Celebrating the Dead...

[Vaughn]

"A" had a big reaction to this name and did not even want to hear about a holiday that celebrates the dead.  At the time I thought it was because of the situation with her Father.. any thoughts?

My wife would feel the same way, put in that context. Makes me wonder how difficult it
would be for a Western undertaker to attract a FSU woman. I always associated Nov. 2nd
with the dead. In the Catholic Church, at least, it's referred to as All Souls Day.  

On another note, did anybody discuss jealousy? That was a topic we discussed at length,
its causes and effects. Arrogance (высокомерие) was another one.

The capacity to forgive. Man, I'm beginning to relive those table talks in my head.

[Sculpto]

Vaughn you probably have it right on the dates.  I think of it as the 1st because in Mexico the whole night is spent at the cemetery.  Here in SF there is a procession and shrines every year in the Mexican area.  About 10,000 people usually participate.. it is a quiet candleight procession with lots of "calaveras" skeleton costumes and other sorts of solemn revelry.. both my paretns are still alive but all my grandparents are buried on the other side of the country so the chance to visit their graves don't really exist.  but, on that night I remember them and try to honor them.  If anyone looked at the link I posted I think you can see it is a truly unique event, truly Mexican and rather beautiful. 

I never did get a chance to visit a cemetary in Russia or Ukraine.. how are they?

you do also bring up excellent points about jealousy.. "A" told me she is VERY jealous.  We also talked about arrogance which was not a topic she was at ease discussing also.  Then, she changed the subject and asked me to tell her about my school for street kids in Mex and asked if I wanted to go to an orphanage in Moscow.  I agreed and she was supposed to set it up but we never got to it.

[SANDRO43]

In the Catholic Church, at least, it's referred to as All Souls Day.

Not here, Vaughn:

La festa cattolica (in latino: Festum Omnium Sanctorum) cade il 1º novembre, seguita il 2 novembre dalla Commemorazione dei Defunti (Commemoration of the Dead)

P.S.: sorry, I thought you meant All Saints' Day .

[Diplomacy]

My boy donated most of his toys to the "children home" today.  He played with the other boys, for a good part of the day.  Then they invited him to the "theater", so she went with him.

It looks as though some Canadian couple is going to be blessed with a fine boy from the home.  My son did not know much about Canadian Men, but is the expert on American Men.  He said they are neighbors, so it should be close.  

He explained that I played with him, did not drink too much, and was good to his Mama.  He will like a Canadian Papa.

It was quite the interesting twist to the day.  My fiance said the boy that was being adopted is wonderful, I can only hope he gets wonderful parents.  

[Vaughn]

I never did get a chance to visit a cemetary in Russia or Ukraine.. how are they?

Dunno - never been to one. I would like to, but I'd probably have to go alone.

Then, she changed the subject and asked me to tell her about my school for street kids in Mex and asked if I wanted to go to an orphanage in Moscow.

That's one thing I really longed to do - visit at least one of Yoshkar Ola's many orphanages. Elvira practically
begged me not to, and I wasn't immediately certain if she was trying to shelter me from a not-so-pretty
picture of Russia, or if they held some painful memories for her extended family. I won't go into detail here,
but I know for sure I would've been very tempted to take one of those kids back home with me. I have a
photo from a place known as the Baby House...  check out these sweet little faces.

[SANDRO43]

I don't know about Russia, but they aired a few days ago on our TV a report on Ukraine's orphanages and the drastic drop in foreign adoptions after their government made stricter rules (IIRC, precedence to perspective local adopters for 1 month, and Ukrainians in general for 1 year before a foreign applicant can be considered). The major problem seems to be not so much when the kids are at the orphanage, where they receive at least some care and food, but when they are turned out at age 16, with nowhere to go but the street .

[Diplomacy]

Vaughn:

I can tell you, it is one the hardest things I have ever done.  I could not afford to do both at this time. 

I know that I did the best thing for me, and maybe in the future we can look at the adoption process. 

It is not right for all people, so I understand and respect others views on the matter.  I will caution anyone that is serious about FSU Adoption to go through specific agencies and feel free to PM me for information.

I just do not understand how in their culture, children are precious.  Except for the Orphans, they are still children.  They did nothing to be in there, except have parents that were unable or unwilling to care for them.  They hold a very lonely place at the bottom of the status ladder.

Then add to the fact that the restrictions and amount of children allowed to be adopted from foreign countries is making it very difficult.  They protect the children from bad foreigners.  Yet do bare minimum and in some instances horrible things to them.  It is a cruel world sometimes.

It is believed and even argued that somehow Americans profit from adopting a baby.  Due to tax credits.  To them $1,600 is a lot of money.  I really do not know any viable way to raise a child on that money, forget about having enough left over for profit.

I know, some of the children have landed in less than honorable places.  The issue there is a lack of cooperation between governments. 

[Sculpto]

I am not sure who it was, or from which culture they came.. but someone once told me never to cry for the dead because if you did not cry for/with them in life for what purpose did it serve to cry for them once dead.  I liked this concept a lot and have adopted it.

However... I am getting the feeling that such a concept will go absolutely no where with an FSUW...

[Mishenka]

I think Galina and I would get along with each other  very fast  What kind of fish she used? I love  carp and sturgeon, and I don't if fish eyes look at me.    BTW you can pick out the fish eyes, if it bother you  Oh, now I want ukha or just a head of sturgeon stuffed with rice

Im sure you two would get along great. she likes Sturgeon, or whatever is fresh that day in the bazar early in the morning. She only buys fresh fish before the sun comes up and heats the day. Yes I can pick out the fish eyes, or cover them as in this photo!  here is her tasty cooking,
Mishenka

[Simoni]

Simoni,

I hope you are not forced to eat what you don't like under a gun pointed at you  (just kidding)

Robert and I resolve issues about food very easily, though we have not yet had any problem about the food. 

For example sometimes I like to have the liver stewed with sweet onion and spices in sour cream sauce, Robert doesn't like the liver at all, so I cook the liver only for me and something else for Robert .

Olga, I do fine with Marina.  She does not everything I eat (Mexican food) nor do I eat those stinky fish!  But when MIL comes, I just eat them and smile and say "delicious."

[Sculpto]

No comdia Mexicana?  I cooked some Mexican food for "A" once and it was too spicy for her.. I was hoping this was going to be a one time thing.. your comment makes me think it might be more than that?

[mies]

Exacxtly the words she said.  I tried to explain that by going to the cemetary on this day, decorating the grave, bringing the dead persons fav foods and lighting candles was a beautiful way to show reverence and respect but she didn't want to hear about it.  I will probably have to be clandestine and just bring her to Mex to see because it is a really amazing and unique holiday.

http://gomexico.about.com/od/festivalsholidays/ig/Day-of-the-Dead/Folk-Art-Skeletons.htm

we have the day to celebrate the dead relatives. If I remember it correctly - week after Orthodox Easter, in Spring. People go to the cemetery where their relatives are buried, and bring to the cemetery food and flowers, clean the graves, pray by the graves for the souls of the dead, sometimes maybe ask the dead to be good to the alive ones. The content of "communication with the dead" depends on the family beliefs.
The difference from all-souls processions of a Mexican style is that in rus-ukr Orthodox tradition this is a family matter - not the large celebration. This is true that on this day cemeteries and churches are filled with people - whole families with kids go there, but these families do not interact with each other. Another difference is that people go to cemetery at daylight, not at night.
Also this is a quiet celebration of re-union of the loving family, a little sad day, a spiritual commemoration of people who were important, loved and have left, rather than a happy loud holiday. So, for example, on this day if I am away from the city where my relatives are buried, I would go to the church, light the candle, and will pray for them remembering all nice moments that we had together. Yet I would not go to the local american cemetery.

http://www.intv-inter.net/ru/news/article/?id=57730966 text is in russian but you can use some online translator to get idea what it's about.

[mies]

I am not sure who it was, or from which culture they came.. but someone once told me never to cry for the dead because if you did not cry for/with them in life for what purpose did it serve to cry for them once dead.  I liked this concept a lot and have adopted it.

However... I am getting the feeling that such a concept will go absolutely no where with an FSUW...

we also say that people should not cry over the dead (once they are buried. The burial ceremony is different - lots of crying) - because when we cry we don't let them go and be relieved. Rather than crying it's better to pray for their souls and be thankful for having them in your life. 

[Sculpto]

thanks mies.. that helps a lot.  from what you described the "day of the dead" is not so different than in mexico.. its a family thing but people do stay up most of the night.  also, in mexico no matter what the occasion there will be fireworks.. i think the processions and the candies shaped like skeletons are to taunt "death" because "death" is not the end of existence but the end of this existence...

[Simoni]

No comdia Mexicana?  I cooked some Mexican food for "A" once and it was too spicy for her.. I was hoping this was going to be a one time thing.. your comment makes me think it might be more than that?

Over the last few years, it has evolved to the point that we can now eat out for Mexican food.  We just have to be careful to order her something bland, like chicken quesdillas.   We learned that you have to be careful about the cheese sauce--some places make it hot!

Topic of communication-- food?  Yes indeed, since you eat three times of day.  But as has been stated, tastes change so the main agreement should be "each to their own" in terms of food choice.

[Sculpto]

Over the last few years, it has evolved to the point that we can now eat out for Mexican food.  We just have to be careful to order her something bland, like chicken quesdillas.   We learned that you have to be careful about the cheese sauce--some places make it hot!

Topic of communication-- food?  Yes indeed, since you eat three times of day.  But as has been stated, tastes change so the main agreement should be "each to their own" in terms of food choice.

cheese sauce?  hmmm.. that would be tex mex.. no such thing in Meseeco

[mies]

from what you described the "day of the dead" is not so different than in mexico..

Yes, you are right. The idea behind the two is the same. The form/realization - is different. I've been at nice/large All Souls processions several times, and seen fireworks too - impressive. The vibe is very different that in our "day of dead". I don't know how to explain it, but it does feel different. In Orthodox religion the "day of the dead" stems from pagan religion similarly to other Orthodox celebrations. Holidays have many rituals with special clothes, fire, singing, etc. but it never happens on "the day of the dead".

http://www.hs.fi/kuvat/iso_webkuva/1135220427893.jpeg - Kupala Holiday
http://ruralmih.wyksa.ru/Mih/Ivan_Kupala.jpg
http://img0.liveinternet.ru/images/attach/b/2/24/864/24864576_Ivan_Kupala_YUschenko.jpg
http://preview.unian.net/500/100/100291.jpg - Christmas Carol singers
http://preview.unian.net/500/100/100290.jpg

So, back to the day of the dead - you will never see people dressing ritually or performing any mystic rituals - other than bringing food and flowers to the tomb.

[Diplomacy]

Since the genius, Insanity, or coincidence of Ice cream being used as suffering.  What temperature the house is kept at, is an area that I think should be communicated.

I see a huge difference from my ideas of comfortable there.  The FSU culture tends to be that they do not like to be cold at all. 

[mies]

Since the genius, Insanity, or coincidence of Ice cream being used as suffering.  What temperature the house is kept at, is an area that I think should be communicated.

I see a huge difference from my ideas of comfortable there.  The FSU culture tends to be that they do not like to be cold at all. 

that's a GREAT question!

I don't like being in cold areas, though I do like cool bedrooms - with thick down comforters.

For men who are targeting very slim girls - slim people are reported to be feeling "chilly" at the temperatures when "bigger" people feel comfortable. For example a woman with BMI 17 will be freezing in a room where a woman/man with BMI 25 will be thinking it's a bit too warm. Honestly, I do not know how scientific this hypothesis is, but you often can see the superslim celebrities wearing coats while it isn't really cold outside. The less fat you have under your skin - the less protected you are from cold.
Additionally - you need to understand that if man works - he eats and sleeps at home, and rest of the day is spent elsewhere. While if the wife doesn't work - she spends most of time at home. Hence, if it is cold at home - husband may not notice it - during dinner he doesn't feel the cold, and while sleeping - he would not feel the cold either - if the blankets/comforters are good. Yet the wife, spending most of day at home - will be able to "appreciate" the low temperature.

[Diplomacy]

Is it OK to wear a felt hat in your own home?

[groovlstk]

Since the genius, Insanity, or coincidence of Ice cream being used as suffering.  What temperature the house is kept at, is an area that I think should be communicated.

I see a huge difference from my ideas of comfortable there.  The FSU culture tends to be that they do not like to be cold at all. 

Control of the home thermostat is something that has to be negotiated.

Last summer my wife and I had a housewarming party and invited a bunch of our Russian friends. One woman bought her mom, who was in her 60s. Keep in mind that it was one of those rainy, super-humid hot days, we were trapped inside because of the rain. Babushka asked me several times to turn off the A/C. I had been raising the temp when it would kick on but eventually gave up and just shut the thing off. At one point in the afternoon I looked at my thermostat and it was 87 degrees in our home   Everyone was comfy except for me.

Thank God for ice cold beer.

[SANDRO43]

No comdia Mexicana?  I cooked some Mexican food for "A" once and it was too spicy for her.. I was hoping this was going to be a one ime thing.. your comment makes me think it might be more than that?

Sculpto, the apparent paradox of hot-country cultures having a hot cuisine is simply due to the fact that up to a very short while ago (in historical terms) refrigerators were NOT available, and that a higher ambient temperature means a faster decay of foodstuffs.

Faced with the problem of fighting decay - particularly in valuable, blood-rich food like meat -  each culture tackled it with the means/ideas locally available: in the Middle East they evolved procedures like the Hebrew kasherut and the Muslim halwa (both involving the draining of blood from animal carcasses), in colder climates smoking and salting, in India and the Americas using local spices like pepper and chili (both possessing anti-bacterial and therefore decay-retardant properties).

Even here in Italy our southern cuisine is much more spice-laced than in the north where I live and grew up.

[SANDRO43]

Honestly, I do not know how scientific this hypothesis is, but you often can see the superslim celebrities wearing coats while it isn't really cold outside. The less fat you have under your skin - the less protected you are from cold.

Yes, fat is a very effective thermal insulator, just look at how rotund people from colder climates are, e.g. Inuyts, Yakutis, etc. .

[Diplomacy]

I never heard about those properties before with Chili and pepper Sandro.  Pretty cool, thanks.  Often the eating of putrid meat, was masked with spices and sauces.  It is the reality of life for some still. 

[Diplomacy]

Groov:

It could be worse, you could live in Texas.  Oh man, my BMI is got to go down now.  I will take it to 13% body fat.  Oh well Mia, good enough of  a theory for me.

It is going down anyways, but I any motivation at this point.  It is self preservation also, I was sweltering the whole time in Ukraine.

I got 21% now, so I may just be able to make it in time for summer.