Why I want to marry a younger woman...

[Taz]

Sculpto - I was much more tolerant of BBW's until I saw how I was treated when I was super sized. Their dual standards became glaringly apparent to me. Up until that point I was content to just not be interested in them, then I saw their true agenda. I should bow down and worship them even if they were totally unattractive to me (and often themselves) but I had to "take it". Heck no! There are choices in the world. I stood my ground and pointed out their double standards and realized how much more natural it was to date wome while I was in the FSU.

While I don't want a BBW, I support their right to be how they are. Just don't shove it down my throat and force me to accept it. I don't have to accept it. I don't HAVE TO DATE THEM! Hell, I think long and hard about celibacy before I'd date one of them. Just not my type. I've been very direct with all the RW I've dated that I don't like BIG women. I could love a big woman but not be that interested in her in a more intimate manner. Being that big (unless a medical condition) shows a complete lack of respect for one's self. If she can't respect herself, how can I? Without respect (and a bunch of other things) I can't have love.

I do think many FSU have trust issues. Sure some of them were earned rightly so but that doesn't mean that it still isn't an issue. You have to find a way to deal with it or pass and to go the next issue. For me trust issues are some of the hardest to deal with. I don't one to be punished for another man's transgressions. That is another reason why there is some benefit to a younger woman. She is younger so likely (not always of course) had less time in bad relationships that could negatively affect her. I don't know of any 40 year old RW single women (possibly married before of course) that don't have emotional scars akin to the physical scars that a whale has after battling with a giant squid. By the time  most women are 40+, they've endured a lot. Most of them dealt with sexual harassment in the work place, unfaithful men, alcoholic men, difficult economic climate and the list goes on. I can admire their tenacity and strength... from afar. I've been up close and personal enough to know that type of woman isn't for me. Maybe it is fine for somebody else but I am pretty careful now about who I am willing to invest my time and energy in. I don't worry about the financial costs as much. The first two are the most important to me. Time is a non-renewable resource. I only have so much energy as well. Money...well I am not Ambach so I don't brag about it but I get by well enough. Any RW will only work if she wants to. It won't be a necessity for her.

[Sculpto]

Taz..

what happens if your slim and trim future wife gets fat on McD and sitting in traffic all day after she arrives here?  Don't think it isn't possible.. I know a lady from Kiev.. about 26 years old.. came as a normal immigrant 3 years ago.. works in my field.. when she first got here she was hot as hot gets.. one year later.. about 30-40 pounds heavier.. she isn't quite so snotty anymore if you get my meaning.

I think it is up to the man to earn the trust of his women.  We are asking the ladies to cross the ocean for us.  We better give them every reason in the world to trust us and stick to it or we are going to end up in divorce court.  And frankly, I would rather win the trust of a lady who has a hard time giving it than to have it easy and assume everything is just fine.

[Taz]

My ex RW gained about 50 pounds while married. Her actual weight while married was a secret more closely guarded than someone who has a formula to change lead into gold! 

Another 30 or since our divorce. I still loved her while married to her. I can't say that was as enthused about intimate times with her though. We didn't divorce because she got fat. I can tell you that much. I stuck through thin and THICK when it came to her physical size.

I kept telling her it is much harder to lose weight as you get older. Your metabolism slows down, etc. etc. It all fell on deaf ears. She recently told me that she should have listened to me more carefully. She saw how much weight I lost and respects me greatly for that accomplishment. I gave her all the reason to trust me. I put my money where my mouth was and I wasn't a hypocrite about weight loss. I never asked her to do anything I wouldn't do. It doesn't get much better than that. Her daughter was our absolute biggest issue.

FYI- she never ate McD's here. She fattened up on good ol' UA products she found here. The biggest issue for her was her lack of exercise (compared to before) coupled with her inability to reduce her calorie count. She obviously wasn't affected when she went from 115 to 135, she said "I still look good". That was true. I still found her attractive. Then 155...same argument. My reply was still the same. At 170, her same argument, mine was "Not so much". Then she finally started to take it seriously. I did what I could.

[Ooooops]

I still loved her while married to her. I can't say that was as enthused about intimate times with her though.

And how about wrinkles, drooping flesh, gray hair etc?    Can men still be "enthused about intimate times" with all that or should they go and get a new young model for that?

[Taz]

I never did say I left her to get a young model to replace here.

Nowhere did I mention drooping flesh, gray  hair, wrinkles, etc. That is your modification of the argument, not mine. If she can't respect herself enough to take care of herself why should I? Getting fat because you are lazy than things that occur as a natural result of aging. Getting fat because you can't cut back on the food you eat or not exercising enough is something different than aging. Hopefully you are smart enough to know the difference...

[Ooooops]

Taz, you got really fat because of illness.   So you gotta admit that not every fat person is a lazy slob, right?   And what's the BMI has to do with self-respect, btw?   

[Sculpto]

ok.. I have the popcorn in three different sizes and I am takin odds..

[Taz]

Taz, you got really fat because of illness.   So you gotta admit that not every fat person is a lazy slob, right?   And what's the BMI has to do with self-respect, btw?   

Sometimes you come across fairly intelligent, times like now I think you aren't actually reading what I post. I didn't magically lose weight once my illness went away. I worked my butt off to lose the weight. If you can't figure out the connection between keeping yourself in good shape and self respect, then you obviously need a different forum. Did I say every fat person was a lazy slob? No! Read my posts again carefully. My wife DIDN'T try at all to maintain her weight. There is a direct correlation with self-respect and keeping yourself in good shape. If you are fat because of medical reasons that is a different situation. If you were normal weight and became a blimp due to your total lack of concern about your diet and exercise, that is a different situation, wouldn't you agree? If you can't understand that simple premise, I can maybe try and break it down in simpler terms for you later.

I wasn't content to remain at the weight I increased too. I worked every day to lose the weight. I controlled my diet. I started to exercise in a methodical manner so that as I regained capacity to be more active I did it. I almost died. I was so ill I couldn't go anywhere without and oxygen tank. I was probably within a week or two of death thanks to the FSU. I could have stayed at that weight and did nothing about it. I could barely make 2 steps without being out of energy. Why would I want to do something so damaging to my behavior as to stay at my extremely heavy weight? My ex gained weight. Obviously she had no concern (or not enough) for her health. If she wants to eat herself until she is unhealthy and has serious issues because of it, wouldn't you say that is a lack of self-respect? Perhaps you don't understand the term.

I'll try one last way to help you get it. If someone is trying to kill themselves, is that a sign of self-respect? When a person has a very high BMI, it is morbid obesity. This has very serious health complications. Her non-plussed attitude told me she didn't take her weight gain seriously. I was very concerned about the affects on her health. I was the one who got her to quit smoking before we got married. I did so many things to improve/maintain her health. She just continued to eat the same as she did before but far less exercise. It was very destructive behavior. She is no suffering from the effect of it. I worked very hard to try and help her lose weight and stay motivated. I bought a bicycle for her to ride. I bought good food. I invited her to ride o walk with me. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Ultimately her failure to lose weight came down to a lack of motivation coupled with a lack of self-respect. She was in denial about her weight gain for a long time. Now she is horrified by her current size and remarked out loud one day "How could I let this happen". Well she just didn't wake up one day and was instantly fat...

Would you respect a man who dressed like a slob? Would you respect a man who took no pride in his personal appearance? How about a man who farted and belched all the time in front of you? How about a man who picks his nose? Do you (like many if not most) RW always try to look their best in public? Do you ever wear sweatpants and go shopping? Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Again the posts are drifting off the original topic. But do some research and you see many fat people have self esteem issues and problems with self respect. The question sometimes is did the lose their self esteem/respect after they got fat OR did they lose it first and then become fat... Live through what I did and maybe we can talk. You clearly have no understanding of this. I belong to a very large support group (over 5,000 people) that is there specifically to help obese people with these kinds of issues.

Fortunately most younger women in the FSU have less of an issue with being fat. They tend to have better diets but not always. Most of the younger (less than 30) RW I dated were very serious about what foods they ate. They tended to take much better care of their body. The RW in my experience hold an advantage in remaining slimmer until about 45 or so. Then they start to even out and they definitely become plumper often equaling or surpassing their AW counterparts at about 50. Again if you want to know what your future RW will look like, look at her mom. Good odds that is what she will look like in about 20 years. Darned if my ex didn't beat it by about 10 years. Her older sister is trying to buck the trend though.

[JR]

I'm going to fall in with Taz on this. My ex RW did pretty much the same thing and my response was similar. I never said a word to her about her weight but it was hard to go on a cruise with her and for dinner she would oder five deserts then order both of the main courses. I don't think she ever got to 170 but it was enough that I wasn't so enthused about it. Towards the end she slimmed down to less than when I married her and while I was proud of her for it couldn't undo all the rest of it.

I see no problem with stating I want a slender women. This says nothing about any woman in this world. It only states my desire and long ago I stopped kicking myself for recognizing and giving validity to my wants.

[ECOCKS]

I always loved the blame shoveled out that European countries were getting fat because of the US and that corporate Spawn of Satan, McDonalds. Ole' Sherlock's "Supersize Me" mockumentary didn't help things either.

Taz hit the nail on the head though. Blame the increasing weight issues on the car, larger refrigerators, home entertainment, higher quality foods and the resulting lack of exercise getting to and from public transit, not McDonald's, Captain D's or Inn N' Out.

Walk through a rhinok and decide what the true average shape for a babushka is versus a devushka. When they hit 50+ changes in metabolism, reduced exercise and that high starch diet really take a toll on both the women and the men. When they become pensioners, the effect takes a massive jump forward. I'm surprised Nip and Tuck hasn't been translated for the Russian market yet.

It's sort of scary the way some of the women view the knife here. I was apalled when a UW acquaintenance said she wasn't worried about gaining weight since she read about liposuction. Several of my students were quite proud of their breast enhancement surgeries. Still another friend of the family was excited about having her lips done (at her UBF's insistence) until about 4-5 days after the surgery when she was horrified at her appearance (picture Angelina Jolie's lips on steroids). Corrective surgery is putting a dent in her family's savings and she's swapped out boyfriends. The only good side is she is a little more realistic in her view of asthetic surgery now.

[Ooooops]

If you can't figure out the connection between keeping yourself in good shape and self respect, then you obviously need a different forum.

Ok, lets go line by line.      What is "the good shape"? 

[Ooooops]

I could have stayed at that weight and did nothing about it. I could barely make 2 steps without being out of energy. Why would I want to do something so damaging to my behavior as to stay at my extremely heavy weight? My ex gained weight. Obviously she had no concern (or not enough) for her health. If she wants to eat herself until she is unhealthy and has serious issues because of it, wouldn't you say that is a lack of self-respect? Perhaps you don't understand the term.

Perhaps it's you who don't see the difference between 20 pounds and 200 pounds.    You are building a straw man - if she gained 20 lb, she's gonna become obese like me in no time!   

[Ooooops]

I'll try one last way to help you get it. If someone is trying to kill themselves, is that a sign of self-respect? When a person has a very high BMI, it is morbid obesity.

You are obviously been very deeply affected by your weight/illness problem that now you count every extra gram on your lady's bum...      Don't be so shallow.   Some plumpy people are much more enjoyable to hang out with than skinny bi*es.   

[Ade]

I always loved the blame shoveled out that European countries were getting fat because of the US and that corporate Spawn of Satan, McDonalds. Ole' Sherlock's "Supersize Me" mockumentary didn't help things either.

The problem is that the majority of people are fairly hedonistic and have little or no self control. If you put two things to eat in front of someone and one tastes so much better than the other, people will choose to eat the nicer food. McDonalds panders to basic flaws in human nature by selling crap that is 30+% fat and sugar, two things that the average body finds irresistible, and then, using dubious marketing practices, convinces people that it's good for you and your kids.

Yes, the root problem is people's lack of self control; welcome to the human race. It's the main reason why people smoke, get drunk, take drugs, drive too fast, cheat on their partners, don't wear condoms, and, well, the list is endless.

The trouble is, there are a lot of companies without a sense of social responsibility taking advantage of basic human nature to the detriment of society as a whole. And no, they aren't the only ones at fault here but they are certainly one of the pieces in the whole puzzle.

As for Taz and his "non-judgement" attitude. Seriously dude, you actually think you're not judgemental? 

[Taz]

You are obviously been very deeply affected by your weight/illness problem that now you count every extra gram on your lady's bum...      Don't be so shallow.   Some plumpy people are much more enjoyable to hang out with than skinny bi*es.   

It was far from counting every gram. You didn't live with us you don't know. I was very tolerant of a few extra pounds. What I was trying to help her avoid was the situation she is currently in. It is much easier to stop gaining weight in the first place than to try and lose a huge amount later. Twenty extra pounds was not a major thing to me. To put it in perspective though it was about a 20% weight increase. She wasn't exactly slender when I met her in the first place. She was heavier than the average RW I dated in that area. When somebody can't stop eating or refusing to exercise after they've gained 60% more than their original weight, that is a bit extreme. As far as I'm concerned 30% is extreme.

One of my criteria in women is that they are not markedly obese. At some point I have to decide (judge) if they are too obese. It isn't just about physical attraction only. That is part of it but there is also the very practical side of health issues from obesity. Just like woman want a man that is financial stable, I want a woman that isn't overweight. If she starts overweight there, you can bet most likely she will pack on a few kilos here. We have to judge for ourselves what we need or can't tolerate. I accepted the fact that she would likely gain some weight coming here. I wasn't thrilled with the thought of her gaining 20 lbs but I could accept it. It wasn't a major deal for me. At the 50 lb mark it was definitely an issue. How many of you would be thrilled if your partner's weight increased 60-80%? I don't think that is being shallow. Is it shallow if a woman wants a man who is financially stable? If you have read my previous posts in other threads, you'll know I was never searching for the ultimate hottie. I have clearly stated that time and again in many threads. I am not fixated purely on beauty of have someone who is the ultimate arm candy. I want a reasonably attractive woman with a great personality. I want her to be in good physical shape. This is essential for me. I am very active. If she is going to keep up with me, she better be in good shape. It is that simple. I typically ride 30km a day on a bicycle when the weather is good. I'd like her to at least be able to ride15 km without falling off the bike in exhaustion. I help my kids train for their soccer games so I often will run or play with them. So I want a woman that isn't a couch potato. So my desires are not based on solely physical appearance. My 70 year old mom is in far better shape than most RW in the 40's and 50's. She walks about 5 miles a day and is moving actively from dawn to dusk.

In most situations obesity can easily be prevented. Why let it become an issue? I don't have a problem with the first 20 lbs. However it becomes a slippery slope that is very difficult to climb back up. If she becomes 20lbs over weight. No major problem for me. Let's assume she becomes pregnant. Most women never lose all their baby weight. A year after the pregnancy she is now 30 lbs overweight. Is this healthy? The lets suppose she only gains 2 lb a year for the next 5 years. Now she is 40lbs overweight and her metabolism has slowed down even more. You know how hard it will be for her to lose the weight? Hopefully you know how unhealthy it is to be about 35% over your normal body weight. My ex gained far more than 50 lbs in 3 years! Heck for all I know, she could be 100lbs overweight. The last time I saw her she was bigger. She went from a size 6 to a size 14-16 while married. That is a HUGE change. How many of you honestly would like to see that happen to your wife or if you are an RW, would you be happy with that? Her shirts went from size M to XXL. Heck, she needed a bigger shirt than I did. I don't think be concerned about that massive change is shallow but if you do, to each their own. You didn't hear the effects it had on her. Her labored breathing. She started to snore so loud I had to sleep in another room. Even then I couldn't sleep it was so loud. I was almost unable to work I go so little sleep. I was down to about 3 hours of sleep a night. It was miserable but I still stayed with her.

If you want to discuss this more, I suggest we take it off list or you can start another thread entitled "Fat RW and they men who don't want them" or something like that. I have nothing more to add to this topic where this thread has drifted way off course. Maybe another thread is warranted to discuss this topic in more detail.

[Ooooops]

You didn't live with us you don't know.

Of course, I didn't.   I only can read what you write.   And you've written enough to paint a pretty clear picture of yourself, trust me.       And your ex-wife's weight has nothing to do with it...   

[Blues Fairy]

She obviously wasn't affected when she went from 115 to 135, she said "I still look good".

She was heavier than the average RW I dated in that area.

She went from a size 6 to a size 14-16 while married.

115 = heavier than average RW??????  Size 6????

I'm size 2-4 and I now weigh 135 (still 5 lbs to go till my pre-baby weight), and I was slender for my height.  
Either your wife was a midget or something does not add up.

[OlgaH]

115 = heavier than average RW??????  Size 6????

My height is 5'3", my weight is 118 lbs and I wear size 2 

[Ooooops]

Girls, girls...   did you have flaunt your pounds to prove your point?   

[Blues Fairy]

Girls, girls...   did you have flaunt your pounds to prove your point?   

 
Nothing to flaunt in my case; I was just mightily curious about this enigmatic 115 lbs = size 6 statement.

[OlgaH]

Girls, girls...   did you have flaunt your pounds to prove your point?   

My grandmother would not agree with you. She thinks I'm too skinny for a woman  

[Ooooops]

If you want to discuss this more...

i don't see no reason, to tell you the true...   Looks pretty clear to me.   

[Ooooops]

I was just mightily curious about this enigmatic 115 lbs = size 6 statement.

Some men are living in the imaginary world....   

[Taz]

She isn't that tall. As you know skeletal structure can have a huge effect on people. My grandmother wasn't a midget and she weight 90 lbs.

Honestly Ooops, your opinion of me means absolutely nothing to me. Same goes for almost everyone else here. Rather you hold me in high regard or not, I could care less. I am not here to make friends. I am her to tell it as I see it. It is purely my perspective and appearance. Unlike a lot of men who think the same as what I've written but who don't dare say it, I am not afraid to come out and say what I think. I am sure some of you missed along the way where I repeatedly said that we weren't divorced because of my wife's weight. So obviously it wasn't that big of any issue to me. For many men it would be a major issue. I know a lot of RM who merely dumped their women because they gained 5 kilos or more and didn't find them attractive. I've never dumped a woman because of weight issues so think what you want. I could care less.

Unlike a lot of men here, I don't put RW/UW on a pedestal. Unlike many men here, I don't think words uttered from their lips should be unquestioned and assumed to the gospel on the subject. It is just your individual viewpoint and may not reflect those of other RW/UW. Of course their can be similarities because of the cultural basis. I've been enough places in the FSU and world to realize regional differences can be as significant as the more general cultural differences. Ultimately I will not let anyone dictate to me what I should accept or not. If I don't want to be with fat chicks, I won't. Same applies to woman that smoke or take drugs. They are unhealthy lifestyle choices that I don't support. I don't want these things in my life or to be a bad influence on my children.

It wasn't an issue for me when my ex went from 115-135 in sheer change. It was the destructive TREND that it represented. You know the tip of the iceberg. When will it stop, when she is in a hospital needed surgery from a complication due to obesity? Why should I let her kill herself this way? Wouldn't you say something to your loved one? Or would you let them kill themselves if they had a harmful self-destructive habit? I don't believe in all the PC BS. Why dance around the issue.  I don't like to date fat women for 2 reasons. They aren't as attractive to me and I want to be with a woman that is healthy. I don't want to date an older women because typically they are not as energetic as I need. I don't care about the wobbly, saggy bits or the gray hair. Aging is natural process, growing fat isn't! There is a difference between gaining weight as part of the maturing process. Women have fully figures and I am fine with that. Becoming obese is something different entirely. Obviously some of you might have missed the difference. I don't mind if a woman is plump. Some men mike like the bigger breasts that accompany that "plumpness". There is a difference between fat and plump. I'd almost bet for you RW on the board that if someone asked your husband/boyfriend if he would have been interested in meeting you if you were 40lbs heavier than you are now, and asked them to answer honestly with no chance that you would ever know their answer, most men likely would say no they wouldn't be interested in meeting you. Few men would be as enthused about meeting substantially overweight women unless they have a bias/fetish for that. I don't mind "plump" women, I just don't want fat one. My preference is just that a preference and it is for slender to average. Just like I prefer brunettes, I did marry a blonde.

[OlgaH]

Some men are living in the imaginary world....   

As Albert Einstein said:  Imagination is more important than knowledge