where can I meet a real man?

[Brianinaz]

Moonlight,

Your situation is the same as ours. You're looking for one person hidden amongst many thousands; not good odds. Of all the tens of thousands of men who have profiles on the different web sites and read these forums how many are successful in finding a mate? Only a handful it seems. It comes down to a lot of effort and a good helping of blind stupid luck.

There was this concept that was popular here a few years back called networking; kind of making a lot of friends, sharing information but in a business rather than personal sense. The idea was to expand your opportunities dramatically. One suggestion I would make is something along those lines. Talk to as many people as you can, here and elsewhere. Don't just look for that one person. Make friends, tell people about yourself. Many of us here have email addresses posted. Get to know a few people, then send a brief bio and a photo. Member xyz may just know someone they can introduce you to. I can think of one or two guys that you might find interesting (not me as I am happily unavailable) just off the top of my head.

I put in the effort and was fortunate enough to have that blind stupid luck. I wish you the same.

Now if the USCIS would extract their heads from their butts and process my paperwork I would be even happier

[Andrew James]

Moonlight:

Reiterating a question others posters have asked, I am interested in your definition of a 'real man' -- or at least the qualities you desire in a man -- because one woman's definition can be very different from another's, and knowing your criteria influences how one might reply to your post.

Also, backing up what another poster said, if it is any consolation it can be just as hard for us guys -- including men with similar qualifications and personal attributes to yourself. (I don't necessarily advise playing the 'numbers game' either, given the amount of people I have seen crushed under the feet of the madding crowd.)

[Moonlight]

 Andrew James, this is not an easy question. I dont think that Santa Claus and ideal man exist, same as there is no ideal women. But having been in few serious relationships,  i can definately tell what I would want - someone who is first of all, smart, loving, caring, with good sense of humor, loyal, someone to love and be loved, looking for my best friend, my best half.  I really appreciate in partner be very open, honest, willing to work on any possible problems or any misunderstanding which may happen. Another important thing in relationship – in my opinion, is ability to compromise, not to be stubborn all the time and be very flexible and tolerant to partner’s viewpoint.

[Shadow]

Moonlight, are you all that you described to look for ?
I get the feeling that you are trying too hard. Relax, hope for the best and expect the worst.
Do not be scared about your life staying as it is. Some day you will find what you were looking for, and probably in a way you never expected.

[Misha]

But having been in few serious relationships,  i can definately tell what I would want - someone who is first of all, smart, loving, caring, with good sense of humor, loyal, someone to love and be loved, looking for my best friend, my best half. 

Knowing what you want is half the battle IMHO. The mistake people make is wasting weeks, months, even years, with someone who is not right for them.

[topofthekey]

I think we can find an ideal partner (man/woman) just not a perfect one of course. I'd say with certainity that I am looking for my ideal partner.

Oh and.... I'm a REAL MAN!   

[Moonlight]

to Shadow: Im not the perfect one but in relationship i give what i want back. So i would say im the prettty close to what i want 

[Gator]

Moonlight,

I do not doubt that you possess the same qualities/values.  Usually the qualities/values that someone seeks in a mate are very close to his/her own qualities.  Smart people want a smart mate.  People with a SOH want someone with a SOH.  Etc.

What is wonderful is to discover a person that not only has these qualities but somehow brings out your best.

Of your list, you may find the following the most elusive:  "ability to compromise, not to be stubborn all the time and be very flexible and tolerant to partner’s viewpoint."  It is called seeking a "win-win" solution. To find such a man, you yourself must have this quality in abundance because the dynamics are so dependent upon the other. 

My wife is stubborn but will compromise eventually.  It is because she is committed to our relationship.  I just wished she would smile more at the time.   

[SANDRO43]

I just wished she would smile more at the time.   

Phil, ply her with some more wine  .

[mikeincroydon]

well this girl sounds ideal to me ... !

[Wolf]

   I have to say whenever I see they are looking for a real man  I tend to overlook the profile, I find it too ambiguous. I use to think  it is a mix between Humprey Bogart and Indiana Jones.
      Another phrase I particularly hate it is when speaking about princes in white horses or she  wants to feel like a princess, I just jump to the next profile.
   About Dating sites, the trouble is that in some of them you have to pay to open the letters so you just open a few ones; in another cases you just apply and wait to go to Ukraine or Rusia before opening the letters and finally perhaps you are in a lot of sites but you only pay for one or two of them , so you normally erase the letters from the ones you don´t pay or just keep the letters closed in storage.
    And the main problem for me it is to see if the profile it is from a real woman or not. And for real I understand a woman who exists and are interested in knowing someone. I hope to have helped you.

[Misha]

I have to say whenever I see they are looking for a real man  I tend to overlook the profile, I find it too ambiguous. I use to think  it is a mix between Humprey Bogart and Indiana Jones.

You might be missing out on some good women. IMHO, Russian women do refer more often to the concept of the "настояший мужчина" (translated as "real man") than would women in North America. It is not necessarily reserved for the Bogarts and Indiana Jones.

Another phrase I particularly hate it is when speaking about princes in white horses or she  wants to feel like a princess, I just jump to the next profile.

This is also a pretty standard phrase. But, here, I agree with you. I used to skip these profiles as well when I was still dating and looking for interesting women.

[OlgaH]

IMHO, Russian women do refer more often to the concept of the "настояший мужчина" (translated as "real man")

What a man he was... a real colonel 

[youtube=425,350]QBfHP2nDjHg[/youtube]

Повстречалась я с бравым военным,
На скалистом морском берегу,
Ой, девчонки, режим с гигиеной
Нарушали мы на каждом шагу,
Страсть повергла в пучину,
Об одном только помню,
Ой, такой был мужчина,
Ну, настоящий полковник.

Ах, какой был мужчина,
Ах, какой был мужчина,
Ах, какой был мужчина,
Настоящий полковник.

Приглашал он меня в ресторан,
Коньяком, правда, за мой счет угощал,
Обещал Монте-карло и Варну,
Ой, и жениться, представляешь, обещал,
Так вот под этой личиной,
Скрывался, блин, уголовник,
Ну, в жизни не скажешь, какой был мужчина,
Ну, настоящий полковник.

Как закончилось это лето,
Помнит лишь опустевший вокзал,
И прибой, как дворняга котлету,
Все следы нашей страсти слизал.

Вот опять я за стойкой буфета,
Для поправки бюджета служу,
Кать, глянь, посетителей там нету,
Ой, пойду я в окно погляжу.
Гложет сердце кручина,
Давит грудь подоконник,
Ой, где ж ты бродишь, мужчина,
Настоящий полковник.

[Shadow]

   I have to say whenever I see they are looking for a real man  I tend to overlook the profile, I find it too ambiguous. I use to think  it is a mix between Humprey Bogart and Indiana Jones.
      Another phrase I particularly hate it is when speaking about princes in white horses or she  wants to feel like a princess, I just jump to the next profile.
   About Dating sites, the trouble is that in some of them you have to pay to open the letters so you just open a few ones; in another cases you just apply and wait to go to Ukraine or Rusia before opening the letters and finally perhaps you are in a lot of sites but you only pay for one or two of them , so you normally erase the letters from the ones you don´t pay or just keep the letters closed in storage.
    And the main problem for me it is to see if the profile it is from a real woman or not. And for real I understand a woman who exists and are interested in knowing someone. I hope to have helped you.

You need to be more sure of yourself. 

[Julia G]

Also, tell, please which site do you guys normally consider as good ones to look for a girl?

Don`t put words about intelligence and degrees into your profile. Usually it were men who responded to me who first told me I`m intelligent. There`re more important things for men. Standard wives functions (priority can be different) Lover, Homemaker, Friend, Helper, Social prestige factor (beauty), mother. And as guys said do more filtering. I searched for a new boyfriend fr 1 week only.

[Gator]

Don`t put words about intelligence and degrees into your profile.

Why would you hide intelligence?  If I were an intelligent woman, I would be happy only with an intelligent man who demanded the same in his woman.  Perhaps this will eliminate 90% of the men, yet you will end up with someone who appreciates your gift.  You can still be lover, mother, and homemaker. but your best friend will be a man with intellect.

When searching for RW, I stressed brains, beauty, SOH and honesty.  That last one was the most elusive, but that is another story.

[Julia G]

Why would you hide intelligence?

Real intelligence cannot be hidden. I just saw many cases and can say if person sees degrees as his/her main merit it does mean that they are kind of obsessed about book knowledge and often arrogant to people around. It cannot be said about each of such people and my experience isn`t absolute but I have such experience. I`m getting my second degree at the moment but it doesn`t scare people away when they know it.  I don`t underline my degrees, because I prefer people to feel comfortable, in a relationship I need a man with intellect but not an arrogant freak, my current boyfriend has college education and isn`t afraid to say he doesn`t know something and he learns eagerly. I saw many people without education but whose intellect was worth PhD and guys with PhD  who are helpless in everyday life. I prefer people who are able to apply their knowledge and who are interested in the world around and open to everybody. I just wanted to say that self-esteem about one`s intellect isn`t always right and good but not confident enough men can be scared. And men with high self-esteem are not always intelligent.
 Also i would recommend to register at maximum number of sites and write compositions on most discussed topics, then copy and past with adjustment to each person. If you have choice you can do filtering better. Save all the correspondence to detect path liars at every stage. Don`t go anywhere to meet men, if man likes you he will come to you himself, maybe say you don`t guarantee sex when he comes, normal man will understand this. Be careful with RussianEuro since egyptians and turkish believe they are european too , but if you like moslem men ( I respect them highly and have male moslem friends but they are not my match for many reasons, though the culture is charming) russianeuro is allright. EM is best, men are wonderful there, though I met my current one and my canadian ex at freepersonals. Anyway, many nice men left there. Of course, I made lots of dating mistakes too and have many stories to tell. For example there was one, that i still laugh at. Once I turned down one englishman, he told me "You know whom you turned down. I`m lord of (let it be) Greensboro" I checked it in net and saw "Become lord of greensboro for 40 pounds" I didn`t respond to that Earl of Several Bucks, but still tell this story to everyone.

[Fascinated1]

Here's one observation from a very educated newbee who would LOVE to meet a woman who is extremely intelligent and/or highly educated (definitely two distinct things).  At several points during this thread it was suggested that this forum might be a good resource, and that perhaps you should post a photo and complete a profile here.  It appears to me that you haven't done that, and it makes me wonder why.   ???

At the very least, you're leaving one big avenue unexplored; there are obviously many eligible men who are using this site as a resource, and you might even be able to get a feel for their views and personalities by viewing their posts.

Am I missing something?

Let me be even more specific -- after reading the first few posts from you in this thread, I became interested enough to check to see whether you had a picture and additional information posted.  I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So ... ???

[Taz]

It's been an interesting thread so far. What moonlight has described is what so often happens with the sincere men as well. It can be very frustrating at times no matter which side of the fence you are on.

Unless you get extremely lucky, it takes a lot of time and perseverance to be successful. I speak, read and write pretty good Russian and it can still be a challenge under the best of circumstances to find a decent Russian woman.

Unfortunately most men are going to be focused on looks first and then look at the other attributes of women. I hate to say but even the sweetest, nicest woman that is not as attractive will often not chosen and instead the man will choose the woman that is more attractive but with a personality closer to a sterva/suka than the very sweet girl.

In general you have to kiss a lot of toads/frogs before you find your prince/princess in this endeavor. In general you will have to write/meet a lot of people before you find mr or ms. right. Some people get lucky and I know some men and women who are still looking after 10 years! Don't be discouraged but try some of the sites previously mentioned.

I am sure you know about some of them anyway such as love.mail.ru (aka flirt.com.ru (or ua) and all the other ones out there. There are only a few really big networks and they have different ways of accessing them.

All in all the BEST way to meet someone is via social networking. In other words what I like to call the "babushka network" or "set' babushki". Invariably when I traveled, some grandmother had a daughter, granddaughter, niece, etc. that she wanted to introduce me to. In general I found friends to be the best way to meet someone I might be compatible with as they often knew me and the other person. This won't always work unless you have some friends to network with. It doesn't just have to be grandmas.

My absolute best meetings have come from personal referrals of friends of mine. The 3 best women I have met have been this way. In general I tried to avoid ANY of the dating sites if I could possibly help it. Before my last trip I must have looked at 4,000 profiles. After all that I maybe found 30 that we worth writing. After the first letters maybe 15 were worth writing again. So much is often left out in profiles...

Anyway good luck with your search. Be patient and you should persevere. Don't over emphasize the education. I want to marry a woman...not a diploma. I already have an excellent one of those. Quite often a Russian education won't directly translate well into another country but a good personality always will! At this point I'll take a less educated woman (but still intelligent) over a well educated sterva!

[JR]

Well, really need your advice, men.

Im now 29 years old, good-looking sincere happy person, succedede too much in life except private life, trying to find my soulmate anywhere in the world. I have been on web-sites for few years by now and really think its very difficult to meet reliable, interesting, family-oriented man anywhere. Does anybody know where they are all hidden?
Here is my little story:
Man 1 - After corresponding about 4 months, we have met, and were attracted to each other, and next time we've met,  all he was doing when were together in my home town was reading Bible and praying. I could not continue relationship with a person who was making me to go to church every Sunday (Im not religious)
Man 2 - met me on msn, in 2 days flew from Europe, have a lovely time off in January together, and then he left and never sent me any messages again.
Man 3 - we met in 3rd country, he lied me so much so everytime he was telling me anything from yesterday, the facts never been the same so every day i heard new stories about his ex-private life. He lied to me that he was arrested as well. God, what made me met him??
Man 4 - the brilliant man, I really really like him and we are in touch, calling, chatting, but he said - please dont wait for me, look for another man as Im not even thinking about family... sad as we understand each other sometimes without words...

As you can see, after such experience I start feeling that I will never meet someone very special man. What do you think - am I just being unlucky or there might be something I do wrong?  No language barriers as Im fluent in English/German, excellent education, 2 degrees, lots to say and lots to listen to. Its just been frustrating that being "so good", i cant meet anyone...

Also, tell, please which site do you guys normally consider as good ones to look for a girl?

And how is the search going now?

[Jumper]

well Taz,

 when will you start the "Babushka network" ?

It's not like there are a bunch of Babushkas posting here afterall. that we can contact?
 
deydushka's, are plentiful i know!!

but its just not the same..