Cold Feet, Any Clues?

[ambach123]

I am communicating with a young lady from Tver, met on line.
First suprise, she is fluent in English, not many in Tver are.
I asked " How come? "; she answered " I studied ". Fair enough.

She seemed to know a lot about K1 process; surprise again I asked " How come"; " I looked up on the interent". Fair enough.

Then I asked specifically " Have you ever filed a K1 before? ".

" Yes, I had a relationship with an American for about one year, we met many times".

" What happened ? " I asked.

" He presented himself more than he actually was, I received the packet, had an appoinment in the emabassy in Moscow, I did not go ". So apparently she changed her mind on the receipt of the package.

She would not elaborate any further.

Any clues? Red flags? Things to be careful about. She is mum on the subject.

I tend to think that there was something in the package that disturbed her, probably the financial statement of the guy, he was probably in debt or something, and she bailed. That is just a thought.

She seemed to be very skeptical of anything I say, but I thought nothing of it, many FSU women are like that.

[Vinnvinny]

From what you have written I don't see any red flags. She changed her mind ... the same as anyone has the right to do so regardless of where they are from and who they are marrying.

[Shadow]

Could be very true. However it also makes you wonder what is important to her.
Unless the guy made up a lot of things, it seems that the economic motives are quite important for her.
While you may be able to afford it, are you ready to 'buy' a wife ?

[ambach123]

Exactly my thoughts John.

Otherwise I like her very much, pretty, smart, well educated.

[GoodOlBoy]

Clue?....Please give me her e-mail address Ambach123, so I can tell her to run.


GOB

[ambach123]

What is this GOB, you interject on every thread on this Board? Most of the time clueless and nothing to contribute.

Get a life, and get out. I find you nauseating.

[GoodOlBoy]

And to you Sir,

"May the fleas of a thousand camels, infest your armpits!" 


GOB

[docetae]

Material side is important to her ? She will leave her country and her belonging, this is just normal she says no to someone who is not honest with her before marriage !!! She needs to have total confidence in the man with who she will leaves, she wants a better life, this is why she is looking for someone abroad, so it seems you have met a woman who has a very realistic outlook on life, I think this is a very good sign !

[SMS60]

probably the financial statement of the guy, he was probably in debt or something, and she bailed. That is just a thought.

First, The only thing she would know about his financial situation is what he wanted her to know. The Embassy package does not contain anything regarding money. If he sent her an I-134 to take to the interview it would show some money issues. I doubt it would show anything regarding debt. Just W-2 and tax returns. Possibly investments, value of personal property, ect.

Second, You are operating in "fear mode". Its natural to think this way if you were burned in the past. You have to get past this feeling or it will affect your search. You forge forward in a responsible way with the attitude you have nothing to lose. You are willing to walk away or keep going forward at any point and not make excuses for certain behaviour one way or another.

Meeting face to face is everything. But you can learn alot from everyday phone conversations and e-mail.

You are worried about her previous K1. I think you can find your answer with conversations and mail. You keep asking about her life in a positive way and the question will be answered. This takes a little time not money.

[ambach123]

The material side is conjecture on my part, I don't know what else is there in the package, may be something else they send. I think I 134 gives a pretty good fiinancial picture that an intelligent person can review and determine the financial health or lack of it of the suitor.

[Vinnvinny]

People rarely give the real reason as to why a relationship ended. There could be 100 reasons and to simply say ‘it was something in the package’ is an easy and understandable reply.

[Daveman]

Well, "he presented himself as more than he was" is quite vague.  It can't be any color flag as we have no idea how to extract the fact from the ambiguity.

It would appear to be related to the financial situation, and probably is, but first we don't know what is meant by "presented himself".. did he actually lie to her about his situation?  Or did she draw her own conclusions by his behavior and/or spending habits on his visits?  an RW will draw some very wacky conclusions (from our perspective) from a situation and then state the man lied (for example, dressing well and taking her to good restaurants, etc., can be "presenting himself").  It really is a wacked out mentality sometimes.  Or he could be a complete liar trying to catch a babe.

Is she a gold digger looking for the meal ticket to a rich life and a normal guy earning a good wage just isn't enough? Or did the guy actually present himself as something he's not? Did she see the statement and derive that she would have little "status" in some way? Did he flat out lie about his situation?

You'll just have to dig deeper as you get to know her.  



There are simply too many variables and too little information

[Dave13]

Ambach, Almost any reason could have changed the ladies mind. This could be looked at on positive note, because she's not willing to just leave with the first guy who comes over. You never know until you meet. I've been to Tver a few times, my wife Anna is from Tver.

Dave

[OlgaH]

The material side is conjecture on my part, I don't know what else is there in the package, may be something else they send.

Ambach123, when an interview in US embassy is scheduled a woman receives a packet only with instruction what she must to do before the interview (medical exam) and what documents she must bring for interview. Evidence of financial support are in the list of the documents for interview and must be sent by petitioner to the woman.    

I agree with Vinnvinny that there could be 100 reasons why a relationship ended. For example a woman can finally realize that if even she likes a guy and he can be a good provider but she can not take some of his out of line and clueless statements, that sometimes even cause a feeling of  nauseating, for long time. Sometimes the extreme situation when you have only two choices "to be or not to be"   can give a pretty sober view on the different things in the life life.

[groovlstk]

I am communicating with a young lady from Tver, met on line.
First suprise, she is fluent in English, not many in Tver are.
I asked " How come? "; she answered " I studied ". Fair enough.

She seemed to know a lot about K1 process; surprise again I asked " How come"; " I looked up on the interent". Fair enough.

Then I asked specifically " Have you ever filed a K1 before? ".

" Yes, I had a relationship with an American for about one year, we met many times".

" What happened ? " I asked.

" He presented himself more than he actually was, I received the packet, had an appoinment in the emabassy in Moscow, I did not go ". So apparently she changed her mind on the receipt of the package.

She would not elaborate any further.

Any clues? Red flags? Things to be careful about. She is mum on the subject.

I tend to think that there was something in the package that disturbed her, probably the financial statement of the guy, he was probably in debt or something, and she bailed. That is just a thought.

For the love of Mike, can you for once look beyond the financial aspects of searching for a mate? You see dollar signs in every girl's eyes, highwaymen reaching for your wallet behind every bush in the FSU. Any decent woman with a modicum of self-respect won't put up with such suspicions for long, if you continue down this path you're going to end up married to the thing you fear most because women with an agenda are the only ones willing to jump through such hoops, in hopes of a payoff.

There can be many reasons why this woman called off her engagement. The arrival of the K1 materials in and of itself is very sobering - suddenly all the talk of leaving her home and relocating 5000 miles away is real and imminent. She could have had second thoughts, or caught a glimpse of the true character of the stranger she was planning to marry. Etc., etc. But none of this matters to you - if she claims the I-134 had no influence on her decision you'll figure out another way to express your doubts and "test" her to make sure she's not a gold digger. 

The fact that she was the beneficiary on an earlier K1 is absolutely something that needs to be discussed. Yet whatever explanation she gives you - an explanation which, at this point in your relationship, is extremely personal and not something she should have to justify to every yahoo who exchanges a few emails with her - you'll always circle back to $$ being her primary motive. You will fail with her, as you've failed with every other woman so far.

She seemed to be very skeptical of anything I say, but I thought nothing of it, many FSU women are like that.

The number of people in Europe, US, and Asia who feel similarly skeptical of anything you say grows in direct proportion to the # of posts you make.

[mark2353]

Ambach,
I am sorry I missed something? I though you had a k-1 for the lady that you met in Turkey? why are you still shopping she was perfect (mosque visit, good sex..). Did she run after the pre-nuptial?
I have a lady friend (I am not interested in anything more!), very very attractive.. she has admitted to me that she has turned down several offers to move out of Russia. She did not feel good at the last minute (cold feet?) so she drop it at the last minute. I know it does not sound fair to the petitioner/$$$. However that was her plain simple response.   

[ambach123]

Groovstk, what is this personal animosity; I do just fine. I have had the pleasure of knowing some beautiful and delightful women, so I am not complaining, and don't want to end it that quickly either. Contrary to what you think, I kind of like it, the pursuit that is.

Some of your advise is correct and valuable, you lace it with personal venom.

Just look at the message, not the messanger.

[GoodOlBoy]

Just look at the message, not the messanger.

GOB

[Vinnvinny]

No personal animosity here ambach123 but your girl in Tver who is fluent in English. Does she know the difference between verbs and nouns?

[BC]

Why not just tell her up front that one of your requirements is a prenupt?  

That will resolve the issue quite quickly.

[ambach123]

BC, that is coming soon.

But the two other girls, I know I told them about prenup in some detail, and both of them send me love notes every single day, wanting to know when would we meet again. They took it just fine.

Probably her English is better than mine, I don't have any problems with that. She probably studied English, I was an entrepreneur since a kid.

Let us keep to the subject, shall we?

[Vinnvinny]

Let us keep to the subject, shall we?

Ok boss. Socks fell off?

[Shadow]

There can be many reasons why this woman called off her engagement. The arrival of the K1 materials in and of itself is very sobering - suddenly all the talk of leaving her home and relocating 5000 miles away is real and imminent. She could have had second thoughts, or caught a glimpse of the true character of the stranger she was planning to marry. Etc., etc. But none of this matters to you - if she claims the I-134 had no influence on her decision you'll figure out another way to express your doubts and "test" her to make sure she's not a gold digger. 

Her words 'he misrepresented himself' can be many things. One is that she does not understand Western economy and 'having a house and a car' means it is supposed to be debt free. Another one is the guy actually lying about things like his financial status or his marital past, or even worse.
However if she found out only after receiving the K-1 package, one has to keep in mind the old rule : do not marry a stranger.

Ambach is the one who, by his exchanges with the woman, can judge if she is eager to leave her country for a better life or for the right man. A character flaw of a golddigger shows pretty fast in correspondence, if you care to note.

[Mod3]

Just look at the message, not the messanger.

Gentlemen if you feel the poster is not worthy of your opinions, do not post them.
Do not lower yourself to personal attacks.

[OlgaH]

But the two other girls, I know I told them about prenup in some detail, and both of them send me love notes every single day, wanting to know when would we meet again. They took it just fine.

Prenup in Russia is not so new since 15th century, and during three centuries prenup was reformed and finally to the 18th century a woman gained all rights on her dowry. After the revolution prenup lost its importance. Nowadays in the conditions of market relations you will find many lawyers in Russia who help to draw up a prenup and people who has something to lose don't disdain prenup.   If Robert would offer me to consider a prenup I would not be offended.