Adultery & Divorce - Do Russian Women ever get deported?

[c5driver]

you are better off trying to pay her off. Oh, yes, it's all about $$$. ...

RacerX,

She's never asked for a specific amount of money in the divorce. She is refusing to sign the marital settlement agreement (divorce papers) unless I get her a GC. So it's not all about the $$$, it's about GC Blackmail. Her boyfriend came to my house and tried to convince me that she could undo my prenup and go after my assets, but this wouldn't happen if I got her a GC. I won't be Blackmailed.

I had a really good atty (30 years experience in family law) write the prenup and I hired an atty for her when she signed it. So my assets are really well protected (even without a prenup, she would get little or nothing from a 4 month marriage). The only issue is alimony (2 months max), and that becomes really difficult for her to get the longer I wait to finish the divorce.

The biggest expense would be her trying to make me pay her attys fees. That might not happen either. They shouldn't be too bad (3K-5K) because my family atty said this would be a simple case (as one would expect).

Even so, I hoped to avoid a contested divorce entirely by waiting until she was out of the country. Maxx's experience indicates that she'll stay here forever, my atty (see my previous post) thinks she'll have problems. But I think she can drag out deportation for a couple of years even in the best case senario, so maybe I'll just proceed with the contested divorce (after waiting long enough to avoid alimony, of course).

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

"THe only way she can get a K1 is if she immediately packs up and goes home.
It puzzles me because Maxx seems to really know his stuff but this atty does too.

She doesn't need to get K1, she may get K3...she may divorce you and marry another guy, it's possible and 've seen a couple of cases like that.
As for some differences on attorneys advices, well, we don't know all the detailes of your case, we don't know what she has on you as well. I believe your lawyer knows more than us and gives you the right info and advice.

[c5driver]

c5driver...are you sure you are not on the east side of the river from st. louis?  marina and oksana are the names of the women i know of at home (i'm in ukraine, home being southern IL). both are married to men they have no respect for whatsoever. both are having affairs, both are using their husbands to live nicely and drive new vehicles.

stories like these make me cringe. i right here in the middle of the vipers.

Anono,

Good post. Yes, they're vipers.

I live in Southern California (Go Angels), not the St. Louis area. But the behavior of the RW\UW you describe is EXACTLY the same as the behavior of the 3 RW\UW I've gotten to know in CA.

Especially about not respecting their  husbands. My RW once told my mother that we (RW living in America collectively) "hate our husbands". My mother was shocked (my RW was often quite candid and direct). This is before she began her affair (she told my mother that she was an exception and loved me, of course).

My RW networked with these other married RW\UW who were having affairs. I'm sure this influenced her.

My RW seems to have little respect for her new boyfriend. She recently told him that she doesn't want to marry him, nor have his children. She tells her friends that he fails to give her orgasms and that he doesn't give her enough spending money (though he does occasionally buy her nice things like $250 jeans).

A UW MOB name Iryna Singerman did the secret adultery/have the millionaire boyfriend buy her a mercedes thing. Her boyfriend apparently killed her and fled to Mexico (she was probably cheating on him too). 

Vipers indeed.

[dostogirl]

Oh well past history....

It is past history for me too, no more help and translations for Russians. I've been tricked by them too many times. Most RW cases of abuse, as I've already mentioned, from my experience were fake or partly fake. Everytime I figured out that what RW were telling me was not true, I got all their revenge & hatred. From humiliation to letters from them to my husband... So I don't fall for them and their tears any more. I may be cruel, cos there may be some real cases, but...
just my point of view. :?

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

Her boyfriend apparentlykilled her and fled to Mexico (she was probably cheating on him too).

Vipers indeed.

Don't you even think about it

[c5driver]

Her boyfriend apparently killed her and fled to Mexico (she was probably cheating on him too). 

Vipers indeed.

Don't you even think about it [/quote]
dostogirl,

I could never even think of harming my RW. I don't understand men who are violent to women that they claimed to have loved (or loved in the past). I simply want to get thru the divorce and move on with my life (which would be easier if she wasn't living down the street with my neighbor).

I'm just showing how Iryna Singerman's behavior fit this pattern of RW/UW committing adultery and acting like gold diggers.  It also shows how this behavior can sometimes be a dangerous game for the RW/UW. It's important to note that the boyfriend is the suspect, not the husband.

[c5driver]

"THe only way she can get a K1 is if she immediately packs up and goes home.
It puzzles me because Maxx seems to really know his stuff but this atty does too.

She doesn't need to get K1, she may get K3...she may divorce you and marry another guy, it's possible and 've seen a couple of cases like that.
As for some differences on attorneys advices, well, we don't know all the detailes of your case, we don't know what she has on you as well. I believe your lawyer knows more than us and gives you the right info and advice.
[/quote]
dostogirl,

My atty claims that she can only get her GC thru me since she came on a K1 Visa issued from my K1 petition. If she wants to marry someone else she must return to Russia and have her new fiancee petition for another K1. Of course, she must divorce me before submitting a new K1 petition. But my RW now says that she doesn't want to marry anyone now (she doesn't want to be "controlled"). Instead I think she might try the DV GC route or possibly the I-751.

[RacerX]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

. So it's not all about the $$$, it's about GC Blackmail.

I wasn't referring to the short-term, but more to her motivation for coming here.

Despite what your lawyer says, many of us know of cases where DV claims were used quite successfully.  I would differ with Maxx in that the success rate is not 100%, but from what I have browsed, it is more than 2/3.

One thing I find rather unique about your situation -since she lives next door - what's to keep her from provoking you into some 'bad deed,' or what keeps her from calling the police while standing on your doorstep with a self inflicted injury? Seems like time would be on her side, and with a 'cooperative' neighbor, a ready witness wouldn't be far away.

dostogirl ~ her getting a K-3 while living here -having entered on a K-1, should be impossible.  She could file an I-130 with c5diver under rare scenarios, but unless you have information unknown to us, I don't see how it could be done.

[Maxx]

Testing

[Maxx]

I am going respond to the post a couple of posts up by c5driver first but I am having a real tough time sending this message so I will try and send it in sections to see if that helps

Here is my e-mails to an East Coast INS adjudicator. He had stated the INS was strict with these abuse petitions. I challenged him with this in private e-mail. He was good enough to check with a senior adjudicator. You can see in his second e-mail to me.

BTW this was also confirmed by my immigration attorney the retired Director and Deputy Director of the INS Mr. Dean Hove (Do a Google search on his name). Mr. Hove was the Director was scheduled for retirement and stepped down into the second position as Deputy Director after Mr. Curtis Aljets returned from Arlington Virgina for Directors training. These guys are in the know.

Here's  the letters

[Maxx]

It seems the ISP won't let me send the  headers even if I edit them

 

First letter from INS ajuduicator June 15th 2004

Hmmm, okay.  One problem is that "extreme mental or physical cruelty" has no really set definition.  Another is that is it far easier to roll over and approve than to deny and run a case through the Immigration Judge, then on to District Court, Circuit Court, Supreme Court which costs a hell of a lot of money.  Third, your K3 was intelligent enough to sell a judge on one of those short-term restraining orders.  Fourth, it has always been difficult to prove "intent" at the time of marriage.  It may be VSC has yet to develop the spine to fight these, or to refer them to the local offices for adjudication.  Hmmm...a thought I just had...wonder if a person can sue for libel on the basis of false accusations of abuse..?
 
Otherwise, I don't know what to tell you.  I've seen an I-360 denial because there was none of the abuse-positive evidence presented at the District (not Service Center) level.  Sorry I could not be more helpful.
 
Second E-mail on June 16th 2004
 

Maxx,
 
I asked one of the more senior adjudicators about VSC et al, and found out that VSC basically rolls over if -any- shred or indication of abuse is put in the file.  Sadly, the most flimsy of evidence grants them. 

Evidently, the one case I listened in on (cubicle next to mine in a two-person office area) should have been sent to VSC, or was kicked back for lack of documentation).
 
I think I need to have that portion of my post either removed or revised, since the info is not good. 
 

 

[Maxx]

Then here is website
http://www.womenslaw.org/immigrantsVAWA.htm
 
Notice towards the bottom of the page on that webiste and in the red I highlighted here
 
[font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]

[font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Is there a list of contents that must be included in the VAWA cancellation of removal application?[/font]

[font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Yes, below is a list of contents that must be included. A shelter worker, immigration attorney, or a domestic violence or immigration organization can help you gather the materials you need and help you fill out all the necessary forms. The information below is meant to be a guideline -- there may be other things you need for your specific case.[/font]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Cover letter - this is the "roadmap" for the CIS examiner[/font] [/*]
  
• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Index
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]G-28 Notice of Entry of Appearance (if represented by an attorney or advocate)[/font] [/*]
  
• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Form EOIR-40 Application for Suspension of [/font][/*]
  
• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Deportation with $100 fee
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Form EOIR-42B Application for Cancellation with $100 fee
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Form G-325A (biographic information) with photograph and fingerprints
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Self-petitioner's detailed declaration
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of self-petitioner's identity
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of qualifying relationship to US citizen or lawful permanent resident
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of abuser's status as a US citizen or lawful permanent resident
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of good faith marriage
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of battery or extreme cruelty (self-petitioner's declaration can be enough)
  [/font][/*]
  
• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of current residence
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of good moral character (you can show this by an affidavit or a background check or report issued by a law enforcement authority)
[/size][/font][/*]

• [font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]Evidence of extreme hardship[/font]

[/*]
[font="Geneva, Arial, sans-serif"]*NOTE: Links to all forms are available at http://uscis.gov/graphics/formsfee/index.htm[/font]

[/b][/size][/font]
 
About attorneys. My first attorneys were very reasuring to me but unfortunately not accurate in the practicalities of how these laws are administered. It was only until I got to another attorney who had nothing to lose that I got the truth. Before I knew Mr. Hove I mentioned that deportation maybe a conflict of interest with them as their main job was keeping them in the county (This was the problem with my first attorneys. They said so.). Anyway Mr. Hove laughed and said "you have no idea how many people I have deported" He and Mr. Aljets had their people in ICE do their best to present my case but she got her GC anyway. VSC rules absolute in these cases.
 
Also it is possible that in the last year the USCIS has change precedures in handling these cases. But do not see any evidence of this. The above website seems contradict this possibility. 
 
Maxx

[dostogirl]

dostogirl ~ her getting a K-3 while living here -having entered on a K-1, should be impossible.  She could file an I-130 with c5diver under rare scenarios, but unless you have information unknown to us, I don't see how it could be done.

Sorry for being so vague.
The law says: ".. If you did *not* marry the U.S. citizen who filed the K-1 petition in your behalf, or if you married another U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, you are *not eligible* to adjust status in the United States ... "
So you can't file for adjustment of status if you didn't marry the original petitioner of  I-129F/K-1 visa..What she can do in this situation is go back to Russia and get her K3/CR1..Though I know 2 girls personally who did not leave the country to get their K3/CR1. They managed to get their status legalized through a letter of extreme hardship without leaving the US. Though this way is very difficult and requires a lot of money. It took one girl 8 years to get her status, it took another one 4..

[c5driver]

. So it's not all about the $$$, it's about GC Blackmail.

I wasn't referring to the short-term, but more to her motivation for coming here.

Despite what your lawyer says, many of us know of cases where DV claims were used quite successfully. I would differ with Maxx in that the success rate is not 100%, but from what I have browsed, it is more than 2/3.

One thing I find rather unique about your situation -since she lives next door - what's to keep her from provoking you into some 'bad deed,' or what keeps her from calling the police while standing on your doorstep with a self inflicted injury? Seems like time would be on her side, and with a 'cooperative' neighbor, a ready witness wouldn't be far away.

dostogirl ~ her getting a K-3 while living here -having entered on a K-1, should be impossible. She could file an I-130 with c5diver under rare scenarios, but unless you have information unknown to us, I don't see how it could be done.[/quote]
RacerX,

Yes, it's rather unique having her do the adultery/abandonment thing with a neighbor who lives about 100 yards away. Much of the neighborhood knows about it and all are sympathetic towards me and angry at her boyfriend. My RW is actually rather shy in public and she avoids walking thru the neighborhood because of this (she sometimes feels guilty about it). She never shows up at my doorstep without calling me first, and we've not had phone contact for a couple weeks now. We've always had a pretty civil relationship. This is why I think it would be difficult to get into a DV situation on my doorstep (but still I'll try to be careful - desperate people do desperate things...)

[c5driver]

Sorry for being so vague.
The law says: ".. If you did *not* marry the U.S. citizen who filed the K-1 petition in your behalf, or if you married another U.S. citizen or lawful permanent resident, you are *not eligible* to adjust status in the United States ... "
So you can't file for adjustment of status if you didn't marry the original petitioner of I-129F/K-1 visa..What she can do in this situation is go back to Russia and get her K3/CR1..Though I know 2 girls personally who did not leave the country to get their K3/CR1. They managed to get their status legalized through a letter of extreme hardship without leaving the US. Though this way is very difficult and requires a lot of money. It took one girl 8 years to get her status, it took another one 4..

dostogirl,

The only problem with the K3 senario is she has stated that she really doesn't want to get married again. She's told this to her boyfriend, too. He's committment phobic too - I doubt he'd marry her (especially after what she said to him).

Do you think she might stay here in legal limbo (no green card, but the USCIS won't spend the money to deport her)? In this case, she wouldn't ever be able to visit Russia, correct?

[Maxx]

Ok I read the other posts.

Will she have immigration problems? Possible if she continues being stupid.

I was told by my good attorneys that there is always a way that a smart woman can stay. Essentually when they enter the country legally it is rather rare that they can get deported (commiting a violent felony is the exception).

What dostogirl said about her marrying another man is correct. My attorneys said that it is not uncommon for men to be paid to marry these women. Then their new husbands file I-130 relative petitions for them. Yes there is some objections at the local service center about the original petitioner not being the one but  the immigration attorneys make their living $$$$ getting these women through the appeals process. Claiming DV IS a much less expensive route, more sure and with the Prima Facia Determination Document (issued within 3 weeks How's that for service!) can get their work authorization cards, job training, job placement and so on. 

Maxx

 

[c5driver]

Ok I read the other posts.

Will she have immigration problems? Possible if she continues being stupid.

I was told by my good attorneys that there is always a way that a smart woman can stay. Essentually when they enter the country legally it is rather rare that they can get deported (commiting a violent felony is the exception).

What dostogirl said about her marrying another man is correct. My attorneys said that it is not uncommon for men to be paid to marry these women. Then their new husbands file I-130 relative petitions for them. Yes there is some objections at the local service center about the original petitioner not being the one but  the immigration attorneys make their living $$$$ getting these women through the appeals process. Claiming DV IS a much less expensive route, more sure and with the Prima Facia Determination Document (issued within 3 weeks How's that for service!) can get their work authorization cards, job training, job placement and so on. 

Maxx

 

Thanks for your excellent posts, Maxx.

It would be nice if my RW would try the I-130 route. This would motivate her to finish our divorce (maybe she'd just sign the Marital Settlement Agreement instead of going to family court if she was going to marry someone else). But I agree that the DV route is more likely.

It's distressing to know that she can get the DV GC with no evidence, but I tend to believe what you've found. Perhaps things changed in the last year, but I doubt it.

Could she just stay in legal limbo - no GC, but the USCIS doesn't bother to deport her?

Maybe my neighbor will get tired of paying for her legal fees. Knowing her, she might fight another boyfriend while continuing to live with/take money from my neighbor. It wouldn't surprise me. This time she might try to do a better job of hiding her cheating then she did with me.

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

Do you think she might stay here in legal limbo (no green card, but the USCIS won't spend the money to deport her)? In this case, she wouldn't ever be able to visit Russia, correct?

I wrote about her possibilities in the light of your first post, you were asking if she could be deported. Now, after reading your last posts, I can see that you are ready to move on, so it's not that important anymore to know if she's gonna marry someone else or not..
Can she stay illigaly? Well, she can..The only way out for her though is, again, to marry (this is for those who may fall in love with a girl here in the US and it turnes out to be she is illigal..happened to some people, as far as I know).
You can marry an illigal alien, but according to immigration laws if she stayed in the US illigally, she upon returning back to her country will be denied a visa to the US. In this case you can file a Waiver of Inadmissibility form I-601. In order for the waiver to be accepted and approved you have to prove extreme hardship (extreme hardship for an American husband, usually states why he can't go and live in Russia, so this way the wife can come and live with him in the US regardless of her previous illigal status). To prove extreme hardship is extremely difficult, but possible.

P.S. Please, disregard my posts as legal advice or anything of that sort. You can get same info from various official websites, just takes some research...

[c5driver]

Now, after reading your last posts, I can see that you are ready to move on, so it's not that important anymore to know if she's gonna marry someone else or not..

Hi dostogirl,

Yes, I'm trying to move on. I was just hoping she'd leave the country so the divorce would be easier. Based on the info here it doesn't seem likely that she'll leave, so I'll probably need to do a contested divorce (unless she begins realize that she wants a divorce, too). She's not signing the divorce papers now just to try to blackmail me with her GC. But maybe if I wait a few months she'll get tired of still being (legally) married and cooperate. Again, she can't expect to get money after a 4 month marriage with a prenup in place.

It's not important if she marries someone else, though it would hurt to see her marry my neighbor. But she's adamant in saying that she doesn't want to get married and wants her independence. But she doesn't have a place to live or job so she uses men (like my neighbor) for this. When she first started her affair I think she thought she was in love with her neighbor. Now I think she's just using him as a sugar daddy like the other RW\UW I know use their husbands.

I just don't think she could have been a good wife to anyone. She just wants a GC, money, and her independence, not a long term committment. I also see her lying/adultery/greed/selfishness as big character flaws. I'm going to begin dating American women - I can't trust RW after her (and knowing her 2 married RW friends who also commit adultery and lie to their husbands).

[dostogirl]

[user=488]c5driver[/user] wrote:

I'm going to begin dating American women - I can't trust RW after her (and knowing her 2 married RW friends who also commit adultery and lie to their husbands).

Sorry to hear this...Good luck

[c5driver]

Found some interesting links when I googled I360 Evidence. They seem to back up what my atty said. I better avoid contact with her to keep from being framed for DV:

http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=203268

http://www.immigrationcases.com/art-01.htm

"Although the INS is required to consider any "credible" evidence of abuse, an affidavit from the woman without more evidence of the abuse will almost never be enough. In order to present a well-documented case of abuse, police reports, medical records, or other contemporaneous evidence of the abuse is extremely helpful. Letters and affidavits generated at the time the petition is filed are less convincing. In addition, in order to establish extreme mental cruelty it is very helpful, although not strictly required for there to be an evaluation from a mental health professional such as a social worker, psychologist, or psychiatrist. The real problem with documenting abuse is that contemporaneous evidence of abuse is often not generated. This results from many factors. For example, a woman may be afraid to report abuse to the police or a doctor, or even tell her friends about the situation. Where evidence of the abuse is not generated at the time it occurred, the INS may not be convinced by other evidence that is produced at the time the petition is filed.

In short, from an immigration point of view, what is essential is establishing a documented record of the abuse at the time it occurred. This can be done by filing a report with the police, going to a hospital or doctor for treatment and telling the doctor about the abuse, going to a social worker or going to a women's shelter and discussing the abuse at the time of intake, or getting a restraining order from a court. Without this type of documentation at the time of the incident, it is difficult to prove the abuse. "

[RacerX]

I did have one final thought, and it's something I believe Maxx touched on: she doesn't need to prove "battery" but only "extreme cruelty" to self-petition. One such scenario is: you forced her into signing a pre-nup otherwise you threatened to send her back, you dominated and controlled her by keeping the family bank accounts/ telephone / charge cards in your name only, and you subjected her to "mental abuse" on a daily basis. I think it wise advice that you should not appear to be using a threat of deportation as it will only bolster her case against you.

I think it's also worth noting that the DV does not have to occur in the USA - which implies her Russian girlfriends could testify that you were abusive while you were together in Russia.

Bottom line: when you bring a RW over here and marry her, for all intensive purposes, she is here to stay if she wants. Resign yourself to this fact and try to make the best of it.  As they say: "resistance is futile"

[c5driver]

I did have one final thought, and it's something I believe Maxx touched on: she doesn't need to prove "battery" but only "extreme cruelty" to self-petition. One such scenario is: you forced her into signing a pre-nup otherwise you threatened to send her back, you dominated and controlled her by keeping the family bank accounts/ telephone / charge cards in your name only, and you subjected her to "mental abuse" on a daily basis. I think it wise advice that you should not appear to be using a threat of deportation as it will only bolster her case against you.

I think it's also worth noting that the DV does not have to occur in the USA - which implies her Russian girlfriends could testify that you were abusive while you were together in Russia.

Bottom line: when you bring a RW over here and marry her, for all intensive purposes, she is here to stay if she wants. Resign yourself to this fact and try to make the best of it. As they say: "resistance is futile"

RacerX,

I agree that it's best to resign myself to the fact that she'll probably get to stay here. I'm not participating in her immigration case nor would I ever spend money on it. I'll plan my divorce strategy accordingly. In the mean time, I'll try to move on mentally and start dating AW.

I didn't threaten her with deporation. She repeatedly tries to blackmail me into lying for her at her GC interview. I consider refusing to lie at her interview very different than threatening to deport her. Of course, she could spin this however she wants in her I-360 petition - that's life. As Maxx said, I can't rebutt or even see her I-360 petition. Hopefully Maxx's info is wrong and my atty's info (and the info in the above links) is right. Who knows, though Maxx has a lot of experience/crediblity and may know more than the attorneys.

Actually, we tried to open a joint checking account, but the bank wouldn't let us because she didn't have 3 forms of IDs (one of those post Sept 11th anti-money laundering laws). Later when I offered to try again she said she didn't need it. It's not important now, though.

I think that getting a prenup and not giving her my charge cards was absolutely the right thing to do, and I'd do it again. She has absolutely no control of her spending and no concept of budgeting (the $250 jeans are a good example of that). That prenup will come in handy in divorce court (though she probably would have gotten nothing or very little even without it on a 4 month marriage, though). Kind of like an insurance policy on the marriage that paid off. Personally, I can't imagine marrying an RW (actually, any woman) without a prenup (unless you plan on staying unemployed and having her work and have no assets).

[Maxx]

It is easy to identify with your feelings right now. All the 'what iffs' and possibilities and the swirl of things in one's mind. I found myself unable to sleep, sometimes for days at a time. There was the racing thoughts, arguing my case in my mind over and over, the need to be around people and absolute adversion to Russian women and that was just part of it. Being scammed once with the marriage and then the second time by being made the "bad guy" with the false DV was a double hit. Lawyers that gave me false hope of getting justice just added to the pain. One good thing was I won in the divorce.

Here is some good websites with all kinds of information and one of the links has a lawyers list for special attorneys who can win in these cases. If the reading gets to be too much just put it down. Getting a girlfriend is a good idea just do not talk about the divorce or you will certainly drive her off. 

 http://www.dvmen.org/dv-12.htm#pgfId-998197

http://www.dvmen.org/dv-8.htm#pgfId-998197

http://www.dvmen.org/dv-9.htm#stuckle

http://www.massoutrage.com/dssfalseallegations.htm

I think you are getting the idea you are in a delicate and dangerous place right now. Good. Most (about 100%) of the guys who get into trouble have it happen when they are not being careful. Usually the thought is that the straying wife is on the hot seat with the INS and it never occurs to them that it is they who could be put on the defence with the DV courts. The tables get turned, she pulls a fast one and gets away with it.

Also I would not worry about the divorce outcome with the money. Mine had far more in her corner to get support than yours does and mine got - 0 - . I was married 4 months also (with one year extra in Russia).

I would not cut any deal with her about this GC issue. I see this mostly as a bluff. She holds no cards other than some legal debt she can run up. And even that she could get stuck with. How many attorneys would gamble that they won't get paid? She won't get much help there.   

 

Maxx

Edited in:

Unless she gets aggressive with getting DV "evidence" as mine did she probably will not file a DV charge with the INS. It appears she is going for another route with her immigration attorney's encouragement, good.

Just be careful
 

[c5driver]

Thanks for the excellent response, Maxx

I'm glad you think she might not pursue the DV route. If she was going to do that it would have been best from an evidence standpoint to do it while we still lived together - she didn't. Then again, I think she might eventually do that because it might be the only way for her to legally stay in the USA.

Elvira sounds like she was more monster than my RW was. So it must have been much more difficult for you. I had a good relationship with my RW until she found her new boyfriend. And even afterwards we had a civil relationship. Still, losing her takes a long time to get over - I think of her night and day, at work and at home and in bed. I should probably go thru the house and hide her remaining possessions, though I still think I'd think of her all the time. Finding a new girlfriend to replace her in my mind would help, though it's difficult.

Maybe I'd miss my RW less if she was more of a monster like Elvira. She is selfish, unstable, gold digging adultress, but otherwise she's generally pretty polite and civil. Sometimes she seems to have remorse for what she did and feels shame. Part of me still misses her and wants to forgive her.

My first (American) wife tried to get a restraining order against me earlier in the year in family court (she tried to claim I raised my fist and she thought I "might hit her" - I have no recollection of this, of course). After 3 hearings she never got a restraining order - none. Our judges see lots of cases, and they have enough common sense to throw out false allegations. They see real abuse - they know the difference. The important thing for men to do is to show up in court - if you don't show up then the women will get the restraining order.

I'll be very careful not to give my RW a chance to use the DV card by avoiding contact with her. My RW avoided conflict, so we had a pretty civil relationship. She's not the type to provoke a physical confrontation, though desperate people do desperate things.

I agree that her GC blackmail is mostly a bluff. I still had feelings before she tried to blackmail me (even after the adultery). I didn't want to see her deported until she started talking blackmail and attacking my assets. That really turned me against her, resulting in me getting a letter documenting everything she did and withdrawing sponsorshop for her put in her USCIS file.