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Author Topic: Upcoming Divorce  (Read 13760 times)

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Offline ECOCKS

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #50 on: September 27, 2009, 06:49:16 PM »
My advice stands based on what you said Jim, best of luck.
Pick and choose carefully among the advice offered and consider the source carefully. PM, Skype or email if you care to chat or discuss

Offline Shadow

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #51 on: September 28, 2009, 01:09:35 AM »
Jim, I am not a marriage counselor, and I am very aware that most RW would see counseling by a 'doctor' as waste of time.
Divorce may the the best option, but before that you should look at your side of the medal and check if there is anything you can do to avoid it. If you feel there is no way you can continue together, its your choice.
No it is not a dog. Its really how I look.  ;)

Offline Misha

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #52 on: September 28, 2009, 05:58:34 AM »
Sort of off top- guys who talk the OP into divorce, are you crazy or what?

I agree with you. Given that she does not want to get divorced, given that she has not found another boyfriend, I believe that if there is any way that this marriage can be saved that it should be explored. He doesn't have anything to lose IMHO and I don't see the need to rush into a divorce if there is any possibility, no matter how remote, that the marriage could be saved. They have been married for five years and there were certainly some good reasons why he married her. Yes, she may have lost her head when it comes to her daughter's prospects as a future model, but this will pass. In a year or two either her daughter will be a model (yes, the odds are remote) or her daughter will not be one and his wife may understand that it would be best if her daughter focused on her education or some other endeavor. It might help if he were to look into better options for becoming a model (i.e. other than scam agencies that charge $10,000) and work with his wife to find other options that are more reasonable. He could encourage her to set a timeline: i.e. we do this for a a year or two, and then if it does not work out, both will know that modeling is not a realistic career choice for our daughter...

Offline GoodOlBoy

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #53 on: September 28, 2009, 06:10:41 AM »
Things degraded in stages.  First year of two fine. Second year or two worse.....Yes, everyone has to sign the affadavit of support for a Ukraine immigration wife.

It will be interesting to see the wife's reaction when/if she finds out that the OP has to pay through the nose for her (5 more years) and her "innocent" daughter (until 18 yo).

My bet would be: "Gone in 60 seconds...take the alimony/child support money and run!!". :rolleyes2:

She wouldn't even wait for the next "rich mule" to come along. :evil:

OP get a good lawyer, one that specializes in divorce AND immigration law.

Good Luck!!


GOB
« Last Edit: September 28, 2009, 07:26:47 AM by GoodOlBoy »
“For God and country, Geronimo, Geronimo, Geronimo......... Geronimo E.K.I.A.”

Offline Ade

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #54 on: September 28, 2009, 07:16:51 AM »
I agree with you. Given that she does not want to get divorced, given that she has not found another boyfriend, I believe that if there is any way that this marriage can be saved that it should be explored. He doesn't have anything to lose IMHO and I don't see the need to rush into a divorce if there is any possibility, no matter how remote, that the marriage could be saved. They have been married for five years and there were certainly some good reasons why he married her. Yes, she may have lost her head when it comes to her daughter's prospects as a future model, but this will pass. In a year or two either her daughter will be a model (yes, the odds are remote) or her daughter will not be one and his wife may understand that it would be best if her daughter focused on her education or some other endeavor. It might help if he were to look into better options for becoming a model (i.e. other than scam agencies that charge $10,000) and work with his wife to find other options that are more reasonable. He could encourage her to set a timeline: i.e. we do this for a a year or two, and then if it does not work out, both will know that modeling is not a realistic career choice for our daughter...

Sorry dude, but if she's done the things he says then she does not love him, maybe she never did, and a marriage without love is not worth having. The marriage is over, the sooner he gets on with his life the better; another year of trying in vain is a waste especially when he has relatively few "prime" years left to him.

Offline Misha

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #55 on: September 28, 2009, 07:34:05 AM »
Sorry dude, but if she's done the things he says then she does not love him, maybe she never did, and a marriage without love is not worth having.

Dude, I agree with Doll that we should not be encouraging people to rush into getting divorced. So far, from what I have read, the main grievance is whether or not to spend $10,000 on the daughter and the modeling fantasy. He risks spending a lot more on divorce lawyers if he does rush into a divorce  :evil: What I have learned is that divorce should be last resort and should never be taken lightly.

Offline Ade

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #56 on: September 28, 2009, 07:49:59 AM »
Dude, I agree with Doll that we should not be encouraging people to rush into getting divorced. So far, from what I have read, the main grievance is whether or not to spend $10,000 on the daughter and the modeling fantasy. He risks spending a lot more on divorce lawyers if he does rush into a divorce  :evil: What I have learned is that divorce should be last resort and should never be taken lightly.

I thought the main grievances were that she's moved into a room on her own and stopped acting like a wife in a loving marriage. The money stuff is just incidental to that. Also given that he already tried marriage counselling several years ago I wouldn't say he's "rushing" into anything.

Offline Gator

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #57 on: September 28, 2009, 09:30:52 AM »
Jim,

It is true that if you file for divorce, you can always drop the proceeding.  Nevertheless, it is my experience that once papers are filed and the two of you no longer communicate directly but only through attorneys, there is no turning back. 

If someone knows of a case where a marriage was preserved by the good work of the divorce attorney, please enlighten us. 

However, you need to protect yourself and certainly not believe someone who is trying to take your money and child.

Offline Misha

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #58 on: September 28, 2009, 09:42:52 AM »
I thought the main grievances were that she's moved into a room on her own and stopped acting like a wife in a loving marriage.

And, I am sure that from her perspective he stopped acting like a loving husband when he refused to support their dreams :evil: The question that I would have for the OP is why he married her 5+ years ago? What were the positive things that he saw in her and whether that woman he wanted to marry is still there? Divorce is easy, working to save a marriage is much harder.

God, Hell must have frozen over if I am agreeing with Doll on this  :whirling:

Offline Doll

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #59 on: September 28, 2009, 05:38:36 PM »
Quote
Sorry dude, but if she's done the things he says then she does not love him, maybe she never did, and a marriage without love is not worth having.
What terrible things has she done? She does the things most wives do- spend their husbands' money, He does not agree to the way she does it so what? Not a big deal.
As for bedroom department - then, guys, we don't know what really happened.

Offline Doll

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #60 on: September 28, 2009, 05:43:53 PM »
Quote
OP get a good lawyer, one that specializes in divorce AND immigration law.
I smell paranoia  :D. Why would he waste money on immigration lawyer? In case he has some extra- let him send it to me. :D :D
The woman and her daughter have their GCs

Offline Doll

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #61 on: September 28, 2009, 05:46:30 PM »
And, I am sure that from her perspective he stopped acting like a loving husband when he refused to support their dreams :evil: The question that I would have for the OP is why he married her 5+ years ago? What were the positive things that he saw in her and whether that woman he wanted to marry is still there? Divorce is easy, working to save a marriage is much harder.

God, Hell must have frozen over if I am agreeing with Doll on this  :whirling:
Congratulations! Misha and I agree for the first time  :blowkiss:

Offline Misha

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #62 on: September 28, 2009, 06:22:40 PM »
The woman and her daughter have their GCs

After 5 years, wouldn't they already be citizens (or pretty close to it)?

Offline Doll

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #63 on: September 28, 2009, 06:25:48 PM »
After 5 years, wouldn't they already be citizens (or pretty close to it)?
Most likely

Offline Doll

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #64 on: September 28, 2009, 06:36:32 PM »
Quote
She started going to the big malls,
Guess, the OP is lucky- his wife "started going to the big malls" after 5 years.
Most of RW start it next day after they arrive  ;D ;D ;D

Offline JR

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #65 on: September 28, 2009, 09:10:24 PM »
, given that she has not found another boyfriend, I believe that if there is any way that this

How do you know she doesn't have a boyfriend?
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline JR

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #66 on: September 28, 2009, 09:11:44 PM »
Sort of off top- guys who talk the OP into divorce, are you crazy or what?
You don't know any of them ( OP, his wife and the daughter) , yet you firmly tell him to get the divorce! Are you crazy? They are real people and having a hard time so how dare you to give this advice?
I guess the majority of our divorce advisers are not married, are they?

 :exploding:

Doll you're such a.....Doll :)
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else :)

Offline Misha

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #67 on: September 28, 2009, 10:11:50 PM »
How do you know she doesn't have a boyfriend?

Well, first, the OP is not worried about one and has not mentioned that possibility and second she has not left him to live with a boyfriend.

Offline Ade

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #68 on: September 29, 2009, 12:05:00 AM »
What terrible things has she done? She does the things most wives do- spend their husbands' money, He does not agree to the way she does it so what? Not a big deal.
As for bedroom department - then, guys, we don't know what really happened.

Okay, let me put it this way. It's irrelevant on how it got this way and who is at fault, what is relevant is that they aren't sleeping together, she's apparently not participating in the marriage and not contributing her salary to the communal pot, and she's not interested in marriage counselling that was attempted several years ago. If they were in love they certainly would be at the very least sharing the same bedroom, and they don't.

No matter if she is a saint in reality, the fact of the matter is that the marriage is over and any more time spent in it is just a waste of time for both of them.

Offline dobradavid

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #69 on: September 29, 2009, 03:10:31 PM »
It appears my marriage to a Ukraine lady is ending soon.  For the first year of our marriage we lived
in a smaller city.  Married life was fine with no big issues.  Due to a change of jobs we moved to a
large city.   She started going to the big malls, and spending much money.  She saw the life the rich
people were living.  Now her only desire in life is to become rich.  We have many arguments, mostly
about money and spending.  She goes to the modeling and acting agencies and tries to get her daughter
a Hollywood job so they will be rich.  After many arguments, she quits cooking, quits cleaning for me,
moves into the spare bedroom.  She puts her paycheck into a new account she got.  I have to pay all the
bills with my paycheck.  Obviously, I have had my limit and want a divorce.  But she does not want to
cooperate with that, she just wants to continue on this way.  Going back to Ukraine is not an option,
she says that would be hell for her.  She is unable to live on her own financially as well as not being
smart enough to deal with American life and its technicalities.  She has become used to life in our
$200k house and will refuse to get an apartment at a price level she could afford.  I suggest we get
a friendly divorce, and she can continue to stay in the house for one year, but she refuses.  It looks
like my only option is to force a divorce on her and her daughter.  With all the problems, I do care
what happends to them.  They will be dependent on me for survival at least until she marries again.
Does anyone have any advice for me, legally and otherwise.  Are there any other options I have not
thought about?  We live in a community property state but have not saved much since marriage, maybe
a total of $20k community property.

Force the divorce - the sooner the better for you. Any delay is simply digging your own grave.  8)

Offline dobradavid

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #70 on: September 29, 2009, 03:12:40 PM »
I don't agree with counselling.  She moved into the spare bedroom.  She puts her cheques in a separate account.  The only reason she wants to stay married is because she needs a wallet.

Pay your lawyer a big retainer now, then hire him and push the separation.  I think you now have to support her, by law, for a specified period, so you are on the hook for that.

I agree - divorce laws vary by state - visit http://www.dadsdivorce.com/

Offline dobradavid

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Re: Upcoming Divorce
« Reply #71 on: September 29, 2009, 03:15:07 PM »
Or he can waste another year of his life.

You don't know how women think, Misha.  The fact that this woman has "separated" herself from her husband is all the proof he needs that the marriage is over.  The fact that this likely has to do with money means there was no basis for a married life in the first place.  She knows she can't survive economically without him, and she knows that she has to be in the country 2 years to get a green card.  Those are the factors in her desire to keep the marriage.  

He is just delaying the inevitable.

I agree  8)

 

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