First date went well, won't return calls, how many times should I try?

[SomeDude]

Hi all,

Last Sunday I went out with a girl from Belarus on a first date. She is 25 and has been in the US for 6 years now. This was here in the USA in a city where there happen to be a ton of young, single FSU girls  We were introduced by common friends. We had a great date IMO, it lasted from about 1:30PM all the way until 8:00PM, walks on the beach, afternoon snack, evening dinner, and ended with a big hug...first date after all. I SMS'ed her on Monday telling her i had a great time and she replied that she did too on Monday. I have tried calling her once every day this week trying to schedule another date with her this weekend but she hasn't returned any of my calls. It's going on Friday with 3 days of no return calls from her. I don't want to appear as the clingly, need constant attention type but I was hoping for at least something by now. She works full time in a job where her hours vary so she might be busy and preoccupied. I think I'm just being anxious but I was hoping for some other opinions.

This is my second FSU girl, the other was in Russia and I lost her to an ex-boyfriend because I wasn't bold enough to make a few moves that I should have during the course of our relationship. I don't want to lose another because I didn't act yet I don't want to push to hard after just one date.

If this were an American girl I would just take the hint and scratch this one, but with it being a FSU girl I'm thinking it just my be part of the chase I need to go through to get her.

So my questions are basically as follows, Should I continue calling? And how often and/or long should I continue trying?

Thanks in advance for suggestions

[Sculpto]

I would say forget it.  You have left messages I assume.  She knows you want to talk to her.  If she doesn't call.. get the hint.. sorry.

[PeeWee]

I had communicated with an RW once who after about 6 months disappeared. After 3 weeks off and on calling I gave up and moved on. Another month went by before she emailed me wanting to know why I stopped callling. Turns out, she is a doctor, that her dad was seriously ill and living in another city. She went home to care for him. Too bad because in the meantime I had met another lady and was already on my way down the road with her.

Something to know about women. They always seem to want most to have that which they cannot have. Best to stop calling and see if she responds in a week or so. Also when I first meet a woman I play hard to get. After the first day I ask them to call me! They usually do. That way you can turn the tables and let them chase you.

Peewee

[Ravens9273]

I think you may have come on too strong. You had one date and your talking about Losing her. You cannot lose what you do not have. She probably picked up on this and may not be interested in the kind of relationship you are.
But you seemed to have moved way too fast.
If she was into you she would have called. Think of how hard you are trying to reach her. If she is not doing the same this is the hint.
Last thing is you came here to ask question about a date and why no second date because the lady was Russian.
Kep in mind. Russian Women do not come with a manual. If it were an American Girl you would not have come here. Why come here because she was Russian? It was a date. Does it matter if she is Russian, American, or whatever?
That form of thinking may also have been a problem.

[Vaughn]

This was here in the USA in a city where there happen to be a ton of young, single FSU girls  

I agree, let it go. You've called a few times and she's not responded. Don't even solicit feedback
from the common friends who introduced you - just move on. I agree with Ravens, especially since
she's been there since age 19 that she's no different from an American girl.

As you indirectly implied, you've got a ton of others to get to know.

[JR]

Hmmm, two ways to look at it. I once dated a doctor who would work 3 24 hour shifts with something like 8 hours in between. I would text and maybe get an answer. Calls would go unreturned until her shifts were done and she had had the chance to sleep. But if such is not the case with this person then it is best you just move on.

[I/O]

She ain't interested. Next...............................


I/O

[kievstar]

I think you blew it.  Calling each day is a desperate man.  Need to play hard to get when dating women in the USA.  I never called women back, made them call me.  Also, made them drive / fly to see me if they were from different city.  Did the same with women in Zurich, Brussels, and Paris.  Works well. 

Most AW like men that are in demand. Most RW want a good man. I prefer RW where you do not have to play games at first.

[GoodOlBoy]

It's over......move on.

And for God sakes, don't become her "stalker"!  :evil:


GOB


BTW....From my experiences with FSU women, they will let you know right away if they are "interested" in you. 

[Gator]

SomeDude,

Bummer!  You meet someone who blows your socks off, yet she's not really interested.  I tend to agree with the others that this woman is more AW than RW, yet she has retained the RW trait of vaporizing when they don't want to see you again. 

Do not call her again.  SMS works, so sometime next week send her another SMS.  See what happens. 

Remember that there are millions of woman out there - keep looking. 

[Gator]

I think you blew it.  Calling each day is a desperate man. 

Agree.

Need to play hard to get when dating women in the USA.  I never called women back, made them call me.  Also, made them drive / fly to see me if they were from different city.  Did the same with women in Zurich, Brussels, and Paris.  Works well.

In the game of "playing hard to get,"  you are an All-Star!     Impressive.  Do you need a wheelbarrow to carry your balls? 

Most AW like men that are in demand. Most RW want a good man. I prefer RW where you do not have to play games at first.

Interesting comparison.  For sure RW are direct, even at the onset. 

If the first meeting went well, she and I would schedule a second before parting.  In addition, a RW would usually give me a clarion physical signal at the end of the first meeting.  Sweet memories!

[kievstar]

Gator, I believe in continuous improvement and so in the past I spoke with men who do well with women.  I learned that AW tend to like men in demand.  But it is the man who makes himself in demand.  A man controls his behavior and actions.  Lack of confidence and stalking is not something most women seek. 

Men by nature are lazy.  The ones who realize they have a lot to improve on do well in life.  I personally learn from this board.  When I stop learning, I probably will find some other place. I change my mind daily and weekly on many things I see on this board.   

[Sculpto]

Gator, I believe in continuous improvement and so in the past I spoke with men who do well with women.  I learned that AW tend to like men in demand.  But it is the man who makes himself in demand.  A man controls his behavior and actions.  Lack of confidence and stalking is not something most women seek. 

Men by nature are lazy.  The ones who realize they have a lot to improve on do well in life.  I personally learn from this board.  When I stop learning, I probably will find some other place. I change my mind daily and weekly on many things I see on this board.   

Kiev is absolutely correct.  AWs want a man that is in demand.  It strokes their ego.  I have experienced this many many times in my past.

When I have a GF other AW are very direct with me.  I get offers.  When I am single.. its almost like I do not exist.  It was the worst when I was with the French woman who was very exotic looking and beautiful with a mix of French, African and Asian.  Men were all over her.. but.. women would see me with her and come right up to me and sometimes offer to have sex right then and there.. that never happens when I am single.. go figure

[Aloe]

:O i would never try to chase a guy, if he isn't calling me himself or coming over to my city, i take it he isn't interested. It's a man's job to win a woman, not the other way around. Even if i like the guy. For me to make the first call after a date myself i'd have to be EXTREMELY attracted to the guy, not just like him.
But yeah, if she hasn't returned your calls, leave a message or maybe sms in a while, but don't call every day.

[Sculpto]

:O i would never try to chase a guy, if he isn't calling me himself or coming over to my city, i take it he isn't interested. It's a man's job to win a woman, not the other way around.

This is why a lot of us like FSUW women Aloe.  AWs dont see things that way.  If you make the kind of effort they think you are a stalker or desperate. 

Which brings up another very important point.  I think many of us have forgotten the art of seduction.  I know for me after 20+ years of being brow beaten by AWs for trying to be the gentleman I sometimes feel lost when dealing with FSUW.  Maybe you can give us some pointers.. but probably not in this thread or we will hijack it..

Even if i like the guy. For me to make the first call after a date myself i'd have to be EXTREMELY attracted to the guy, not just like him.

First call after a date no one expects.. it is when the guy has called and she doesn't respond that we men get lost...

[SomeDude]

Ok so sounds like the consensus is basically to just wait a few more days then just send a "You know where to find me" kind of SMS then just leave it.


Quoted from Ravens 9273
"If it were an American Girl you would not have come here. Why come here because she was Russian? It was a date. Does it matter if she is Russian, American, or whatever?"
You're seriously asking this on a board about on how American men should date and marry Russian women?

[Vaughn]

Ok so sounds like the consensus is basically to just wait a few more days then just send a "You know where to find me" kind of SMS then just leave it.

Sounds to me like the consensus was to move on. You're taking the advice of one poster that leaves
the door of hope wide open - and making that advice the one you want to hear.

You're seriously asking this on a board about on how American men should date and marry Russian women?

Raven's point was that, although she's ethnically part-Russian part-Polish, she's no different than the
American girls around town. Any noticeable differences faded away during her six years here, including
the accent. For example only, my wife and 20-year old stepdaughter are like night and day, whereas
seven years ago, they seemed quite similar.

[Vinnvinny]

She could have lost her phone or had it stolen. Unlikely but still a possibility.

[SomeDude]

You all were correct. I sent a SMS asking for a second outing and she said "nyet." Not a big deal time to move on... Apparently the consensus knows a lot more than just a single person 

[mies]

Ok so sounds like the consensus is basically to just wait a few more days then just send a "You know where to find me" kind of SMS then just leave it.

"You know where to find me" isn't the right approach in your case.

I don't see what's wrong with "vaporizing". Do you think it is better to tell a guy "thank you, but I am not interested in meeting you" ?
There are dozens of cases when woman may feel sympathetic about man, and like his personality, so she does not want to hurt him, but still she may not be interested in romance with this man - for example because this man does not attract her sexually, or because he makes some particular gesture which this girl doesn't like. In short - there is no click, though the girl may still think that this man is a good and interesting person.

[acrzybear]

"You know where to find me" isn't the right approach in your case.

I don't see what's wrong with "vaporizing". Do you think it is better to tell a guy "thank you, but I am not interested in meeting you" ?
There are dozens of cases when woman may feel sympathetic about man, and like his personality, so she does not want to hurt him, but still she may not be interested in romance with this man - for example because this man does not attract her sexually, or because he makes some particular gesture which this girl doesn't like. In short - there is no click, though the girl may still think that this man is a good and interesting person.

This illustrates the different ways of thinking between men and women- A woman is concerned about not hurting the mans feelings, however a man would prefer that a woman just say " hey Bezelbub you're a nice guy however I am not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with you because you have horns growing out of your head"

 

   

[mies]

ok, let's reverse situation. You had a date, the woman apparently had a blust, but you do not feel comfortable meeting with her again. She's a nice woman but there is something about her that you don't like. How many of you men will respond her sms with "i had a good time but I am not going to meet with you again" ? 

[GoodOlBoy]

ok, let's reverse situation. You had a date, the woman apparently had a blust, but you do not feel comfortable meeting with her again. She's a nice woman but there is something about her that you don't like. How many of you men will respond her sms with "i had a good time but I am not going to meet with you again" ? 

It is just plain rude for a man or woman not to answer their phone after a date.

Thinking that if you don't answer a persons phone call or SMS they will just "go away", speaks volumes about that persons character.  :evil:

SomeDude....To many fish in the sea, don't worry about her. 


GOB

[acrzybear]

ok, let's reverse situation. You had a date, the woman apparently had a blust, but you do not feel comfortable meeting with her again. She's a nice woman but there is something about her that you don't like. How many of you men will respond her sms with "i had a good time but I am not going to meet with you again" ? 

  Perhaps it's my age, but I am not a big fan of texting.  I would have the decency to either tell her at the end of the first date or I would call her (after the text message) and tell her " Thank you for meeting me, however I am not interested in a second meeting with you.  I wish you good luck on your future endeavors".

 Being honest and polite is not really all that difficult.

[SANDRO43]

"Thank you for meeting me, however I am not interested in a second meeting with you. I wish you good luck on your future endeavors".

The possible problem is that often the recipient will not be satisfied with that, and reply "But why ?", which could lead to awkward/unpleasant explanations .