 

[CaptB]

The original K-1 visa process was put together during WWII. It was set up so that GI's who had already built a "relationship" with a foreign woman and had become engaged would have 90 days to plan a "wedding" for those who chose to marry here in the states. Using the k-1 as a testing ground for a "possible" relationship is a more recent (and technically inappropriate ) use of the K-1 process. Many of these folks in a bad situation (i.e. not getting to really know who they are marrying) will try to convince others that "she changed after she came here"....................no she did not.
Other folks with good relationships/marriages on this forum........and dating the same woman (or man)......would have figured out she was not a suitable partner long before filing for a K-1.......and at the very least......having (up to) 90 days to send her back...........before marriage. Before a woman drops her employment, home, friends, family etc.........you should be at least 99% sure she is "the one".......as it will (more than likely) be difficult to get her life back if she returns. That being said.......all parties are equally responsible for the possition they put themselves in. And no matter how ignorant the sponser......"anyone" entering into a relationship under false pretenses.....should "not" be rewarded with a GC. Bottomline......"all" parties are equally responsible.


Capt B

[CaptB]

If Wayne lied at the interview.....then of course he is at fault......and should be "rewarded" with the government "not" validating the marriage. But......the interview is not for just the "sponser"......but is for the "couple". If the immigrant spouse went along with the deception.....she is also at fault. Like her husband....she should also be "rewarded".......her reward being "deportation". Part of "his" reward as a sponser would be to pay her expenses......for her return. This process should only reward (possitively).......a "legitimate and real relationship".


Capt B

[Doll]

Yes, it was for the couple,Capt. They both will be "rewarded" with the "not" validation of their marriage. As for the deportation the government will decide all by itself I guess. They allowed her in the country and they will decide now.

[groovlstk]

Of course she is responsible! But here you are making a white wings angel out of Wayne so I commented this.
Why does the GOVERNMENT set this interview? For one reason- to make sure the marriage works. Wayne went there and said- yes it does work.

Doll, if you read back in this thread I've heaped plenty of blame on Wayne and criticized the peanut gallery guys who urged him to do stupid things like seize his wife's GC. The point of my post was very simple and Wayne was only an example: if people are so willing to accept his wife's behavior in playing fast and loose with immigration rules as OK then they should refrain from criticizing men who do the same.

I also think that most people who come to RWD are reasonable enough to read between the extremist views that a few advocates have tried to shove down our throats and take away their own lessons from this sad little tale.
 

Like I care what you are pointing out. 

So what? I still love you regardless 

[HiTech]

Other folks with good relationships/marriages on this forum........and dating the same woman (or man)......would have figured out she was not a suitable partner long before filing for a K-1.

CaptB: I would not debate this if the time it took to complete a K-1 was a reasonable. In my case I filed before I was completely sure simply because the process takes forever ( 2 more trips during the k-1 process and officially got engaged during the k1). But I would agree that the woman should not come to the USA and should not make drastic changes based on coming (i.e.) quite job before you both are ready and sure.

HiTech

[Wayne]

I wonder what the Russian women think about the following descriptions of Russian superstititions?

Did anyone get married in the month of May?

Did anyone change their wedding date?

In Russian superstition if a couple sets a wedding date and doesn't end up getting married on that date they can not set another date and should not get married as their union will be cursed.


Do Not Wed in May!
Nowadays Russians still believe that marriages contracted in May are destined to be unhappy. There are even some sayings about this, like Good people do not get married in May. He’d be happy to wed, but May does not let. Those married in May will always pine. May is considered to be a “difficult month” and so any initiative undertaken in May is reportedly doomed to failure. Such a prejudice most probably owes its existence to the fact that “May” in Russian (mai) sounds common to the word mayatsa, i.e. “pine” or “suffer”. Words rule!
Do Not Cross the Newlyweds’ Way!
Don’t You Be a Cold Fish!
Another interesting belief that stands fast all around Russia (I guess this country is not so original about this) is as follows: on the wedding night (no matter whether it is the first one or not) making love is a must for the newlyweds! If by this or that reason it fails (let’s say the wedding party has been too wild and long, the guests have stayed in all the night, the bridegroom is drunk, etc.) they believe that the newlyweds will not be happy in their family life. This somehow explains why the bride and the bridegroom are traditionally expected not to eat or drink much at the wedding feast.
So, keep those ins and outs in mind, follow the rules and good luck and happiness will be guaranteed!
Sources:
    token.ru
    best-wedding.ru


The low season for weddings is in May, which a Russian superstition suggests is not a lucky time for taking vows. The superstition originates from the verb mayatsya, or "to suffer," which is derived from the word "May."
"I personally think there is no difference if one marries in May or some other month," Anutina said.

[Wayne]

I am not sure if I mentioned any of this before.  After O received the visas and bought the airplane tickets to America, we started to think about the wedding.  At least, I did.  I did not want to get married in a courtroom by a Judge.  I would have liked a church wedding, but I am Catholic and it was not possible.  I explained to O that in America a Priest can actually perform the legal marriage.  So I looked for other possibilities, and found a woman Preacher who would come to the house and perform the ceremony there.  I asked O what she wanted for our wedding.  She wanted to purchase the wedding dress in Russia, so I sent her the money.  (Later, part of her luggage was lost, which included the dress.)  She wanted to have her best friend, L, be part of the wedding party.  Then she said it was very bad luck to get married any time during the month of May. 

So I met with the Preacher and she had many dates already taken.  I wanted a Saturday afternoon, as most guests would come from a long distance and would need to stay over night.  It happened that she had June 14 open, so I reserved that day and told O.  This was only a few days before the 90 day period would be up, but I checked and found out that I could get certified copies of the marriage certificate on the spot the next Monday.  I would have everything else for the AOS ready to go.

June is the most popular month to marry in Michigan.  The weather starts to get warm but not too hot!  I thought we might all go down to the bay and have the vows with the beautiful water front as a back ground.  We have a very large covered porch facing the water and could have music and dancing there.

Anyway, O was here for a few weeks when she told me we had to get married before the end of April.  What a shock!  How could we pull off a wedding in less than two weeks?  I called the Preacher and she came to the house.  It happened that she had the last Saturday in April open because some couple had canceled.  She knew a woman who could bake a wedding cake in such short notice.  I had to call people to invite them because there was not enough time to mail out invitations.  O has a cousin and his family living in USA.  She went to visit them about a week after entering the country.  O did not invite her cousin, L or any of her friends.  And now, I realize she knew many other people already in USA.  So I wonder why she did not invite any one. 

We got another wedding dress, suit for me, rings, flowers and cake ordered, etc.  Daughter did most of the decorations for the party.  There were about 25 people.  I did most of the cooking myself.  We had a very nice wedding and I was so very happy!  Wife did not understand it when I was so happy that I cried! 

So now I wonder about the Russian superstitions?  Would it have changed anything if we had waited until June?

[kievstar]

Wayne, it is a bad sign when a man is more excited than his lady about wedding day.  She did not invite her friends or relatives probably because she did not consider this a real marriage only a way to stay in the country.  Are you sure her luggage was really lost and did not pocket the money for the dress?

I have heard May is a bad month for weddings and this is from a couple women who visit fortune tellers in Sevastopol.  But when I was in Kharkov in May 2008 I saw numerous weddings taking place. 

Did you see a marriage counselor yet? Or has your attorney got a marriage counselor for you and your wife - which Michigan law will enforce if done within a reasonable time of separation.  Probably to late if your answer is no.

[groovlstk]

So now I wonder about the Russian superstitions?  Would it have changed anything if we had waited until June?

Wayne, you really need to talk to someone, airing your thoughts here doesn't seem to be giving you the slightest bit of closure or solace. This last post is bordering on delusional  You mentioned that you are Roman Catholic, do you have someone in the clergy you can get counseling from?

[Misha]

I wonder what the Russian women think about the following descriptions of Russian superstititions?

Do Not Wed in May!
Nowadays Russians still believe that marriages contracted in May are destined to be unhappy.

Never heard of these supersitions.

Sources:
    token.ru
    best-wedding.ru

The first site is an odd site providing folk remedies. It has some information weddings, such as the fact that it is bad luck to have a pig cross the path of the wedding procession  Says nothing about the month of May. The second site has information on weddings, but it was put together by a wedding photographer. Nothing here about the month of may either.

[Doll]

Yes, there is such a superstition, Wayne.

She did not invite her friends or relatives probably because she did not consider this a real marriage only a way to stay in the country. 

[Diplomacy]

It is a Superstition in FSU.  I believe Jack also told me about it, if I remember correctly.  It has come up in conversation of FSU superstitions a few times now. 

[Misha]

I checked with my wife, and yes she did repeat the line about May being bad as you will be "toiling" (маяться).  However, it is still surprising that after 4 years, you still had not discussed the basics such as what kind of wedding you would want, and how you would want to get married. What exactly did you talk about all those years?

[Wayne]

I think wife is very superstitious.  However, she does not follow any religion.  I offered to take them to my church, the Orthodox church in the city, the two Ukrainian church services, or any other church and they declined.  Again, I insisted on some form of religious aspect to our marriage ceremony.

I mentioned before about the round table and shapes.  I think this is to avoid corners.  For some reason, corners were bad.  On the first day at our house, she hung wind chimes in the center of the house.  Something about evil spirits and breaking up the direct pathways though the house.  I remember on the first day she had brought a compass with her and was checking everything out in the house.  She made arrangements with small stones in certain patterns.  Then, what about all the trips to the Psychic?  I wonder what went on there?  Then I saw some intricate drawings with strange images arranged in a circular pattern.  Then there were the candles everywhere!  It seems liked every corner needed a candle.  They were even in the bathroom.  I mentioned before about the ribbons and bows.  All this seems like a cult or some kind of black magic.

Getting back to our wedding.  I think she wanted to get married in April instead of June because she did not want to keep up her “act” for another two months.  Again the May thing!  And she made sure we had sex on the wedding night, going back to one of the superstitions. 

I have to agree with Doll.  I think wife already has collected enough “evidence” to support her petition to have the conditions removed on the green card.  Probably, there is nothing I can do to stop it.  And as far as notifying USCIS about her change of address, I don’t think USCIS attempts to locate anyone. 

Well, Christmas is almost here. Normally, I would have all my presents bought and wrapped, the tree set up and ready to celebrate.  This year, nothing!  The holidays will be a very sad time for me and I think for wife and daughter too. 

[SANDRO43]

I have heard May is a bad month for weddings

We have an old folk saying that goes: "Di venere e di marte non si sposa né si parte"  (Never marry or travel on a Friday [venerdì] or a Tuesday [martedì]).

Did you get married on a May Friday or Tuesday to boot, Wayne ?

I remember on the first day she had brought a compass with her and was checking everything out in the house.

Well, I always had serious problems getting asleep in my aunt's house guest room. Years later I chanced upon a Feng Shui book saying, among other things, that beds should be oriented along the earth's North-South magnetic axis. I checked the bed in question with a compass and, sure enough, it turned out to be oriented East-West .