Men (and women) why do you let age inappropriate relationships get started?

[RussianWind]

Turboguy there is quite a big group of men who lie about their age too. They cut 10 years easily.

[IAmZon]

Is it just me, or do the rest of you guys feel younger and younger the more you read these age gap threads?


Here's the thing ...

In the US, things are very different socially.  AND, besides, women rule the social roost these days ... they don't like seeing older men with younger - and, in most cases attractive women.  There might be a little hell to pay if you go to a different place and try to transplant a rather normal situation into a rather uptight and rigid situation.  Your friends wives will not like your Russian beauty. 

(Screw them!  There are not really friends anyway.  I managed to turn off most of my OLD FRIEND'S WIVES just with my dating behavior in the US anyway.)

I continue to write these comments on "age gap" threads thinking of newbies that are living with assumptions that I accepted in my past.  BOTTOM LINE:  Wake up and smell the roses. Things are different in Russia; Chile; Colombia; China; Romania; Spain; etc... If you can, you should.  Be honest with yourself, and realize you probably are over your head  ... enjoy the ride.

[Boethius]

Here's the thing ...

In the US, things are very different socially.  AND, besides, women rule the social roost these days ... they don't like seeing older men with younger - and, in most cases attractive women.  There might be a little hell to pay if you go to a different place and try to transplant a rather normal situation into a rather uptight and rigid situation.  Your friends wives will not like your Russian beauty.  

(Screw them!  There are not really friends anyway.  I managed to turn off most of my OLD FRIEND'S WIVES just with my dating behavior in the US anyway.)

Most women don't really care who a man who does not "belong" to them is dating/sleeping with etc., notwithstanding that men like to believe they are important enough to be in the constant thoughts of their friends' wives, girlfriends, etc.

[tim 360]

Most women don't really care who a man who does not "belong" to them is dating/sleeping with etc., notwithstanding that men like to believe they are important enough to be in the constant thoughts of their friends' wives, girlfriends, etc.

Boethius,  you must not know AW very well at all.  A mans female companion is very closely scrutinized by his friends wives.  Especially if she is younger and beautiful. 

[Boethius]

Or perhaps I just know a better class of AW.

[IAmZon]

Obvious, Raw, and Predictable JEALOUSY is not confined to class.  MEOWW

Indeed in higer socio-economic-status gatherings, the affect can be more pronounced and virulent.  (Run! She is taking the knife out of the cheese) 

[Boethius]

I wasn't referring to socioeconomic status.  True class is usually humble.  The humblest people I have known were Ukrainian peasants, who didn't even have enough money to buy underwear.

In my experience, people see what they look for.

[IAmZon]

In virtually all professional circles in the USA.  If a man walks into a Christmas party with noticeably younger and more attractive women, there will certainly be a noticeable unease that sweeps throughout the place.  Just keeping it real.

I can think of only one place in the US where this would not be the case ... but, I doubt any of you guys are taking your wives to a PHISH concert?

[dogspot]

Your friends wives will not like your Russian beauty. 
(Screw them!  There are not really friends anyway.  I managed to turn off most of my OLD FRIEND'S WIVES just with my dating behavior in the US anyway.)

Rivardco, you should post more often. I really enjoy reading your thoughts.

Anyway, many of my friend's wives openly question me on my desire to find a woman in Russia. I love it. I think they fear that their husbands are going to get the idea in their heads to go searching themselves. But they also openly ask me "Why Russia? why don't you just find a woman locally?" I know the reason...their husbands can see the reason...I just smile and reply "because I can."

[tim 360]

I wasn't referring to socioeconomic status.  True class is usually humble.  The humblest people I have known were Ukrainian peasants, who didn't even have enough money to buy underwear.

In my experience, people see what they look for.

Boethius I was not referring to Ukrainian peasants who are very humble as you state.  I was referring to AW's who will stand in judgement of a friends girlfriend by judging her from her appearance.  If she is younger and better looking than the clucking hens she will be commented upon and not in the nicest way.  It is usually because they feel threatened in some way.  If their husbands seem too friendly to the new girl--they get "the look" or "the word".  Like some animals--women can be very territorial.  MEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!

[IAmZon]

"Rivardco, you should post more often. I really enjoy reading your thoughts.

Anyway, many of my friend's wives openly question me on my desire to find a woman in Russia. I love it. I think they fear that their husbands are going to get the idea in their heads to go searching themselves. But they also openly ask me "Why Russia? why don't you just find a woman locally?" I know the reason...their husbands can see the reason...I just smile and reply "because I can."
============

Actually, I encountered a small fork in the road on my way to Ukraine.  I have lived much of the last year in Colombia.  For those of you who do not know, Colombia is full of Colombianas.  That means I CAN NOT TAKE AMERICAN WOMEN SERIOUSLY ANY MORE  ZERO; NADA!

I will try to post more often ...

[Sculpto]

In virtually all professional circles in the USA.  If a man walks into a Christmas party with noticeably younger and more attractive women, there will certainly be a noticeable unease that sweeps throughout the place.  Just keeping it real.

I can think of only one place in the US where this would not be the case ... but, I doubt any of you guys are taking your wives to a PHISH concert?

HAHAHA!  It really depends on where you live and who your friends are.  In my neck of the woods its not only no big deal but fairly common.

BTW.. the humility Boethius mentioned is quite true.  Most Americans are too mentally blocked by the self help cult to understand it. 

Ricardo.. I am the artist formerly known as sculpto.. Dan has my PMs locked up so I couldn't respond. 

[Lily]

You'd better discuss what women should do to find a partner of the same age than to start this age gap nonesence again  
 

Russianwind, my guess is that the answer is obvious. Be beatiful, be interesting, be a sparkling personality, be desirable  with this market proposition, a woman should be able to attract any man. If the man in question is an age freak, just move on. One really should not be spending time trying to re-set his mind.

[Boethius]

Anyway, many of my friend's wives openly question me on my desire to find a woman in Russia. I love it. I think they fear that their husbands are going to get the idea in their heads to go searching themselves. But they also openly ask me "Why Russia? why don't you just find a woman locally?" I know the reason...their husbands can see the reason...I just smile and reply "because I can."

I question rather skeptically whether this is because they view these women as more "desirable".  You are chasing a woman with whom you have no common language, I assume, no common culture, and who is not within close proximity.  Their reaction is akin to the reaction you'd receive if you stated you were booking your next vacation for an archaeological dig of Mesopotamian artifacts near Baghdad.

[Boethius]

Boethius I was not referring to Ukrainian peasants who are very humble as you state.  I was referring to AW's who will stand in judgement of a friends girlfriend by judging her from her appearance.  If she is younger and better looking than the clucking hens she will be commented upon and not in the nicest way.  It is usually because they feel threatened in some way.  If their husbands seem too friendly to the new girl--they get "the look" or "the word".  Like some animals--women can be very territorial.  MEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!

Nor was I.  I was initially referring to AW.  My point was, your friends are usually similar to
you.  I know not an inconsequential number of AW.  Their reaction would be similar to the one 2012 described.  Nada.

[Boethius]

In my neck of the woods its not only no big deal but fairly common.

I think in big cities, it is not so much of a big deal precisely because this is common.  It is not that people are judging, it's just outside their experience.  I would hazard a guess that if any of the posters above saw a 300 pound woman, or a 60 year old woman, with a guy that looked like Christian Bale, they'd probably be judging the picture too.  People generally expect couples to be "look compatible".

[I/O]

People generally expect couples to be "look compatible".

Ah ha..!!! Now, after about 40 thousand posts in goodness knows how many threads, we might be starting to get to the crux of the matter.

How subjective could this be? What looks compatible?

[RussianWind]

Russianwind, my guess is that the answer is obvious. Be beatiful, be interesting, be a sparkling personality, be desirable  with this market proposition, a woman should be able to attract any man. If the man in question is an age freak, just move on. One really should not be spending time trying to re-set his mind.

I am afraid most of men who are looking for a FSU partner are age freaks  They simply don't browser other categories, so a woman has no chance to show her intelligence... but do they really look for intelligence? 

[Chicagoguy]

Why let it get started ?

She saw my profile and wrote first.

One thing led to another and now it has been 6 months together. It is wonderful.

As I started writing this she just came in and gave me three quick kisses.

My last wife, who unfortunately passed away 2.5 years ago after a 35 year happy marriage, was 1 year younger.

Donna Pedro was the funniest poster we ever had.

[Lily]

I am afraid most of men who are looking for a FSU partner are age freaks  They simply don't browser other categories, so a woman has no chance to show her intelligence... but do they really look for intelligence? 

If men don't browse you, just browse them yourself and show your best to them it takes two to contact.

[Mars]

do they really look for intelligence? 

Yes; I do.
It is at the top of my list.
But, of course, it cannot be ascertained with any certainty from profiles.
So we have to first screen for other desired variables in profiles, and then find out about intelligence over the course of correspondence and meetings.

[GQBlues]

I think in big cities, it is not so much of a big deal precisely because this is common.  It is not that people are judging, it's just outside their experience.  I would hazard a guess that if any of the posters above saw a 300 pound woman, or a 60 year old woman, with a guy that looked like Christian Bale, they'd probably be judging the picture too.  People generally expect couples to be "look compatible".

I can understand the point but I do want to note in many cities these days, considering the liberal attitudes towards race, sexual orientation, fetishes, etc...; look compatible is perpetually being redefined. So I don't think this is much of an issue anymore as it used to be.

[RussianWind]

If men don't browse you, just browse them yourself and show your best to them it takes two to contact.

They say in this board that only scamers write first. More likely my smart letter will go to a trash without opening 

[Mars]

They say in this board that only scamers write first. More likely my smart letter will go to a trash without opening  

I have had virtually zero experience with scammers.
But I would not automatically think scammer if I got a contact from a woman.
And as to whether letter will go to trash; it all depends on the content of the letter.

Generally, women like to be chased.
So they don't like to put much effort into contacting men.
Thus, mostly the first contacts I have gotten from women are of the type:
"Hi, check out my profile."

This is in contrast to my fairly detailed first message to women wherein I spell out quite a bit about myself, ask some interesting questions, tell when I will be in their city, etc.

And, the man can send out a thousand first messages to get back maybe 100 answers.  This is primarily due to the number of 'dead' profiles out there.

So, if you haven't done so, I suggest you try to write a very interesting first letter and send to a thousand guys.

In general, I think women have no idea of how much effort a man has to put into first contacts and are unwilling to do the same themselves.

Just as you worry regarding your letters 'go to a trash without opening' the same happens to first letters from men hundreds of times.

You don't like it when a man the age of your father writes to you.  Conversely, maybe many of the men you chose to write don't like it that you are not tall and very slender with long blonde hair (not saying you aren't; just an example) . . . or whatever.  There can be a thousand reasons why a person is rejected summarily by a person of the opposite sex.

So welcome to the real world.  If you want to be on equal footing with the men; then you should be willing to put in the effort the man must, and suffer the huge sense of rejection that goes with it.  :-))

[vwrw]

I am afraid most of men who are looking for a FSU partner are age freaks 

You are an optimist if you hope that only the majority of men who are looking for FSU partner are age freaks. According to a study conducted in 37 cultures, in counties from Australia to Zambia, everywhere men judge women as more attractive if they have a youthful appearance. This tendency among men to desire  young looking women is true regardless of cultural variations in beauty standards.