Age Range. What is yours and why?

[Brianinaz]

My first marriage was to an AW. I was 36 and she was 21 when we got married. The marriage lasted 12 years and we had 4 kids. Was age an issue in our divorce? To a degree in that people continue to grow and change more in their 20's than they do later in their life and she changed quite a bit over the 12 years.

After getting divorced at 48 I dated AW with age ranges 27-40.

My first relationship with a FSU woman was when I was 49 and she was 21. It lasted 1 1/2 years with 6 or 7 trips on my part (We didn't correspond before meeting. We were introduced by a mutual friend on my 2and trip to Ukraine). The relationship ended after she lied to me a couple of times. You lose trust, you lose the relationship.

A year or so later I met the lovley woman who is now my wife. She is 36 and I am now 53. We will be married a year in July.

Why the age preference? Several reasons I suppose. I started college after a 12 year career in the construction business so most of the people I associated with for 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, and 6 years of residency were 10-12 years younger and I got use to that age group. I found after a while I didn't relate that well to people my age. Then I married a girl 15 years younger. I had kids in diapers while people my age had kids in college and were becoming grandparents.

In the beginning after getting divorced I was sure I wanted another family  and more kids. As time goes on I'm less sure about that but in the beginning that defined the age range for me.

And finally as my wonderful wife observed; many many 20 yo girls are beautiful but not so many 45 yo women are so beautiful.

As a relationship progresses a love for the person and the shared experiences replaces the physical beauty and attraction but in the beginning before that happens the physical beauty that tends to come with a younger age is nice. (Yes I know there are beautiful women in their 40'sbut they're not falling out of the trees)

You asked for examples of large age relationships. One of my collegues is a surgeon from Argentina. He is married to a very attractive AW he met here. I don't know his exact age but he's 8-10 years older than I am and she is right around the same age as my ex wife which would give them a 20-25 year age difference. They ahve been married 12-15 years and their youngest and mine are the same age ( so I see them regularly and they seem to be doing quiet well and are quite happy.

But it's like the beautiful 45 yo, yes they're out there but just not that common. Most large age difference marriages are like the beautiful 20 yo's; it dosen't last 

[Gator]

I can only tell from my experience. I have known three women, two from Ukraine, and one from Russia. They were all about 30 years old. They all had University degrees, and could converse in English. None wanted to work in USA; they wanted to be mothers and housewives. The main reason is that they knew the kind of jobs they would get here, and that was not accpetable to them.

Ambach,

You have not disclosed the reasons why you have failed with three women, each of who seemed ideal after you spent 7-10 days with them in a hotel.  The above statement prompts me to speculate with my own opinion:

Each of the three RW listened to your unilateral prenup proposal and determined that they could not depend upon you and would need to start their own career in America.   However, you discouraged them by stating how difficult this would be, when instead you could have encouraged them by explaining what you would do to help them.  If you have money as you claim, there is much you could do to facilitate their transition.

Perhaps they wanted children and did not want to work, yet your unilateral prenup would convince them that you would not be the generous father and husband that a RW would want.

In an attempt to help you, I have the following suggestion.Next time, do not talk of a prenup and other actions that suggest you would be controlling and greedy, and instead build a loving relationship.  If you feel mutual love, you would perhaps even trust the woman and respect her situation.  If so, you would propose a prenup that protects her and thus encourage her to be your wife in America. 

[Gator]

Then next day when they laugh at you for not getting in the spirit of the party and drinking you can pull out your cell phone camera and show everyone some of the less glamorous photos of the evening..... About then most people tend to go silent very quickly. 

Poker,

In my drinking days, we always laughed at such photos.  Are you sure that your colleagues became silent because they saw photos of themselves while intoxicated?   Or were they stunned to learn that someone they thought a friend was actually a self-righteous, party pooper lecturing them about something they enjoy? 

Nevertheless, Poker, there are plenty of RW who would greatly appreciate a man who does not drink alcohol. 

[Gator]

Will these younger ones trade us old fools in once they get what they want? Who knows and who cares? I have every reason to think otherwise right now but if that should change, I'll worry about it when the time comes. 

Exactly!  Worrying about something that could or could not happen years from now only detracts from the joy of today. 

In fact, such thoughts tend to become self-fulfilling prophesies.  A man fearing that he does not have the stuff to keep the love of his woman is not a confident man, and that prompts controlling behavior which by itself will drive a woman away, especially a RW who has enough sense of adventure to marry a foreigner and move to a strange land.

[Blues Fairy]

At 32, I am not sure how many would have the desire or determination to start all over again, and would her benefactor pay for her? I don't know.

Benefactor?

[Sculpto]

ok here are some random thoughts on the current spat of postings..

as I/O pointed out.. and Gator reinforced.. WHO CARES!  Anyone might be in the next Air France jet to fall out of the sky.  If someone is worrying about 10-15 years from now.. they do not have their priorities right.  Live in the NOW and keep the future in view out of the corner of your eye. 

Someone mentioned a 21 year old who lied.  Anyone can lie.  Maybe young people are more prone to it.. but I don't think so.  I think people become more willing to lie and or stretch the truth as they get older and have gotten smacked down a few times and lose their innocence and become more greedy/selfish.  So.. perhaps it should read.. young people lie out of stupidity.. older people lie out of need.  Just a theory.. don't kick my arse if you don't agree haha!

Drinking with Russians.. oy!  Ok, I can spell it out in my world.. I had more alcohol in the two weeks in Moscow than I have had in the three months since.  I had more alcohol on the night of the party than I have had in the three months since.  HAHA!  However.. the drinking did become a little competitive the night of the party.  It was fun.  I paced myself and ate exactly the right amount of food which kept me from getting too drunk.  I knew I was being tested for alcohol tolerance.  We went shot for shot for 6 hours. 

Ambach.. you should listen to Gator.. he is right.  You are going about things completely wrong.  You know I actually feel bad for you.. maybe even have some pity on you.  You are trying to hold on to something that has so little value that it is making you lose sight of what is really important.  So, here is my advice to you.. forget wife searching completely.. then.. go volunteer to do some community building in some really destitute part of the FSU..

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Gator.. Ambach hasn't disclosed why things fell apart because he is ashamed of something.  Otherwise he would have nothing to hide. 

[mies]

Of course you can also be like me and drink little or nothing and care less what anyone thinks.  Then next day when they laugh at you for not getting in the spirit of the party and drinking you can pull out your cell phone camera and show everyone some of the less glamorous photos of the evening.  A female colleague showing too much cleavage while drunk. A male colleague passed out, head down on the bar, with a lake of drool rapidly forming and running off the bar is not a pretty picture.  About then most people tend to go silent very quickly.  

I hate people who are trying to take my photos while i'm partying with only intent to mock me later. It's none of their business how i laugh, gesticulate or dance.
In my freshman year in college we had a party after first finals.  I had a boyfriend, and he could not come to that party with me. My roommate - otherwise nice girl - took photos which she thought were funny - namely she took a photo of some other guy trying to hug me and me pushing that guy away. And showed the photos to my boyfriend next day accompanied by cheesy comment. My boyfriend got jealous and stopped talking to me for the next 2 years - he thought i got drunk and was cheating on him. I did not drink any alcohol at all back then, and of course i was not cheating - i was doing exactly the opposite, though looked happy because having great time on a party.
It was 13 years ago, but i still pay attention that nobody takes my photos in pubs, clubs, and other parties.
Poker - you are a party-breaker and your behavior isn't nice nor funny. If you don't feel respect for this people and want to mock them - why do you go to parties with them? Stay at home and watch TV.

[KenC]

A 22 year old RW, can go to college get her degrees and then upgrade, like Ken C's wife did,  

Even Ken C's wife came when she was 19, regardless of whatever else happened in their marriage, she asked for a divorce shortly after she got her degree

Ambach,
Some things never change.  Like you being the best source of misinformation on RWD.  Upgrade?  Where the hell did you get that?  Big upgrade for Lena living on her own, struggling to earn less than I gave her to cover her personal expenses.   And you are also wrong in that she has yet to finish her degree.  If anything, she took the more honorable path when she could have easily played the part and used me until her schooling was competed.  Oh, and Lena was 21 when she arrived.

Misha, since I have been here, there are three people who constantly told me that I am wrong. Look into the arrchives.

Ken C, Scott and you.

We already know what happened Ken C and Scott; I sincerely hope you have better luck than them

My criticisms of you have most typically been when you are dispensing your "wisdom" on topics you have yet to experience, just like here.  With your phenomenal wealth and charm, you have yet to suck in a RW into the first day of marriage.  Many marriages end after time, I have no regrets for the ten years I spent married to Lena.  Get back to me on your tenth anniversary.  That is if you are able to sucker a poor RW into your ideas of marriage.
KenC

[ambach123]

For the record, all of three times, I was the one who broke off. I still hear from them often, but I would like to move on.

Like they say, you would know when it feels right, and there are many more where they came from.

[aventino68]

I would like to ask those in a relationship with a 20 year age gap, how do you fit in with her friends and doing things with them?  Has you age gap mean't that you do more together and less of her with your friends (who I presume are close to your age) or you with her friends (who would also be 20 years younger than you). I have also dated with a 15 year age difference and found there are obviously lots and lots of mid 20's great girls around but will keep searching for someone early mid 30's if I can. I agree that you have to live in the present to an extent but there are stages in your life where a large age gap between a couple won't seem like much and stages where it will be huge.   

Great thread so far though.

[Taz]

I've dated a fair amount of women with a substantial age gap. In every instance I got along quite well with her friends. In many instances it was the woman's friends who introduced us in the first place!

Your question though may have answers a little than you think. Unless the woman's friends can speak English (or a common language with the foreign man), they often might not be able to interact with him. I happen to be more than capable of having an in depth conversation in Russian so that is one barrier I didn't have to worry about with the woman or her friends.

Something to keep in mind as well in the large age gaps is how you interact with her parents which quite likely could be the same age as you if not possibly younger. This has sometimes been the bigger challenge for me than her friends...

Obviously a big age gap is more of an issue when very old of very young. In general I've had no issue with it and the women I've dated. OTOH I didn't specifically seek out a much younger woman. In almost every instance it was due to a mutual introduction rather than what I was specifically looking for.

[Mir]

My boyfriend got jealous and stopped talking to me for the next 2 years

So he continued to be your boyfriend? 
If yes then you two must have used sign language.

[Taz]

I was thinking more along the lines of "body" language...  :evil:

[KenC]

I would like to ask those in a relationship with a 20 year age gap, how do you fit in with her friends and doing things with them?  Has you age gap mean't that you do more together and less of her with your friends (who I presume are close to your age) or you with her friends (who would also be 20 years younger than you). I have also dated with a 15 year age difference and found there are obviously lots and lots of mid 20's great girls around but will keep searching for someone early mid 30's if I can. I agree that you have to live in the present to an extent but there are stages in your life where a large age gap between a couple won't seem like much and stages where it will be huge.   

Great thread so far though.

aventino,
In casual meetings of mutual friends it was usually OK, but with regard to long term friendships not so much OK.  This problem may not show up in the dating phase either.  There is a certain awkwardness in meshing with either age group.  Add to the awkwardness, is the jealousies of American wives from my peer group which does not lend to any close friendships.  Of course there are always exceptions too.  Like our friends (both American) that have a 25 year age gap in their long term marriage.

I never had difficulties with being accepted by Lena's parents and we got along very well.
KenC

[Mir]

And finally as my wonderful wife observed; many many 20 yo girls are beautiful but not so many 45 yo women are so beautiful.

Exactly the point I was making upthread (or was it another thread?)

Youth and beauty have a close if not exact relationship, that is why men are always attracted to a younger woman and many 60 year olds will run for a 20 year old if they get the chance.
Recently one of my friends (a psychiatrist) married for the second time. He is 49 and the lady is 24. She has just finished medical school in Kiev. All of his friends advised him not to marry someone that young, he laughed and said: 'Maybe I am making a mistake but I just can't resist the temptation'.

[Misha]

And finally as my wonderful wife observed; many many 20 yo girls are beautiful but not so many 45 yo women are so beautiful.

The same could be said for men  :evil:

[Boethius]

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[Misha]

A moot point, as I have learned, since reading this forum, that all Western men look much younger than their chronological ages .

LOL! You are right, I forgot that we never look a day older than 29  :evil:

[KenC]

I may be reading your post incorrectly, but I wouldn't attribute AW's attitudes primarily to jealousy.  People generally feel most comfortable with people who are like them.  So, your wife's foreigness is one strike against her.  Her age difference with those women is another. 

In my experience, it would be a rare person who would feel comfortable with someone in such circumstances, and it has nothing to do with jealousy.

Label it as you may, but I sensed that many AW were put off by her youth, beauty,intelligence and the forwardness that many Russian display.  She was always much more accepted by AM than AW.
KenC

[Sculpto]

Ambach.. your latest comment confirms what a lot of people are already thinking about you.  I am not going to say it in public.. someone else can fill it in.. ... .......

And by the way Ambach.. just saying YOU broke it off doesn't illuminate ANYTHING.  You are seducing women and throwing them back in the pond, real classy and a classic example of a ... .......

Maybe its just me, but, I love having friends of different age groups.. different socio economic situations.. different cultures.  Life is a lot richer when you do.  For example.. one of my old highschool friends who I recently re-connected with via facebook is still listening to exactly the same music that was popular in 1981.  I tried to get him to listen a bit of the softer music I have posted here.  He wouldn't even listen.. "tried and true" was his preference.  Whatever floats your boat.. no biggie.. but.. that same guy has never been married but is afraid to go to Russia with me.  

[Sculpto]

Label it as you may, but I sensed that many AW were put off by her youth, beauty,intelligence and the forwardness that many Russian display.  She was always much more accepted by AM than AW.
KenC

haha Ken.. I had the same issue when i was with the 21 year old Chinese girl.. friends wives were polite but thats it.. but all the guys were REALLY nice to her.  The guys all thought I was cool for it.. the women were not nearly so kind. 

[Boethius]

How men react is irrelevant.  Men generally take people more at face value. 

Most people don't know much about Russia (or China, for that matter).  Most people aren't particularly interested in learning about different countries or cultures.  Add an age difference, which generally means people are at different stages of life, and most people just aren't going to put in the time to develop a friendship.

[Sculpto]

How men react is irrelevant.  Men generally take people more at face value. 

Most people don't know much about Russia (or China, for that matter).  Most people aren't particularly interested in learning about different countries or cultures.  Add an age difference, which generally means people are at different stages of life, and most people just aren't going to put in the time to develop a friendship.

Actually I think the men just liked getting attention from a pretty young girl.. and I think the women felt it might give their men ideas. 

[Boethius]

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[KenC]

Boethius,
The example you sight is a much different situation.  There is no right or wrong here, but I have to say I disagree with your assessment that the AW were not threatened by their hubbys meeting my Russian wife.  The American feminist thinking only works if they are the only game in town.  Showing their husbands an alternative to AW, had to make them uncomfortable.
KenC