Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[GoodOlBoy]

There are definitely men in this thread who likely gets bent out of shape when they see their wives having a conversation with another man.

Yeah....I guess you can call me one of those "control freaks" GQ. 

If I came home from work and found my wife in our hot tub, with 2 strange men (probably all drunk) and my child was in the next room.......yeah, I guess I would get a "little" bent out of shape!


GOB

[GQBlues]

If I came home from work and found my wife in our hot tub, with 2 men (probably drunk) and my child was in the next room.......yeah, I guess I would get a "little" bent out of shape!

IF. Exactly. Short yet a powerful word.

But I'm sure you also understand you took a HUGE leap from speaking with a man - to - a doing the nasty in a hot tub session with Dick Long & Baht Fach playing double input while the baby is screaming itself into utter submission in the other room .

I just can't believe these Russian women!  :burnedup:

Used to know and had to lose him.  The guy could not trust ANYBODY.  Except for his wife of 30 years, but he really didn't trust her because he would read her emails and track her computer visits and listen in to her telephone calls and and check her car mileage even while she was at work he would believe she was screwing some guys at work.  Absloutely crazed.  Talk about clinical paranoia. After 30 years of marriage he did not trust his wife although she did nothing untoward.

He should've gone to message boards like this and posted his very short, incomplete version of his story. He'll undobtedly get validation that his wife, without a doubt, is screwing every man she looked at. It'll only require a very minimal information to do so too.

[Misha]

There are definitely men in this thread who likely gets bent out of shape when they see their wives having a conversation with another man. Heaven forbid if she ever crack a smile while speaking with him. How people can put so much in between, and make damning conclusion, in what little they read.

And, where do you draw the line? At what point would you say enough is enough? I do not equate having a conversation with another man with going out for a group of men getting drunk.  

[Misha]

If I came home from work and found my wife in our hot tub, with 2 strange men (probably all drunk) and my child was in the next room.......yeah, I guess I would get a "little" bent out of shape!

GOB, how reactionary of you! Imagine the gall of interrupting her as she is affirming her national identity, intruding on her private space, not trusting your wife. It's cultural you know  :evil:

[Vaughn]

23)19:28:50 priezzhayte, muzh uedet skoro v utu, tak chto budu odna
23)You can come to me,my husband going somewhere soon

Incomplete translation. It reads "Come to me, my husband is going somewhere soon, so I will be alone..."

Trust - and the ability to trust without question. It was one ideal my wife and I held as uncompromisable. I cannot
imagine her having a chat session as this one (and yeah, she's 46 ...  this exchange smacks of a more youthful woman
in its content and delivery). It appears that the elephant in this room is quite invisible to a few optimists here.

BC wrote:
 

I suggest the OP simply forget about the chat and work on his relationship instead.

Without delay. Personally, I don't have to check my wife's correspondence, nor - like BC - do I worry about
her activities while she's away - out with her girlfriends - or home for extended times in Russia....

But since the OP posted her text - and based on that one sentence - I'd say some serious work lies ahead.
Like Good Ol Boy, I couldn't begin to try to rationalize what's going on here...  whether the lady is cheating
or not is almost beside the point. It's the casualness in the entire passage, and that one sentence quoted
above - that makes this marriage scream "FIX ME"...

[GoodOlBoy]

IF. Exactly. Short yet a powerful word.

Yes and in the OP's case it is not IF, BUT....WHEN he comes home from work one day.


GOB

[SMS60]

It is time for the OP to say NO to his wife's parties

Yes, its time for him to have a heart to heart but I doubt it will do any good. Her response will be the same as what you are hearing in this thread. ( I.E. They are my friends dear, dont be jeolous sweetheart). She knows she is in control. This man is going to have a lot of sleepless nights for the sake of trusting his wife.

I would tell her or have a discussion about the situation and when she replies with the same type of excuses you are hearing here it will be time to start moving in a diffirent direction. This might be what she wants. Trying to push him to end the relationship.

First thing I would do is shine up the black shoes and press the dress shirt and hit the party scene while she is taking care of the child. Im sure she wouldn't mind.

[GQBlues]

Yes and in the OP's case it is not IF, BUT....WHEN he comes home from work one day.

Well GOB why wait? Suggest the OP file a divorce NOW because it is not only highly probable but inevitable the hot tub water will require chlorinating soon 'nuff. Forget trying to fix the marriage. After all, like everyone is saying again...once a party girl ~ always party girl.

Maybe she's a GC girl too?

[GoodOlBoy]

the hot tub water will require chlorinating soon 'nuff.

If a couple of those "ball hugging" bathing suits were in my hot tub, I would definitley drain out every drop of water!

GOB


PS....Don't get me started about RM GQ, trust me....you don't even want to hear it. :evil:

[BillyB]

It is time for the OP to say NO to his wife's parties

Wait, weren't you one of the RW earlier who said the converstion between the wife and a male friend was innocent?

She said she left her dress at Marinov's house and soon after the conversation turned to "You can come to me,my husband going somewhere soon" and some hot tub fun.

Some people may have a hard time to understand which person is talking and when but it's pretty clear who wears the dress and has a husband.

For some people wife swapping is acceptable. For most married couples this converstation isn't. For others, they're fine if things fall within the grey area. Both can have any type of fun when they are apart. It's not only accepted, it's expected.

Reacting to this event has nothing to do with being jealous and total control freak as some have insinuated. Most people's reaction to this event is NORMAL. Ask your wife or gf if she found you talking about bringing some women friends over for some hot tub fun when she's gone and later she finds you delivered home drunk by the same ladies you just met. Go ahead and try the "You have no reason to worry" and "You can trust me! Your lack of trust is going to destroy our marriage!" statements and see what happens. My guess is you're going to be on the "crap" and "no sex" list for a long time.

[Vaughn]

Billy, I happen to know quite a few Russian men here in North Carolina - some married, some not. I am also
quite sure that had events like this been transpiring here at our home, a simple call by me to the other man
or men in question would not only be expected by them - but understood. I would not be envisioned by them
(nor by my wife for that matter) as a Control Freak - but just as a husband who is asserting himself in a most
normal manner. To refrain from such a phone call would conversely be envisioned as rather foolish. And indifferent.

[Doll]

Wait, weren't you one of the RW earlier who said the conversation between the wife and a male friend was innocent?

The conversation was innocent. Are we talking of this chat or going out for parties?
I don't think anybody would love it. Me neither.

[mies]

marriage is based on trust

I thought it is based on young age, soft flesh, and agreeable (in various ways, depending on the tastes) nature of females... this is how most decisions are made since no one present here is known to be married to an old witch. What lasting marriage is built on is a different question.

[mies]

You dont think meeting at noon or late afternoon would be better? so your husband does not worry about you and where you are at mid night!

theoretically yes, but intercourse can be performed at any time of the day. If the woman wants to cheat - OP will not secure himself by letting his wife out only during daytime.

as for the IM monologue provided by OP - it seems to me that this woman loves her husband, and even though it is not always easy - she tries to make marriage work. She says that she is mad at her mom when her mom tells her that the OP and his wife aren't good match for cultural reasons. If OP continues spying on his wife - I tend to think that OP's wife may soon start agreeing with her mom.

[mies]

She invites him over to hot tub while her husband is away.

there was nothing about a hottub in the monologue. She just invited few friends to come over and make her company while her husband will be gone. I too feel it more convenient to invite my female friends to stay over when my husband is on trips. Primarily because when my husband is at home - i rather spend time with him and don't have other people intrude into our home life, but once he's away - I may feel lonely and like to have a company at home. An extra pro is that when my husband is not at home - my friends will not be a nuisance for him - taking his time, or using couch space. I feel it is a win-win situation. 

[Misha]

I too feel it more convenient to invite my female friends to stay over when my husband is on trips.

What would your husband say if you invited over a few male friends to stay over when he is on a trip?

[SMS60]

Wheres Sculpto??

Im waiting to see the ultra liberal view on this problem. Should be interesting

[SMS60]

it seems to me that this woman loves her husband, and even though it is not always easy -

Hope I never experience this type of love from a women.

[Ade]

What would your husband say if you invited over a few male friends to stay over when he is on a trip?

And you know then that she was inviting men? How about the women that were mentioned in that chat? Hm? Not so clear now I guess, right? People should read what Mies has said as it's also echoed by my wife - remember, she is inviting more than one person over to keep her company while her husband is away.

[Misha]

And you know then that she was inviting men? How about the women that were mentioned in that chat? Hm? Not so clear now I guess, right? People should read what Mies has said as it's also echoed by my wife - remember, she is inviting more than one person over to keep her company while her husband is away.

I would prefer an answer from Mies  But, feel free to ask your wife is she would mind you inviting a few single women to keep you company while she is away  :evil:

[Doll]

Yes, she inviting a company. BTW we can't say they are coming.

[BC]

I would prefer an answer from Mies  But, feel free to ask your wife is she would mind you inviting a few single women to keep you company while she is away  :evil:

Should I lay off my secretary until my wife gets back?

[Misha]

Should I lay off my secretary until my wife gets back?

No, but make sure to invite her to stay over for a weekend at your house while your wife is away. Then get back to me to tell me your wife's reaction  :evil:

[GQBlues]

Primarily because when my husband is at home - i rather spend time with him and don't have other people intrude into our home life, but once he's away - I may feel lonely and like to have a company at home. An extra pro is that when my husband is not at home - my friends will not be a nuisance for him - taking his time, or using couch space. I feel it is a win-win situation. 

Too much logic in that post, mies. It is not on the menu for the masses.

[BC]

No, but make sure to invite her to stay over for a weekend at your house while your wife is away. Then get back to me to tell me your wife's reaction  :evil:

Been there, done that.. not only for a weekend but major part of a month.