Men (and women) why do you let age inappropriate relationships get started?

[RussianWind]

Thus, mostly the first contacts I have gotten from women are of the type:
"Hi, check out my profile."

I sent: "Hi, check my bikini photos" to JollyRats and BillyB, still none of them responded   :seething:

I like your profound answers, Mars. I am actually asking hypothetically, I am not in a dating stage myself, just girls often ask what's wrong with them or their profiles and sometimes it's not possible to find a clue - they are young, they are beautiful, they are smart. So it's interesting and useful to know men' point of view 

[IAmZon]

Quote - "I am afraid most of men who are looking for a FSU partner are age freaks."

I am not AFRAID; but rather CERTAIN that most men who are looking for a FSU partner are freaks ... "age freaks" are merely a subset of the whole.

We have had a rash of Age Gap / League Gap threads recently.  Life experience is the only way for you old goats to get over this:) Honestly, is it possible to ever get to the bottom of this damn thing?

Historically, genetically men are valued as protectors and providers.  Historically, genetically women are valued for beauty, sexuality, and child rearing.  If a man CAN, he will naturally select a younger, prettier women - all other things begin equal.  In the process, there may be a physical / sensual compromise on behalf of the women (maybe).  Community standards do not like deviations.   And, late life experiences (85 year old man /  45 year old women) may be the strenuous side affect of an otherwise advantageous arrangement. 

Did I miss anything?  Now, "bring on the dancing girls!"

[Jumper]

riv,,
as always  funny stuff

me?
i've never held a womans age against her.
(younger or older) wherever i lived.
so i sure wouldnt do so  if i was traveling in eastern europe..or Russia.

to anwser Mars-

why did i?
why have i?
or why would i ?
let myself get involved with a younger woman?

because ,within my own personal limit, i dont find it to be any kind of real problem.
it never has been when i was involved with someone younger,,but the potential exists for extra issues?

currently - I would date ,
but not marry, someone in thier early or mid twenties, just because i don't feel they are generally ready for such a commitment.

29/30 and up to 45 seems perfect to me currently,
obviously this changes with my own age..
but has much more to do with the person,the individual, not their age?


i never feel uncomfortable, or out of step, with someone younger or older?
because if i'm involved with them,,there was something interesting to us both in the first place beyond appearence or age.

or maybe i'm just over confident..
or just relay on the incredible generiousity of womankind..
but if someone strikes my fancy, and i thiers,,
why not?  if it isnt a problem for them or me .?.
but then i wouldnt be someone that complained about it either?
if i dated someone younger and it became an issue, i would recoginze that yes indeed *i let it get started *
so man up and accept responcibilty if any issues arose.
of the "guys"  Mars mentioned, i dint hear any of them complain about age gap problems actually?
or notice anyone else for that matter.



i just reread the subject title,,

*inappropriate*

hmm, well that by definition would be very individualistic.
i doubt anyone here is in an "inappropriate" age relationship. for THEM.

since all are over the age of concent and legal adulthood,
wether you see it that way or not,, the question itself is  judgmental Mars.
granted it is a common judegment of society in general !!
 and why its a so oft repeated topic here.
 

[BillyB]

I sent: "Hi, check my bikini photos" to JollyRats and BillyB, still none of them responded   :seething:

Hmmm, the mailman must have stolen the mail. Next time don't put your bikini photos in a see through envelope!

[BC]

I sent: "Hi, check my bikini photos" to JollyRats and BillyB, still none of them responded   :seething:

Just post them...

even us married guys have eyes...

[I/O]

even us married guys have eyes...

Sunglasses? You'll need 'em.

[KenC]

They say in this board that only scamers write first. More likely my smart letter will go to a trash without opening 

Russian Wind,
That would depend on how hot the attached photo was!!!!!!!!

Seriously, now, I will confess the mistakes of a non age freak that married a woman too young before.  I used to answer these kind of questions with a glib "because you can."  Now I tend to agree with the premise alluded to in the topic title, that maybe you should not let it even begin.

No matter what any man says, the first cut on his wish list is by looks alone.  Sure he can search within an age range, but usually the lower end is too low to begin with.  But then contacted by women "just below" his minimum age requirement, and then a little lower,  Then the rationalizations begin.    She is mature for her age.  Her previous marriage/child/education/life experiences/tough Russian life bla bla bla makes her older than her actual age.  The truth of the matter is a man's ego will not allow him to face the facts that a woman is too young for him.  To admit he is too old for a woman is to confess that he is less virile than he was in his younger years.  Who the hell wants to admit THAT?

Well, after a ten year marriage to a woman 25 years younger; I do!  In fact, I just upped my minimum age range by 5 to 10 years.  (Yes, STILL hedging for that exceptional woman just under the real age range.)

Russian Wind, it is very difficult for a man not to fall for the "too young" women that throw themselves at you in this process.  Sure, some (most?) of the women that fall into this category are scammers or GCG, but not all.

Personally, I was very naive when I began to dabble in communicating with RW 11 years ago.  I half ass-ed believed that age did not matter to RW as much as AW.  Which I still think is true, but not to the extent that some believe or no where near as much as promoted by websites.  None the less, men WANT to believe age doesn't matter.

Over 11 years ago, I made an impulsive phone call to a very young RW.  I never for once thought that it would lead to anything romantic.  I was truly interested in life in Russia, as it is the country my family emigrated from.  One thing led to another and we ended up married for ten years.  Today, I have listed myself on a few websites and delete on average 15 emails daily from women too young IMO.

BTW, I have never seen an IQ number ever listed on a woman's profile.  I have not even considered if a woman's high IQ is a plus or a minus. :evil:
KenC

[RussianWind]

KenC I like your reasonable posts. I do believe in exceptions and a true love between partners with a very big age difference... but... a man should be something extraordinary, not just a walking purse. Girls fall for charisma easily, actors and other creative people normally have high level of charisma. I am sure someone like Al Pachino in his 69 will easily date a young girl and will stay happily with her and not because he is rich. But speaking of majority... a man should have at least one unbeatable quality to love him. Just being nice is not enough imho.

[Mars]

i just reread the subject title,,

*inappropriate*

hmm, well that by definition would be very individualistic.
i doubt anyone here is in an "inappropriate" age relationship. for THEM.

since all are over the age of concent and legal adulthood,
wether you see it that way or not,, the question itself is  judgmental Mars.
granted it is a common judegment of society in general !!
 and why its a so oft repeated topic here.

AJ, here is the direct quote of what I wrote on first page of this thread:

"Let's agree that each man and woman has their own definition of what is inappropriate.

Then, given the individual definitions . . . why do the men and women let the age inappropriate situation (as defined individually by themselves) get started?"

So why are you bringing up the idea of 'whether you see it that way or not'  ?

[Boethius]

Ah ha..!!! Now, after about 40 thousand posts in goodness knows how many threads, we might be starting to get to the crux of the matter.

How subjective could this be? What looks compatible?

It is absolutely and completely subjective.  Knowing a little about human nature, I suspect what "looks" compatible is completely contingent upon the individual's own experience(s).

[Jumper]

Mars-
ok.. fair enough i guess,,
but that simply begs the question-

how many people do you really think believe they are in an age inappropriate relationship?
one that is not deemed so by society , but by  their own definition?
(this is what you asked afterall)

you really think if there existed no societal pressures or stereotyping ,,
that any couple that is involved now ,would feel their relationship was truly age inappropriate?

they may feel they are pushing boundries of societies limits,
its doubtful if they are 'connected" as a couple they feel anything at all about age if no societal stereotypes were there.

Even within this thread most things brought up were what "other" people think of such relationships, or the looks the couple would get?
or if they "look" compatable to OTHER people.
I married someone 15 years younger than myself, it was within my comfort zone,and hers,
certainly within societies,,since we "look" a normal enough couple,  and it had very little impact on our marriage or relationship.
so i wouldnt, and she wouldnt, have found it age inappropriate in the first place.
I cant answer for others,,
but its a fairly reasonable assumption that if they did follow thru to having a relationship,that they dint find it truly age inappropraite.
and certainly wouldnt have if outside society dint "judge" on "looks compatibilty" of a couple.

I just dont think your question can be asked in a pure form.
the cultutral and society pressures exist,they cant be avoided ,and are really the things defining *inappropriate*,
not the couple.

it still boils down to:
why did you let a relationship get started , that you knew society might label as age inappropriate.


just my opinion. that you cant seperate the "peer group" from the question at hand, or there would be no question.
i could be wrong, often am..

[Sculpto]

I sent: "Hi, check my bikini photos" to JollyRats and BillyB, still none of them responded   :seething:

I like your profound answers, Mars. I am actually asking hypothetically, I am not in a dating stage myself, just girls often ask what's wrong with them or their profiles and sometimes it's not possible to find a clue - they are young, they are beautiful, they are smart. So it's interesting and useful to know men' point of view 

Some men avoid a "too beautiful" woman because they lack self confidence or think she will be difficult or they don't want to deal with the other men that will be constantly hitting on her.

RW.. what sites are you listed on?  that makes a big difference in the quality of correspondence you will get. 

Some men do want an intelligent woman.  That depends entirely on the man. 

I hear in your words a lot of the "typical" complaints I have heard from RWs in the past.  If you are going to have success in finding a foreign man, I would advise you to use the reset button in your expectations.  You might find a certain percentage of WM to have different priorities than you have experienced with RM.

[Sculpto]

who cares already?

If you connect with someone what difference does it make?  I don't live to seem "appropriate" to strangers.  Anyone who does is foolish.. IMO of course.

[Sculpto]

what "looks" compatible is completely contingent upon the individual's own experience(s).

I am friends with a couple.. he is 5'5" and about 130 lbs.. she is 5'10" and about 230 lbs..

[IAmZon]

And, I promise this is my last participation in AGE GAPS  /  League Gaps F O R E V E R!

I saw the movie ELEGY recently with Penelope Cruz (Who is my ideal embodiment of feminine beauty) and Ben Kingsley. 

In the movie, Kingsley is Cruz' much older professor.  They fall in love. Cruz is more emotionally open and passionate.  Kingsley's character is excessively intellectual.  Kingsley is eaten up from the outset by his age difference. He sabotages the relationship.  Years go by and he cannot get her out of his mind.  The affect she had on him becomes manifest in his other relationships (friends; lovers; son).  No matter how he tries, there is an emptiness he lives with. 

Two years later, on New Years Eve, a he received a message from her.  They meet, and she says that she has breast cancer - it is serious.  Turns out she never got over him either. He breaks like a child.  And she says, "You loved me.  Now, it is I that feels older than you."

At that moment in the movie, and other moments in life, we see a different measurement at work; one that is more real and enduring.

I am neither for or against large age gaps. I will do what I think is right for me.  Thanks RWD for allowing me to consider this issue a million times more than was necessary in the first place.

[I/O]

I am friends with a couple.. he is 5'5" and about 130 lbs.. she is 5'10" and about 230 lbs..

I'm sure he has a ladder you can borrow should the need arise.

R/W: Spot on with your comment an older man must have at least one special (unique) feature in an age gap relationship. The problem with that is ALL (without exception) men think they have that feature when in fact, for the most part they are simply “Joe Average” (self excluded of course) .

[Jumper]

I'm sure he has a ladder you can borrow should the need arise.

R/W: Spot on with your comment an older man must have at least one special (unique) feature in an age gap relationship. The problem with that is ALL (without exception) men think they have that feature when in fact, for the most part they are simply “Joe Average” (self excluded of course) .

I/O

yes yes of course !   
we have to think something (even one thing) is special about us afterall?

LOL!

[RussianWind]

RW.. what sites are you listed on? 

I am listed nowhere... do I have good chances? 

But I have tried some. One day I will screw up enough courage, promise 

The problem with that is ALL (without exception) men think they have that feature when in fact, for the most part they are simply “Joe Average” (self excluded of course)

Sometimes women see those unique qualities which nobody else sees 

[Jumper]

I am listed nowhere... do I have good chances? 

But I have tried some. One day I will screw up enough courage, promise 

Sometimes women see those unique qualities which nobody else sees 

yes, this is very fortunante for some of us!

[docetae]

first post in this thread...

I don't like the word inappropriate...it is carrying a moral definition...By definition it will never be inappropriate for us but in the look of someone else..

if some members of this forum focus like this on the age gap.. it seems to me they should start to ask them why they see this as inappropriate first before ... 

So my question, why are you not comfortable with a couple having a big age gap ?

[boaterguy]

They say in this board that only scamers write first. More likely my smart letter will go to a trash without opening 

My wife wrote to me 1st. She is 1 year younger than me.

[boaterguy]

I never let a large age gap correspondence begin for the same reason I would never do something like take cocaine. IMHO the pleasures would be wonderful in the short term and devastating for the long term.

[Mars]

I never let a large age gap correspondence begin for the same reason I would never do something like take cocaine. IMHO the pleasures would be wonderful in the short term and devastating for the long term.

A very sensible and logical outlook.

[Mars]

first post in this thread...

I don't like the word inappropriate...it is carrying a moral definition...By definition it will never be inappropriate for us but in the look of someone else..

if some members of this forum focus like this on the age gap.. it seems to me they should start to ask them why they see this as inappropriate first before ... 

So my question, why are you not comfortable with a couple having a big age gap ?

Please read the entire thread.

[Gator]

I do believe in exceptions and a true love between partners with a very big age difference... but... a man should be something extraordinary, not just a walking purse....But speaking of majority... a man should have at least one unbeatable quality to love him. Just being nice is not enough imho.

Russian Wind has expressed an important concept with great clarity.  Men, this should be imprinted in your mind.  

Some of you believe you deserve a young pretty woman because you have some money and are a good man on the inside.  After all, the agencies hype that a RW just needs a good man who provides financial security.   

Hah!  As Russian Wind wrote above, without an abundance of something extra (I don’t know if it needs to be extraordinary ), you will bore a young woman.   Make sure you enliven your woman.  Each woman is different, so that something extra varies.