St.Pete's Trip Report Jan 2009

[ScottinCrimea]

Scott.. I am sticking by the 10% number, regardless of any discreditation of Kinsey.  Why?  because not everyone will admit to it and not everyone acts on it.  For example.. in some Latin American countries male to male contact is common.. but because it is restricted to certain acts the reciever will not percieve himself as gay.. he is just getting a favor.. open homosexuals living a gay lifestyle.. yeah.. 2-4% is probably about right.. those with active fantasy lives.. doing it on the "DL" or guys in macho oriented societies that do not identify recieving oral sex as making them gay/bi make up the difference. 

That said.. in terms of places like Moscow or Piter.. they are modern cosmopolitan cities.. there is no reason to live in fear of jackbooted neo nazis..

You think this was not taken into account and adjusted for?  You think they don't include oral sex in their studies? Come on, no one without a political agenda believes the 10% figure anymore.  You can believe what you want to believe if it makes you feel better, but don't try to intimidate or coerce other people into believing the same by throwing false "facts" around.

Where exactly in Latin America is male to male contact "common"?  I have spent a lot of time living and traveling in Latin America and I just didn't see it.  Maybe among your friends and acquaintenances there this is common,  but I think we're hanging around much different crowds.  I need to be sure never to ask you for a favor.  

I, too would like you to provide your specific definition of homophobia.  It seems to be a catch word used to denigrate anyone who doesn't fully agree with and accept the homosexual lifestyle.  Given it's literally meaning, I certainly don't see anyone here who fears homosexuals.

As far as the hate crime statistics provided by the FBI, what the heck does that have to do with anti-homosexual activities in Russia?

[Faux Pas]

I simply explain that I live ina city with a large open gay community.  Would the lday be uncomfortable seeing men holding hands or kissing on the street.. or.. at a dinner party at our home.

I could never be comfortable with a woman that is openly homophobic, no less than I could with a woman that is racist or has relgious biases against jews, muslims, hindus, or any other religion.  If a woman has those traits she would not be a match for me.

As to the definition of homophobe.. all the above would fit.

I should add an interesting point.. the people in my circle of friends who have been the most supportive of my quest have been gay men.  Some of my non gay friends are very much stuck i the biases of perception about women from the FSU.  Gold diggers, green card seekers etc.. while the gay guys understand on a rather deep level the value of being yourself and doing what you believe in, even at the cost of being ostracized.  

So homophobe is anything or any one that is "straight" in belief and sexual orientation?

You would be willing to accept a lady who was homophobic but only an "in the closet homophobe"? Sorry Sculpt, I am seeking some clarity on your thoughts and it is quite difficult.

Here's you a scenario: You met a lady, take the Tomsk lady as an example. You really feel she is the one and she told you she wouldn't mind your gay friends. She gets K-1, you marry. Your first dinner party as a married couple  your gay pals make out on your sofa, nothing sexual just heavy petting. Your lady sees this and spews her grits. Who do you get rid of, her or your pals?

[Faux Pas]

Misha.. will this do..

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE49Q7KJ20081028

No this one won't do. These two kids were so inept they would make the Three Stooges looking like geniuses. There were not even real skinheads, just proclaimed to be. One is from my town. These guys were caught making fantasy.

[GoodOlBoy]

 Would the lady be uncomfortable seeing men holding hands or kissing on the street ..or..at a dinner party at our home.

Yes, a few years back I took Marina to "KEY WEST" to see the fabulous Florida Keys.

She got a heavy doseage of this activity (Men holding hands and kissing on Duval Street).  :evil:

These men couldn't keep their hands (or lips) off of each other.  

Marina looked at me in shock and bewilderment and said: "What is this?"

Well I won't get into my answer here, I have already been accused of Homophobia by one of the "oppressed" members of this forum.  


GOB

BTW: IMHO...It wouldn't have been so bad if there was some Lesbians around to watch!  

[Sculpto]

Guys.. I have to go do some stuff.. we can pick this up later when I can be more focused..

also.. we really should move it to its own thread as we have completely hijacked daveyj

[Vaughn]

BTW: IMHO...It wouldn't have been so bad if there was some Lesbians around to watch! 

Not so fast, GOB....  Ten years ago I had a date with a local lady. We decided to try out a local eatery
that I used to frequent - great food, live folk music. We walked in, stood by the reception desk, and
waited....  and waited....  It finally dawned on both of us that I was the only male in a crowded hall
of maybe 125 ladies, a few of whom cast an evil eye that would pierce a carotid artery. OK, the
management had changed, but we turned and left, not wanting to assert our right to be seated & served.
We wanted a simple quiet lunch, not a confrontation. I learned how discrimination felt that afternoon, although
we laughed off what was an amusing blunder. Let it be.

I believe Sculpto made a valid point that the lifestyle is gaining ground in the FSU, yet it's are a long
way off from general acceptance. Myself, I'd feel endangered, that comes from my gut. I saw others
here express the same, so I looked it up. FWIW, from WikiTravel, which seems to have no social agenda,

Central Station  The sole gay club in Saint Petersburg. It is considered one of the best gay clubs in the world and features three floors, dungeon decor, two dancefloors with house and disco music, performances of drag queens, a dark room, a public shower and more. Be aware that gays are not very accepted among the locals and are even targeted once in a while. It is not uncommon for people to wait outside to beat up clubgoers.

All danger aside, I felt it was a poor choice of venue for a WM pursuing female companionship/relationship.

 

[GoodOlBoy]

Central Station  The sole gay club in Saint Petersburg. It is considered one of the best gay clubs in the world and features three floors, dungeon decor, two dancefloors with house and disco music, performances of drag queens, a dark room, a public shower and more. Be aware that gays are not very accepted among the locals and are even targeted once in a while. It is not uncommon for people to wait outside to beat up clubgoers.

Yes Vaughn....After I flew all the way to the "Motherland" for my first trip, to look for my perfect RW, I really missed a great opportunity to "unwind" at The Central Station and take a public shower with all of those Gay Guys.


GOB

Note To Newbies:

If you follow DaveyJ's example and go to this place, be careful if you drop your bar of soap.

Don't bend over!  :evil:

[Wienerin]

I'm quite bewildered reading Sculpto's texts. Is this the same guy, who was screaming about never going to Russia any more because of the prejudice? Ah, so sorry, it's only the antisemitism that is bad, everything else is just fine and dandy!

Another glaring contradiction - are the media correctly reporting hate crime, etc., or aren't they? Judging by SCULPTO's various postings one's quite lost.

Gay scene in StP - I don't know any other in Russia, - is a far cry of those nice, cultured, artistic and fun guys SCULPTO (and I) meet here, befriend, work with, who are our neighbors, etc. In the rare instances when it's in the open, it's more like a leather bar in a dockland in Hamburg, that's with very dark (and criminal) overtones.

Media is very much understated about intolerance on any xenophopic subject, and gays do not rate even as much print as anti-semitic or anti- people from the Caucasus ("black assholes") or of course the guestworkers from Middle Asia. It's nopt because of the relaxed and civilized tolerance, it's just the opposite.

Why write about this, when "everyone knows" that gays are evil, bent on corrupting the Mother Russia. How many people were outraged when OMON was sent to beat up a pitiful handful of participants in a gay march? I don't know a single one except my younger son. And to read the Russian forums discussions would've made your hair stand on end. The least that was suggested for the "pidors" was to send them all somewhere in a concentration camp forever, so that they wouldn't persudade young people to become gay, and thus die out in time. I'm serious, I'm not bullshitting you!

The most serious insult at every strata of the society is to be called "pidor" - blood will flow. There is a reason for it - this poor country was in fact a prison camp for 3 generations. The the thieves cant, customs, notions pervade the culture. Just an example - a word "opustit'" (literally to bring down, but nostly used as in a camp slang, - to lower smb's status, standing, by performing a homosexual act on one) is widely colloqially used as in "put upon", "bring down" with people in many instances not even realising what they are saying.

Like you can hear one nice and educated young woman saying to a buddy "Ty vse vremya pytayesh'sya menya opustit'" - "You're trying to put me down all the time".

A famous criminal credo "Do not trust, do not fear, do not ask" - also of the prison-camp origin, how a true ZeKa (prisoner) should act, - is a legitimate and popular saying.

Well, I digressed. Where should the tolerance come from when for the most of the population (and not only male at that) there's nothing that shameful and awful as to be thought gay? Have anyone ever heard of any Russian (and Ukrainian for that matter) male "coming out of the closet"? Outside of the more outrageous circles of pop culture that is (and only a few even there)? Any public figure? Politican, any level of government, police? Anyone in the academia? I didn't.

Of course, I've known people who were gay in Russia, but it was never in the open, even when these were close friends. And I'm not talking of the times (less than 15 years ago BTW) when if was a felony punished by a stint - 2-5 - in a labor camp.

It's always a great mistake to think that just because people in Russia now may be dressed like at home, that the shops are very similar now, that there are nightclubs, etc, that people travel and many speak English, and even see the same movies and read the same books, that they'll hold the same views on everything as you do.

Oy I've thought of a question to all of you guys. On the RW forums I often hear truly awful stuff about Jews, blacks, Mexicans etc. In all the instances bar none the ladies assert that their American husbands not only subscribe to these views but in many cases have taught their RW what's what . How could this possibly be so when not back in Russia, nor in my 13 years here I've mert such bigots? Or am I naive?

[mendeleyev]

The chances of being attacked are small, as are the chances of being drugged or anything else.

Scultpo, no offense my friend but your information is not valid and your chances are excellent to being attacked in such a situation.  Sadly, Leningrad is among the leading cities for racial crimes, less than half the population of Moscow, but more than double the number of what the West would classify as "hate" crimes.  Leningrad is the only EuroRus city with statistics as high as the far East of Russia in crimes of discrimination. The "why" of that is a great question facing Russian demographers and lawmakers.


I've had encounters of the close kind with skinheads and Nashi (they're different groups with differing methods but similar aims) and am grateful to be alive.  The Nashi scare me more because as a foreigner I'm perceived as corrupting pure mother Russia.

The skinheads don't like my values, and know that I can't stomach theirs but they don't like the values of most Russians either so as long as I behave normally I'm not a threat.  Coming out of a gay bar as a foreigner could change that equation dramatically.

[mendeleyev]

Wienerin, the way these two cultures view race from across the oceans is so different especially in how it's expressed.  If I had a Euro for every kindhearted Russian who gently stroked my arm or shook their head in empathy over the election of a black President, I'd have a serious wad of деньги in my pocket.  What we Westerners have a hard time understanding is how the same Russian person can be intrigued and seem to like Mr Obama, yet in the next breath speak of a loss of civilization at the same time in reference to the American election.   

It reminds me of a fellow journalist who wrote in his book (after living 12 years in Russia) that Russians both hate and admire America.  It just depends on the subject matter being discussed at the moment.  In many ways Russians see America and Canada, separated from Europe geographically, as the last great hope in the face of an almost certain coming of a Muslim (and dark skinned) Europe. The fact that America could "fall" before continential Europe is a genuine puzzle (and disappointment) to many influential Russians, causing them great fear about the future of Russia's southern borders and eastern republics.

I can guarantee that except for a tiny whack job minority in America, even those of the opposition party don't see the election results as the downfall of civilization.

[Wienerin]

Simply with your use of the word "prance" you make your homophobia quite clear.  For someone who makes himself out to be a "real man' you are showing a lot of insecurity, not to mention your utter lack of information and ignorance of the gay world. 

Excuse me? what's this about a "gay world"? Are your for real? For G-d's sake - HOW do one's sexual proclivities (which should be of interest only for a person and his/her partner) create a special and separate from other humans "world"

And yes, about these "10%" ... every animal breeder knows that on the average mammal populations have 7 to 10% animals with more pronounced homosexual tendencies - which doesn't mean these 7-10% are flaming gays. And the operative words are on the average. You're and artist and may know zilch about normal distribution, statistics, etc. But let me give you an example. If SF has, say 25% of gay people, then quite a number of cities may do with less than their proper share and even with none  

Anyway, what does this have to do with extreme machist gay intolerance in Russia (and, sorry, in Mexico and other most unenlightened Central and South American countries)?

[daveyj]

Gee whiz...What will it take to satisfy you folks?

First I'm told that obviously I was chasing 20 yr olds, and deserved to have a bad trip.

Then after we move past that foolishness,  I'm told that obviously these girls were offended because they were low on my depth chart and besides which I deserve what I got because I didn't go out into the city on my own.

Then after my last post, I'm now told what exactly?  That because I went to Central Station instead of the Hermitage....well, what exactly?  That somehow that somehow initiated some time warp, whereby the women retroactively stood me up?

Jeez - tough crowd.  If I didn't know better I would think that it doesn't matter what I say - certain people will simply continue to pick something which serves their purpose and ignore everything else I have said....

Ok, allow me to respond...

Why not the Hermitage?
Yes, I have been to the Hermitage. (I went on my first trip).  Yes, I'm aware that one could spend a week exploring it.  (I've seen the movie Russian Ark, a fabulous single shot film set in the Hermitage).
 
I point out that as per my prior posts, the various cancellations were mostly last minute (ie 10:30pm on Day 2, 4pm on Day 7).  The Hermitage (and various other museums) close at 6pm.  

Why Nightclubs?
I wasn't planning on going to ANY nightclubs.  I was planning on spending time with a pre-selected group of women, and if they wanted to go to a nightclub then so be it.

I didn't expect to find my future wife by heading out to a nightclub.  I expected to find an enviroment where I could have a drink, dance, and perhaps engage in some casual interaction with people out for a good time.

My prior reference to an interest in the arts has been interpreted as visual arts.  This is not the case, and my interest in mostly in performance arts such as theatre, dance and live music.

In answer to one question, yes, I like to dance in my hometown and go to nightclubs.  I like to dance - not as a way of picking up women. But rather as a visceral exploration of physical experience in harmony with music, rhythm and vibration.  Take a look at my picture (yes it is me).  Understand that upper body strength alone will not allow that pose.  It challenges the body on many subtle levels involving the body's many systems (muscular, skelatal, digestive, vascular, etc)

I went to the nightclubs to dance - and I thought that I might even find a SPB woman who also likes to dance, recognises me as a western man, and that in meeting her I might salvage my trip.  I'm sure there were other places to go.  But I didn't know what they were and where to find them.

If there is some art gallery where I can show up, extend my passport up in the air, and start to beat away prospective brides ...well, please let me know.

Seriously.  How many of the married men on the board met their wife this way?  And how many dozens of visits to these places did it take?  Is it really as "easy as "1.show up to art gallery 2.speak foreign language 3. begin immigration process."?  Really?  So why didn't you just say so in the first place?

Why Central Station, a gay bar?
As per my prior post, I went to the cliche expat bar first.  Then to the fun, laid back, Club Rossi.

As per my prior post, many of the bars that I wanted to go to (as per my Lonely Planet and various websites) seemed closed or reduced to Fri/Sat only.

I went to Central Station because:
1.  I was bored.  So incredibly bored.
2.  Gay bars have intelligent patrons, and are accepting of the "ostracized" (which is how I was feeling).
3.  I thought it would be a great icebreaker and conversation piece in my meetings with "K" and "T" in the next couple of nights.

Yes, I am serious about #3.  And I did indeed talk about it with "K" and friends.  And it worked like a charm.  It broke the ice, engendered lots of good natured humour, and demonstrated that I wasn't some nervous nellie boring western tourist.  It also facilitated some discussion about the cultural and ethnic diversity of where I live.  

Ironically, may I point out that as per my prior post, it was at Central Station that I did indeed finally encounter a SPB women who was enthralled by me, and wanted more.  Admittedly overweight, drunk, and a bad dancer.  But the best offer that I had in my 9 days. (albeit an offer I declined)

I note that Central Station allows women (whereas other Piter gay bars don't), and that there are co-ed and "men only" areas.  I spent my time in the co-ed area which was about 80/20 men/women.

Gaybashing in Piter
I've got no idea what the story is on this.  I've go no idea what is the prevalence of hate crimes in Russia.  I've simply posted my TR, and various details, from Jan 2009.

Central Station is 5 minutes away from the trendiest part of Piter.  It is in an area with many other (non-gay) bars.  I checked out the area, and was appropriately cautious, and saw nothing to be concerned about.

If someone wants to relate personal experience from 10 years ago, or of something they read in the newspaper or found on the internet, well, that is their perogative and I don't dispute their opinion.    Maybe I was indeed unfortunate in all areas of my trip, with the single exception of the good luck to miss the "gaybashing of foreigners posse" while they were on coffee break.  I'm not telling anyone to do anything.  I'm simply telling you what I did, and that I have no regrets and didn't see any danger.

For those who don't like gays/etc, I say that no-one would choose to be gay.  Why would they?  There are gay people.  That's the way it is.  Think of it this way...every gay man in the world means there is a women alone at night, waiting for a straight guy just like you!

Occam's Razor

This is a theory which says "the simplest answer is usually the correct one."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ockham_razor

Various posters have suggested that "the women in Piter aren't as interested in leaving as they used to be, and that goes triple for under 30 hotties when faced with a 41 yr old western yoga dude" (ok, I paraphrase).

Isn't that the most likely reason for my crappy experience?  Rather than these increasingly tortured theories?  Why do some of you resist this simple explanation?

My Challenge
If you really think that Piter is a fertile garden full of under 30 fitness minded women (as per my interests) eager to meet me...well, set me up!  You can PM me.  Or if you like, and you are so convinced that if I would only listen to YOU.  Well, I will meet you in Piter, and you can coach me from the sidelines.

Think about it.  Then you can come back here to the board and announce your alpha male status as the delphic oracle of wisdom about Piter women.  And my wife and I will testify!

...

But seriously.  I think there are some lovely, kind hearted guys here, and I appreciate your advice offered.  I don't mean to make fun.  I'm more directing my challenge at a small, irritating, vocal minority (let's call them the board lowest common denominator), whose silly comments about me say far more about themselves.

Ok.  With a low expectation that this silliness will ever end, I press the post button.
 

[Misha]

Why Nightclubs?
I wasn't planning on going to ANY nightclubs.  I was planning on spending time with a pre-selected group of women, and if they wanted to go to a nightclub then so be it.

Might have something to do with your selection process.

I didn't expect to find my future wife by heading out to a nightclub.  I expected to find an enviroment where I could have a drink, dance, and perhaps engage in some casual interaction with people out for a good time.

At a Russian nightclub where you typically have to scream to be heard over the techno music blaring?

My prior reference to an interest in the arts has been interpreted as visual arts.  This is not the case, and my interest in mostly in performance arts such as theatre, dance and live music.

Why didn't you suggest to the women that you go to a play or some form of cultural activity in the evening?

If there is some art gallery where I can show up, extend my passport up in the air, and start to beat away prospective brides ...well, please let me know.

Well, the odds would be better than flashing the passport at a diskoteka   :evil:

[Vinnvinny]

Various posters have suggested that "the women in Piter aren't as interested in leaving as they used to be, and that goes triple for under 30 hotties when faced with a 41 yr old western yoga dude" (ok, I paraphrase).

Isn't that the most likely reason for my crappy experience?  Rather than these increasingly tortured theories?  Why do some of you resist this simple explanation?

Because DaveyJ, as you requested, many guys here are trying to cut you some slack and will focus on aspects of your trip that are not specifically too ‘personal’.

YOU may think it’s to your advantage that you are “41, appear 33-37”, “workout 2-3 hours a day (mostly holistic things like yoga, dance)”, “have a six figure income”, “have a stylish demeanour (ie I have manicures, dress well, etc)”, “highly educated”, “never married” and go on your own to gay bars but, IMHO, most genuine marriage minded ladies (western or FSU) will not be looking for any of the above qualities when THEY are deciding if you would make a good husband. Most ladies want a ‘real’ man, not one who prides themselves on their ability to do handstands.

Despite the fact that you are “highly educated”, you seem to me to be alarmingly clueless in your pursuit for a wife.

[GoodOlBoy]

Gaybashing in Piter
I've got no idea what the story is on this.  I've go no idea what is the prevalence of hate crimes in Russia.  I've simply posted my TR, and various details, from Jan 2009.

If you keep going to Gay Bars in Russia, you will find the answer. 

Yoga and handstands will definitely not help you. You might want to get in contact with Steven Seagal. He will teach you a different kind of "dance" that just might save your life in Russia. 


GOB

[Makkin]

  Gotta hand it to weinerman. He does have the facts needed to assault an overt gay lover and front-man for the gay cause.

  I always wonder why there are never elections in the usa that elect gay marriage statutes" Must be there is a low low low amount of them and when you can't win in California or Hawaii it means gay may not even exist at all. Maybe there is no such thing as a gay?

  We should all just imagine ourselves as inventing something that in a real reality does not actually exist.

Makkin

 

[Ade]

Ok.  With a low expectation that this silliness will ever end, I press the post button.
 

I have to say that you do make an entertaining post.

You know, for all that I've said, I'm still a little surprised that you were so unsuccessful (although I'm not entirely sure how well the gay bar stories would have gone over with your dates ) especially when I consider the absolute numb nuts that I've read about that have managed to hang a hottie on their arm. I really do feel that if you upped the age bracket to 28 - 35 you'd probably be more successful.

FWIW, I admire your control in the face of all these posts.

[BC]

Boy, what a rats nest.. LOL

Much ado about nothing.

One of the commandments says 'be yourself'.. ok fine, daveyj was being himself.

He neither got mugged, nor accosted and likes to dance.

nbd

Can only wish him better luck next time.

[kievstar]

In Kiev there are some gay guys are going around to straight bars and picking fights with locals with their date.  Group of gay guys goes into straight bar and looks for someone to provoke them to fight.  Than it will turn into a 3 on 1 or 4 on 1 fight.  Maybe these gay guys are tired of the abuse they have been taking. 

I thought the above was BS for a longtime.  Did not believe if from my local friends.  Last July 2008 I changed my opinion as I was a target of such attack.  If they knew I was an American, they would not have targeted me.  They waited until my friends left and it was just me and my date.  My friends had pointed these guys as being gay and looking for trouble earlier in the night.  Again I was like BS.

To long of a story but basically these gay guys did try to provoke me after my friends left.  I have good connections and called a friend who called the local police who showed up and planted drugs on one of the gay guys.  Police took them outside the disco and took their clothes and all belongings and told them to go home.  The police ran their Id's and most of them were from rich families  I was told later.  Police informed their parents that they were gay and were caught having sex with men.  The reason they went home with no clothes.  These guys were all around 6 foot tall and 200 pounds and 21 years old.  Good looking guys in shape and very well dressed even for Kiev.  I have a feeling that the police also did the thing with the parents to bribe the parents.  Probably a nice pay day for the police with the gay guys wallets and bribe from parents.

You can believe the above or not.  I do not care.  But strange stuff happens in Kiev all the time. 

[BC]

You can believe the above or not.  I do not care.  But strange stuff happens in Kiev all the time. 

Yeah, guess strange things can happen to anyone, anywhere enjoying the nightlife.  I believe you. In Germany witnessed many strange happenings and bar room brawls, moreso than any other country, then again don't partake much of it in FSU.. would prefer going to a shashlik place then sauna instead with a little dancing afterwards.

Only thing I can suggest is that daveyj find some other kind of 'in' that provides local contacts without all the MOB gunk.  An art club, gallery party or such.  Heck, just take a stool, easel sit in a park somewhere and start arting away.. you'll get some attention.

[Wienerin]

Sculpto, is your naivete for real? The fact that you consider the skinheads not "scary" is of little consolation to the 20 people killed by one gang in Moscow: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/dec/16/russia-trial-gang-murder. When was the last time that a gang of skinheads was convicted of killing twenty immigrants or racial minorities in the United States?

Guys, who told you that one should be scared exactly of skinheads? Nice clean pro-Putin young men from Nashi or Iduschchiye Vmeste (Marching Together) are not skins, but much more scary in my book. THey are the ones who'll stop at nothing to preserve and protect the intrinsic Russian values against the Western vice and dirt.

[SMS60]

Gee whiz...What will it take to satisfy you folks?

What did you post a report for? What answers are you looking for? What are you trying to say to satisfy the folks?

I dont get it!! I guess it is just entertainment for you? Please help me.

Were you looking for help?

[GoodOlBoy]

....especially when I consider the absolute numb nuts that I've read about that have managed to hang a hottie on their arm.

Don't worry SJ, there is some hope for you too!  

"Even the losers get lucky sometimes".  

  

Tom Petty (1979)

GOB

[GoodOlBoy]

I really do feel that if you upped the age bracket to 28 - 35 you'd probably be more successful.

I agree with SJ on this point.

Stay out of the schoolyards of Russia DaveyJ.  


GOB


BTW...Do any of you guys remember "Chester the Molester?"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chester_the_Molester

[Diplomacy]

Kiev:

You bring up reality.  Now imagine the OP, did not have such contacts. 

OP

Tolerance is a good thing to a certain extent.  I talked to some gay friends, and they said they would never go there.  To dangerous and Spain is a lot more tolerant, better "scene". 

Going into a place and your "instincts" said coast is clear.  You have no idea what is waiting on the way out.  It is a moving target for me, as to risk tolerance.  I would buy the whole cabin on a sleeper train in FSU.  Is it a very good chance that anything could happen?  No, but why would I take the risk?  You only get one wrong place at the wrong time in life.  Then it can be over like that.

I am glad nothing happened to you, but the posters are correct IMO.  There was a chance, whether they are tolerant to a alternative lifestyle or not.  Also, remember people who are not tolerant are more apt to get the straight story(Yeah I went there).

It is your choice if you give up, and it sounds more like a long line of bad luck to me.  You had back up plans, they did not help.  You thought there was interest, there was not.  I know a few women from SPG.  They are interesting, to say the least.  I am also only 34.  Most of the women I know, are in the 30 and under crowd.

Why not look for a woman that dreams of living in a place like SPG?  Who has a passion for the same arts, but can not get a good opportunity to make it a viable career?

You could argue if even NYC is a reasonable equal to SPG.  You are in fact looking for a woman to take a second fiddle move to your city, if she is from SPG. 

Your best stance, is to be forward and direct about looking for a wife.  Woman in the FSU are used to false promises.  You have to make your actions speak louder than your words.  You did not, it was an uphill or futile battle from that point on.

I agree also there are factors involved for all of us, that bring us to the point of this pursuit. 

So you got your ego bruised, try going with no ego or expectations.  The interest you have, should make SPG a treasure trove for the visual performing arts.  I have seen the Moscow troops and they are nothing short of awe inspiring.

You need thick skin to do this, I wish you the best.  Maybe it is all a sign, it is not a good direction for you to take.  I assure you the blunt and direct nature of the FSU culture, tends to be a lot more cruel then theses posts.