Out of the blue

[Doll]

In future I will send say $500-1000 a month as soon as I think the relationship is going somewhere to take that uncertainty out of the relationship. Might not have made any difference here but it might help in the future.

Hehe, doesn't  sound like AM, no generalization though 
That's why I asked about his home country

[OlgaH]

In fact, do nothing other than send her an email every couple of weeks wishing that everything is okay with her life.

What for? I disagree. I think there should be a serious talk or as she said "It's over"

[Doll]

Even so, sponsorship is not marriage.  Maybe Aventino's UW wanted something more permanent.

Now we spot it! This is it- Hong Kong! Now I got it! Living in HK for 12 months just to see if she is comfortable versus maybe K-1 or K-3 visa to the USA.
Am I right?

[Doll]

I think there should be a serious talk or as she said "It's over"

"Should" doesn't count- the girls doesn't need to talk.
There are good chances that some practical   guy offered all at once- marriage, K-1 or K-3 visa, decent engagement and the USA (Canada, Germany, UK)

[OlgaH]

Now we spot it! This is it- Hong Kong! Now I got it! Living in HK for 12 months just to see if she is comfortable versus maybe K-1 or K-3 visa to the USA.
Am I right?

Doll he wrote

Sad, I asked her to marry me on my second trip to see her and she wanted to wait.
 

I'm in Hong Kong so I sponsor her and she comes out for as long as it takes her to feel comfortable (sponsor visa max 12 months) if she wants to try the place out before marriage. I was happy with marriage the first time I met her.

[Doll]

Olga, all the quotes make is only more clear. Sure she wanted to wait!

[OlgaH]

Olga, all the quotes make is only more clear. Sure she wanted to wait!

and he being the man gave her such chance, but she dumped him, now she for her own reasons, probably she needs another monthly allowance, tries to restore a "bridge".

[Doll]

now she for whatever reason, probably she needs another monthly allowance, tries to restore a "bridge".

I need the translation here.
I don't understand what we are talking about! The girl doesn't want to marry this man. Period. Does she have to?

[OlgaH]

The girl doesn't want to marry this man. Period. Does she have to?

No, she doesn't have to. And you are right she doesn't want to marry him. She said "It's over, no future", but in such case she should not send him emails "saying can we keep in touch and see how things are in a month or two"

[Sculpto]

an allowance that Julia spent on her. It was $400USD a month.

400 a month goes a long way un a place like severodonetsk.. you were giving her money after all.  strike that off the list of "why"

[Doll]

No, she doesn't have to. And you are right she doesn't want to marry him. She said "It's over, no future", but in such case she should not send him emails "saying can we keep in touch and see how things are in a month or two"

I missed it

[Doll]

400 a month goes a long way un a place like severodonetsk.. you were giving her money after all.  strike that off the list of "why"

Sculpto, forget money- it is Hong Kong I think (and this 12 months visa). The girl wants something more stable.
Could be also ethnicity or something. Depends what Aventino answers us.

[OlgaH]

Sculpto, forget money- it is Hong Kong I think (and this 12 months visa). The girl wants something more stable.
Could be also ethnicity or something. Depends what Aventino answers us.

I guess she knew about Hong Kong from the beginning.

[Doll]

400 a month goes a long way in a place like Severodonetsk.

You know it is almost my grocery bill for a month but there (in Russia) I have to spend much more- it is awfully expensive to live there.

[Doll]

I guess she knew about Hong Kong from the beginning.

Sure she did and just kept looking

[Sculpto]

You really think Hong Kong has a bad view?  Wow.. seems to me one of the most interesting places in the world...

[Sculpto]

You know it is almost my grocery bill for a month but there (in Russia) I have to spend much more- it is awfully expensive to live there.

Average salary in Donetsk is about 400 a month.  I have numerous friends there I am in frequent contact.  Severodonetsk is a crap hole old factory town.. nothing there.. just old stalin houses and a lot of not very comfortable living.  It can not be nearly as costly to live there as Kiev or Moscow. 400 a month should have paid for an apartment and plenty of food for a woman with one kid. 

[OlgaH]

You know it is almost my grocery bill for a month but there (in Russia) I have to spend much more- it is awfully expensive to live there.

In some region in Russia many people manage to live having $400 per month.

[aventino68]

Ok thanks for the replies. I am European and in Hong Kong for the job, nothing more, although I enjoy living here. I will probably be back in Europe one day. And yes I agree you can't buy the person and she has every right to choose whom she wants to be with.

I wanted marriage but didn't want her to be forced into it so I said, "I want to marry you now but I can wait until when you are as crazy about me as I am about you and only you know when that is" . I didn't want her feeling she had to get married and then find she hated Hong Kong after 6 months so the sponsor visa and able to come and go from Hong Kong I thought removed some pressure.

I was happy to get her parents over as well, I am a family person, not a party batchelor. I wonder if Hong Kong VS the USA had something to do with it, maybe someone from the US turned up instead and I was a stopgap measure.
 

[Ooooops]

I have another trip in July and August. From Hong Kong I go Singapore for visa back to Hong Kong down to Dubai over to Kiev and on to Lugansk.

What airline do you fly?   There is a direct flight on Aeroflot from HK to Moscow (I live in HK as well), but I'm not sure if it can help flying to Ukraine...

[aventino68]

I can live in Europe/Australia/New Zealand but I wonder if an initial future in Hong Kong wasn't what she was after.

Ok so what I have learn't so far for next time?

The relationship isn't ever sure until she is settled at you place and is happy no matter what you think
Nothing wrong with paying to support her in the Ukraine but it is an interim thing until she is with you in your country
If I am going to get involved with someone in their early 20's I need to expect that this "abrupt change in the relationship direction" might happen a few times before I find the right one
I may need to put some work in explaining Hong Kong is warm and sunny and close to a zillion great holiday destinations and though it isn't the USA it is quite nice
I should meet her family and parents early on or the relationship is probably going nowhere

What can everyone add?
  
  
 


 

[Doll]

You really think Hong Kong has a bad view?  Wow.. seems to me one of the most interesting places in the world...

To visit but not to relocate with the kid on some 12 months visa.

[Doll]

What can everyone add?

How old are you? 41? Then early 20s is too young.

[aventino68]

Doll, if she had said yes to me when i asked her to marry she would have had permanent right to live in Hong Kong or anywhere my passports allowed. If she didn't want to marry until visiting Hong Kong then she needed a visa to do so that's why i offered it.

I wanted her to marry me, on a beach in Phuket, flying all her family out to be there. No visa required.

Yes I am learning that she might have been too young but finding someone with a young child in their late twenties or thirties has been impossible so far.

[Doll]

I don't know her reasons for sure, I am just thinking. Hong Kong could be one of the reasons, your age too, also money.  There is something that she didn't completely like so she probably kept looking.
I would also consider her bf in Ukraine- she might meet somebody there.
She is young so great chances.
aventino68 ,there are thousands and thousands women with young kids there unless you want to take your chances with a much younger girl.
I would think Hong Kong is too exotic for a Caucasian woman. I would prefer something closer to my culture that is the US or Europe. Or if a man is a military and lives in Asia temporary. Just my feeling.
 Try to talk to her.