Realities of FSUW

[Blues Fairy]

Would you please explain what is your imagination of the relationship?
I dont see anything bad that we are eager to make each other happy as much as we can

My idea of marriage?  A lifelong project in a team with a person perfectly interesting and entirely loved for what he is, not what he has to give.  Giving/taking is not the objective, it's the collateral of and means to achieving mutual goals.  

My husband is terrible at giving presents and he does not make all that much money, though provides adequately for our necessities.  My standard of living in Moscow was definitely higher than here (though when I go back to work I hope to raise it somewhat).  I definitely do not view my man through the prism of his giving capabilities and I'm the happier for it.  Can't even imagine leaving him for someone richer.  

[remiel6]

sometimes we say things without saying them directly. They are said by implication. I am not saying I think she is a terrible person. I am simply saying that to "love" has nothing to do with money. If you are looking for more in a relationship then someone to love, then you need to be honest about that, but I don't think I've ever seen that in a single profile I've ever seen on a singe site. I hear blah... blah... blah... soul mate, I would go anywhere for love. The whole soul mate thing is a long winded discussion in and of itself, but love has nothing to do with money. Honesty yes. I would admit that some people can't and wont live a certain way. They need certain things to feel comfortable with their surroundings, I only hope for them Mr. right, the guy they connect with, didn't pass them buy because he made $39,994 and not 39,995.

[Misha]

For years he has been trying to tell me there is no love in my marriage just because of my husband's earnings

Who is this "he"? Can't be me as I haven't been chatting with you for years  :evil:

[goforit]

Well, I am not going to summarize 10 pages of discussion. I have drawn my own conclusions. If you do not agree, that is your right.

You don't have to do such a thing. Since this is a discussion forum and you are making a pretty strong statement I wanted to see what evidence you had since I myself didn't see it in the thread, and the quote you provided didn't back up your statement that it had been stated in this thread by Zhenna that all RW or even most RW are only interested in money.

Since that seems difficult for you to provide, I'm going to assume such a statement has not been made, and that this is an uncalled for characterization by you. I would be happy to be corrected since I really don't have a dog in this fight, so feel free to do so if you have something a little stronger than what you provided in a previous post.

[Doll]

am not saying I think she is a terrible person.

who?

 

I am simply saying that to "love" has nothing to do with money.

let's say it more correctly- money is not the whole thing.
Though we are talking of women who start searching abroad so they are going to leave their environment- parents, families, jobs  for....for what? it is not a sightseeing. it is marrying a man and living in another country! see the difference between A-A marriages and R-A ones?

[remiel6]

  A very nice post Zhena. It says a lot about you  

[Doll]

Who is this "he"?

You. Ok- for months but definitely started last year

[remiel6]

as to the last question, yes I said that in one of my previous posts. I understand that as a WM I am asking someone to move 6k miles away from everything she knows. This is hard, I know I've done it. I expect that the last thing she needs to worry about is rent, food, and other basic necessities. I expect that I would hope she lives at least as nice as she lives back home. Still is it too much to ask to want a woman who wants to be with me   to whom I am important first and foremost.

[Misha]

I would be happy to be corrected since I really don't have a dog in this fight, so feel free to do so if you have something a little stronger than what you provided in a previous post.

Read Remiel6's post. He said it best when he wrote: "sometimes we say things without saying them directly. They are said by implication."

[Doll]

Still is it too much to ask to want a woman who wants to be with me  Undecided to whom I am important first and foremost.

It is a very good question. How long do you guys know these RW or they know you?
How long do you live together before you get married? Is it enough to really understand what kind of man (woman) you are getting? No. It s-cks but this is how it is in R-A marriages. So the risk is huge.
Look how many mariages are followed by divorces! People get married without knowing each other or realities of these marriages.
So tell me something about "marry me for who I am" Who are you?

[goforit]

as to the last question, yes I said that in one of my previous posts. I understand that as a WM I am asking someone to move 6k miles away from everything she knows. This is hard, I know I've done it. I expect that the last thing she needs to worry about is rent, food, and other basic necessities. I expect that I would hope she lives at least as nice as she lives back home. Still is it too much to ask to want a woman who wants to be with me   to whom I am important first and foremost.

This is what I mean about reading into things cuz I'm not sure the women in this thread would deny what you just said. You just acknowledged that money is part of the package although you would like to know she considers you more important than any amount of money. Don't we all? That doesn't discount money, it just puts it in its proper perspective. Just like most women, no matter how much money a man has, would like to think they are more than just a trophy and piece of a*** to him.

But the reality is if you can't provide for her she isn't coming along just for love, not if she is smart anyway. Money is nearly always a part of the equation, especially if there is or will be children involved. How much money will depend on the individual woman, but any man who thinks otherwise, IMO, is living in a dream world.

[Doll]

This is hard, I know I've done it.

Done what? Married somebody when you have a kid with you, got stuck with all these immigration things and you  totally depended on somebody's wish to get you these documents or not?

[Misha]

let's say it more correctly- money is not the whole thing.
Though we are talking of women who start searching abroad so they are going to leave their environment- parents, families, jobs  for....for what?

Love? Because she has found the man that she wants as a life partner?

[goforit]

Read Remiel6's post. He said it best when he wrote: "sometimes we say things without saying them directly. They are said by implication."

Nothing was said by implication. Those "implications" were read into the thread by you and others. The clear thrust of what they are saying is obvious and easily picked up. Gator summed it up nicely. To come up with something else you have to read into the thread, and frankly that is a poor way to carry on a discussion, especially when those involved keep telling you that is not what they are saying.

[remiel6]

Who am I? Hmm,.... well to restate my introduction, I am in Law school. Traveling to the Ukraine at the end of the month to propose to someone who I hope loves me for me. I agree there is a high risk, but I chat with her everyday and write letters everyday for nine months. Yes I have been to see her. I am an artist, as well as in law school,     I only state this because well its important to note because its part of my personality. Art is a life, and before law school a livelihood. It is not one of the "hobbies" that will or could be given up upon marriage with a guaranteed divorce. thanks for asking, now if i may return the favor?

[Doll]

Love?

Dear, there are 150 mln people in Russia- lots of love 

[remiel6]

I moved to the otherside of the world where I knew no one. I did graduate school there. That is what I was referring to. My soon to be fiance does not have children.

[Doll]

Who am I? Hmm,.... well to restate my introduction, I am in Law school. Traveling to the Ukraine at the end of the month to propose to someone who I hope loves me for me. I agree there is a high risk, but I chat with her everyday and write letters everyday for nine months. Yes I have been to see her. I am an artist, as well as in law school,     I only state this because well its important to note because its part of my personality. Art is a life, and before law school a livelihood. It is not one of the "hobbies" that will or could be given up upon marriage with a guaranteed divorce. thanks for asking, now if i may return the favor?

I didn't ask you personally but thank you for your introduction 

[Misha]

To come up with something else you have to read into the thread, and frankly that is a poor way to carry on a discussion, especially when those involved keep telling you that is not what they are saying.

Sometimes, it is not hard to read between the lines   Let me guess, you want to play the role of the knight in shining armor  :evil:

[Doll]

remiel6, though what a man does for living or his hobbies  doesn't say what kind of a man he is or what kind of a husband he is going to be.There are so many things! His habits, the way he lives, his family (parents  and sisters/ brothers, his kids and many other things).
I loved this thing from my AM's profile,"Kids are my life" How wrong I was !

[Doll]

I moved to the otherside of the world where I knew no one. I did graduate school there. That is what I was referring to. My soon to be fiance does not have children.

I knew it. What I was implying was  - it is very much different from lets say me with a 8 y.o. kid and all this GC stuff

[remiel6]

It is very different. There is no doubt. I can't even imagine moving that far with children. It must be very hard. I know people do it, but because I as of yet do not have children I can not relate. I actually when I searched profiles tried to limit myself to women with no children. It was nothing against children, or women with children, it was just that I felt that it would be two big changes in my life and while being in law school it would be a recipe for disaster.

[goforit]

Sometimes, it is not hard to read between the lines   Let me guess, you want to play the role of the knight in shining armor  :evil:

No, I want a solid quote from you which you seem to be unable to provide, and therefore keep trying to shift the discussion. Reading between the lines is okay if you get it right, but if the person whose lines you are reading between keeps telling you that you are getting it wrong, but you persist anyway, then the problem is not them and what they said, but you and what you keep trying to make them say.

[Doll]

ok, guys, break! RW went to bed(s). See you tomorrow! 

[remiel6]

Good night

now in answer to another question. First of all I am tired and my brain is full of exactions and regulatory takings so I can't figure out how to quote so I retyped it and will post it here. It is from page 1 i think
"Very few RW will put up with lack of money…
Should work 4 jobs if he has too...
Why should she need husband if she has to work...
Why did she come to America? Certainly not to be miserable...
When she sees someone gets more she feels insulted and fooled...
And she starts to think who are you spending your life with if he can’t buy you a new car....
The woman gets contaminated with jealosy...
And divorces her husband as a result"

the implication of the story here is that the woman gets jealous that her friends got new cars and she did not and as a result she feels worse and decides to divorce her husband for not buying her a new car. You can cut the story any way you want, but that is what is said. time a) she is married Time b) she is expecting husband to work 4 jobs so she doesn't have to time c) she sees other people getting things she doesnt and feels fooled (not sure why) d) expects to get new car time 3) gets divorce for not getting new car..
so to not get divorced man has to work 4 jobs and buy her a new car.