TRUST

[Turboguy]

I guess this is prompted in part by sonics issue with trust with his 7 day K-1 when she was talking the her mother on the phone, while he was talking to her mother on the phone.  I realize the mother had two ears but she only had one mouth.

I will tell you a little more of my story.  When Luda arrived the first six weeks she seemed to play it pretty straight.  She did have lots of days at home and lots of time to kill on the internet.  As far as I know she was mostly looking at diet sites and things about Russia.   During this time we were having a lot of problems.  She was moody and never seemed to appreciate the good things, and blew the bad way out of proportion.   In her defence, I think about the 6 week point she decided I was not her future but she was still not certain.   She started to make up the excuse she wanted to watch the soap opera on the Russian channel that came on at Midnight and lasted an hour.  Sometimes I would sit up with her and sometimes I would sleep on the floor by where she was sitting and sometimes I would go to bed.   She always encouraged me to go to bed.  When I did go to bed, I could hear the keys going on the computer for a long time.   She really would not talk to me at all about how she felt or what was in her mind.   She seemed to spend more and more time on the computer.

I decided to put some spyware on the computer and downloaded a program from Tuscows called 007 Spy.   It capures screen shots, web sites visited, key strokes and more and will e-mail them to you at whatever interval you set.   You can also pull it up on the host computer and check.

I learned a lot more about what was going on in her mind from the spyware than I did from what she told me.   She was into a hot and heavy e-mail relationship with a Guy named Holger from Munich.   She would talk to him a lot more than she would me.  Of couse as she was writing Holger that she thought he was the man of her dreams she was also writing a couple of dozen other guys and listing herself on a lot of singles sites.   She was also writing a guy from Las Vegas and asking him to do a K-1 for her despite the fact they had never met.  Chuck was both a looser and an idiot and had no idea how to do a visa and said he would like to come to Russia to meet her but could not afford it.  They were trying to figure out a way to fake photos.   The spyware also picked up her e-mail passwords.

When the 90 days were up she headed back to Russia.  When she got back she wrote me and said she had decided she had made the biggest mistake of her life and that she now realized she loved me and wanted to be with me and was very unhappy in Russia after being with me.   I was still head over heals in love with her, and I did think about it.  Of course since I had her e-mail passwords I could see what she was doing behind the scenes.  For a little while she was playing it cool with Holger.  Most of her messages were about weather and business, then all of a sudden out of the blue she said she wanted to meet him as soon as possible and to please arrange it.   Well I got a little upset naturally.   I wrote her and said I had always been faithful to her and if we were going to do a new K-1, I needed to be able to trust her and I asked her to tell me that she would not be meeting any other guys.   She wrote back something like no one would want to meet her after a failed K-1 and she had no plans to meet any American men.   I wrote back that I had found some files on the computer and knew about Holger and her answer had upset me a lot.  We had a big fight and I think she got suspicious and changed the password on her e-mail so I shot myself in the foot as far as what was going on with her.   I also picked up in the e-mails that she had also met a guy here.  It did not go further than a lunch during which he kept drinking coke and burping.   I think it is better that it is over.  I don't think she was a woman who could be trusted. 

I mentioned this in another post.  I had a friend from a visa site with an interview date close to ours.   He brought Natailia over and she joined Adult Friend Finder and was doing naked web cams with 60 different guys.   

 I am just curious how many other people have had issues of trust and how you dealt with it. 

[Turboguy]

Right after I posted this I had a different side of Trust that popped up.   I was trying to arranage a one day meeting with a gal 3 weeks from now in Mosow.  Right after I posted the Trust question, I got an e-mail from her and she said she would love to meet me in Moscow but she lives 200 KM from Moscow and it will cost her $ 150.00 to get there.  Can I send it to her.    Let me add that her profile lists her location as "Moscow, Moscow Region, Russain Federation"  It is not the same kind of trust but I would enjoy some comments on this too.

[TigerPaws]

Turboguy,

 Rule one if she askes for money write her off and fast.

 Rule two, NEVER break rule one.

[Turboguy]

Hey TigerPaws.

I think that is a good rule to follow.   I have sent money but only when it was my idea.   I have suggested to a few gals that they meet me someplace where I was going to be and said I would pay their costs to get there, and that I don't mind.  I don't like it when it is thier idea.   Going back to Marina, I think it is possible she does not live in Moscow.  Her profile says Moscow but her address is Krasnogorsk.  Anyone know where that is?    I will try and look it up later.

Two weeks ago I took the night train from Nikolaev to Kiev.   It was about an 8 hour ride.   First class was sold out when we tried to get the tickets so I had to settle for the lowest class which was actually quite nice.  I really expected to be sitting in a wooden seat all night but it was a sleeper with good company and the cost was $ 5.00 plus one more for the bedding.   On the other side I took the night train a lot from N. Novgorod and the fare for first class was about $ 75.00.   Sometimes we just had a private car which I liked better.  It was more expensive but worth it.

I started off writing to gals from South America.  I actully think I ran into more scammers there than I do in Russia.   Lets see, I was asked to pay for an eye operation or the love of my life would go blind.  I was asked to help pay for a house that washed away in mud slides.  I can't remember them all.  I guess that gal is blind now and the others family is still sleeping in the street.   Of couse in the FSU I have been asked to pay for school so I would not have an unducated wife.  I have been asked to pay for a coat and by another for boots so they would not be ashamed to be seen with me.  I have been asked to pay for a front tooth so she would not be too embarrased to meet me.  I have been, oh you get the idea.  I am sure you all have had the same.

[Turboguy]

Just for a follow up, I looked up Krasnogorsk on Mapquest.  There are three towns with that name.  One is on a penninsula in the pacific ocean, the other is near Kazakastan and the other is just outside the beltway around Moscow.  Something stinks and it is not her bad perfume.

I will also add she was not a real high priority on my trip.  I have three days in Moscow and want to set up three meetings.  I have one arranged and she was just someone to put in slot two.  I wanted to keep one open for a few weeks to see who new might pop up.   I think I will keep two open.

[Shadow]

Trust has never been an issue with me. If I would not be able to trust her, it would be end of story. I have free access to her computer, and she has free access to mine. If we would want, we could open each others e-mail without problem.

Regarding her meeting you in Moscow, if she asks for this amount have you asked her how far from Moscow she lives ? If there are no other issues, she might have made a mistake putting her place of living. If not, don't get in to this again.

How do you manage to write to so many women trying to scam you ? There must be something wrong with your writing

[Bruno]

Two weeks ago I took the night train from Nikolaev to Kiev.   It was about an 8 hour ride.   First class was sold out when we tried to get the tickets so I had to settle for the lowest class which was actually quite nice.  I really expected to be sitting in a wooden seat all night but it was a sleeper with good company and the cost was $ 5.00 plus one more for the bedding.   On the other side I took the night train a lot from N. Novgorod and the fare for first class was about $ 75.00.   Sometimes we just had a private car which I liked better.  It was more expensive but worth it.

During my marriage periode, i have take several time the night train between Moscow and Lipetsk... around 600 km in one night... in a sleeper cabin with 4 bed ( second class )... price around 2 euro when i use a false russian passport for buy the ticket of 10 time more when i have use my international passport...  Price are not the same for russian and tourist... but for russian lady, it is enough cheap... of course, when she is coming from other side of the country, the price is more high but in these case, she can use the intern flight ( not really expensive )...

 

[Turboguy]

How do you manage to write to so many women trying to scam you ? There must be something wrong with your writing

It's hard to type and laugh at the same time but I will try.  One part is the sheer numbers.   I would hate to think how many women I have written in the oh, let me see, 13 years I have been at this. 

Another is I have gone to a number of socials, mostly by European Connectons and I think they attract a lot of that type of women.

Another factor is that I am an old, tired, over the hill dude that is attracted to young beautiful women.   That one is probably the main reason.   Well, maybe not too tired, hopefully not over the hill, just depends on what hill we are talking about.  So it is not my writing, it is me. 

[BC]

Turbo,

You do have sizeable 'nuggets'.  I suspect quite a few out there in similar circumstances would just disappear in shame rather than share their experience here. 

I guess you're the kind of guy that will get back on the horse after being thrown hard.. I'd be the first to agree with you if horses were my cherished hobby or job.  If not I think I would step back and try to decide whether riding is really what I want to do especially when I have to constantly watch out and worry about others putting a burr under the saddle.  Sorta ruins the fun.

In this 'wham scam thankyou man' RW MOB scene, trust is something that most will advise against.. with good reason.  OTOH with the recent experience burning brightly would you really be able to trust an honest RW if you met her tomorrow?

To me getting into the MOB scene is simply asking for trouble.  Is the time, money and distraction from more productive endeavours really worth it?  IMHO if you really really want a FSU woman cut your MOB losses and look for alternative ways of making yourself available to the general population of women.. those that are not actively looking for a foreign relationship. 

Like business, if doing it was easy for everyone opportunities to excel would not exist.. that's why a good businessman must look for an unusual or special niche and not just sit around reading 'get rich quick' books.

Try ways and methods that aren't some one elses beaten path.

You obviously have the required 'nuggets'.. use em wisely!

[Turboguy]

I am not sure BC, I have never been thrown from a horse, but I have to say that my last ride on one was bad enough that I never had any real urge to get back on one.

As far as the trust issue for most of my life it has not been a problem.  So yes, I am not going to let one bad experience discourage me.   Actually it has been much more the other way.  I have done a lot of things in my life that were not good.

One of the things I can remember laughing about was a long time ago when one of my salespeople said something I thought was funny.  He said Turboguy, two things you had better never do.  You had better never get so sick that you go to the hospital and you had better never die.  Cause if you do and your wife, your fiancee and your live in girlfriend ever end up in the same room all hell will break loose.  Then he said, If you have a choice between the two.  I think you should pick being dead.  So I have done my share of things of which I am not proud.   Actually my wife and I were separated and my girlfiend was on the way out but still it was not good of me/

As far as getting back on the circut to meet someone new.  Three weeks after Luda got on the plane I was in Ukraine meeting new gals.   I don't see American gals being of any real interest to me.  If I don't meet anyone special I may go out a little here just for something to do but I don't see America as wife hunting territory.  The types of gals that want to meet me here are sitting in the underpasses in the FSU holding out tin cups.

As far as putting my time in more productive areas, my business runs fine without me.  I built it so I can twiddle my thumbs.   I have nothing better to do with my time and I can afford to spend whatever time I want in the process.  I can agree it would be better to expose yourself to the general population that is not looking for a foreign husband, but I think that takes more time than I want to spend.  Perhaps if I were 30 I would try that.   I don't see good opportunities for me any way but the MOB scene.  As far as if I could trust an honest woman.  Of course.   I have had a lot of girlfriends in my life.  That is the first real problem that I know of.  I am used to trusting.  I may leave the spyware on my computer just in case someone acts suspicious but it would stay off unless she would start to act strange. 

I did not intend for this to be a thread to talk so much about my personal life.  I intended just to bring some of the stories like mine and Maxx's and sonics in one thread.   To see what else some of the others experienced and how they dealt with it.

As far as having big nuggets.  I don't.  I just have a dream of a happy life and want to do what I can to make that come true.  Giving up is never a path to success.

 

[Maxx]

Turbo you got a big problem the way I see it. You need to get your target age range up another 10 or 15 years. I'm 52 and would be tickled pink to have a early 40's something HRB (Hot Russian "Babe") that is pleasant to be around and of course faithful. And I believe I am several years younger than you, correct? You see I don't want you or me to waste up all of our lives chasing dreams that won't come true or that blow up in our faces. It's so painful!!!!!

Very interesting about what you found using a keylogger on your fiancee's computer.

Did everyone read this?

I am surprised you were as patient as you were after you found out she was in contact with other men. I would have said "Luda lets go for a drive" then I would have taken her to the airport. Made her get out of the car. Shoved some return tickets in her hand. Told her what I knew and to go $crew herself and drive off with the hope that some rain water would get kicked up from the tires and splatter her. Not until you are able to do this should you try a MOB again. One has to be able to cut them off in a New York second for any form of unfaithfulness and that especially includes after you marry them. I have seen too many men myself included that dawdled along letting the noose get slipped over our necks. Time is on their side not ours. Detect and act fast.

Trust? Trust? you would be a fool to trust them. Wait until a year and a half after she gets her Green card then you can start trusting them.

Maxx

 

[Turboguy]

Yes, Maxx, I am a lot older than you are.   Just so you know I am not hopeless, at a social in Moscow I did have a 16 year old girl come up to me and want to talk to me and I when I found out her age I told her she was too young for me. (I assume she lied about her age to get in).  There are hopes for me. 

As far as my target age range, I don't neccessarily have one.  I am writing girls from 21 to 55.   I do think that a gal in her 40's is more likely to be faithful.  I don't think that means all gals in their 20's are going to cheat on you.  I actually feel more in common with a gal in their 20's than I do with one older.  Perhaps that is just because I have always dated gals in their 20's, perhaps it is other things.   I guess I have too hard a head and the clue bat just bounces off Maxx, but you make good points.

As far as my ability to tell a gal "here is a plane ticket, you will be on it tomorrow".  My first suggestion to Luda was that she goes back immediately.   (Don't forget that she did not know that I knew what was going on).   She had quit her job at home and sold the tools of her trade and uprooted her life.   Here she was doing some work for me and making good money compared to what she made at home.  She asked if she could stay so she could earn as much money as possible to re-build her life.   I enjoyed being around her even though we were not getting along and she was very independant about money and would not have taken money I just gave her.  It was not that big an issue with me.   If it had been she would have been on the next plane.  I would not have had a problem with that.  At that point she had 3 weeks left on her visa and as long as she did not try to disappear and stay in the USA illegally, the three weeks were not a big deal to me.   I started to write new gals about a week or 10 days before she left so it was not wasted time for me.

As far as the spyware, I mentioned that in my first post in case the idea helped anyone.   If your gal comes over and seems to be playing it straight, I think it would be a very bad thing to do.  You need to trust.  If she comes over and acts strange and seems to spend odd hours on the internet and you have to make a choice, it might be a good way to find out what is really going on with her so you can make a good decision.

[Turboguy]

A little more on the subject Maxx.   Personally, I have always believed if you have a dream you should do all you can to make it come true.   If you dream has always been to be president of Exxon and you are 55 and still pumping gas at a station in Billings MT you should maybe re-evaluate your dream and try to dream of being station manager.  If you are 55 and CFO and passed over twice for the top spot you should sit yourself down and work out a battle plan to make sure you are successful the next time they look.

For me, I write some older ladies.  I am not sure that is my dream.  I don't rule them out and if the right one comes along, great.   I still am drawn to younger gals.   Many old farts are.   :? If I reach a point where my dream becomes impossible, I will re-evaluate and decide if older is better or if I just want to drop the whole idea and go through the rest of my life being master of my own remote and having a lot of meaningless flings with American gals.  I came close with Luda.  I dumped Lena for Luda and probably made a bad choice there.   I think the gals in the FSU MOB scene are getting more particular about age and it is becoming more competitive in general.   Personally I think if I don't succeed in the next go round or two it will be time to re-evalaute and decide what I want to be when I grow up.

[Maxx]

Turbo I see certain similarities in our situations. I also see certain areas where we are different.

Chiefly in what we see as a possible/probable outcome to our dream. I wanted a younger woman not young. My first was 39 to my 47. The second with a certain amount of apprehension 33 to my 48. Your dream seems to be much more risky as you have doubled my age differences and then some. I wouldn't consider any woman in her 20's, period. Not even me at only 52. I had two beauties of 28 and 26 contact me and I told them "Thank you, but you are too young for me". But I have been through a divorce with a Russian woman so I know how painful and dangerous it could get.

Imagine if you married Luda and you found out afterwards she was in contact with other men? That she was making plans to set you up on false DV charges and then did it it to you? Luda if she married you would have pulled something like this on you guaranteed. I would keep this in mind always and I would listen closely to unattached observers (like Jet's wife) opinions. We don't always know what is best for us. 

Good luck in your search.

Maxx

 

[TigerPaws]

Turbo you got a big problem the way I see it. You need to get your target age range up another 10 or 15 years. I'm 52 and would be tickled pink to have a early 40's something HRB (Hot Russian "Babe") that is pleasant to be around and of course faithful. And I believe I am several years younger than you, correct? You see I don't want you or me to waste up all of our lives chasing dreams that won't come true or that blow up in our faces. It's so painful!!!!!

Maxx 

Maxx,

 You and I are about the same age but with vastly different views on what is an appropriate age range. Like Turboguy I prefer the younger girls and my choice in a lady reflects that, we have a 19 year difference and are very happy. The issue is that too many men do not know what they want and or how to get it, they are afraid to reach for the gold ring or they simply do not know how.

 If something were to happen to my lady today I would certainly seek out another Russian lady in the 30 year old age range (plus or minus 2 years) because I can attract and retain such a lady. Why should I or any man settle for less than exactly what he wants, needs and desires in a lady or life for that matter.

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
 

[Maxx]

Tiger, nobody knows how well we will hold on to them when they are still young and vibrant and we are toddering along with our walkers with colostomy bags strapped to our sides. "Hey honey, I have fallen and I can't get up!" If you want a wife be practical otherwise there is always Bangkok.

Maxx

[TigerPaws]

Tiger, nobody knows how well we will hold on to them when they are still young and vibrant and we are toddering along with our walkers with colostomy bags strapped to our sides. "Hey honey, I have fallen and I can't get up!" If you want a wife be practical otherwise there is always Bangkok.
Maxx

Maxx,

 Realistically I will most likely not live that long so what is the point of even considering the possibility you suggest.

 

[Bruno]

Realistically I will most likely not live that long

Don't be so sure... Every gardener know that bad plant are strong and difficult to kill :D:D

 

[TigerPaws]

Realistically I will most likely not live that long

Don't be so sure... Every gardener know that bad plant are strong and difficult to kill :D:D 
[/quote]

Thank you Bruno but I am a realist and no man in my family has ever lived past 70, My father died at 60, his father at 63 and his father at 61 as did his father before him. On my mothers side her father lived the longest he passed away at 70 and his father before him at 68 and so on and so on. Our families records go back a very long way so history is against me living another 20 years.

 Like Rvrwind (Richard) I know my years are numbered, it is something you know and accept because there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!


 

[Maxx]

You guys know I am having fun (but still serious)



Not my dream....

I know we can be struck down tomorrow with a heart attack. I also know we can be struck down with a heart attack and not have anyone around to help us.

For me I want a companion until the day I die. Success with a FSU woman is her crying over you on your deathbed.... Which reminds me of a joke

 

Yuri was dying. His wife, Olga, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Olya my darling," he whispered.
"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Olya," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Olga, "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Olya. I ... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know, sweetheart," whispered Olga, "relax now and let the poisons work."

Maxx

[TigerPaws]

Maxx,

 Sucess is living each day as if it is your last, never a trip always and adventure, never a meal always a feast. When I am dead what the Hell do I care I am gone, live for today because tomorrow may never come.

 Some people want to leave a legacy so they will be remembered but who really cares. I remember my father and grand father but my son never knew my grand father he will be all but forgotten when I am gone except for some photo's and notes in the family records and so on and so on.

 When you die you are gone, life goes on without you, people move on, what happens after you or I is dead and gone is meaningless.

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!
 

[Maxx]

Tiger, living with the feeling/belief that death is just around the corner is not a good way to live. With what we know of health today and modern medicine it is possible that your life expectancy can be well up into your eighties. However if you believe its "eat, drink and smoke because tommorrow I might die" you may well make it a self fulfilling prophesy that you will die before 70. I would think it wise to have faith in a long life, live a healthy lifestyle and be prepared to live your long life out with a faithful, kind, good looking and interesting woman.  

I really wish you the best because my father also did not make it to 70. Our families have identical life spans. Only my father started smoking Pall Malls when he was a teenager, ate red meat and potatoes about every day of his life and never exercised.

Maxx  

[TigerPaws]

Maxx,

 While those are nice thoughts I am a realist, it is just not going to happen, hope is wonderful as long as it is not misplaced.

[Maxx]

Tiger I don't mean to debate with you. For your sake you should check and see what a doctor has to say about living a healthy active lifestyle and what can be done to prolong your life expectancy. As example there are tests that can detect the rate of heart desease and the buildup of plaque and the hardening of arteries etc. Now I say this with all due respect to you. Sometimes the preception but not necessarally the reality of the nearness of death is an excuse for wild living. My viewpoint on this subject is that our lives are short and we should live them to the full. But taking extreme chances, especially when older is a reciept for disaster. That doesn't mean no fun or no beauty in our lives but just not the extremes. I can see only one good reason to marry a younger wife. A more likelyhood of having a longer more healthy life because she is more likely to be active and not seditary. Lets face it we slow down as we age. A younger (not extremely younger) wife maybe what the doctor ordered. Take it from me if a man's RW wife takes up with a younger man you would be surprized how old and foolish a man can feel.

Maxx

[TigerPaws]

Maxx,

 Again nice thoughts but I have been there and had those tests and many others as well, the results were all the same. Hell 20 years will be a good run, nothing to complain about and no regrets so far.

 We are living the good life, here on SeaQuest OEand we have the most important thing in the world, time together and our only concern is what the weather will be like tomorrow. We eat right (my lady sees to that) swim and or dive just about every day, we are seeing and experiencing things most people only dream about.

 

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Champagne in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!