TR: Barnaul/Tver, Russia

[Diplomacy]

I could never marry a woman, that is not allowed on the good rides at Disney.

[Simoni]

Damn. I'd love to see a photo of TG and one of these amazons, side-by-side. Even if he doesn't have her permission to post it here. 

I encountered a six foot two girl once in Kharkov. With heels, she was six seven!   I left her for tootallbill!

[Turboguy]

Well Groove, I never met the one that was 6'6".  I wrote to her back in the snail mail days and she was pretty far out of the beaten way so I never got to meet her.   She was very cute as I recall and very nice as well.

I did meet one who said she was something in the 6'1 range but my guess is she was more like 6'2" or 6'3".  It is possible I could find a photo of the two of us together but I could not promise that.   She is now in America.  She use to call me a lot way back when she was in Russia.   One day about a month before VWRW arrived she called and told me she had married an American and he was now in prison for downloading Child Porn.  He was in NY state and she was living someplace like Billings MT.  I think she was hoping to get things going between us but I told her I was engaged and my fiancee would be arriving in about a month.  Perhaps I should have hooked her and TooTall up but I did not get any contact info so I couldn't help anyone who was interested.   If I can find a photo I will post it.

Oh, for those who don't know I am around 5'11"

[Daveman]

There is this post:

Fine, I will ignore this thread and all other trip reports.

Followed by:

I personally wouldn't care what Ken (Catz) thinks of me. However, I find it annoying when people start saying that we should not post here, or there. This is a discussion forum to the best of my knowledge. Dan can correct me if I am mistaken 

Have you ever been to a forum where people don't post any replies? They are deathly dull IMHO. Personally, if I were an OP, I would prefer to have people posting even if occasionally off-topic than to have dull monologue.

ah HA!!!! your credibility is gone! you don't do what you say!  

Really, I didn't see anything or anyone stating that we shouldn't post here, but there were comments directed at the content of the criticism within some the posts.  There was some very interesting discussion here as well as excellent points (many by you) in this thread.  

Dave

[Simoni]

she called and told me she had married an American and he was now in prison for downloading Child Porn.  

Oh, my!

[Misha]

There is this post:

Followed by:

ah HA!!!! your credibility is gone! you don't do what you say!  

Well, I thought about it, figured it was better to reply in the case you cite.

[UTRO]

Can't we all just get along?!?   

[Daveman]

Can't we all just get along?!?   

[catzenmouse]

Misha, I believe the above was directed at me. Not you.

Sorry to disappoint you SMS. While I thought your original (or at least one of the early) post was very uninformed since not only do you not know Jerry's history but if you had checked it out a bit here I'll bet there are hundreds of posts speaking specifically to the "fix yourself first before you look abroad" comment (and new thread) by many of the OMB's and ONMB's (N is for Not) so it was not you that I was referring to either. Guess I should be honored that so many want to join the SCLP club.

Only thing I can say is that if you saw yourself in my comment then there must be something in you that made that recognition connection.

This is to be expected being new, ect. I probally wont sleep tonight but I will survive.

Also a misinformed opinion. Being new has nothing to do with it. Couple of Tylenol PM's and you'll be fine...  

[av8or1]

Hey Gator,

Thank you for your post.  You have touched on issues that I feel extend beyond the rote-level nitpicking stuff and into a realm of the human condition that is central to both the well-being of the human condition as well as to achieving success in this endeavor.  Therefore in the interest of helping the newbies, I decided to take a few days to think about your assertions and question, then follow up with a decent reply.  I hope I can achieve that with this post.

It should go without saying that I feel no need to have a seat in a private office of some therapist somewhere (ergo I'm not looking for "help") but there are a couple of things that I would like to share, again, in the interest of helping someone else.  So I'll respectfully ask that the peanut gallery keep your replies focused on the issues that Gator and I are presenting for discussion (I believe that's what Misha called it) and not turn your dogs loose on me.  My dogs are bigger.  And meaner.

[snipped for brevity]

Before learning the above about you, I thought you were not serious.  Now it makes your lack of success an even larger enigma.

Hmmmm...well yeah, I'm serious, always have been.  Don't know why anyone would think I was just a tourist looking for a good time because as I've said, I have two NOA2s that say otherwise.  What I would pose to you and others is that just because a man is serious doesn't mean that this man will necessarily achieve success in this endeavor.  Therefore I'll have to respectfully disagree with your assertion that my lack of success is an even larger enigma, now that you have joined the team and believe that I am serious in my search.  Being serious is just one ingredient in the recipe; eventhough you don't seem to like it, I would once again assert that luck is the largest factor in the equation of success in the Process of Natural Selection.  YMMV........In fact, I would say that the being-serious aspect of a man's approach is a lesser factor than others.  I back this up with two empirical data points where a man went to the FSU for the sake of dabbling, one who had just broken up with his AW girlfriend, neither one "serious" in their search.  Both ended up getting married and they began AFTER I did.  Go figure.

Yes, I can understand that times have changed from my first trip in 2002.

Boy but that's the truth.  An observation that cannot be said enough to the newbies.  However I am not certain that the change is a bad thing.  It can be, that's true (because I know a couple of guys who have been bitten by it), but not always.

Yes, I can understand being especially careful because of the potential need for a variance considering your two NOA2.

Glad you noticed that aspect of my particular situation.  I understand that I am "in the database" now and they're "tracking me", whatever that means.  There won't be a problem with a waiver when I apply again because I haven't had so much as a parking ticket in 7 years, but I'd prefer to make my third time of filing the K-1 be my last, thank you very much.   The point is that I am being careful, yes, but then again I always have been careful in this regard.  To me filing the petition with my government is a serious matter, something that I expressed to both of the women for whom I filed the petition.  What I learned in so doing is that they didn't care about the documents I filed, whether or not they were/are a serious matter, their importance in this country, nor in the pseudo-mess that I had to clean up afterwards (in both cases).  Take heed...

Yes, I can understand some important compatibility factors can not be ascertained except with face time, e. g. SOH and values such as honesty.

While I agree and very much believe that a man should take a little time prior to making the big commitment with a RW, I must confess that I don't know how much I believe the notion behind your statement anymore Gator.  I mean, I saw both of my beneficiaries at least three times (the second one five) prior to filing the petitions.  They sure seemed honest to me, or else I wouldn't have filed (!) the petition in the first place.  And look what happened: both lied, both betrayed me with other men and hell the second one married the local RM within a month of ending our engagement (I think it was like 2.5 weeks or something).  Then there was the RW from Kazakhstan who I caught trying to steal my wallet late one night; heck we had been dating for a year on and off (even when we were "off" we remained in contact).

The point to all of this is that I still think a man should take a little time to know a woman, yes, but in the end it's still a crapshoot.  I don't think you'll really know who you've married until she's been living under your roof for a while.  Can you and/or the married guys comment about that assertion?  Did you feel that way?  My suspicion is that you did feel that way and still do so to this day.....So newbies take heed to this too.  The only thing I could suggest is to "trust your gut" as the saying goes (see #1).  If any little thing AND I DO MEAN ANY LITTLE THING raises a flag in your mind, PAY ATTENTION TO IT.  If I had followed that axiom I could have saved myself a fair amount of trouble.  The problem was that I "had feelings" and let those "feelings" get in the way......dang "feelings"!

Can you write a one-sentence guess, without using the word "luck," for why none of the wells you have drilled have hit oil?

No, at least not in the big picture point of view.  We'll have to agree to disagree WRT the notion of "luck".  I do feel as though it plays the dominant role in this process and just hope that it swings my way in the near future.

What I will say is that both beneficiaries of my NOA2s each told me that I waited "too long" to file the petition.  I filed the first at the 4.5 month mark.  I filed the second at the one year mark, but there were extenuating circumstances to that situation.  In both cases I had a serious conversation with the woman in question about what I was doing.  I told them that I wanted to file the petition.  I told them that I wanted for them to feel comfortable about it.  I told them they could think about everything if they wanted to in order to make sure it was what they wanted.  I assured them that they didn't have to "say yes," and that I would understand if they had doubts.  I also told them that I wanted it very much, that I didn't have doubts, that I was committed to them forever and that I wouldn't ever change my mind.  In the second instance I even had my girlfriend on the phone as I drove to the post office to file!  She kept telling me how excited she was, "Jeddy you need do this!", etc.  After walking out of the postal center I called her and told her that it was official.  In both cases the women were, or at least seemed to be, ecstatic.  It was all they could talk about for weeks.  Both were planning our futures.  Both were talking about kids, houses, etc.  Both gave the aire that everything was ok.

It wasn't.

So in the end, I don't believe that the waited-too-long deal was the truth in either case.  I think they used it as an excuse to justify their actions.  I believe the real truth was that they found someone else or someone else found them and they just wanted a way out.  And that was their way out I suppose.  What I have learned since is that the unfortunate reality of our situation is that if a RW can have a marriage with what she perceives to be a decent RM, you're toast.  Statistically at least, perhaps not in every case, but I would hazard to say that it's true for the majority of situations where this occurs.  Even IF you've already filed.  I say that because I'm not the only guy this has happened to.  Since it's gone down I've talked with half a dozen guys who were/are in the same boat.  I could start a support group if I was so inclined!   And in a way I guess I can understand it.  Hell if I could find a local woman with whom I could have a decent marriage I'd prefer that too, so.....my only issue with it is that I have a moral problem with breaking off an engagement for such a reason.  If someone cheats (is unfaithful) or lies about something or does whatever else that could be construed as being "bad" then I could understand breaking off the engagement.  However that wasn't the case, I did nothing like that.  Still, that was the result, a broken engagement.  Who does that?  'Couldn't tell ya, but in my experience RW do not have the same qualms that we (or at least I) do WRT the issue of keeping commitments.  Some have called it "differing value systems", others "cultural differences", yet others "poor character traits", where 'others' = Russians and Americans/Westerners alike.  Something to remember: although we have similarities, we are different to some degree.  It can be a good thing or a not-so-good thing.  So much depends on the person in question.

Therefore in my mind it all comes down to one thing and that's an issue of character, personal CHARACTER.  By this term I am referring to the personal attributes, belief systems, values, morality, intellect, integrity and respect for others that dictate a person's behavior, both on a systemic and singular basis.  Call me old-fashioned but where I come from when you make a commitment you keep that commitment.  You don't fail.  At least not without good reason anyway (mentioned above).  AnastasiaAsh, perhaps this is where I expect too much from others, I dunno.  But in my opinion both of these women should have kept their commitment once they made it.  I did nothing wrong.  Neither did, and that's ok, because if they are the type of person who breaks their commitments so easily, then I'd prefer not to be married to them anyway.  Ergo, we are not cut from the same cloth, we are not "compatible."  And I would much prefer to know that ahead of time, prior to the marriage than after.  And that is why in a previous post I said that I don't have any "big-picture type of complaints" with regard to what has happened to me.  Sure, it's crappy that it happened, sure they are lesser human beings for what they did, but hey, I am glad that they revealed their true characer prior to our marriage.  As a bonus, if it leads me to something better, then I'm glad everything has worked out the way it has.

I commend you for your perseverance.  That is a valuable quality to possess if and when you do marry a RW.

Based on my experience with the RW I have dated and been engaged to, I would agree with you.  Thank you for the kind words.

In summary, I would like to conclude with the following assertions.  I offer this to the newbies and more experienced types alike.  I hope it helps someone:

1) Trust your instinct.  Relations with a RW aren't so significantly different that you should justify poor behavior on the part of the RW, perhaps attributing it to "cultural or language differences."  BS.  If it isn't working for you, if something doesn't seem right, then it isn't.  Go to the trouble to figure out why if you want, but I would suggest pulling the D-ring and parachuting out of the situation.  You need to be quick to pull that D-ring in this endeavor.  Hesitate not, lest ye shall pay the price later on.

2) Luck is the biggest player in this game.  Do what you can or what you believe will stack the odds in your favor, WOVO, WMVM, months-of-correspondence, no-correspondence, agencies, no agencies, personal ads, internet ads, dressing well, dressing "as yourself", whatever you want, but understand that in the end, when you remove the emotion from the situation and look at things clearly, luck will have been the biggest factor in your success or failure.  There are simply TOO MANY cases where guys have tried everything you have thought of and then some; they may have entertained success or failure in so doing, but whatever you're thinking about trying, it's been done before.  So forget about that aspect of it.  My personal suggestion would be to go somewhere you'd like to go, to see something you'd like to see, to do something you'd like to do and couple that with meeting some women in an attempt to find what you're looking for.  Then put your best foot forward, be honest, be good, be sincere, be "real", be genuine, keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best.  Accept the result.  Don't fight it.  Be prepared to come home empty-handed.  In football parlance, throwing the ball into the stands is a good play.  You'll have another down to do it right.  Remember too that you have friends to support you.  Even if your "real life" friends think you're "absolutely crazy" for attempting this endeavor, remember that you have us here in the RWD forum.  We'll be here for you.  Keep that thought with you too.  And smile.  Even if you look like "a crazy American" in so doing.  Smile.

3) Times in the FSU have changed from the "hey day" of the 90s and arguably the early 00s.  Your odds of finding your "other half" (as they so often refer to it) don't improve all that much by simply traveling to the FSU to search for someone.  As others have said, "if you don't have game here, you won't have it there."  There's something to that, though it seems a bit harsh to my ears.  Sometimes we need that.  'Point is do NOT go to the FSU thinking that "all the answers are over there" because they're not.  You're just as likely to come home without any options whatsoever as you are not.  More so the former actually, so if you do end up with someone with whom you can see a future, feel blessed.  Be grateful.  And tell us about it.   Personally I look at the environment we're in now and in a way I prefer it to the earlier times.  At least now the likelihood of bringing a GC girl is reduced, amongst other potential negative outcomes.  As Don Johnson said in "Guilty As Sin", "...don't marry a woman for her money.  Get her money without marrying her."  In my experience this is how the "scammers" of the FSU operate today.  So hey, it's "an improvement" in my mind!

4) Be careful with your petition filing.  I want to say that "Big Brother is watching", but eventhough there's an element of truth to that, it seems a bit much in my mind to make such a statement.  That having been said, remember that times have changed in this regard as well.  I recommend that you feel comfortable with the situation prior to filing.  To me this requires time.  Trust your instinct.  You'll know when.  Listen.

5) In the end, it's all just a crapshoot.  Based on the personal convictions of both you and your partner, the demands of the situation and the goals you have set forth for yourselves, do what you feel is right.  There is no one "correct approach" or method or answer to this finding-your-other-half-in-the-FSU thing.  So don't be swayed by others who say you need to marry quickly if you find a RW or that you need to take a lot of time so that you can be absolutely sure before you commit to filing that petition.  Don't listen so much to the WOVO versus WMVM arguments and the like.  Take the time that you need, do what you feel comfortable with.  In the end you'll do what she needs and what your situation requires.  Feel comfortable with that decision.  Take it from those of us who have attempted it all before, ultimately it's all a crapshoot.  You won't know what you have in your future wife until she's here, with you in the USA (or as appropriate) and until after you've lived under the same roof for a while.  Personally I'd say go for whatever amount of time that the both of you feel comfortable with and then step up to the plate and take a swing.

6) It's a matter of character.  After ~5 years of doing this I believe this one the most.  It's entirely about character.  Yours AND hers for that matter.  And all of the usual guides that you know so well still apply in the FSU: judge more by actions than words, etc.  Did I say to trust your instinct?  Well do it.  If a RW says that she likes you but when you call or attempt by other means to arrange a meeting and she makes excuses, it means that she's not into you.  You know it.  I know it.  We know it.  I know that we know that you know it.  So L-I-S-T-E-N to your instinct.  Did I say that you need to be quick to pull the D-ring?  Well you do, so PULL IT and 'chute out of there, life is too short.  Trust yourself.  You know more than you think you do.  If you are new you may not have learned about how to get around in the FSU, but that will come.  It's not that hard really.  Common sense plays into it for the most part.  So believe in yourself first and foremost.  Do what you know inside you must do and you'll be fine.

7) Don't ignore the red flags.  If your RW shows up with a "friend" who is an interpreter, RED FLAG, be wary, pull the D-ring.  If a RW wants to take you to a "special restaurant" in less than 4 or 5 dates, be wary, check the menu for pricing, RED FLAG, pull the D-ring.  You get the point.  See #1 and #8.

8 ) Trust your instinct!  Did I say that already?

Ok and with that I will stop.  It's a bit Jerry MacGuire-esque, but hey.  Hope it helps.

Best,

Jerry

ps-Crazy Bear, there's a speed dating thing I'm thinking about going to on the 4th in downtown Austin.  Care to come with?

[acrzybear]

Yeah Jerry

I'm thinking not, I'm not into the whole Hi, how are you, my name is and I beat people up for a living (well supervise actually), I like animals and children and they like me, I like walks on the beach blah blah blah blah.... and then repeating the same thing 30 more times.  Not only that the several women I have met in the central Texas, Austin area didn't have baggage they had freight. I do appreciate the offer though, we will have to meet up soon and have a drink (I'll take non gas H2O thank you ) I will be flying to Moscow and visiting some friends there and in Tver on March 26, so we have some time before then.

later 

[AnastassiaAsh]

Jerry, i am really glad you have a great attitude towards what happened to you and those ladies. Of course they just didn't know what they wanted and maybe just 'upgraded' when they wanted to, kicking you aside. Yes, be glad and happy that that marriage didn't happen because you do not want to be with such a woman, not even close. Sometimes God gives us hard lessons just to learn from them and at the same time guides and protects us. I hope it all will work out with the woman you are in contact right now. 

[av8or1]

Jerry, i am really glad you have a great attitude towards what happened to you and those ladies. Of course they just didn't know what they wanted and maybe just 'upgraded' when they wanted to, kicking you aside. Yes, be glad and happy that that marriage didn't happen because you do not want to be with such a woman, not even close. Sometimes God gives us hard lessons just to learn from them and at the same time guides and protects us. I hope it all will work out with the woman you are in contact right now. 

Anastassia,

Wow, thank you for the kind remarks and well said.  Well said.

Best,

Jerry

[UTRO]

Jerry, I really don't have the time to read back into your History to see how you've gone about meeting Women in the FSU and I'm not going to say that my approach is foolpoof. However, have you ever joined a Dating Site like Elena's Models, Cute Only or Bride.ru? Have you ever taken the time to write a long personal introductory email to 20 or so Fluently Bilingual Women? Have you then ever followed up with the 4 out of 20 Women, who wrote you back, with another long personal email? Then over the next few weeks did you ever decide to concentrate on the One Woman who wrote you such long, full and meaningful emails back?.... one who asked you sincere questions such as, What do you value most in life? What are you looking for in a Woman? Why are you looking for a Russian wife? Why did you Separate from your ex-wife? Explain what you do for work? What is your typical day like? Tell me about Canada and it's History, Geography, Politics? What is your opinion of Russia, it's People and Culture? What type of Music do you listen to? What type of Books do you read? What are your favourite Movies? How did your Mom die and did she suffer? What Characteristics did you take from your Parents?
Did you ever write to one Woman for at least two or three months while at the same time planning a first meeting for the two of you?
I guess what I'm saying is that Agencies aren't for everyone, certainly not myself, and that perhaps you could save the waste of a trip by contacting Women on your own rather than relying on an Agency to do it for you? I truly believe there's a better chance of meeting Mrs. Right this way. To meet a Woman who you've already developed a written/phone relationship with, rather than some stranger, who for all you know could be the Agency Owner's sister in law looking for a week of gifts and nice restaurant meals. Just a suggestion Jerry and not meant to ruffle the feathers of those who have met and married an FSU Woman through an Agency  
Hey, has this Pole ever been taken?? How did you meet your Fiancee/Bride? (a) Agency (b) Dating Site (c) Other

[Simoni]

Hey, has this Pole ever been taken?? How did you meet your Fiancee/Bride? (a) Agency (b) Dating Site (c) Other

Yep, it has.   Here is the link: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2904.0

Here are the results:
Question:    How did you meet your wife or fiancee or serious girlfriend?

Group Tour of the FSU                                                        3 (4.7%)
Agency or Agency Listing or Bought name from Agency      29 (45.3%)
Personals,  Free Sites, ICQ, AOL, chatrooms, etc.              18 (28.1%)
Introduction by Friends                                                        5 (7.8%)
Just "bumped" into Her                                                        4 (6.3%)
Other (if selected, please post how below)                        5 (7.8%)
 
Total Voters: 62

[UTRO]

Yep, it has.   I recall that the "how" was very diverse, with tours coming in last.

Hmmm, ya I forgot about the tours....

[Misha]

I don't think you'll really know who you've married until she's been living under your roof for a while.  Can you and/or the married guys comment about that assertion?  Did you feel that way?  My suspicion is that you did feel that way and still do so to this day.....

No, the woman I dated is pretty much the woman that I married. The only advantage: I spoke Russian and spent close to three months with my wife. I knew her and her family. There weren't many secrets.

What I have learned since is that the unfortunate reality of our situation is that if a RW can have a marriage with what she perceives to be a decent RM, you're toast.

Depends what kind of relationship you have. If she fell in love with you and is really into you, then just finding a "decent RM" won't be enough for her to dump you for another guy IMHO.

[Simoni]

Hmmm, ya I forgot about the tours....

I edited my post to show the link to the poll...

See « Reply #164 on: Today at 11:00:53 PM »

[Daveman]

Forget about WMVM or WMVO or even WOVO but instead think ACP


My A.C.P method is absolutely foolproof (though often misspelled on a Poll as O.t.h.e.r.)
...

Very simple really.. first go to any city in FSU and then...
Ambush
Chloroform
Potato Sack

Ahhhh, the joy of dating...

[Gator]

In summary, I would like to conclude with the following assertions.  I offer this to the newbies and more experienced types alike.  I hope it helps someone:

1) Trust your instinct. 

2) Luck is the biggest player in this game. 

3) Times in the FSU have changed

4) Be careful with your petition filing. 

5) In the end, it's all just a crapshoot.  

6) It's a matter of character.  After ~5 years of doing this I believe this one the most.  It's entirely about character.  Yours AND hers for that matter. 

7) Don't ignore the red flags. 

8 ) Trust your instinct!  Did I say that already?

Jerry,

Thank you responding to my post, and I especially appreciate the INTROSPECTIVE style.

Men still looking for a RW should read and re-read your post because the guidance you offer comes from years of real experience. 

Your thoughts indeed reveal that you are serious about finding a life partner.  Forgive my thoughts to the contrary.

I agree with everything except the luck part.  I am not sure what you mean by luck.  For sure, you do not mean “blind luck.” I get the feeling that you refer to bad luck as doing everything right and still ending up with a RW with questionable character.  True?  When this happens I do not call it luck.  Life takes these twists and turns.  It is not bad luck when you recognize that a relationship is doomed before taking the big step of marriage  - I call it one part wisdom, one part good luck.   

I filed a I-129f after much discussion with the RW about the seriousness of the event, and like you the relationship collapsed.  I would not call that bad luck on my part.  I would call that not using my instinct to read her character correctly (she even fooled my experienced interpreter). 

The signs were there all along that she was not committed to me, not really into me, at least not enough to take the huge risk of leaving her family, friends and country.  Like your fiancée, mine was renewing a relationship with a RM while I was thinking only of her and planning our life together.  I consider this low character, and I am glad to have found it out.  If it was luck, it was good luck.

[Turboguy]

I sort of relate to Jerry's thread for a number of reasons.   Many trips on my part to find the right one, a failed K-1, and that I was the one who gave Jerry the bad advice to use Russian Pearls.

I do agree with Jerry and disagree with Gator (which is very unusual) and think that luck does play a big part in it.   If every RW was right for us then that would not be the case.   I think it is a little like playing your lucky number on a roulette game.   You might hit on the first spin of the wheel and it might take a lot of spins. 

I do think being smart about how we go about it can make it much more like playing with a fixed roulette wheel.   Going about it in a foolish way seldom (but sometimes with blind luck) produces the results we hoped for.   I do think Jerry's advice was really good reading for anyone.   I have to agree with everything and especially the don't ignore red flags part.   I passed over a few with my first fiancee and that was a big mistake. 

[Misha]

I do agree with Jerry and disagree with Gator (which is very unusual) and think that luck does play a big part in it.   

Luck may play a role in meeting a woman: the fact that my wife was on the Russian dating site those 30 minutes when I was there and that she happened to check her inbox before I left could be chalked up to luck or chance. However, everything that happened after that had nothing to do with luck. It all boils down to understanding when a woman has really fallen in love with you and knowing whether is woman is truly sincere. It is about spending time with a woman and truly understanding who she is as a woman. It has nothing to do with luck.

[catzenmouse]

The luck part is in making that connection to begin with whether it is the "right place, right time" or writing to that particular woman, etc. IMO. After that initial contact is made it is up to the individuals to work that lucky break (or chance circumstance) into a relationship and possibilities for the future.

I feel that luck played a big part for me but if I had not gotten on the plane in the first place I would not have been there for that "lucky break" that led me to meet my wife.

Call it what you will but if you don't put yourself in a situation to have those opportunities then all the luck in the world won't make a damn bit of difference.

FWIW
 Ken

[Diplomacy]

Jerry-

My thoughts exactly.  IMO, instincts are key in life. If you do not have great intuition with women, then hire someone you can trust that does.  I am sure there are many ways to find a woman perfect for everyone.  We can all be deceived, usually we allow ourselves to be deceived though.

I know who I am, and know what I would do in a situation.  Yes, there is a little cultural twist to the action from time to time.  FSUW that love you, give you a lot of attention. They do a million little things when they are in love with you.  They expect that in return and deserve the attention also.  Every action should have an equal but opposite reaction.


I also believe that many women would drop a WM, if they thought they had a good FSUM.  The FSUW know the statistics and are not  naive. Would you jump blindly into a 50/50 shot of heading back to the FSU on K1?  Also, FSUW have very good instincts too, to the point I find some having ESP.  Not saying that this is the case for you Jerry.

I heard a lot of what you heard on the forum, but IRL.  You are a tall, good looking guy.  Why are you having a problem finding a wife?  I want and found someone that has similar attributes.  If my fiance was not for me, I would have gone back until I found a woman that was.    

I am happy now, and I was happy before I met her. Now I will have someone that will enjoy and appreciate the same experiences I do.  Of course I could always come back to the forum and say I was duped, but I do not know how it could happen.

[Misha]

I also believe that many women would drop a WM, if they thought they had a good FSUM.  The FSUW know the statistics and are not  naive. Would you jump blindly into a 50/50 shot of heading back to the FSU on K1?  Also, FSUW have very good instincts too, to the point I find some having ESP.  Not saying that this is the case for you Jerry.

The thing is that a woman who loves you will not be looking to find another man (Russian or otherwise) once you are engaged. If a woman is still looking to find a better catch once you are in a relationship, that is not much of a woman IMHO statistics or not.