How fat is too fat?

[Ranetka]

Ranetka, I always thought you were smart.  I now question your ability in mathematics.  You have not converted stones correctly into pounds.  Or maybe it was kilograms because you weigh much less than 185 lbs. 

August 2008. 73 kg on this picture. My height is 167 sm. 1lb=400g?

[Gator]

73 kg = 160 lb (454 g/lb)

167 cm = 5' 6" (2.54 cm/in)

Overall, not bad.  Few men would throw you out of their bed (a common expression with no insult intended). 

However, being only 34 years old, be prepared for onset of matronly metabolism.   

[phantom]

What about a guy that's overweight, unattractive and 40ish.  Most women, would also look at him first, and even if nice, most wouldn't give him the time of day.

[Ranetka]

73 kg = 160 lb (454 g/lb)

167 cm = 5' 6" (2.54 cm/in)

Overall, not bad.  Few men would throw you out of their bed (a common expression with no insult intended). 

However, being only 34 years old, be prepared for onset of matronly metabolism.   

1. I am 37.
2. At 20 I was  80 kg,
so if anything my metabolism goes up, not down.

I also do yoga and cycle 4 times a week including 15 miles on Saturdays.

Sometimes I jog but not too often.

\but yes, Americam pounds are heavier than English!!

[ladyR]

Gator, thank you for your support. A heart sometimes just much more slower than a mind .

Regarding the culture - I don't know. I consider myself cosmopolite. I prefer a person who will be interested in me, not in Tolstoi or Dostoevsky or Russian language. And it is also better if he learn something about me instead of "Privet" or "Dosvidanya"   Less exotic=more success, but maybe I'm wrong.

[Sculpto]

Gator, thank you for your support. A heart sometimes just much more slower than a mind .

Regarding the culture - I don't know. I consider myself cosmopolite. I prefer a person who will be interested in me, not in Tolstoi or Dostoevsky or Russian language. And it is also better if he learn something about me instead of "Privet" or "Dosvidanya"   Less exotic=more success, but maybe I'm wrong.

LadyR.. thank you for posting your thoughts.  What Gator said is correct in far too many circumstances.  Mostly that mentality is the result of agency propaganda.  They tell us an average middle aged man can find and marry a beautiful young woman and they do everything possible to appeal to the most base male emotions.  it works, otherwise there wouldn't be so many agencies with so many men writing letters and dreaming. 

However!  There are exceptions and those are the men you should hope to find.  I personally know numerous men that are good, and alone, and are waiting to see how things work out for me before really getting serious about searching.  As we tell the men who come here to the forum.. be patient.  True love is hard to find anywhere and when you add oceans it doesn't get easier. 

[Gator]

Ranetka,

I appreciate your candor in discussing this thread and using yourself as an example.  Few people have such self-confidence courage, two admirable qualities.  I do not see any men throwing their photo up.

I will continue with my candid assessment at the risk of putting my foot in my mouth.  

Your body weight is an example of a healthy full-boned, full-breasted woman.  God is usually fair, if he gives a woman large breasts, he will also give her a large popka.  Each adds weight, and many a man fancies both.

You exercise frequently, so much of your weight is muscle, which carries far more attractively on your frame than fat.  

If I were one of these pencil thin dyevs I would worry about osteoporosis in the future.  By the way, what happens to these stick women.  In walking the streets of the FSU, every babushka is under 5'4"?


You did not tell us about your diet.  If you are like my wife you enjoy your chocolates and especially cakes with coffee.  You probably enjoy ice cream.  Why would someone forgo these pleasures just to be able to appease a shallow man?!  If that prevents you from passing the height and weight screening criteria  of half the men coming to the FSU, it leaves plenty of men.

If you are eating healthy, for you to lose a lot more weight would be difficult, perhaps near impossible, and unhealthy physically and mentally.  Based on photos of survivors, the only program that I know that would work is the Nazi death camp, a tragedy of the largest proportions.


You would not have passed my screening criterion for weight, which I used among many criteria to get from 20,000 women to a few.  I recall 143 lbs as my maximum.  As opportunity would present, an agency once called to set me up with an immediate date (no profile, no photo).  We had a delightful time.  The next day I looked up her profile and noted that she would not have passed my weight criterion.  We met again and again and again.  Good woman.

[Daveman]

This entire thread reinforces the fact that many men DEPERSONALIZE women.  By depersonalization, I mean to treat women more as an object than a person.

Considering what is involved with marrying a RW, I assert that the average man pursuing RW depersonalizes women more than the average AM contented with his AW peers.  The RWD archives, and RWG before that, are replete with examples suggesting men want a RW as a possession – a beautiful object to look at and to touch, a trophy for public display, something to make him feel better about himself.  And consider the much larger number of men who pursue RW yet do not post at RWD.

Such depersonalization is on a continuum, and most men are not as blatant as I described.  Yet, how many men want a RW as a real person with her own thoughts on how to live?  An equal partner with whom to communicate and cooperate closely?  A best friend? 


Before someone accuses me of male bashing, I believe that women are not necessarily innocent.  How many women depersonalize men and think of them foremost as a provider? 

Perhaps some of this behavior is hardwired in us through evolution.  Even if so, it still is not an excuse for shallow relationships. 

Perhaps some have never felt the joy of a truly connected and profound relationship.  Perhaps some say such is impossible, or think that they do not deserve it.  Whatever, marrying the first skinny dyev will not find it.  Whoa!  You say she looks great, just like a swimsuit model.  And she is fantastic in bed! Never mind, in that case who cares about a higher plane.

Excellent post Gator.  I think the hoopla in this thread is mostly much ado about nothing, but you points are well founded.  We have an very similar controversial thread if one woman posted something about a man and money.

I have no statistics to share, but there is a good portion of depersonalization on both sides of this venture... a man looking for an wanting a trophy wife, and a woman wanting a better life.. never actually becoming or having the desire to find/be "best friends". 

Do not be hard on yourself.  So you lost some months of calendar time by selecting the wrong man.  Think of what you saved by not marrying him.  And you are wiser now.

Yep, haven't we all.... through the process of choosing the wrong people, we learn the most about ourselves.  Some of he lesssons are tough and hard to swallow, but we are better for them.

One of your comments confused me:


I would think such interest would be good.  I have always felt that a critical part of understanding a RW is to understand her culture. 

It is a sign of a man's respect for a RW.  Many men come to Russia seeing only the bad.  They miss the good aspects, and wrongly declare that America (or Norway) is vastly superior. 

Agreed.

This is something which always baffled me -- ladies who think negatively about a man wanting to learn about Russian culture, or learning to speak the language.  There are many who share this disdain for reasons that range from the paranoid to the truly bizarre.

[Gator]

Not to sidetrack this topic (although it may have run its course),

Regarding the culture - I don't know. I consider myself cosmopolite. I prefer a person who will be interested in me, not in Tolstoi or Dostoevsky or Russian language. .

Did Pasternak not write that beneath the surface of every Russian is a peasant.  My wife is a cosmopolite (Muscovite born as were her ancestors as far back as she knows), yet she can be a peasant at times.  She accuses me of the same.

And it is also better if he learn something about me instead of "Privet" or "Dosvidanya"  Less exotic=more success, but maybe I'm wrong

Which sounds better to your ears when holding each other, a well spoken "Ti takaya krasivaya" or the English version.

Of course he should be most interested in you.  However, part of you is your culture.  Not so much your language or music, but the Russian focus on family (it is almost tribal compared to WASP Americans), the sense of survival, pragmatic approach to problems, etc.  

On a lighter side, I was not surprised to learn that my woman felt that moving air when sleeping was deadly, and thus we had no argument.  Nor was I offended when I took her to a fine restaurant in America for a special occasion and sense her disappointment in no live music.  Or putting dog hair on a sore back.  Or stopping for a black cat.  Or leaving an empty bottle on the table.  Or not trusting the government (maybe I should be more like her).

[Sculpto]

Gator.. what I will say is this.. when i met "A" last fall I was wearing size 42 pants and they were tight.  I am now wearing size 36 and they are loose.. I will get new pants before Mexico.  I love her for inspiring me to get it together.  I just passed a 40lb weight loss.  According to the data that was posted here a couple days ago I still need to drop at least another 20.. its gonna be tough to do that in three months but I am motivated.  That will get me back to the weight at which I felt best and think I looked the best.  If I can get back to the point where I was when I lived in Mexico and could "free run" on the mountain side at 2800 meters above sea level I will be real happy.

I dont post pics or personally identifying info because I was once stalked by some people on the internet, though, this forum is not a likely source of such nutcase behavior I prefer to keep anonymous unless someone really wants to know me, they can meet me on facebook.  

Last night I had a dream I was an Olympic swimmer.  Don't know what that has to do with anything.. but..

[Sculpto]

Gator.. I think the cosmopolitan peasant is the most interesting kind of person.  Never forget your roots.  They killed the aristocracy for a reason.

[ladyR]

Did Pasternak not write that beneath the surface of every Russian is a peasant.  My wife is a cosmopolite (Muscovite born as were her ancestors as far back as she knows), yet she can be a peasant at times.  She accuses me of the same.

I was speaking about initial contact mostly, because sometimes sentences about interest in "Russian culture" (less than 143 lbs) sound like a cliche of the worst part of RW-hunters. 

Which sounds better to your ears when holding each other, a well spoken "Ti takaya krasivaya" or the English version.

You know, sometimes "Ti takaya krasivaya" sounds too "peasant" even for such a peasant like me  . In English I just don't feel this

On a lighter side, I was not surprised to learn that my woman felt that moving air when sleeping was deadly, and thus we had no argument.  Nor was I offended when I took her to a fine restaurant in America for a special occasion and sense her disappointment in no live music.  Or putting dog hair on a sore back.  Or stopping for a black cat.  Or leaving an empty bottle on the table.  Or not trusting the government (maybe I should be more like her).

If you also drink coffee with chocolates in the morning and hot tea after a meal I can only congratulate your wife

[Sculpto]

I can not wait for Russian "wives tales" to go head to head with Mexican ones.. that is gonna be HILARIOUS.    I will have to make an entirely separate thread on that.

[Gator]

Last night I had a dream I was an Olympic swimmer.  Don't know what that has to do with anything.. but..

Makes sense.  Both you and Phelps have an overworked bong.

[Sculpto]

hahahaha!  No one ever said weed could be considered a performance enhancing substance..

[ladyR]

I personally know numerous men that are good, and alone, and are waiting to see how things work out for me before really getting serious about searching.  As we tell the men who come here to the forum.. be patient.  True love is hard to find anywhere and when you add oceans it doesn't get easier. 

Sculpto - yes, I know. I'm patient and taking my time to recuperate for now.
But why these men think that if "things" work out for you they work out for them as well?

[Sculpto]

Sculpto - yes, I know. I'm patient and taking my time to recuperate for now.
But why these men think that if "things" work out for you they work out for them as well?

These men know practically nothing about Russia or Russian women except what i have told them and the typical rumors, so, I think they would like to meet my lady and see that the negative rumors are not true.  Also, several of them have been through really bad divorces and in dealing with the shrew like women in the Bay Area have become "gunshy".  Also, about half of them have never traveled outside the USA so going to the FSU is a HUGE step.  There is one guy who is more interested than others, I have known him since high school and he has always been a "dork" with women and never got married for that reason.  He is a really nice old fashioned guy, not bad looking, decent career, but he needs a woman bad but just has no confidence when dealing with women.  He is so scared of travel I don't know if I could ever get him to try.. but, he calls me all the time for updates on my story.

[Simoni]

... I'm really not surprised that you're on #3 and would bet on a #4 too.  

Lots of people here manage to be concise, informative and unambiguous. You, on the other hand, waffle.

SJ-- I'm catching up on reading here, and am AMAZED at your tasteless attack on Taz!  Were you having a bad day, or what?

Since you seem to be clueless, let me 'splain it to you, as jb would say-- attacking a man because he has been married before is stupid, and makes you look like a bumbling fool.  Now I know you are not that at all, so I'd suggest you apologize to Taz for this gutless attack.

You need to read that last line of advice you tried to offer Taz, and focus in on the word informative.   In the future, you need to focus on being informative, and leave personal attacks and slams of fellow posters out of your posts.

[Daveman]

Sculpto,
I can't seem to locate the original post (slow laptop connect speed today), but this is in reply to your post where you mention your weight loss and "A" being concerned about your health. While health is a factor, I would bet my life that it's only part of the equation.  I bet that if we hooked her up to a polygraph and asked her the question "Is physical attractiveness part your desire for his weight loss?"..  if she answered "no" the machine would blow itself apart. I would bet my life that this is true for anyone posting in this thread -- if their partner had put on a bunch of weight and you asked the question "is your partner less physically attractive with this extra weight?"  At some point of weight gain, which would be different for each individual (and thus the extreme 7-800lb example), an answer of "no" would trigger a lie response.

If the question is worded to lead the mind to concentrate on the physical aspect, the mind would react honestly rather than with conditioned response.  this doesn't mean less love, less sex, less emotional fulfillment, less happiness, less overall attraction, nor the desire to "dump" the partner.

Of course I realize that polygraphs can be fooled or beaten.. that isn't the point.

[Ade]

SJ-- I'm catching up on reading here, and am AMAZED at your tasteless attack on Taz!  Were you having a bad day, or what?

Since you seem to be clueless, let me 'splain it to you, as jb would say-- attacking a man because he has been married before is stupid, and makes you look like a bumbling fool.  Now I know you are not that at all, so I'd suggest you apologize to Taz for this gutless attack.

JB? That's another opinionated plonker, right?

[Boethius]

Gator.. I think the cosmopolitan peasant is the most interesting kind of person.  Never forget your roots.  They killed the aristocracy for a reason.

There is no such thing as a "cosmopolitan" peasant.  My grandmother was a peasant, and I am proud of that. 

The aristocracy was killed because you need to cut off the head if you want to control a country.

[Sculpto]

Sculpto,
I can't seem to locate the original post (slow laptop connect speed today), but this is in reply to your post where you mention your weight loss and "A" being concerned about your health. While health is a factor, I would bet my life that it's only part of the equation.  I bet that if we hooked her up to a polygraph and asked her the question "Is physical attractiveness part your desire for his weight loss?"..  if she answered "no" the machine would blow itself apart. I would bet my life that this is true for anyone posting in this thread -- if their partner had put on a bunch of weight and you asked the question "is your partner less physically attractive with this extra weight?"  At some point of weight gain, which would be different for each individual (and thus the extreme 7-800lb example), an answer of "no" would trigger a lie response.

If the question is worded to lead the mind to concentrate on the physical aspect, the mind would react honestly rather than with conditioned response.  this doesn't mean less love, less sex, less emotional fulfillment, less happiness, less overall attraction, nor the desire to "dump" the partner.

Of course I realize that polygraphs can be fooled or beaten.. that isn't the point.

Dave.. thanks for pointing it out.  I wondered if anyone would.  I am not a fool.  I know she would rather I have a trim manly appearance.  I have no problem with her wanting it.  I want it.  I have to be exceptionally careful about my weight, it is very easy for me to gain.  Working at a desk all day doesn't help.  She has promised to feed me healthy food, "it job of woman" is what she says.  In her opinion I gained weight because I was alone for so long.  It is more complicated that that, but, not that far off the truth.

[Sculpto]

There is no such thing as a "cosmopolitan" peasant.  My grandmother was a peasant, and I am proud of that. 

The aristocracy was killed because you need to cut off the head if you want to control a country.

There is a certain class of people who were born as peasants yet lifted themselves up through education and hard work to achieve a level of status and respect not usually associated with peasants.  Examples..

A friend in Mexico who was born in a corn field, spent his childhood tending sheep.. int he meantime taught himself Spanish, and to read and write.  Today he is the owner of the most popular restaurant in town and people are shocked to learn he was born a peasant.  He returns to his village several times a year, puts on the native clothes and helps harvest coffee.  He doesn't need to do it, but does so so he will not forget where he came from.

I know a Chinese family here in SF.  After they immigrated from their rice fields they lived int he tenements in China town.  They got educations, and created wealth.  They do the same thing, twice a year going to a certain place in Chinatown to volunteer with the new immigrants so they never forget where they came from.

The aristocracy was killed because they were despotic and disconnected from the needs of their people, and, so the new leaders could more easily control the masses.  I am not only talking about Russia.

[Boethius]

The aristocracy was killed because they were despotic and disconnected from the needs of their people

That is not an absolute truth in the case of Tsarist Russia. 

[Sculpto]

I am no expert on the Czars.. just know a very little bit about Catherine.. she seemed to be somewhat enlightened.. but then again, she wasn't really Russian..