Guys here under 35

[Faux Pas]

You seem to be holding up the microcosm that is RWD as some sort of proof that the majority aren't in some way "weird".

In "my" microcosm, the AM/RW couples that I have met and know personally, none are weird. No Qusimotos, no social lepers or misfits. Some met through agencies and some met through other avenues. Granted my sample size is small but from my sample size, there is no evidence to support your contention. I "believe" the majority of those that have married and frequent RWD are regular people and not weirdos.

Perhaps you should ask your wife to start reading some of the forums my wife reads on occasion to get the dirt from their side of the wire and perhaps you'll start to realize that the happily married couples that David is touting as being the norm are actually more the exception.

There is as many or more weirdos and dirtbags, both male and female on any western dating site. Proportionately probably more. I see you attempting to hang a stigma on the people in this process where there are enough stigmas already. All the while attempting to disassociate your situation from it which is in essence, the very same. Quite hypocritical IMO

And, FWIW, I see no real difference in the way I met my current wife than I met my Norwegian ex-wife - by accident. The fact that my ex was met because I gate crashed a summer-student party at well know research institute as opposed to my current wife virtually gate-crashing a western dating site is neither here nor there. But, IMO, it is a huge difference between that and me going out of my way to hunt explicitly for a bride on as FSU bridal site because "all the women there are ---" <- fill in your particular rationalisation here.

You believe there's no real difference in the way you met your wives, I wouldn't dispute that. You can rationalize that anyway you wish. However, IIRC, your wife found you on a dating site (East/West what's the difference at the end of the day?) she was a Russian living in Russia. That fact and the fact you dated and married her joins you at the hip with with a bunch of these other guys (including me) that you call weirdos.

Match.com and any other dating site could for the most part be considered a bridal site, marriage site, whatever. Semantics. One could reasonably deduce you were on a dating site to be found. You're different SJ, just like everybody else 

[Jumper]

You seem to be holding up the microcosm that is RWD as some sort of proof that the majority aren't in some way "weird". Perhaps you should ask your wife to start reading some of the forums my wife reads on occasion to get the dirt from their side of the wire and perhaps you'll start to realize that the happily married couples that David is touting as being the norm are actually more the exception.

And, FWIW, I see no real difference in the way I met my current wife than I met my Norwegian ex-wife - by accident. The fact that my ex was met because I gate crashed a summer-student party at well know research institute as opposed to my current wife virtually gate-crashing a western dating site is neither here nor there. But, IMO, it is a huge difference between that and me going out of my way to hunt explicitly for a bride on as FSU bridal site because "all the women there are ---" <- fill in your particular rationalisation here.

You seem to be  assuming  most western men go with this venture at the exclusion of all others,, while none of the men (or RW) i know personally ever did so.

Yes I've seen a few posts here saying that , and yes i found that strange.
The MOB "at large" simply do not go?
 They never board a plane, those that do you feel *most* are weirdo's.
 
But despite your own options, you also boarded a plane,or crossed borders and cultures.
So ultimately no in this case it doesn't matter how you met your wife?
Are you  going to keep a straight face when comparing your wife's  contacting you on a western dating site as the same as meeting your ex in person??
 Really? she was not from your country? a letter easily dismissed by many men in your country or any other,
as nothing serious to actually pursue!!
either a possible scam or simple amusing and maybe flattering ,, but only a *weirdo* would ultimately pursue that ?  .
At some point , on a western dating site you had to make a decision to even write back or pursue a women in another country ,when your own locale would be easier.

 For you to think that is somehow vastly different than the average man boarding a plane is a bit amusing.
Many men fit that same basic scenario?
Many men were on a western dating site ,and either contacted or where contacted by a scammer ,or a sincere woman,, often not knowing where she resided at first.
Things progressed, but at some point they had to make that crucial choice of actually pursuing a relationship
with someone from another country.
you did the same.
At that crucial moment in time , of that decision, it just isn't that  much different than *most*

Your assumption that *most* pursue this to the exclusion of all others doesnt seem based on anything of substance..
 This whole * at least i dint set out intentionally to pursue RW* mentality just seems odd ,and comes off strange.
You pursued and married a RW!!   Despite any rationalizations ,
she at first was completely unknown to you, she was not a local person.
It made far more common sense to date locally, and you made the exact same choice to pursue this path as *most*

please come back with the argument it was not as  far,  or as difficult,as some other western countries
and other rationalizations..
Wait! there were plenty of available locale women right?
 :evil:

While the initial motivation might be different,  and seems your point..
the ultimate choice to set foot  on the plane(train ,or automobile)  and go meet someone in another country  isn't.
It seems to me like drawing a line in the sand, in the middle of the Sahara..

[Jumper]

That's the main problem; Americans have absolutely no sense of humo(u)r and even less appreciation of the surreal. If you ask me you are all just a bit weird.

LOL i certainly would admit to being weird


The distancing yourself is the amusing part for us with some humor

You said you couldn't possibly understand why a local man there would ever look anywhere else!
 you sure wouldn't!
yet were hit by a train!
 a train?

sorry SJ not letting you off the hook that easily.

you where hit by  a letter,
on some random dating site ,
by someone from a different country ,
and that you couldn't possible even know was real,or not ,but certainly coul understand it wouldnt be the same as local dating.
*Most* local people would not completely understand your initial choice.
(does that define weird?)

You made a conscious decision to leave the convenient local fertile dating grounds you had been enjoying and living.
all over a letter.

So you see , in my book, you'd be quite the weirdo.

One  I agree with often, but still  weird

[Gator]

... my general observations that most people in the MOB scene are pretty freaking strange people as average people go...

Better than "weirdo."  Still, I don't feel like saying "thanks" even though I never considered myself average by most measures.

...remember for a moment, I'm not just talking about the married couples but the males that participate in the MOB scene as a whole.

Literally, this is the same as saying married couples are just as "freaking strange" as MOB males as a whole.  Your intention?  Perhaps your city does not have a significant population of married  couples with a RW wife.  Tampa does and I have met many.  Most men seem okay.  To support part of your opinion, I observed that of the group who seem harmoniously compatible, disproportionately more met here.  However, the reasons are more than equal footing.  [How's that SJ for a balanced view?  You should try it.]

If you ask me you are all just a bit weird.

Are you backing off from the accusation that we all are weirdos (and you are not)?  I find it weird that an intelligent man and his RW wife will read multiple forums and become engrossed with gossip and the stories of the lame such as Alfie.  However, I don't live in Norway winters,  and for sure I don't avoid an opportunity to embrace the joy  of life as did  O'Horten until his retirement [Yes, I will watch a Norwegian film].

[Gator]

I do think there is a difference between meeting someone who happens to be Russian, and actively seeking a Russian spouse to the exclusion of everyone else.

I agree if the exclusion part is the result of an obsession. 

Some of us date the locals, the old flames, the blind dates arranged by friends, etc.  Sometimes we even have fun.  Then the  phone rings frequently and the questions start:  "What are you doing?  Can I come over?"  It is a dance and and rarely do I find someone for whom I would entertain the thought of saving the last dance. 

I go to Russia.  Why?  Because I can.    The prospects are better in quality and number, and for whatever reasons I tend to get along well with RW.  Even with the multiple risks and the separation (miles and language), somehow I walk away with hope for the future.  Part of it is the RW relative beauty.  Yet if that were all, there would not be a followup meeting. 

Because I am a one-woman man, when I become attracted to someone, I focus on her and let it play out to the exclusion of everyone else.  And I welcome the solitude between meetings as  it allows me to think.  It is the way I am wired.  Pretty freaking weird?  If so, so be it.

[Ade]

Okay, let me try to put this another way. I find that deliberately and consciously going out of your way to look for a wife in another country, especially one so far away, where your language is not commonly spoken to be a bit weird. This especially so when there are so many prospects in your own country (and please no BS that there aren't, I'll give you that there might not be in your home town but somewhere in your country there are women).

I also mention the majority and "most", several times. Do you guys honestly believe that the regular posters here at RWD are representative of the majority of MOB males? Really? Sure I'd say there are some damn weird dudes even amongst you lot; just look at some of them! I could name half a dozen straight off that could be considered eccentric at least. But even these guys are probably among the most normal - me included (yeah, a shocker that) - when viewed against all the weirdos inhabiting the MOB sites around the world.

AJ, my wife mailed me on my private email, the address of which she extracted from a profile I had on a western dating site. Yes, I liken the impression she made on me to being hit by a train. It was sudden, unexpected and not possible to recover from. I'd never have bothered travelling out of country otherwise. She could just as well have been American, French or Norwegian; her "FSU" heritage wasn't important to me, and that's one of my points. Guys obsessing over women because of the FSU thing when there are equally beautiful and more accessible women elsewhere including their home country.

Gator, my wife and I have several pasttimes and yes, we sometimes find it amusing to hear the gossip from various forums, here included. I won't apologise for being entertained by the bizarre things that some people get up to.

[Misha]

I'll give you that there might not be in your home town but somewhere in your country there are women).

Easy to say when one is from a relatively small country living in another relatively small country (and with the exception of Russia, all countries are relatively small by Canadian standards). Sure, there might be a single woman in an outport in Newfoundland, but it will be more expensive to fly there to meet her than going to Russia  Also, just because there is a single woman in your country that you want to date, it does not mean that she will want a long-distance relationship that will entail her moving if it works out. My experience is that young, attractive women who are successful in their careers living in larger cities will not move to smaller cities where it may be difficult for them to pick up their careers. Such is life....

[Gator]

SJ,

I appreciate what you say.   And in other circles I too enjoy stirring the $hit pot for giggles.

[I/O]

I have as much as most here. I can read what people post after all and I've done so on many a forum. My wife has also repeated many a story from several Russian forums so yes, enough information there to draw some conclusions about the general level of participation in the MOB scene.

Hearsay.

Or are you trying to tell me that unless I actually go to a MOB office somewhere in downtown FSUsville and perhaps meet one or two strange dudes I'm somehow not informed?

Yep, pretty much.

That's the main problem; Americans have absolutely no sense of humo(u)r and even less appreciation of the surreal.

Waaaaaay wide of the mark and a very common but poorly arrived at conclusion (I once thought similarly).

If you ask me you are all just a bit weird.

But nobody asked.

SJ: Mrs I/O reads forums also and I can make wild assumptions, some of which may even be correct but at the end of the day it behoves rational people to gain a more evidential basis for a general condemnation than a few observations from forums and our wives rehashed comments.

BTW, I never went wife hunting in Russia either, Mrs found me and in fact visited me long before I visited her. Is she a weirdo?

[Ade]

Easy to say when one is from a relatively small country living in another relatively small country (and with the exception of Russia, all countries are relatively small by Canadian standards). Sure, there might be a single woman in an outport in Newfoundland, but it will be more expensive to fly there to meet her than going to Russia  Also, just because there is a single woman in your country that you want to date, it does not mean that she will want a long-distance relationship that will entail her moving if it works out. My experience is that young, attractive women who are successful in their careers living in larger cities will not move to smaller cities where it may be difficult for them to pick up their careers. Such is life....

And I still say that you are much more likely to find a compatible partner in your own country rather than halfway around the world in a different culture that speaks a different language particularly if as much time, effort and money were put into finding one at home.

[Ade]

BTW, I never went wife hunting in Russia either, Mrs found me and in fact visited me long before I visited her. Is she a weirdo?

Dude, she married you, so what does that tell you?

[Misha]

And I still say that you are much more likely to find a compatible partner in your own country rather than halfway around the world in a different culture that speaks a different language particularly if as much time, effort and money were put into finding one at home.

Yet, you married a woman from Russia 

[Ade]

Yet, you married a woman from Russia 

And what? You think that invalidates my previous statements? 

[Misha]

And what? You think that invalidates my previous statements? 

Well, it does remind me of a passage from the New Testament that I find particularly pertinent:

"Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Friend, let me take out the speck in your eye,' when you yourself do not see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."

We all think that we are exceptional and we all want to believe that we are somehow above the fray. What can I say: one woman's weirdo may be another woman's prince and how can we truly judge what is happening in another relationship 

[I/O]

Dude, she married you, so what does that tell you?

But, as the resident demographer, I'm asking you...........

Bottom line SJ is, you, me or anyone else may form an opinion on the quality of men going abroad and in some cases may well be correct (by guess work) but in reality, without knowing them, we don't really know and to make comments such as your earlier one is no more than chain yanking. I could level a million allegations based on what I've seen in airports alone over the years and........I might well be correct but at the end of the day, the world will see you and me exactly the same way simply because we too are in an international marriage. Like it or lump it, 'sway it is.

[felix8787]

That's the main problem; Americans have absolutely no sense of humo(u)r

Waaaaaay wide of the mark and a very common but poorly arrived at conclusion (I once thought similarly).

Me? No sense of humo(u)r....damn 

[Gator]

BTW, I never went wife hunting in Russia either, Mrs found me and in fact visited me long before I visited her. Is she a weirdo?

Ozzie pragmatism.  By SJ's definition, "yes" if done to the exclusion of the local stud muffins.

Keep in mind that this exercise is another source of amusement for SJ.  Winter nights are long and dreary in Norway.

[Boethius]

Winter nights are long and dreary in Norway.

Long winter nights are never dreary.

[Boethius]

You seem to be holding up the microcosm that is RWD as some sort of proof that the majority aren't in some way "weird". Perhaps you should ask your wife to start reading some of the forums my wife reads on occasion to get the dirt from their side of the wire and perhaps you'll start to realize that the happily married couples that David is touting as being the norm are actually more the exception. A

Good point.  Often the husband's the "last to know" his wife is unhappy.

[Vaughn]

I always get a chuckle when BC hops on here and distances himself from the crowd by
claiming how "we met naturally"....

This particular attempt to rise above the pack of hungry wolves is quite humorous,
despite the claim made that as an American, I'm impervious to humor at all.

Congratulations, SJ - you wound up with a Russian bride - without having to endure
the tarnished MOB reputation.   

[Daveman]

I always get a chuckle when BC hops on here and distances himself from the crowd by
claiming how "we met naturally"....

...

Yeah man, but BC is just... weird!

[I/O]

Ozzie pragmatism.

Perhaps.

By SJ's definition, "yes" if done to the exclusion of the local stud muffins.

Not sure about the locals although I do receive the odd "dark" look from her former colleagues etc when we visit her home town. Make of that what you will. Probably most amusing is a couple of Swedish would be suitors who got their marching orders along the way.

Keep in mind that this exercise is another source of amusement for SJ.

I'm very well aware or that.

Winter nights are long and dreary in Norway.

Shorter with a RW warming half the bed, particularly one who is exclusive of the dreaded MOB scene.

[Gator]

Shorter with a RW warming half the bed, particularly one who is exclusive of the dreaded MOB scene.

A young woman on a MOB site could be a virgin yet would be less respected by SJ than a party girl who never had time for a MOB agency.

What's next?  Should we strive to follow the high society courtship rules for young women in the Victorian era?   Respected family of property, religiously devoted,  elaborate debutante ball, unquestionable virginity, finishing school, good marks for needlework, and always chaperoned.  Us commoners had our ways however.  SJ, you are beginning to remind me of an arrogant yet gifted Eton friend from my distant past.

[Misha]

AJ, my wife mailed me on my private email, the address of which she extracted from a profile I had on a western dating site. Yes, I liken the impression she made on me to being hit by a train. It was sudden, unexpected and not possible to recover from. I'd never have bothered travelling out of country otherwise. She could just as well have been American, French or Norwegian; her "FSU" heritage wasn't important to me, and that's one of my points. Guys obsessing over women because of the FSU thing when there are equally beautiful and more accessible women elsewhere including their home country.

The thing, though, is that had she been French or American, she would never have bothered writing you. An attractive French or American woman would have had plenty of good men vying for her attention at home. She would not have had time to look for men in Norway and send them an email. The forces that drove your wife to send you that first email are exactly the same that drive women to agencies: the desire to find other options as they are dissatisfied with the choices and the men that they have at home. In other words, the same social and economic forces that drive the MOB business are the same forces that IMHO led to your marital bliss 

[Boethius]

A young woman on a MOB site could be a virgin yet would be less respected by SJ than a party girl who never had time for a MOB agency.

What's next?  Should we strive to follow the high society courtship rules for young women in the Victorian era?   Respected family of property, religiously devoted,  elaborate debutante ball, unquestionable virginity, finishing school, good marks for needlework, and always chaperoned.  Us commoners had our ways however.  SJ, you are beginning to remind me of an arrogant yet gifted Eton friend from my distant past.

I think you miss his point.  He doesn't think the women are weirdos.