Wife split!

[I/O]

Natural suspicion leaves a tiny a part of me thinking there is a "Chain Yank" going on here. I hope not, but if so, may the fleas of a thousand hookers infest his loins.

OTOH, Doll has argued against many opinions and frankly I think in some instances, she is right, however her underlying argument seems to be there some hope of reconciliation and if ANY of what we have been told is correct, that argument is nonsense. The Jam is OVER, if it ever existed.

My opinion......she has been to the lawyer/s and they have quick smart worked out there is no substance in this situation (Money, cash, real assets) and they are very unlikely to get paid in the end no matter how it turns out and have patted her on the back and turned her away. It is almost certain her primary advice is (As with most here) coming from unqualified sources hence she has gone the simplistic line of move back in, make it difficult and see how long it takes for him to crack so she can go down the DV road which of course will access FREE legal assistance.

IMO, if Wayne plays his cards right, he is holding all the aces. Leave her with the house, leave her with the 'puter, leave her with the car. Ask and look for nothing. More or less disappear. Keep working, get any and all of his cash and or salary out of banks and under the bed so to say. Work a second cash job if he can and be inaccessible. Basically do exactly what she is NOT expecting him to do at every turn. Estranged men are often very predictable animals. I know, I was there once. When I woke up to this and went the other way, ex's support crew and army of lawyers suddenly became toothless tigers. They didn't know what to do because they had no target to shoot at.

1) Get away from the house and stay away.
2) Quarantine finances.
3) Stash as much cash as possible. (He is going to need it one way or another)
4) Always think, "What are they expecting me to do"?. Do the opposite (within reason).
5) Play a very low key hand and force her to become the hunter and whichever way this plays, she will have to play her hand first.

I/O

[ScottinCrimea]

Wayne, it seems that your approach is pretty much "wait and see", choosing to be reactive rather than proactive.  I think you still hold out the hope that she will suddenly become the fantasy woman that you thought you married.  It just ain't gonna happen. What she is is what she is, a woman who by all her actions and words does not love you and in no way acts as a wife to you.  She refuses to sleep with you, cheats on you, spends your money without conscience, demands that your son leave your house.  Is this who you want to spend the rest of your life with?  I guess that question is moot because she sees no benefit to staying with you other than the green card, so she will be gone as soon as she gets it, or until she can file a DV claim against you, whichever comes first.

Right now she is making all of the decisions and you are only reacting  I think it's time for you to make some decisions for yourself and act on them.  It's a sad situation and I understand the feelings of wanting what you had hoped you had, but the reality is different and you need to act or you will be acted on.  You're in victim mode and it's time to change.

[vwrw]

In my opinion the main cause that trigged  this family’s dissension  is unmeet expectations of the wife.

She arrived here with hope to have a better life, but the reality that she got in (husband who is a nice but not ambitious guy; little money available to spend on her and her daughter needs; inability to find a job; small town) very quickly ruin her hope on an easy and bright future.

Her first reaction in response to this reality was tacit accusation …something like “he is guilty of the plight I am in now!” That mind-set of hers resulted in her desire to “punish” him by ostracizing him and in lack of desire to do anything for her husband (cooking, washing his close, and so on ).

Later on, when her shock of crashing hopes started to weaken, she begun to think how she can get out of this situation. Probable the following three ideas came to her mind:
1. To persuade her husband to change something (his work, place to live and so on ). 
2. To find job for her.
3. To find another sponsor to live with.


Right now,  I am not sure whether moving out of the house was done for the purpose of forcing her husband to do something to improve their financial standing  or moving out of the house was  provoked by  a belief that the new boyfriend would undertake sponsorship of her and her daughter.
I am more inclined to believe in second  because  it explains appearing of expensive things in the possession of a woman who does not work (I do not want to assume that the source of the expensive things is shoplifting).

Taking in consideration that you cannot afford an attorney, you should try to solve the current problem peacefully.

If her English is not good , it is better to communicate through writing. Write her a letter with the suggestion to keep the negotiations on the subject of current situation;  ask her what you  can do to alleviate the current situation; say her that if you both will try to solve  your current problems by acting  friendly the probability that you both will get out of the situation with a minimum losses is much higher. In generally, say her that your first reaction in changing locks was wrong and you want her to give you the chance to solve the problem peacefully.

[Doll]

not really- you are what you are.

Evil is still evil, whether you put sugar on it or not.

I am what I am. Has nothing to do with evil.

[ScottinCrimea]

In my opinion the main cause that trigged  this family’s dissension  is unmeet expectations of the wife.

She arrived here with hope to have a better life, but the reality that she got in (husband who is a nice but not ambitious guy; little money available to spend on her and her daughter needs; inability to find a job; small town) very quickly ruin her hope on an easy and bright future.

vwrw, while I agree that unmet expectations can have a huge role in failed marriages, the big thing I see that suggests there is more to the story is that she moved out of his bedroom the day after the wedding night and before most of these issues would have surfaced.  If she was unhappy and disillusioned before this, she could have chosen not to go through with the wedding.  She didn't have hopes that things would work out because she had already made the decision that she didn't want him as a husband, only a sponsor and acted in a way that would make it much less likely that the marriage would be a successful one.  I can't imagine any woman who married for love acting in such a manner.

[Doll]

Speaking of sex- nobody has to have it in marriage.

[Vaughn]

Speaking of sex- nobody has to have it in marriage.

Tell me you're joking, Doll.

[Doll]

Tell me you're joking, Doll.

I am not. Unfortunately.

[Vaughn]

I am not. Unfortunately.

It IS unfortunate that your credibility has just gone out the
window. In plain English, that means you cannot be taken seriously.

I am 58, my Elvira is 45, likely quite older than you. We can both
assure you that your statement is quite naive and silly.

But we DO admire your youthful spunk.

Vaughn

[Doll]

We can both
assure you that your statement is quite naive and silly.

It is not.
BAck to the wife who didn't want sex- she ( as well as a man) is free to not have it.
I am not more naive than you,Vaughn

[William3rd]

What is truly unfortunate is that there are many posts here from people who are completely unqualified to give advice and should not even voice an opinion on this issue. This is a serious matter.

I see another thread where the lunatics are again attempting to take over the asylum.

[Doll]

I hope, Willy, sweetheart, you don't mean me     Actually there are two people who really got through same things- Maxx and me. Right, Maxx?

[Vaughn]

William, I've lost count on how many people here have
advised Wayne to retain legal counsel...

Doll means well, and the sympathy crowd, as usual,
has appeared as well.

[William3rd]

yep- legal counsel in his state is #1. Followed by keeping  the households COMPLETELY separate.

First advise to a client- DONT let her back in and lets get the paperwork rolling. . . .


Doll- or whatever your name is- there are others who have suffered at the hands of creatures like this one as well. If you are admitting to be one of those monsters, then perhaps you should find another thread to go lie in. Shipping the monsters back to their own personal hell without their green card is a special special pleasure for me.



 

[Doll]

If you are admitting to be one of those monsters

Attn of admin: guys, you are too rude (some of you).]
My name is Irina  :hipdude:

[Doll]

Shipping the monsters back to their own personal hell without their green card is a special special pleasure for me.

Haha- unless you're the President of this country.
ha-ha  :evil: :evil: :evil:
No way.

[William3rd]

all we need is an annulment for fraud and off you go, sweetie. . . .

however, your admissions so far are indicating that you are a successful green card girl. . . . that takes a special, special kind of woman, it really does.

I will avoid any references as to what your employment must have been in the old country. . . .

[docetae]

Speaking of sex- nobody has to have it in marriage.

Why not if both agree and are aware of this before marriage... In my post, when I was writing about weakness, it seems that things happen around you and you do nothing, you are just spectator of your life... Or you have started legal action, hired an attorney (and I don't know if this exist in US, but here in Canada you can have free legal help if you have no enough revenues), or you do nothing.

I still can not understand how things can go so far without doing something before (with so many red flags).

[ScottinCrimea]

Doll has revealed much more about herself in this thread than I suspect was her intent.

[Doll]

By the way (forget Doll  )- what I have just read is that some years ago Wayne
had another woman here on K-1 with her daughter. Guess what happened.

[Doll]

Doll has revealed much more about herself in this thread than I suspect was her intent.

The last thing I want is revealing anything to anybody.

[tim 360]

vwrw, while I agree that unmet expectations can have a huge role in failed marriages, the big thing I see that suggests there is more to the story is that she moved out of his bedroom the day after the wedding night and before most of these issues would have surfaced.  If she was unhappy and disillusioned before this, she could have chosen not to go through with the wedding.  She didn't have hopes that things would work out because she had already made the decision that she didn't want him as a husband, only a sponsor and acted in a way that would make it much less likely that the marriage would be a successful one.  I can't imagine any woman who married for love acting in such a manner.

Hey Wayne,  I have just had a chance to read your plight and you are not in a good place.  I do think that Scott summed this up succinctly and I don't see any "win" for you in hoping your wife will suddenly change.  And I think William III and Maxx are giving you good input.

Each state does have their own laws and you do need some legal help...this does not sound like a do-it-yourselfer because you could f-up and very negatively impact your case and your life.

It does not even sound as if a normal "marriage" even began and please get some good legal advice in the state where you live.

[Doll]

I will avoid any references as to what your employment must have been in the old country. . . .

Ok, just for you- it was KGB 

[ScottinCrimea]

To get a better picture, I looked through some of Wayne's old posts.  Here is a summary, and Wayne can correct me if I got something wrong.

He was married to a woman he describes as bipolar for 17 years.  This is the second woman he has brought over on a kK1.  This woman also had a teenage daughter. He says she came to America, saw his home, and left.  For this K-1, there were delays that caused the case to expire, forcing him to seek a waiver, which was eventually granted.

He is eligible for social security, which puts him in the mid 60's.  Both women have teenage daughters, which would make them no older than 40.

He built his home himself and has a mortgage for about 30% of its value.

He gave one very important word of advice to someone else in a post on Feb.3, 2006 that he would do well to follow:

"Have you changed the locks to your house?  Canceled credit cards and bank accounts?  Protected your valuables?

What I have found from going through an extremely terrible divorce to an AW is that you should hire the best qualified attorney you can find--regardless of the cost!  It saves money in the long run."

[Doll]

Yes- what I did was reading his old posts.