How old is too young?

[Faux Pas]

Misha I agree with you totally.

When my daughter was 20 years old I can't tell you how I felt when I met some of the boy's she was dating. 

But, none of them would marry her, get her to dropout of school and leave the country.

BTW, I would have enjoyed my 20 year old daughter dating a 25 year old professional young man. NO PROBLEM.

Can't you and the rest of the forum see, we are talking about something entirely different here?

International "dating" is a whole hell of a lot different than dating some boy down the street.


GOB

GOB I think dating a 20 yr old this day in age is the same down the street or internationally. There was this great 30 yr old dating my 20 yr old daughter. It lasted a while and he was eventually used, consumed and discarded as most older guys who try to seriously date a 20 yr old. It's like nailing Jello to a tree.

BTW, it's not a "school girl" if you are 18-24 yourself. Then they are wimmin  

[Ravens9273]

Kuna. I saw your challenge so decided to give my story. I never gave full story or ages.



I did not set out to look for a Russian wife. My situation happened by accident in a way.
I worked in music for record label. We had an idea to make a Playboy Playmate a singer.
To make a long story short only one of the 58 playmates we auditioned could actually sing.

The one lady was originally from Ukraine with a Ukrainian name. At the time the plan was to creat another Country/Pop singer similar to Shania Twain.
I had a big job ahead of me to figure out how to  bring a lady with Russian name into Country music.

My best guess was to learn what I could about Ukraine as a starting point.
Obviously when searching UKRAINE in google more sites came up with Russian Women dating.
I saw the sites and found them interesting. My mind also saw the business end of it. I researched the business and joined sites to see how they worked but did not pay.
One of the sites was HRB. At that time they had a $30 unlimited membership. I figured it was not alot and thought what the hell.
I received letters right away from ladies. 2 days after joining I received a letter from an 18 year old from Odessa.
In my life I have mostly dated Women older then me. The youngest was 2 years younger then me.
At this time I was 31.
This 18 year old wrote me many times. I felt bad and wrote her back. I wrote more as a big brother. I explained I felt I was too old for her but would be more then happy to be her friend and she could ask me questions about American Men if she wanted to. I did not mind since I had ability to send unlimited letters.
Well she kept writting. Asked me to watch her on camera on day.
Long story short we became good friends but I was not looking to date someone so young.
HRB eventually changed policy and started to charge per letter so I left the site. I did send her codes in letters to my real email. She understood and one day I received an email from her.
Her friend worked for agency and helped her. Now when I left the site so did she.

We spent about a year sending emails back and forth. That led into daily chats on yahoo. She bought computer and webcam to talk to me.
I knew she was real because she was always on computer waiting for me. Even times when someone her age should be going out to the clubs etc...
She became my best friend. Over time I did not see her age anymore. She was my equal and she grew on me tremendously.
I did go to see her in person the first time after 26 months of talking. My first visit was her 21st birthday.
When I first saw her I knew I loved her. I never had a doubt from day one how she felt about me.

We were married last year. She was 21 I was 34.

[Zmejka]

It's not meant to be a reflection on the individual but if he is 25 yrs old and seeking 20 -25 yr old girls is he not most probably sticking his head in the jaws of a lion by pursuing 20 or 22 yr old girls

My friend was 24 when he first wrote to me (i was 21). A year later i went to be with him. We're living together for almost 3 years and having plans to live more:)
But i agree the cases like ours are rare and we were lucky to meet each other at the right time.

[JR]

We were married last year. She was 21 I was 34.

Yay!!!!!!! Glad to hear that Raven

I am currently 'friends' with a 20 yo girl in Moscow. It's the rare day that goes by without her SMSing me. And we chat almost every day on Skype. She told me in her first email she is not looking for a husband, only friends from around the world. I said no problem as I am MUCH too old for her, I think I am older than her father She is a good friend and perhaps I will meet her when I journey east. She is trying to come to the US for a couple of months this summer on her own dime (actually her father's) and I told her I wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.

I like your story, I hope you two are very happy together.

[Kuna]

Kuna. I saw your challenge so decided to give my story. I never gave full story or ages.

I did not set out to look for a Russian wife. My situation happened by accident in a way.
I worked in music for record label. We had an idea to make a Playboy Playmate a singer.
To make a long story short only one of the 58 playmates we auditioned could actually sing.

The one lady was originally from Ukraine with a Ukrainian name. At the time the plan was to creat another Country/Pop singer similar to Shania Twain.
I had a big job ahead of me to figure out how to  bring a lady with Russian name into Country music.

My best guess was to learn what I could about Ukraine as a starting point.
Obviously when searching UKRAINE in google more sites came up with Russian Women dating.
I saw the sites and found them interesting. My mind also saw the business end of it. I researched the business and joined sites to see how they worked but did not pay.
One of the sites was HRB. At that time they had a $30 unlimited membership. I figured it was not alot and thought what the hell.
I received letters right away from ladies. 2 days after joining I received a letter from an 18 year old from Odessa.
In my life I have mostly dated Women older then me. The youngest was 2 years younger then me.
At this time I was 31.
This 18 year old wrote me many times. I felt bad and wrote her back. I wrote more as a big brother. I explained I felt I was too old for her but would be more then happy to be her friend and she could ask me questions about American Men if she wanted to. I did not mind since I had ability to send unlimited letters.
Well she kept writting. Asked me to watch her on camera on day.
Long story short we became good friends but I was not looking to date someone so young.
HRB eventually changed policy and started to charge per letter so I left the site. I did send her codes in letters to my real email. She understood and one day I received an email from her.
Her friend worked for agency and helped her. Now when I left the site so did she.

We spent about a year sending emails back and forth. That led into daily chats on yahoo. She bought computer and webcam to talk to me.
I knew she was real because she was always on computer waiting for me. Even times when someone her age should be going out to the clubs etc...
She became my best friend. Over time I did not see her age anymore. She was my equal and she grew on me tremendously.
I did go to see her in person the first time after 26 months of talking. My first visit was her 21st birthday.
When I first saw her I knew I loved her. I never had a doubt from day one how she felt about me.

We were married last year. She was 21 I was 34.

Ravens,

Congrats on the marriage...  I hope you're judgment was/is good - it's more than just a little gamble but I'm sure you know that.

I wish you all the best and hope it continues as you hope.  You may very well end up as the "miracle boy" - if you've dodged a bullet!   

btw... I've heard some real doozies of justifications as to how/why people ended up married to UW/RW... and yours is really "OUT THERE"... 

One day I'll get around to posting my theory on people who make too many excuses to explain their decisions.   

My friend was 24 when he first wrote to me (i was 21). A year later i went to be with him. We're living together for almost 3 years and having plans to live more:)
But i agree the cases like ours are rare and we were lucky to meet each other at the right time.

Congrats on your 3 yrs of happiness.  Your visa process is VERY different from what the likes of TOP will go through and therefore the whole mindset can be different. On top of that location is another BIG advantage those in USA and Aust don't have.


So...  we might have identified one miracle - anyone got enough time to count the train wrecks?

[Diplomacy]

Raven:

Yep, my story was strange to even me.  You my friend, take the honor of the strangest I have heard.  Strange is not bad, mind you.  I like your thinking though.  You went above and beyond for your job. 

You are most likely the type, that will go above and beyond in a relationship also.  I wish you the best of luck.  The one generalization that has stood true in my observations, the people involved in this pursuit are a little crazy.

Both myself and my fiance, are included in that statement.

[topofthekey]

So...  we might have identified one miracle - anyone got enough time to count the train wrecks?

I'm sure its a long list of young and old couples. And couples with one young and one older for that matter. I just stand by my thoughts that pinning a number to how old is too young is in fact a very bad idea. I think it is fair to say that young age can be one factor that can increase your chance of failure because you can directly link age to two things (maturity and change). But there are a ton of factors out there and everyone is different. I'm sure you can find a former model (pampered diva) that might be 40 years old that is too young (acts like a 20 year old.. or to high maintenence, you get the idea). And on the other end you could find a 22 year old college grad that is wise and mature beyond her years.

[GoodOlBoy]

I'm sure you can find a former model (pampered diva) that might be 40 years old that is too young (acts like a 20 year old.. or to high maintenence, you get the idea). And on the other end you could find a 22 year old college grad that is wise and mature beyond her years.

Sorry TOP, BUT....I think you are trying to rationalize the irrational. 


GOB

[Misha]

btw... I've heard some real doozies of justifications as to how/why people ended up married to UW/RW... and yours is really "OUT THERE"... 

So...  we might have identified one miracle - anyone got enough time to count the train wrecks?

If we look at the most recent spate of train wrecks these have not been young men in their twenties who married younger women in their twenties. They all had their justifications as well 

[Diplomacy]

All any of us can do, is learn from others.  We do not have any examples of marriages of over 30 years.

I like to look at the sum of a persons work, some people may have some chapters written.  We are yet to see a finished piece of work.  We have seen some end, but not a few decades together.

Each point of stress you can lower, you improve your chances.  That is all. 

[topofthekey]

Sorry TOP, BUT....I think you are trying to rationalize the irrational. 

GOB

So all 22 year old women are not educated, not wise, and immature?

I'm not saying there isn't a risk factor just that this isn't the NBA. Sure you make the arbitrary rule that you've got to be 19 to play in the league... but when Lebron James and a few our high school ballers come along the rule proves... well to be wrong.

[Misha]

Each point of stress you can lower, you improve your chances.  That is all. 

I agree. I simply am willing to acknowledge that a 25-year-old man will not have some points of stress that a 45-year-old man would.

[GoodOlBoy]

All any of us can do, is learn from others.  We do not have any examples of marriages of over 30 years.

Jeez...that's a depressing picture. 

GOB, 80 something years old, posting on RWD about his (hopefully) successful 30 year marriage to his beautiful RW from Siberia. 


GOB

[GoodOlBoy]

So all 22 year old women are not educated, not wise, and immature?

No TOP, I am not saying this at all.

There seems to be a certain group of people here on RWD who try to paint a picture to the rest of the forum of 20 year old schoolgirls as being "older women", when in fact all they are is 20 year old schoolgirls.  


GOB

[Shadow]

Jeez...that's a depressing picture. 

GOB, 80 something years old, posting on RWD about his (hopefully) successful 30 year marriage to his beautiful RW from Siberia. 


GOB

Or posting that his 3rd marriage again failed as she got fat and unattractive.  :evil:

[Misha]

There seems to be a certain group of people here on RWD who try to paint a picture to the rest of the forum of 20 year old schoolgirls as being "older women", when in fact all they are is 20 year old schoolgirls.  

Well, at the age of twenty they would be university women, but to reiterate the fact that TOP is 25 makes this very different from a 45-year-old chasing a 20-year-old. In ten years, if she wants children (or more children), TOP will only be 35. In ten years, TOP should still be in excellent health. 

[facetrock]

   I have been reading this thread, kind of interesting. I really believe the biggest problem with marrying young is that 15 years later you and your wife mature into totally different people. Topofthekey is 25 and is looking in the FSU. If I was 25 I might do the same thing. The hot looking 20 year olds will love to spend time with him. But will they take the relationship seriously, most likely not but he will learn alot about women and life in general. But speaking of hot 20 something girls I will tell you my experience as a father of two of them.

The oldest is 22 and I am not bragging as a proud father, she is simply a real stunner, and knows it. She is a good girl, graduting this year from college then going to grad school. Never been in any kind of trouble in her life. She dates men and lately they have been getting older up to the late 20s. She freely admits the older more established young studs can show her a better time(at least she is honest) but takes none of them seriously for marriage. She just doesnt want to get married and is not even close to being ready for it. To her the world is wide open right now, everything is a new experience and she is enjoying her life. She works as a bartender at a nice downtown bar, makes great money on tips since there seems to be an endless supply of old 40 something men thinking they can tip their way into her heart.

  Now about 6 months ago an Australian man 29 years old shows up in town, suave, handsome and that oh so cute accent. He was here on business for a three months. They met and dated, I met him and he was a nice guy but I could tell his feelings were getting way to deep for his own good. He even asked me if she might be ready for marriage. I told him not even close. Forget it. He didnt take my advice and asked her to marry him. I saw him later after her answer crushed him. I tried to explain to him she is too young, isnt done with school yet and to her life is still a party. Someday she will settle down but that day is still far away. He then proceeded to tell me she was making a mistake, he could give her a great life, be a good father. I think the guy would be all the things he stated, he really was a good man. My advice was to come back and see her in about 5 years then he might have a chance.

I then explained to him he has only known her for a little over two months. Then I asked him why on earth would a 22 year old woman who is still having fun, has an endless supply of men that want to go out with her here, would move half way around world with a man she has known for only two months. Aint gonna happen mate.

A hot looking 22 year old in the FSU IMO doesnt think much different than one in America

[Misha]

I then explained to him he has only known her for a little over two months. Then I asked him why on earth would a 22 year old woman who is still having fun, has an endless supply of men that want to go out with her here, would move half way around world with a man she has known for only two months. Aint gonna happen mate.

The thing with anecdotes, is that everybody has them. I know this wonderful young couple. Both are in their mid-twenties. They are a beautiful couple, and have a beautiful 2-year-old son. They are one of the happiest couples I have ever seen and she is willing to follow him all over the world. Clearly, she was ready and mature enough to handle being both a wife and a mother. They probably met when they were in their early twenties.

[facetrock]

  There are exceptions to any situation or type of person, there are no absolutes in life. But many times the odds will simply kill you when you push the norm and make the exception extremely rare.

[Misha]

There are exceptions to any situation or type of person, there are no absolutes in life. But many times the odds will simply kill you when you push the norm and make the exception extremely rare.

Perhaps, but I would still favor for the 25-year-old pushing the norm and trying to find a woman his age to marry, as opposed to the 50-year-old looking for a woman 25  years his junior and pushing the norms. 

[Ranetka]

Oh my, oh my...25 years old wants to date and in a couple of years time marry 22 years old....That is just horrid, innit?   On the other hand what can be more normal than 50 years old looking for a woman of 35...???

This comment is intended to be sarcastic if someone is wondering...

[facetrock]

You are right Misha. But as soon as you get off the plane in the FSU you are pushing the norm quite far. If you are 25 and marry a woman your age from the FSU I would give you a better chance of survival, but not much. People in their twentys can be a totally different person in their late 30s or early 40s.

[topofthekey]

No TOP, I am not saying this at all.

There seems to be a certain group of people here on RWD who try to paint a picture to the rest of the forum of 20 year old schoolgirls as being "older women", when in fact all they are is 20 year old schoolgirls.  


GOB

I'm not one of them. Just willing to admit my search group includes women from my age down to their early 20s. And I am personally unwilling to brand any age group. Even here domestically. While the divorce rate is high (50% over 50% whatever) and most guys here are in the divorced percentage... there are a lot of couples that got married at the average age I listed earlier that are still on their first marriage. So my opinion is branding an entire age group of men or women under 30 is well.. stupid.

[Misha]

People in their twentys can be a totally different person in their late 30s or early 40s.

True, but between the early twenties and early 40s, that is 20 years to mature together, raise a family and live the normal young adult experience. I do not see the aberration in this. Just as long both know what they want and are getting married for the right reasons, there is no reason why it would be a worse marriage than a 40-year-old getting married to a RW.

[topofthekey]

You are right Misha. But as soon as you get off the plane in the FSU you are pushing the norm quite far. If you are 25 and marry a woman your age from the FSU I would give you a better chance of survival, but not much.

I don't think anyone would disagree. We all know the divorce rates. But I do kinda roll my eyes when anyone posts in a thread like this and is a 45 or 50 year old guy chasing girls in their 20s. I definiately do haven't anything against it. More power to you, but it is insane for a person like that to brand all guys under 30 or women for that matter as unfit to marry... look for a serious relationship etc.

The only answer to the question I accept is that you can't really set a specific age requirement. As for 20 year olds that is the bottom of my search in age. Believe me if she is 20 or 25 there is no rush on my part. If she is anything like what Facetrock describes in his daughter I would suggest you bet on me to discover that quickly and move on to someone else in the matter of a date or two.