Gifts - first meeting

[Whynot]

Hi there -

What do you think would be appropriate/expected for a gift for a woman i've been corresponding with for about 6 weeks through the net.

Obviously, i'm not after specific recommendations, but a rough guide as to cost.

I was thinking of, say, a really nice box of belgian chocolates.  I want to be polite but not set up a sugar daddy kind of expectation.  Obviously, i'll be paying for dinners/outings etc.

Any comments?

WN?

[KievHarmony]

Box of chocolate is always a winner... Bring a book about the place where you live too and flowers. If everything goes well, you will be a gift for her..if not ... you will be glad to have not bought something too expensive.

[Bored1]

I agree with flowers.   More flowers more better.  Be aware of the number.  It should be odd number like 9, 11 or 13 because tradition for even number is for dead people here.  To give even number on first seeing her is not good.  Do not give yellow flowers also as they not good luck. 

[Whynot]

Chocolates and a book sound good - flowers are a nice idea but a little hard to manage if i'm meeting her at a station after a long train trip.

[Doll]

Chocolate and a book is fine

[viking]

Stopping at a flower place, even when she is with you, to give her small rose or tulip will go a very long way.

[mies]

Obviously, i'm not after specific recommendations, but a rough guide as to cost.

I was thinking of, say, a really nice box of belgian chocolates.  I want to be polite but not set up a sugar daddy kind of expectation.  Obviously, i'll be paying for dinners/outings etc.

Any comments?

WN?

The answer depends on how many women are you meeting and what is the nature of your correspondence.

If you are meeting 1 woman, or this specific woman is #1 in your list -
$100 is  safe area for meeting gift.   
more if you want to impress her.

It looks to me irrational paying for the dinners out (let's say $30 and up per dinner) and be saving on a present which if relationship develops properly - will be always remembered.

nice silk scarf and Belgian chocolates could be a good combination - reasonably practical but not too practical, both durable and hedonistic, tiny, easy to transport, cute, can be packaged really nicely, and silk is very pleasant to touch - gives nice emotions to a woman every time she touches it, and every time she touches it and has nice emotions - she will be thinking of you. This is of course just an example.
Belgian chocolate is a great gift (if combined with something else). I love Belgian chocolate.. and Swiss too 

flowers - a must do, if the meeting is romantic and this woman isn't just friend. Even for friend - you can never be wrong with flowers. Better to avoid lilies (too smelly and often taken to funerals in Ukraine/Russia) and carnations (are normally given to males, and also symbolize the political holidays - the October Revolution of 1917 and the Victory day of 1945). Roses are always a safe choice. Tulips are good too. As others already advised - no yellow color, only odd numbers.

[mies]

If everything goes well, you will be a gift for her..if not ... you will be glad to have not bought something too expensive.

are you giving gifts only hoping to get a gift in response? 

[KievHarmony]

are you giving gifts only hoping to get a gift in response? 

I mean only that is useless to try to impress the woman he will meet.
It will be better for him to keep his money for the right one.
I have heard too many stories about men telling that women are professional dater because they spent a lot of money at one expensive place for a first meeting. Why doing that when you can have a more close talk in one cozy coffee place or a tea salon ?

And only time spent together, direct communication, some chemistry can say if a relation can start.

Same for the silk scarf. I will not recommend this for a first meeting, without knowing how she likes to dress and  her taste. But if everything goes well and they start to spent time together during his travel, it can be a great gift before returning back to his country.

First gift must be of good taste and symbolic.

[Doll]

To find flowers right away- PITA! A book and chocolate !

[mies]

I mean only that is useless to try to impress the woman he will meet.
It will be better for him to keep his money for the right one.
I have heard too many stories about men telling that women are professional dater because they spent a lot of money at one expensive place for a first meeting. Why doing that when you can have a more close talk in one cozy coffee place or a tea salon ?

And only time spent together, direct communication, some chemistry can say if a relation can start.

Same for the silk scarf. I will not recommend this for a first meeting, without knowing how she likes to dress and  her taste. But if everything goes well and they start to spent time together during his travel, it can be a great gift before returning back to his country.

First gift must be of good taste and symbolic.

yes and no

1) gift is a gift - it is not an investment, it is not meant to impress. It is meant to make somebody feel happy.
2) sure - tea room also would be a good place for having tea and talking. When I am hungry i go to eat and not to drink tea. 30$ is not an expensive place. It is a normal basic price for the dinner out - at least in Kyiv. I am sure you will not find a much cheaper place in USA or Europe. I am not saying that the guy always has to pay for it, but if he invites woman and he chosen the place - he has to pay. This topic has been discussed many times on this and other forum boards.
3) the question was not about direct or indirect communication - it was about the appropriate cost of the gift. I believe, and also many women believe same way - it is better not to give any present at all, rather than giving a cheap and bad present.

about silk scarf - i wrote that this is an example. One of many possible gift ideas. I do not know any woman who was offended by silk scarf. It is very safe gift, and usually accepted very favorably. Even if she does not use it now - she can store it for the "right occasion", and still be happy about it. It is also somewhat a "luxury item" - it is liked, but it isn't a necessity and it's relatively too expensive. So woman may not buy such item herself, but she will be happy to receive it as a present.
As for chocolate - some people are allergic to chocolate - hence chocolate isn't ideal gift appropriate for everybody. Then - some people like specific type of chocolate - only milk chocolate, or only extra dark chocolate - so the safe solution would be to take both milk and extra dark chocolate.


More on gifts: http://books.google.com/books?id=uPm8fqkUCXgC&printsec=frontcover&dq=gift+giving&client=firefox-a


P.S. I personally don't like the books with photos of the other places. I call them "collectors of dust" and "occupants of space".

[Doll]

Then - some people like specific type of chocolate

I never wear scarves 

[giants11]

Be a gentleman give her some flowers!!!

[Mishenka]

On my first meeting with Galina I brought her a bottle of her fav perfume plus a new perfume to try. Cost about $120.00 for both. I brought her son a new watch and a shirt $45 for both, (his watch was broken) I brought her brother a shirt and his eight year old son a small toy gift cost was $20. Flowers in Tashkent were about $10 for 15 roses. For $200 I was set to go. I also brought small gifts for Galina that included coffee, some Avon products and make up she requested because they are hard to find in Tashkent. I had brought some massage oils and a set of foot scrub and creams in case things went well and WOW! We used them every day for a month! It was a joy to give each other massage. She liked hers at night, she would wake me in the morning and give me mine. I was living in a dream world. Heaven is not that far away!

 Men, you can not out give a Russian woman. she is a mirror image of the love you give and more. On the other hand, if you chose not to give, she will hold back in that same measure. To her, you are her whole life and she deserves to be your whole life as well. When she senses you are withdrawing, she will also withdraw. You must take the lead and she will follow. You can't lead unless you know where you are going. So, set sail and make a plan man.

By the time you are ready to meet your woman you should know all of her favorite things. You should know her taste in clothes from the photos she has sent you. You should know her favorite foods, colors, things to do, hobbies etc. Buying a gift for the woman you are meeting should be easy. Forget about $$$$$$$. Regardless of cost, you should be buying her favorite thing and give it from the heart. You can hand her the keys to a million dollar home and it will mean nothing to her unless you are giving from the heart. Listen to her. if she wants a 2 bedroom flat because it is easier to clean, get a 2 bedroom flat. Be attentive when she answers questions about favorite things, make a list, write down her favorite perfumes etc. KNOW HER SIZES!!! I am exaggerating my point to make a point that she will be happy with a Hershey's bar or two from USA if it is given in love because you thought of her and remember her favorite things. It is true, a small gift can mean more because it is not given to impress. Does she drink coffee or tea? What color are her eyes? Take a trip to Victoria's Secret web site and ask her to show you what she likes and send you the link to that page, save it for later, then surprise her with a gift. They ship directly to her.

I made it a priority to know everything Galina uses down to the mascara on her eye lashes, eye shadow, perfumes, sally Hanson hair remover,nail polish remover, fav nail colors, clothes and shoes. She can not dress a day in her life without wearing something I gave her as a gift. She remembers me every minute of the day because she is wearing her fav perfume or clothes, boots, or winter coat. She has a collection of perfumes that most stores only dream about having in stock. I lost count of the bottles I have shipped.  When she is putting on make up she asks my opinion and listens to me, and to my surprise she takes my advise. Purpose to be this close. It takes some time and patience. She is more patient than I am.  

Mishenka

[GQBlues]

Some ideas...

a) One of things I remember the majority of the women liked was Bath & Body Works' Bath Gel and Body Spray combo. At the time ('04) they were fairly new products and were fairly inexpensive.
My wife still uses them though recently switched to L'Occitane.

b) I always used to bring small boxes of See's candies, a California sweets. I think they might be available on airports' duty free shops.

c) If scents are an option, Mademoiselle by Chanel or Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana.

d) Considering you're going to Russia/Ukraine, there's better than a good chance (despite what their profile say) she smokes. If so, a carton of Marlborough Lights at duty free should be pretty good. My friends from CZ and Slovakia were crazy about Benson Hedges Menthol Ultra Lights before. They claim it's like smoking "spring air". They prefer it more as a present than any other feminine products because at the time they can't get it anywhere else. Go figure...

e) If you have any chic Chinese or Japanese tea boutiques near you, bring a few tea variations of green tea, like this or this.

f) A photo catalog of your city/community.

g) If you already feel 'close' to the person, a webcam is great so you can videochat for free to your hearts' content on messenger once apart (assuming she have a 'puter and DSL at home. Also, if you're not too sure of her, pls. use your discretion ).

[KievHarmony]

By the time you are ready to meet your woman you should know all of her favorite things. You should know her taste in clothes from the photos she has sent you. You should know her favorite foods, colors, things to do, hobbies etc.

I met my wife only after 4 emails exchanged during a week before my travel...I was transiting only in Kiev one evening (and I took train during the week to spend more time with her after our first meeting). So there is no rule about knowing favorite tastes...

[mies]

Very good point. If you don't know person reasonably well and are only in transit (do not plan to spend much time together) - there is no need to bring anything. Chocolates at most.

[Whynot]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone - they are really appreciated!

My take on this is that i am meeting two women who are both very promising.  I may be stating the bleeding obvious here but the trip's purpose is to give us opportunities (a few days) to check each other out firsthand, see what the dynamic is like and work out whether something might develop - not to try and buy their affection and interest by giving expensive gifts. 

I'd rather show my interest (if it comes to it) by giving them my full attention and perhaps even a massage if they're lucky ;-)  I may even try to cook for them if it feels right. I'll subtly let it be known that i am financially secure though so that they don't become concerned on that count.

As i'm not emotionally involved (well not much anyway ;-)), and this is the first time we are meeting, I think i'll keep the gifts small but tasteful (eg the chocolates) when we first meet.  I may indeed buy flowers at some stage during the visit.

Not long to go now - expect a trip report in a few weeks' time!

WN?

[Faux Pas]

Thanks for the suggestions everyone - they are really appreciated!

I don't believe I saw anyone recommend wine. Although there is some California wines available there for sale I have found that it is very much appreceiated. You can't go wrong having a few bottles of it packed away in your luggage.

My take on this is that i am meeting two women who are both very promising.  I may be stating the bleeding obvious here but the trip's purpose is to give us opportunities (a few days) to check each other out firsthand, see what the dynamic is like and work out whether something might develop - not to try and buy their affection and interest by giving expensive gifts.

 

Others have mentioned and it is true, it is not the price of the gift as much as the thought. If you feel bonded with a lady and you feel she with you, a moderately price piece of jewelry is usually a hit, earrings, bracelet ect.. How moderate depends of course on your budget.

I'd rather show my interest (if it comes to it) by giving them my full attention and perhaps even a massage if they're lucky ;-)  I may even try to cook for them if it feels right. I'll subtly let it be known that i am financially secure though so that they don't become concerned on that count.

Unless you are looking to rush right into a marriage proposal I can't see where this would apply for a first meet and greet. The fact that you are there largely implies your financial security. I wouldn't delve to far in this until you find a lady you wish to visit again and pursue a relationship with.

As i'm not emotionally involved (well not much anyway ;-)), and this is the first time we are meeting, I think i'll keep the gifts small but tasteful (eg the chocolates) when we first meet.  I may indeed buy flowers at some stage during the visit.

Not long to go now - expect a trip report in a few weeks' time!

WN?

Flowers are fine as a gift or improvement on the setting days after you arrive. It really is a hassle to have them fresh when meeting them at the airport for the first time. They can be presented later without a penalty or interest 


Go enjoy yourself and don't try to over think your meetings or the trip. Without you being a complete social Lepper, the ladies too will enjoy the meetings and whatever gifts you present.

All the advice above is only my personal opinion and FWIW

[mies]

I may be stating the obvious, but from a woman's perspective - it's better for a guy to be poor and generous rather than well-off and stingy. Because if the guy is poor - technically he can earn more, and even if he doesn't - woman knows that he will be eager to share with her what he has. If he is stingy - it is usually perceived as an incurable personality flaw. Rich and stingy guy will attract only the woman who's madly in love with him (unlikely there will be many of such women, if any) or a woman who thinks divorce already before the marriage. Hence - if you are planning to be saving money while meeting the woman - better not mention that you are well-off or as you said "financially secure".
Other women on this board may disagree with me.

On the rest - I again agree with everything Faux Pas said. Wine is a good idea too. 

[Gator]

I may be stating the obvious, but from a woman's perspective - it's better for a guy to be poor and generous rather than well-off and stingy. Because if the guy is poor - technically he can earn more, and even if he doesn't - woman knows that he will be eager to share with her what he has. If he is stingy - it is usually perceived as an incurable personality flaw. Rich and stingy guy will attract only the woman who's madly in love with him (unlikely there will be many of such women, if any) or a woman who thinks divorce already before the marriage. Hence - if you are planning to be saving money while meeting the woman - better not mention that you are well-off or as you said "financially secure".
Other women on this board may disagree with me.

I have heard such from many RW with a somewhat different twist.   It is not that the generous poor man may be able to earn more, it is the fact that he will be more generous with everything including his emotions, time, freedom, trust, etc.  The greedy man is stingy with everything, and not feeling a lot of trust he may try to control his woman (and RW abhor control).  Also, if times turn bad, the generous man will do his best to take care of his woman, while the greedy man could disappear.

BTW, how does a RW distinguish between "generous" and "greedy" when she has no quantitative measure of a man's financial security?  Hint:  it is not about the price of the gift.  Part of the test is his watch and shoes.

Whynot - Don't forget Mama!

[JR]

Hint:  it is not about the price of the gift.  Part of the test is his watch and shoes.

Whynot - Don't forget Mama!

i'm SCREWED ! ! ! !  I love my white tennis and Timex Ironman

[Aloe]

i was going out with a guy who makes 20k bucks a month, and lives in million dollar apartment in center of moscow (the company rented it for him for 10k bucks a month), and he wore the ugliest shoes i've ever seen to our first date. hahahah. fixed it after i pointed it out later (in a polite manner  ). so i never judge by shoes..

[Whynot]

So....in summary - if i give flowers (no forgetting any mamas of course Gator), purchase decent bottles of wine, wear gold plated tennis shoes and steal a rolex i should be ok... ;-)

[Sharp]

What if She don't like Wine!.......