Wife split!

[BC]

Thought this was RWDiscussion.. not RWInquisition

[William3rd]

BUT BUT BUT- ya wanted to discuss and then ya dont like where the discussion has gone?!?!?! Poor ol Wayne just wanted some help and the green card girl marching and chowder society appeared complete with cheerleaders. C'mon ya gotta love it. . . .

[Maxx2]

It has been an interesting thread for sure.

[BC]

BUT BUT BUT- ya wanted to discuss and then ya dont like where the discussion has gone?!?!?! Poor ol Wayne just wanted some help and the green card girl marching and chowder society appeared complete with cheerleaders. C'mon ya gotta love it. . . .

Yeah.. I hear ya but the way this is going better for Doll to start her own thread and wait for Wayne to figger things out and report back his results here in his thread sometime in the future.

[BC]

It has been an interesting thread for sure.

Isn't that you on the horse.... and William doin the stokin'?

 

-just kidding guys

[Maxx2]

Isn't that you on the horse.... and William doin the stokin'?

 

-just kidding guys

Hey BC I am just trying to save the world one guy at a time.


Maxx

[felix8787]

BUT BUT BUT- ya wanted to discuss and then ya dont like where the discussion has gone?!?!?! Poor ol Wayne just wanted some help and the green card girl marching and chowder society appeared complete with cheerleaders. C'mon ya gotta love it. . . .

You know, Wayne came on here asking for help and advise.......Which plenty were given to PROTECT himself, stay away, get a lawyer etc etc etc...... Given with what we have to go on which is Wayne's post and his word, she did him wrong from the get go.
If she does know about this forum, do you honestly think she will come in here and concur with what Wayne has posted....no, she wouldn't, she would tell her side of it and probably sugar coat it with how bad Wayne was to her all the more reason to try and get sympathy towards her, totally opposite of what he posted about what he did. Did she not like his 5 bedroom, 5 bath, 2 kitchen, 3 car garage home? I don't think it was even about his home or lifestyle, IMO it was about the GC......and to have an agreement....I wonder what the agreement would be???? So the agreement should be, I live here 2 years, you no make me upset to file DVC, you support me and daughter, I have sex with whom ever, just not you and when I get GC, I take half...Agreed??? Not enough credit is given to Wayne for supporting them already for what? 4years and this is the outcome. Yeah she sure was appreciaitive for everything he has done.

[Maxx2]

ONE BIG THING MEN SHOULD KEEP IN MIND IN MARRIAGES LIKE THESE:

The longer the marriage the more a guy will pay.
More likely to have to make spousal support payments.
More marital assets to split.

and the less likely a judge will believe the man's claim she married him for material and immigration benefits only.


Maxx 

[Shadow]

With all respect to Wayne and his situation. it comes down to two possibilities.

Either you decide that the woman has deliberately playerd tricks and you want to get back at her as much as possible.
In that case prepare for things to get ugly and expensive. What you will not pay to the ex will go to the lawyers.

The other possibility os that you accept things went different as planned, and work out the most friendly way of parting. Taking the wishes of both parties and make a deal to end it swiftly and without a lot of fuss.

When a relationship ends, there is his side, her side, and the truth. The truth is that all involved get hurt in some way ot another.

[AnastassiaAsh]

..no, she wouldn't, she would tell her side of it and probably sugar coat it with how bad Wayne was to her all the more reason to try and get sympathy towards her, totally opposite of what he posted about what he did. Did she not like his 5 bedroom, 5 bath, 2 kitchen, 3 car garage home? I don't think it was even about his home or lifestyle, IMO it was about the GC......and to have an agreement....I wonder what the agreement would be???? So the agreement should be, I live here 2 years, you no make me upset to file DVC, you support me and daughter, I have sex with whom ever, just not you and when I get GC, I take half...Agreed??? Not enough credit is given to Wayne for supporting them already for what? 4years and this is the outcome. Yeah she sure was appreciaitive for everything he has done.

Something tells me this already happened several months ago on another board we all know... 

[William3rd]

ONE BIG THING MEN SHOULD KEEP IN MIND IN MARRIAGES LIKE THESE:

The longer the marriage the more a guy will pay.
More likely to have to make spousal support payments.
More marital assets to split.

and the less likely a judge will believe the man's claim she married him for material and immigration benefits only.


Maxx 

THE OTHER THING MEN SHOULD REMEMBER. . . .  I said it before.

Signs of infidelity or other odd occurrances. . .  odd disappearances, mood changes, threats, etc. It isnt cultural differences, it isnt language barriers. ACT on it.

[Maxx2]

Something tells me this already happened several months ago on another board we all know... 

Cut and paste please....

[Jumper]

30 pages of what..???

Wayne - Good luck , tough times.
I do hope you have some family and friends to support you during this.


Doll -
i respect your position that if she "wants " to stay,.
likeklyhood is high that she will.
The laws can be manipulated to favor her position.

but that doesnt mean wayne should settle for a marriage of convenience , or just getting along, at best ..
 which is what is implied here.
 even if all you imply is accurate..
there certainly is no real love between them and certainly no trust?
two fundamentals of a decent marriage are not there ?
(only speculation,, like most of this thread, but i think both people actually in the situation would confirm that)

personally i wouldn't think twice about saving it, there is nothing to save.
likely never was.
it takes some actual effort from both parties. is she trying to make their marriage work?
we simply don't know if she is now , or ever has in the past.

a marriage should be a bit  MORE than some legal situation two people are in.

what will he have if he somehow talks with her and resolves their current issues?
a loving wife that participates equally in the marriage?

anything less, why bother talking?
to reduce damages?
(i guess that would make sense, but isnt likely to happen,and is risky for him, with no risk for her)
 


 Doll said

Girls, AM fear anything that has something to do with laws Cheesy. So it is enough to just mention attorneys and laws.
Don't beat me, boys! Cheesy

As far as your sentiments, 
 I wouldn't count on it, it's a rather silly stereotype , and it's not accurate for a very large percentage of AM.
 This country was founded by some  rather courageous and independent men, thier willingness to
spit in the face of the laws  of their time, for their ideals of right and wrong ,
has carried on for awhile. It isn't completely lost! not yet anyway.

Your advice ,to the "girls" only "works" if the man's a floormat ,lacks self esteem or confidence.
but of course that's the typical prey of a GCG, so you may have a point.

Many men that would make good husbands ,
also  generally  have a bit more integrity, character, and fortitude
than to be manipulated, used ,and abused so easily.
 
The bottom line of  wether the AM shakes in his boots ,and pees down his leg,
at the mere thought of an oh so scary  attorney, or officer, speaking to him,
 is only relevent if there was no love and relationship in the first place,
and if the woman is trying to get something over on a man she doesn't care at all  about.

How sad is that?


This thread started as a sad one, a break up of a couple.
and a tale of people using each other ,no matter what side of the speculation you believe.

i din't think it would  go down hill from that low starting point, ,

[Maxx2]

Doll said

Girls, AM fear anything that has something to do with laws Cheesy. So it is enough to just mention attorneys and laws.
Don't beat me, boys! Cheesy

As far as your sentiments, 
 I wouldn't count on it, it's a rather silly stereotype , and it's not accurate for a very large percentage of AM.
 This country was founded by some  rather courageous and independent men, thier willingness to
spit in the face of the laws  of their time, for their ideals of right and wrong ,
has carried on for awhile. It isn't completely lost! not yet anyway.

Your advice ,to the "girls" only "works" if the man's a floormat ,lacks self esteem or confidence.
but of course that's the typical prey of a GCG, so you may have a point.

Many men that would make good husbands ,
also  generally  have a bit more integrity, character, and fortitude
than to be manipulated, used ,and abused so easily.
 

Thank you AJ. You solved a mystery for me. It all comes together now. The late Doug Salem told me that I had too much self respect to let my ex walk over me. This about me irritates certain women who's husbands do not have this "integrity, character, and fortitude" as you call it. RW do not like weak men. I used to feel a second rater to those of the success and "success" crowd on this board. No more. I would have made a good husband if I had been given a chance but that is not something a GCG will ever do. To them it is either rule or ruin and I will not play that game.


Maxx   

[AnastassiaAsh]

Maxx2,  !

[Maxx2]

Thanks Anna.

[Jumper]

I would have made a good husband if I had been given a chance but that is not something a GCG will ever do

maxx2- for what it's worth, i always thought exactly that ,about you and your situation.
That you not only "would have made a good husband" but will make a good husband for a lucky woman some day.

Your naivete got you involved with a calculating user of a person (a GCG),
but your self respect ,and intelligence ,allowed you to come out quite well,  all thing considered.

I think i posted those same sentiments, or close to it, years ago.. and hoped that your " one horrible experience"
 coupled with your new  "hobby"
wouldn't jade you or occupy so much of your time ,that you would miss out on some real happiness, which you certainly deserve.

[Maxx2]

maxx2- for what it's worth, i always thought exactly that ,about you and your situation.
That you not only "would have made a good husband" but will make a good husband for a lucky woman some day.

Your naivete got you involved with a calculating user of a person (a GCG),
but your self respect ,and intelligence ,allowed you to come out quite well,  all thing considered.

I think i posted those same sentiments, or close to it, years ago.. and hoped that your " one horrible experience"
 coupled with your new  "hobby"
wouldn't jade you or occupy so much of your time ,that you would miss out on some real happiness, which you certainly deserve.

Thanks again AJ. I figure that if I ever get married again it would be to a RW. It is their sense of humor combined with confidence that gets to me. Such interesting women.

I have learned from my experience but not just the lessons of a bad choice. I learn that one needs to have their life in complete order and all worked out. There is enough to keep a man occupied with a woman adapting to a new culture and to himself without having other distractions. I had a lot of distractions when my ex arrived. My business had an emergency two days after she arrived that required me to spend a lot of time with it. I had huge spousal maintenance and child support payments to make. I had no house just a rented apartment. My first ex was living in the house I jointly owned with her so my equity and credit for a new house was tied up until it was sold (2 years later). However nothing I could have done or spent would have saved my marriage to my Russian wife (we married in Russia). She was a committed GCG from before we met and had plans to be with some Russian friends in America after she got her green card. Anyway although I took care of all of her needs once she got here I could see I would have liked to do a whole lot more if I had a wife that was committed to the marriage. I would have wanted the cozy nest with lots of time and money to travel and have fun. A few years ago I lost my largest client due to their relocating their manufacturing to China. I just do not have as much money as I would like to have if I brought a RW into my life again. It is no fun and frankly a lot of stress to do it on the cheap. I am in a good type of business though so hopefully I will be in position again. I sure do miss Russia!

Maxx       

[GoodOlBoy]

Maxx.... I don't know you personally, but I have read MANY pages of your postings from another forum that I use to participate in. I wish you only the best of luck Maxx when you start your search again.

[Maxx2]

Thank you GoodOlBoy. All this writing helped me figure things out. Even the stuff that I would not write now.



Maxx

[Wayne]

I guess I don't mind if others have taken over this thread.  My story will come later.  Right now, I need to stay low.  There is much happening and I will fill you in someday.

Thanks to all of you.

Wayne

[Maxx2]

I guess I don't mind if others have taken over this thread.  My story will come later.  Right now, I need to stay low.  There is much happening and I will fill you in someday.

Thanks to all of you.

Wayne

Thanks Wayne. I know the feeling. By the time I felt it was safe to come out my story was considered old news. I hope you can fill us in on what you are going through as soon as you can. These stories provide valuable lessons to those that with to apply them to themselves or to help another person in trouble.


Maxx

[groovlstk]

I guess I don't mind if others have taken over this thread.  My story will come later.  Right now, I need to stay low.  There is much happening and I will fill you in someday.

Thanks to all of you.

Wayne

Wayne, do what you have to do to protect yourself. Good luck and I hope everything works out as well as it possibly can for you.

[felix8787]

Wayne,
Take care of yourself and in do time you will fill us in on what has transpired since all of this happened. Protect yourself, your good will and integrity.

felix8787

[BillyB]

Been gone but come back to read this thread and want to say a few things.

To those who think Wayne should seek marriage counseling, two reasons I think it's a bad idea. Wayne's wife is not physically attracted to him and I doubt a counselor would be able to convince her a life of cuddling and holding hands with Wayne is as rewarding and physically satisfying as the sex she's having with her current boyfriend. Also if Wayne contacts her for anything, she could claim he's harrassing her and get a no contact order. In a perfect World, trying to give another a second chance would be fine, but the way the laws are in America, Wayne is in real danger in getting a criminal record for further contacting and associating with his wife.

Wayne, do not intercept her mail. It's illegal. Do not contact immigration or attempt to mess with her green card. That's a big no-no too. You mentioned previously your wife's not a terrible woman. She does not feel the same about you. Police escorts are not freely available for any who wants it. For her to get a police escort to go back into the house, she had to say at a minimum she fears you. Maybe there is something wrong with you, maybe not. Regardless, you are guilty of domestic violence. If a woman "fears" physical harm from you, that IS domestic violence. It's best you go your own way far away from her. If anyone contacts your wife or has to get information from her, it should be your attorney. I hope you understand that you will be paying for your wife's attorney through the divorce proceedings. She will also get to drive the better vehicle. Unless you're ordered to, don't make the payments. You will get no credit for being a nice guy. She already started battle with calling the cops and obtaining an attorney. I can't imagine her learning all this on her own. She must have a wonderful set of friends. Too bad they didn't recommended her to go through marriage counseling with you first before abandoning the marriage. Of course one of her friends isn't going to recommend that because he's screwing her brains out everynight. A few women here once said they are attracted to men with brains. But brains alone don't get one horny otherwise women would be attracted to intelligent women besides just men. Most people of the opposite sex NEED the opposite sex for physical reasons. Without physical intimacy, everything else matters little. Without inimacy, there's little reason for anybody to get married except to have kids and a tax break. You probably ignored all the red flags that she was never into you. Maybe you were hoping she'd change after you got married. She changed alright but in the opposite direction that you expected.

I think it was Einstein who said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Wayne, you are attracting all the wrong women. You're not doing any good for yourself and this country bringing in insincere women. A good woman would have given you more of a chance and their marriage with you a chance instead of moving out of the bedroom after the first night. After you and your assets are drawn and quartered from the inevitable divorce, pause and rethink about what is wrong with you or what you're doing wrong when evaluating women. Something needs to change before you think about going to the FSU ever again. I hope things turn out better than the expected worse. If this thread hasn't helped you, somebody got help. Certainly it has given food for thought for the other guys thinking about marrying a woman from the FSU.