TR: Barnaul/Tver, Russia

[Turboguy]

Ken seems to understand a little more of what I am talking about when I say "luck" than Misha does so I will try to explain it.

Most of my trips were to meet a few women.  With the exception of the tours I went on I would usually make a trip and meet perhaps 2-3 women I thought might be good choices.

During my trips I met"

Several women who had bats in the belfry.   Loonier than I would ever want to live with.

I met many who were either serial daters, scammers or downright crooks.  Not the kind of woman you would want to spend your life with.

I met some who were total lushes, Drinking each day until they passed out.  Starting to drink Vodka in the AM

I met a few who raised questions in my mind about their ability to be faithful wives.   Women who left me with the impression they would hop in bed with anyone on a minutes notice.

I met a good number who were probably good women but there was just no chemistry and never would be.  We just were not right for each other.

I met a few whose photographs must have been from high school.  No one could have ever recognized them from the photos they sent me.

I could probably list a few more things but over my trips if I don't count the tours I probably met 30 women or so.   Out of those I would say 4 had some possibilities.   Perhaps had I made follow up visits to those 4 I would have found some reasons that would give me some concern.  I will say that two of those left some questions in my mind.  Lets say there were yellow flags.  

My point is that it takes some luck to find a really good candidate.  Lots of contact before might eliminate some of them but in the case of one of the heavy drinkers I had written her for two years before meeting and she seemed like a very wonderful candidate.   We just never talked about drinking.  

Guys who go the agency route may have dozens of meetings to find a good candidate.  I think the part of finding the woman you really want is where the luck comes in.  The other factors that some are talking about come into play AFTER you meet the right one.

[Diplomacy]

Yes Misha, but I also know that many men are outmatched in this endeavor.  There is not a strong relationship built.  A lot of women open to WM are good at making one believe she is in love with them.  The men want to believe a woman is in love with them. 

Sometimes there is not a proper understanding of the emotional and time investment, that one needs with the women in the FSU.  The ESP works real well on finding Naive men too.

Jerry:

I hope you stick around and if you are ever in Dallas let me know. 

[Gator]

If a woman is still looking to find a better catch once you are in a relationship, that is not much of a woman IMHO statistics or not.

For sure the WM has not won her heart. All RW will have some fear about moving to another country.  Yet, if she is really into her WM she will have the confidence to trust him that everything will be okay.

It happened to me and to Jerry.  In my case, the RM came from her past.  He heard through the grapevine that she was planning to marry.  The thought of losing her was too much and he bought her a car if she stayed.  Instrumental in this was her weak  English which fostered misunderstandings,  And if we had a conflict I could not resolve it because she would withdraw.

I had a real thoroughbred whom I adored yet she saw another man, could not communicate with me, did not trust me to take care of her family, withdrew when we had a conflict, and sold her soul for a car.  

Was it bad luck?  No, if luck was involved it was good luck because marriage with her would have been problematic.  

I assert it was not luck.  I simply had gone through the process of building a relationship with a very appealing woman, yet it failed largely because of my shortcomings.  I did not do enough (or have enough) to win her heart.  I also made the decision to date her even though her English was weak.  So I accept full responsibility for having to start over.

Those who know my story say it was a blessing, not because of the potential problem I avoided but because it awakened my eyes to a far better RW.

[Gator]

The men want to believe a woman is in love with them. 

Aha!  That is not luck.  It is fantasy.

[Gator]

Turbo,

Statistics.  When one meets a thousand women, one must expect the odd ones that you described.   

I too met a few bizarre RW.  The trick is to recognize them early and move on.  Although I did become entrapped a couple of times with a crazy, it was my own doing.  A wiser man (and a more experienced Gator) would not have allowed it to advance far.

You are in private business and must do a lot of selling.  I doubt if you consider your successful sales as luck but more a reflection of your product, price and your marketing and selling skills.

[Turboguy]

Frankly I have always believed we make our own luck.   I agree with you that it is a numbers game.   Those who meet, marry and live happily everafter with the first and only RW they meet got lucky to find a good cantidate right off the bat.   For most of us we have to weed through a number of posibilities to find the right one.

I guess the nice thing with a RW is that if you run into a really crazy one they are on the other side of the world.   I could tell a few wild stories about some of the crazy AW I have met.

[Daveman]

There is always the luck of "being in the right place at the right time".  The more often you are in the right places, the more your odds improve of being there at the right time.  

Edit: In this venture there are many right places. I think we should consistently be in as many as we can until the "luck" manifests itself.

Whether it's luck or fruit of labor could be more of a matter of semantics. But whatever it is, it's only part of the equation.

[av8or1]

The thing is that a woman who loves you will not be looking to find another man (Russian or otherwise) once you are engaged. If a woman is still looking to find a better catch once you are in a relationship, that is not much of a woman IMHO statistics or not.

Hi Misha,

Well let's agree to disagree.  I would have to say that you make your assertion based on your positive experience with your RW.  I make mine based on my less-than-positive-but-still-good-in-the-big-picture experience with several RW.  And based on the experiences of other WM who've been in the same boat with a RW.

The point is that I find your assertion kinda like looking through rose colored glasses, to coin an old phrase, or "pie in the sky."  The reality is that these two RW for whom I filed the petition both traded me in for what they perceived to be a good RM.  Or as AnastassiaAsh puts it they "upgraded" to a RW over a WM.  And it is my belief, based on what I have been told by other RW to whom I have asked this very question since the second failed I-129F, that a RW would make this choice (to have a "good" RM in lieu of a WM) the vast majority of the time.  So I'll have to stand with Gator and TurboGuy on this issue (not to take sides, just to point out that I'm not the only one who has this opinion).

Heck the second of my two RW for whom I filed still sends me SMSs (as I mentioned in a previous post) telling me that she loves me, that she wishes it hadn't worked out this way, but that her friends and family are much happier that she remained in Russia.  She claims that many nights she cries herself to sleep because she doesn't love her new Russian husband.  To her making friends and family happy is as important as her own happiness in the marriage and she further stated that this was her "Russian soul" speaking and that I wouldn't understand it.  "Hmmmm....", I thought....

Dunno, but it's either one of two things:

1) A bunch and I mean BUNCH of BS that stinks to high hell (I mean who marries someone they don't love? - eh...)  OR

2) It's some kind of archaic soviet behaviorial pattern or something.

Personally, I'm going with option 1, but eh whatever, doesn't really matter.  Perhaps AnastassiaAsh can comment further.  To me, it's just fffff'd up and how...

But now I'm straying big time.  The point is that based on my experience and the experience of others, including some on this discussion forum, I am firmly in the camp that says a RW will choose a "good" RM over a WM the vast majority of the time, even if she's "in love" with the WM and even if he's begun the process to bring her to his country (ergo he has filed the documents).  I know because it happened to me.  Twice.  YMMV.

Best,

Jerry

ps-Gator, good replies.  I am running out of time during lunch, so I'll respond to you later...

pps-Utrobina, thank you for the suggestion; my return suggestion is to go back and read my posts; maybe I wasn't clear enough for you and if so, sorry about that, but I've tried it all, including what you are advocating...

ppps-Ken, good to see you around again...

[Misha]

Hi Misha,

Well let's agree to disagree.  I would have to say that you make your assertion based on your positive experience with your RW.  I make mine based on my less-than-positive-but-still-good-in-the-big-picture experience with several RW.  And based on the experiences of other WM who've been in the same boat with a RW.

The point is that I find your assertion kinda like looking through rose colored glasses, to coin an old phrase, or "pie in the sky."

I do agree with you that there are a lot of women who will marry you "по расчёту" (marriage of convenience). The trick is knowing how to identify those women. I am not saying that all Russian women are wonderful, but one cannot fall into the other extreme and say that all RW are like the ones you describe. The trick is knowing how to identify the "keepers," those women that are looking for love and a good husband as opposed to those shopping for the best deal possible. I disagree with your characteristic of me as wearing "rose colored glasses."   

[GoodOlBoy]

In my case, the RM came from her past.  He heard through the grapevine that she was planning to marry.  The thought of losing her was too much and he bought her a car if she stayed.  Instrumental in this was her weak  English which fostered misunderstandings,  And if we had a conflict I could not resolve it because she would withdraw.

I had a real thoroughbred whom I adored yet she saw another man, could not communicate with me, did not trust me to take care of her family, withdrew when we had a conflict, and sold her soul for a car.

Damn Gator, I don't know what is worse....getting "sold out" for a RM or a car? 

I hope the car was a Maserati at least!


GOB

[SMS60]

Jerry

I dont blame you. You do what you have to do. Dont let anyone sway you one way or another.

When you send in the 3rd K1 make sure you include the waiver. Dang Big Brother wants to moniter a mans dating life if he file more than 2 K1's. What is wrong with them?

A heads up if you do it again............with the waiver it most likely will be brought up at the interview to the benificiary.

I would go the k3. The heck with big brother in your business.

[Gator]

The trick is knowing how to identify the "keepers," those women that are looking for love and a good husband as opposed to those shopping for the best deal possible. I disagree with your characteristic of me as wearing "rose colored glasses."   

Misha,

I think you have slightly tinted glasses.     You speak Russian.  How many men do?  You had three months IIRC to spend with your woman in her country.  How many men do?

While you were able to learn that your woman had good intentions and did indeed love you, in the beginning I assert that you had no clue, just her words and your feelings.  Whatever, something clicked and you courted her. [I am not certain how much experience you had with RW before first meeting your wife.]   

I think you will admit the possibility that partway thru your courtship you could have learned something about her that was a deal killer.  And if you started over, and if it happened again, you would be writing posts similar to Jerry's. 

As it turned out, there was nothing, and your relationship seemingly advanced in a straight line to the point that the two of you married.  And life is wonderful.  Congratulations! 

It is quite possible that Jerry will experience the same bliss someday.  Jerry is certainly wiser now and has a good idea of what to look for.  He just has to go to bat again.

[Misha]

[I am not certain how much experience you had with RW before first meeting your wife.]   

Let's see, before meeting my wife I had 11 years experience before meeting my now wife. In total, I have been dating or married to Russian women for 14 years  The thing, however, is that I worked hard to understand my mistakes and avoid them.

I think you will admit the possibility that partway thru your courtship you could have learned something about her that was a deal killer.  And if you started over, and if it happened again, you would be writing posts similar to Jerry's. 

Why. As noted, I haven't really learned anything new. I learned everything that I had to needed to know in those first few months. True, most men in the process don't speak Russian (not good) or don't really get to know their wives while courting (not good), but that does not mean that every Russian woman will dump the man she loves simply because she continues to shop around for a better man.

[Daveman]

Let's see, before meeting my wife I had 11 years experience before meeting my now wife. In total, I have been dating or married to Russian women for 14 years  The thing, however, is that I worked hard to understand my mistakes and avoid them.

You had 6 years longer in the trenches than Jerry.  You found your wife when you found her, not one day sooner nor later.  This would support the theory that "it takes however long it takes".

Why. As noted, I haven't really learned anything new. I learned everything that I had to needed to know in those first few months. True, most men in the process don't speak Russian (not good) or don't really get to know their wives while courting (not good), but that does not mean that every Russian woman will dump the man she loves simply because she continues to shop around for a better man.

Agreed, not every RW is an opportunistic upgrader.  And you you may have learned everything you needed information wise, but you also still needed the time to grow from infatuation to love.  The "phases" of falling in love prior to marriage. Info isn't everything (just adding this for the readers.. doesn't really pertain to this thread I guess)

While you were able to learn that your woman had good intentions and did indeed love you, in the beginning I assert that you had no clue, just her words and your feelings.  Whatever, something clicked and you courted her. [I am not certain how much experience you had with RW before first meeting your wife.]   

I think you will admit the possibility that partway thru your courtship you could have learned something about her that was a deal killer.  And if you started over, and if it happened again, you would be writing posts similar to Jerry's. 

Agreed .  This is the point I attempted upthread, but without this clarity.  Hindsight of success ..


Dave

[Misha]

You had 6 years longer in the trenches than Jerry.  You found your wife when you found her, not one day sooner nor later.  This would support the theory that "it takes however long it takes".

There was a long marriage (8+ years) included in those 14 years and a couple of years where I was not actively dating. The important thing is that I actively sought to learn from my mistakes, identify what I did wrong and improve. How does it go: a fool is someone who repeats the same thing over and over again expecting different results  I did my best not to be foolish

What did I learn from my first marriage? The problems that are there in the first month, do not go away ever. I deluded myself, so I made sure to avoid that problem. Made for a much, much, much better subsequent marriage.

[Gator]

What did I learn from my first marriage? The problems that are there in the first month, do not go away ever.

GOLDEN WORDS FOR EVERY NEW MAN TO REMEMBER! 

As noted, I haven't really learned anything new. I learned everything that I had to needed to know in those first few months.

That is exactly what I was talking about - the first few months.  Day One, you knew nothing.  Each succeeding day, you learned more, and the more you learned, the better it got.  Marriage was a natural consequence, not forced. 

You and I are in agreement. It just seems that you are suggesting that everyone can do it your way, when your way had many twists and turns before you met your ONE AND ONLY.

[Gator]

You had 6 years longer in the trenches than Jerry.  You found your wife when you found her, not one day sooner nor later.  This would support the theory that "it takes however long it takes".

BINGO!

[Misha]

You and I are in agreement. It just seems that you are suggesting that everyone can do it your way, when your way had many twists and turns before you met your ONE AND ONLY.

We agree for the most part. I agree that there can be twists and turns and it may take time. However, I prefer to be at the rudder doing the navigating as I sail through the rocks and the storm as opposed to simply letting the boat take me wherever while hoping that I won't be unlucky and crash on the reefs My main point is always this: you have to know what you want out of life, what kind of relationship you are looking for and what kind of woman will be suitable for you and you her. Simply saying that it is all a question of luck is a bit too fatalistic for me.

[Daveman]

...My main point is always this: you have to know what you want out of life, what kind of relationship you are looking for and what kind of woman will be suitable for you and you her. Simply saying that it is all a question of luck is a bit too fatalistic for me.

Absolutely agree with this... I would simply add that the good judgment and ability to define one's needs generally comes from experience, and experience, as the old adage goes, generally comes from bad judgment.  The twist and turns are probably the largest portion of what defines who we are. Hopefully we take those lessons well.

[Diplomacy]

If I feel like the luckiest man alive.  Luck is a factor then in this, IMO.  I could be going through more and more frog dates.  I believe you make your own luck, but luck is a factor.

Instincts 80%, hard work/luck 20%.  

The more you put into it, the better your chances are.  The better questions you ask, the better your chances.  I do not care if you learned what you were looking for from good or bad relationships.  As long as you are looking at yourself first, what you want, thinking about the right answers to your questions.
 

[av8or1]

We agree for the most part. I agree that there can be twists and turns and it may take time. However, I prefer to be at the rudder doing the navigating as I sail through the rocks and the storm as opposed to simply letting the boat take me wherever while hoping that I won't be unlucky and crash on the reefs My main point is always this: you have to know what you want out of life, what kind of relationship you are looking for and what kind of woman will be suitable for you and you her. Simply saying that it is all a question of luck is a bit too fatalistic for me.

Well it seems we might agree more than realized...first however I would ask that you not go so far with your statements.  I never said that "it is all a question of luck", I said that luck is the biggest factor; and yes there is a difference between the two. (maybe you are not saying that I said this, but just in case I thought I'd address it)  I also agree with the notion that "you make your own luck" in the sense that putting your feet on the ground in the FSU and attempting to meet a woman who you think you could possibly make a good future with is setting yourself up for "getting lucky."  In other words you must put forth the effort in order to achieve success.  I don't know what your analogy about being at the controls versus letting the boat take you where it will is all about, but I suspect it's inline with this notion of everything being about luck, which I never said, so I'll ignore that part of your post.

The second issue that I think you have taken your comments too far on is in regard to this notion of a RW choosing a "good" RM over a WM.  Whoever said that they will "all" do it?  I didn't.  I said that it is my opinion based on my experience that a RW will make this choice the majority of the time.  That is not "all."  And if you got the impression that I said that all RW are "like the ones you [meaning me] describe", sorry about that, that was not my intention.  I didn't say that, not all RW exhibit this behavior.  But these are nits, so I will stop there...

Point I am trying to make Misha is really two fold:

1) You are oversimplifying the issue by saying that RW are one of two things: either they are shoppers looking for the best deal ("opportunistic upgraders") or that they are "the real deal" or "keepers", meaning that they are genuinely looking for a good man to be a husband and to be in love with and that if they find such a man they will never trade him in.

2) There are external influences for a RW that are held in higher regard in the FSU than here, where they are usually non-existent.  Such influences are "foreign" to our sense of proper behavior in relations but that are completely natural to a RW; these external influences can sometimes play a greater role than a man realizes or cares to admit.

Basically, the world isn't as "simple" as you make it out to be Misha, and that's the essence of my comments behind the rose colored glasses.  In the real world things usually don't go our way and things usually don't work out "the way they should."

For example, in reference to what I feel is an oversimplification on your part, I believe that both of the women for whom I filed an I-129F were somewhere in the middle of the two types of RW that you purport in your postings.  They weren't "keepers" as you call them but they weren't "shoppers" either.  I do believe that both were "in love" with me, yes.  You may not believe that, call me crazy, but I was there; I know what we were like together.  No, what I think happened is more real-world stuff than that.  I think that both women met another guy, a RM - however that happened, who cares - and they realized that they could love him too.  They also, and this is very important, perceived him to be "a good guy."  Perhaps they would love this RM in different ways than they loved me, but love just the same.

So...they were faced with a moral dilemma: marry the WM who you love but you must live with him in a foreign country far from your family, friends and everything you know or marry a RM who you love too (or could be in love with) but who is local and understands all of your customs, culture, language, etc.  Whaddaya do?  [tick-tock, tick-tock]

Well, I believe that both of the women in my case chose the latter.  Personally, given the same predicament I would not make that choice, I would keep my commitment to my foreign wife.  But that is my character.

So you see, this is why I believe it all comes down to one thing, one thing only: CHARACTER.  What will your woman do when it comes time to make those "tough calls" in life?  Her character will dictate that answer.  Unfortunately both of the women in my FSU-life as it were didn't have my kind of character.  Does that make them "shoppers", ergo bad RW who don't have a heart and who are only looking for the best deal they can find?  No, I don't think so.  On the other end of the spectrum were they "keepers"?  No, I don't think so either.  Nope, they were somewhere in the middle; they just didn't have good character, at least not in my opinion anyway.

Mind you, I don't think very highly of them, so don't think that I am defending them or their actions, I'm not.  I'm just saying that real-world stuff isn't so simple.  And sometimes, most times actually, the ball doesn't bounce your way.  And there's no way I could have seen that coming.  There were no signs to tell me that she would make such a decision until the time came to make that decision.  It's just life, as the saying goes.  This, Gator, is what I refer to as "bad luck", if that helps.  As you noted however, it's good luck too in the sense that I was able to learn their true character prior to marriage and determine that they weren't for me.  So like you, I call it "good luck" as well.

Hope this helps.....

Jerry

ps-Diplomacy, thank you for the invite.  If I'm ever in Dallas again, I'll be sure to give you a heads up.  'Same goes for you if you ever make it down to Austin!

[av8or1]

Jerry

I dont blame you. You do what you have to do. Dont let anyone sway you one way or another.

When you send in the 3rd K1 make sure you include the waiver. Dang Big Brother wants to moniter a mans dating life if he file more than 2 K1's. What is wrong with them?

A heads up if you do it again............with the waiver it most likely will be brought up at the interview to the benificiary.

I would go the k3. The heck with big brother in your business.

Hey SMS60, how's it going?  Thanks for the response.  I must admit that you have mystified me!   I cannot tell if this is sincere sentiment or a back-handed stab laced with sarcasm.  Hahaha!  Being a glass-is-half-full type, I'll go with the former.

Best,

Jerry

[av8or1]

For sure the WM has not won her heart. All RW will have some fear about moving to another country.  Yet, if she is really into her WM she will have the confidence to trust him that everything will be okay.

Mmmmmmmm....yes and no.  I agree that most all RW have concerns about living in a foreign country.  Where I disagree is that even if they feel comfortable that their WM can take care of them (ergo they can "trust him"), this doesn't mean that they'll actually go through with it.  Sure, it's a necessary step for success, absolutely; all I am saying is that it doesn't guarantee that success, that's all.

It happened to me and to Jerry.  In my case, the RM came from her past.  He heard through the grapevine that she was planning to marry.  The thought of losing her was too much and he bought her a car if she stayed.  Instrumental in this was her weak  English which fostered misunderstandings,  And if we had a conflict I could not resolve it because she would withdraw.

Wow Gator, sorry to hear about that.  Not sure where the two RM who changed my world came from, but it's inconseqential, whatever.  Can't believe the car thing.  Actually I can, now that I think about it.  Rough!  What you hit right in the dead center of the head of the nail is this withdrawal thing.  Folk new to this endeavor should definitely re-read this part of your post!  Both of my RW in question withdrew.  Prior to them actually formally breaking things off, I knew something was not right; I could feel it between us.  So of course I asked what was happening, respectfully and sincerely, no pressure.  Neither would talk about it, saying "nothing", etc.  RW usually attempt to figure these things out for themselves, alone, in a vacuum; this is strange to us in the West because we are taught to communicate, communicate, communicate.  But doing the whole communication thing is not the way it goes in the FSU...not usually anyway.

Heck I can remember the RW from Volgograd I met this past October.  I had some concerns about our relations and I tried to discuss them with her.  Get this!  She actually CUT ME OFF when I began to speak about it and told me that I needed to "decide you want me or no, then speak it" - but she didn't want any of the details!  Wow!  It's purely and simply a different way of going about having relations between a man and a woman.  And a guy new to this thing needs to understand this and decide within himself if he can handle such differences BEFORE he goes to the FSU.  Sure, after some time has passed perhaps you could get your RW to be more communicative and handle things differently; however I would argue that they'll never get 100% there.  They'll always keep the vacuum thing going, that's their nature to a large extent.  At least in my experience it has been.  So decide now if you can handle that, I'd say.  FWIW.

Was it bad luck?  No, if luck was involved it was good luck because marriage with her would have been problematic.  

Well as I've said in a previous post tonight I would call that both good and bad luck, where this is a different type of "luck" than the "luck" others have been talking about (and that I agree with) which applies only in the scenarios of when you first meet your RW.  But let's agree to disagree...

In the end you avoided what probably would have been a bad marriage and for that I am thankful for your well-being.

I assert it was not luck.  I simply had gone through the process of building a relationship with a very appealing woman, yet it failed largely because of my shortcomings.  I did not do enough (or have enough) to win her heart.  I also made the decision to date her even though her English was weak.  So I accept full responsibility for having to start over.

Don't quite understand that Gator.  Are you actually saying that this relationship failed because you weren't "man enough" to win her?  Sheesh but that's screwed up.  No Gator, the relationship failed because she had poor character.  Granted I wasn't there and don't know what you know about it, but that's my take on it at this point anyway...

Don't agree with the English thing, but then I can speak enough Russian to have a conversation, so...

Those who know my story say it was a blessing, not because of the potential problem I avoided but because it awakened my eyes to a far better RW.

In general I would agree with that.

Best,

Jerry

[Diplomacy]

I like the retreat to think things over.  It was new for me, but it does allow for cooler heads to prevail.  It is a matter of how it is done, how long it takes, and if the outcome is acceptable to everyone.

I had a few years to learn the style before romantic interests.  I just ask to be told when she needs that time, and when she is ready to discuss it let me know.  Also it is more a retreat of a certain topic in my case.

In your example it was a serious situation and seems to be a full isolation retreat.  More of a personal crisis scenario. 

So far every time, has produced a good solution.  I have got her pretty drawn out, and not internalizing.  I am sure that is good and bad at the same time.

[Misha]

Basically, the world isn't as "simple" as you make it out to be Misha, and that's the essence of my comments behind the rose colored glasses.  In the real world things usually don't go our way and things usually don't work out "the way they should."

I decided to edit this post after a bit of thought. The fact of the matter is that I don't see myself as oversimplifying the world. From my perspective, most RW are pretty decent. If you talk to them (really talk to them) you can figure out what makes them tick. The one's that had ulterior motives, I found them pretty easy to identify.

So...they were faced with a moral dilemma: marry the WM who you love but you must live with him in a foreign country far from your family, friends and everything you know or marry a RM who you love too (or could be in love with) but who is local and understands all of your customs, culture, language, etc.  Whaddaya do?  [tick-tock, tick-tock]

Some women decide to marry the man they love in spite of having to go live in a foreign country, some decide they prefer to stay in their country. The women that I dated tended to make that decision quite quickly.

There were no signs to tell me that she would make such a decision until the time came to make that decision.  It's just life, as the saying goes.

I dated a woman who had doubts, and she told me those doubts. It was not really a shock that she decided that she did not want to pursue a relationship because we had talked about it.

To be honest, the women you are describing and the types of scenarios that you describe are pretty different from my experience. It helped speaking Russian and it certainly did not hurt that I was dating Russian women who were not specifically looking for a foreigner, just a decent guy and future husband.