Married RW community dynamics

[NDOC]

Being married to a RW for nine years and having seen many AM/RW couples float through our circle of friends, I was wondering if others have noticed this dynamic.  They seem to form this weird pecking order in their community that's entirely superficial.  They get points for beauty, having a nice house, driving a nice car, naving a new baby, and of course, not working.  The RW with the most points gets the most telephone calls, gets invited to all their parties, and provides the marriage advice.  The "poor" natalie's that have to work and live middle class lifestyles get pecked to death by advice from the girls higher up in the pecking order creating havoc in their marriages.  I've had to put my foot down with my wife as she's always pecking at her "friends".  The AMs in our social circle use parties and get togethers to compare notes and identify the troublemakers.  I've seen it ruin good marriages as RWs are pressured into divorces to improve their social status with the next guy (trading up husbands). 

Anyone else have any experience with this?

[NDOC]

Sorry to reply to myself, but my wife just poked her head into my office to ask for a BMW or Mercedes convertable for Christmas.  I wonder which one of the other princesses just got one. 

It's going to be another one of those holidays....

[TigerPaws]

The Holidays "Bah! Humbug!"

[Jet]

 but my wife just poked her head into my office to ask for a BMW or Mercedes convertable for Christmas. 

 

I can help you out here . My last AW GF had her heart set on a Jag xk8 convertible a few yrs back, so I bought it for her! That's right I headed straight down to Toys-Я-Us and grabbed her a beautiful 1/24th scale die cast British Racing Green limited edition model. Although upon reflection, she didn't really see the hilarity of the gift as much as I did :seething: 

[jb]

They get points for beauty, having a nice house, driving a nice  car, having a new baby, and of course, not working.

Golly, the RWs here are smart enough to know that physical beauty fades  quickly, nice cars will be traded in in a few years anyway, and new  babies will spit up on the fruniture,  but they do get points for  who has the higher education, who has the better position, who is able  to get their kids into the best schools, and who has the strongest  family. 

I guess the RW in our community need to take a lesson. 

[NDOC]

I drives me to distraction when one of the guys can't say no to his wife and it costs the rest of us at least one argument.  I understand how much each of us has invested into our marriages, but these guys toss good money after bad just because she threatens to see her lawyer or sulks. 

Even if she's taking him for a ride, the guys never begin to think that maybe she's got a good thing going.  I've seen so many of these girls that get divorces for a stupid reasons and then when they've blown their money, reality knocks them on their asses.  They no longer have the nice house or the nice car and they've squandered their youth for a few trinkets.  Then they can't find a stable relationship because no decent man's going to give them an engagement ring with their track record so they bounce from guy to guy hoping not to get beaten up in the process until they've lost their looks or they buckle down and make something for themselves. 

She may not have the maturity to see it, but even without the Beemer, she's still getting a pretty good deal. Stick to your guns guys.

[acrzybear]

Sorry to reply to myself, but my wife just poked her head into my office to ask for a BMW or Mercedes convertable for Christmas.  I wonder which one of the other princesses just got one. 

It's going to be another one of those holidays....

 

 The good thing about being a civil servant is that I do have a good lifestlye and can afford to do most of the things I really want to, there is no way in hell I would be able to afford a $50,000 + vehicle.  I am quite content with my 2001 F-150.  The next thing to get is a Harley Road King, The I'll have all my toys and then I can get married:D. 

[NDOC]

I'm a bureaucrat as well and got my little kawasaki ninja earlier this year...I guess that makes it a trend. 

But the fact that these girls haven't a grasp of finances is what makes me bang my head on the wall.  No matter what the family income is they have this need to keep up with the other girls.  I've come to dread days where the girls get together to shop.  We have three closets filed with Natalie's clothes and now she's moving stuff to my half of the master closet.  I'm sure if I checked I'd find the tags still on most of it. 

I've had many conversations with my wife about saving and investing and she admits she sees no point in it.  She said hyperinflation and devaluation ruined any savings her family had so you might as well spend the money as you get it.

[dostogirl]

  I've come to dread days where the girls get together to shop.  We have three closets filed with Natalie's clothes and now she's moving stuff to my half of the master closet. 

In this case, I think the best thing to do will be to ask you wife to get a job and to cut her spendings. By working she will realize that nothing is easy in this country. One has to work and often work hard to be able to buy things that she has in both of her closets.

I also saw such a dynamic in RW community. Comparing status things: houses, cars, clothes, jewelery, etc. I try to avoid RWs like that.

[dostogirl]

 I am quite content with my 2001 F-150. 

Priorities is a big problem in everyone's family. Being able to set similar priorities with a RW is extremely difficult. In Russia the biggest part of one's salary is spent on status things, things that may look cool and expensive on the surface. One may have a 50K car to show off, but nothing in the refrigerator at home. When 80% of a Russian female salary is spent on clothes in Russia you can image what can happen to RWs here, in the US. Educating your wife about financing is very important, don't miss the right moment and don't spoil her by buying expensive things so that she will think money grows on trees in this country.

[acrzybear]

 I am quite content with my 2001 F-150. 

Educating your wife about financing is very important, don't miss the right moment and don't spoil her by buying expensive things so that she will think money grows on trees in this country. [/quote]
 

 Well I'm safe for now, still single with no prospects and no pen pals.  I'll just "go with the flow" (couldn't refuse the tie in with that "other" thread) and enjoy myself until that special someone pops up.

[Farrel]

 In Russia the biggest part of one's salary is spent on status things,  things that may look cool and expensive on the surface. One may  have a 50K car to show off, but nothing in the refrigerator at home.  When 80% of a Russian female salary is spent on clothes in  Russia you can image what can happen to RWs here, in the US.

Dostogirl
I know many people in Russia that don't care for status at all. I know  women who look fabulous even though their greatest outfit they bought  ten years ago. I know young girls who send half of their salary to  their elderly parents. Of course I also know girls who, no matter how  much they make, would complain about the lack of money and at the same  time brag about their new cellphones. It's just "catastrophic!!"


NDOC
Birds of a feather flock together, right? So your wife just got in the  wrong circle and learnt the rules of this pecking order community. Some  women actually grow out of it, coz its really like a childhood game.  Try explaining to her that no matter how many things you buy for her -  it won't give her the sense of self-respect that she's trying to get  from her 'flock'. If explaining doesn't work - well, mate! You'll just  have to live with her requests for another BMW next Christmas 

[TigerPaws]

 I am quite content with my 2001 F-150. 

Educating your wife about financing is very important, don't miss the right moment and don't spoil her by buying expensive things so that she will think money grows on trees in this country. [/quote]
 

 Well I'm safe for now, still single with no prospects and no pen pals.  I'll just "go with the flow" (couldn't refuse the tie in with that "other" thread) and enjoy myself until that special someone pops up.
[/quote]
All kidding aside acrzybear, stay single.

 

[Jet]

I sure am glad that my wife never had the need to travel in the social circles that NDOC and Tiger's wife do. Certainly she wants things, and sometimes even expensive things, but generally her requests are well founded, for the good of the whole family, and researched prior to making the pitch. My wife also works full time so that may be one of the differences, she simply doesn't have time to dream up frivolus sh!t to waste money on (on top of knowing what she has to put in, in order to receive the pay she does). She'd much rather hang out with her co-workers or my friends than seek out a local Russian bitch-fest to join.

[Leslie]

I think Dostogirl sums this up best -

"I also saw such a dynamic in RW community. Comparing status things: houses, cars, clothes, jewelery, etc. I try to avoid RWs like that."

My wife will have nothing whatsoever to do with women like this.  Her comment -

"I would not be friendly with women like this back in Ukraine. Why should I be here? Because they speak Russian? LOL"

The social circle you describe sounds like the "Bought Wives Club"

If she married you for your money there is no use bitching when she spends it!!

 


 

[Photo Guy]

[color="blue"]Yes crzy, it's better to stay unattached, rather than force a relationship with the wrong woman.  Go with the flow! [/color]  (but keep your eyes open)

 Well I'm safe for now, still single with no prospects and no pen  pals.  I'll just "go with the flow" (couldn't refuse the tie in  with that "other" thread) and enjoy myself until that special someone  pops up.

[acrzybear]

[user=17]TigerPaws[/user] wrote: 

 All kidding aside acrzybear, stay single.


 Tiger

 I don't forsee that as a problem, I refuse to lower my standards for anyone.  I think it's amusing to see someone become a slave to any women just to make themselves
feel better.  Marriage is a two way street with both partners adding to the whole, not one taking advantage of the other.

 

But hey that's just my humble opinion, to each their own. 

[TigerPaws]

I sure am glad that my wife never had the need to travel in the social circles that NDOC and Tiger's wife do. Certainly she wants things, and sometimes even expensive things, but generally her requests are well founded, for the good of the whole family, and researched prior to making the pitch. My wife also works full time so that may be one of the differences, she simply doesn't have time to dream up frivolus sh!t to waste money on (on top of knowing what she has to put in, in order to receive the pay she does). She'd much rather hang out with her co-workers or my friends than seek out a local Russian bitch-fest to join.

Jet,

 Interesting post, while our circle of acquaintances may be a little better off than most there is very little competition for who has what, at a certain level it no longer matters because there is ALWAYS someone who has more and most people we know seem to understand that. My lady is more happy shopping at Ross than the expensive shops and she really understands the value of money so spending has never been a problem. Still I have from time to time seen the women who has the must haves and either the man simply dose not care because it keeps her quiet or they are headed for a divorce. Either way they are usually not very happy together.

 Far too many men are either too weak or have surrendered their balls to the woman by not setting limits and being able to say NO! Hells-Bells if she threatens to leave OPEN the DOOR for her.

 

[NDOC]

I've said no to my wife so many times that I feel like a broken record.  I look at it like this, if you're going to marry the prom queen you accept the baggage that comes with her.  Yes, she's high-maintenance and she's a pain-in-the-butt about status items, but I knew that before I got married.  She got spoiled by myself, her parents, and every man she ever dated, but like I said, I knew that going in.  If you like beautiful women, it's a package deal.  You get a bunch of princesses together and it's high school all over again.  They have their own click and make their own rules.

[NDOC]

I was just thinking about my last post and I remembered a conversation with my wife about marriage.  She said the worst thing about marriage is that you were no longer dating.  When you're dating the men are on their best behavior, you didn't have to pick up their socks, they bought you nice things, took you any place you wanted to go, and you could be mean to them and they didn't care.  Ladies and gentlemen...that is a princess.  If you want one of them, you now know what you're in for.

[Jet]

My appologies TigerPaws, I saw your post to Acrzybear and mistakenly lumped you in with the thread starter. Sorry, my mistake.

[dostogirl]

Dostogirl
I know many people in Russia that don't care for status at all.

Unfortunately, I've never seen people like that in Russia. Even my family and myself some time ago did care about status...

[Farrel]

Dostogirl
I know many people in Russia that don't care for status at all.

Unfortunately, I've never seen people like that in Russia. Even my family and myself some time ago did care about status... [/quote]
Oh well, I guess I'm just more priviledged than you were to know such people Its amazing  what hidden diamonds you can find when you get off the beaten track!!  LOL

NDOC
Beauty princess does not necessarily make a high maintanance wife.  Spoiled girl does! The attitude you condone is the attitude you  encourage. No matter how many times you have said no before, if she  knows that it only a matter of time before she gets what she want,  she'll wait - and annoy the hell out of you while waiting too!! But you  knew who you were getting hooked with, anyway.

PS I still believe there are Cinderellas out there, somewhere

[RacerX]

NDOC ~ you had me nodding my head in agreement because we have experienced exactly the same thing.  Actually, it's a way of life here, and I think the men who confess to knowing little about it probably have not been clued in to the 'pecking' order of RW by their wives or may not have the kind of relationship where such things can be openly discussed.

This hierarchal order does somehow seem to replace the social structure the RW may have experienced back in the FSU.  The dynamics are quite fascinating to observe - almost like watching one of those chick-in-prison films. However, here it is a very real problem where the solution probably lies more with your wife than it does with you.  She can simply ignore the 'peckees' or make new friends.  My wife opted for the latter and seems happier for it although she misses the social-circle previously afforded to her.

[dostogirl]

Oh well, I guess I'm just more priviledged than you were to know such people

I don't know how long you've lived in Russia, but I doubt there are/were people who didn't care about status. Whether you want it or not, you have to, that's the only way to live in Russia..