RW and the dreaded P word...

[alex330]

Prenups that is. I personally find them disgusting and the wrog way to start a marriage. That being said at this stage of my life I have several things that I would hate to jeopardize.
Everybody I know says I would be an idiot to not have one especially since you do not get to your your partner as well as you would like in some situations. I am a good judge of character but you never know. What are everyones views on this? RW's comments especially appreciated.

[Kuna]

Some people should have them... especially those a little older with substantial assets and a low future earning potential.

If you're young and upwardly mobile I think a prenup is a sign of weakness.  If you're committed and you know you've made the right decision why would you need a legal document to rescue your ass?

[alex330]

I agree with you. My situation is a bit unusual to be honest. I am younger on the upswing. I did make an an investment a while back that I cannot afford to jeopardize unfortunately.
I may have to do a simple prenup and sit down and explain the situation to her as it would affect other people that are close to me. I just hope she would understand.

[Ravens9273]

Alex.
The board will be split on this issue so you may not get what you are looking for.
Some here swear it should be done and others here believe if you need one you should not be marrying the person to begin with.
The key word though (and reason I chose to respond) is you mentioned you are on the upswing.
A prenup only protects what you had before marriage. It does not protect what you build during the marriage.
If you made in investment before marriage and it pays off after marriage it is a marital asset.
Anything that happens in the upswing as you stated during the marriage will be an asset of the marriage.

Also consider the fact you will still be responsible for her by the US governement no matter what.
Part of bring her to this country is the fact you agree to support her. If you divorce 6 months later you are still responsible for her unless on of the following happens

She leaves the country
She becomes a US citizen
She aquires 40 quarter work credits (10 years)
or She pass away.

So if you are concerned about a prenup then you should also consider the above before taking on this journey.
Your responsibility is not over if you divorce.

[alex330]

I am on the upswing and honestly could care less about anything I currently own or make now or in the future except the one investment.
I guess speaking to an attorney first is the best option on this one.

Unfortunately I am familiar with divorces between international couples. Many friends fo mine have gone through it locally. A risk we are all willing to take I am sure.
But hey, certain couples we thought would have NEVER worked out are happy 8-10 years later 

I am curious about how the RW feel on this one. Ladies?

[Doll]

Depends what you want to "cover" by the prenuptial agreement- what you already have or what you're going to acquire with your wife-to- be.
Also, depends how "one-sided" or not it is going to be.

[Doll]

I am on the upswing and honestly could care less about anything I currently own or make now or in the future except the one investment.

Which is?

[Vaughn]

Which is?

Doll, I don't see how it matters. The discussion is about the pros and cons of prenups
and not Alex's particular situation.

[Doll]

Doll, I don't see how it matters. The discussion is about the pros and cons of prenups
and not Alex's particular situation.

The OP asks for the RW's opinion- I am a RW. For me it does matter- what is my husband-to-be is going to protect. One thing is his business where he can have partners, another- is his retirement that is supposed to be shared.
  If I am going to live with a man, take care of him or him and his kids then the PA on the retirement doesn't look fair for me.
it all depends on the particular situation.

[Seeker]

Doll, I don't see how it matters. The discussion is about the pros and cons of prenups
and not Alex's particular situation.

In principle I agree, but it might matter depending on what it is.

And I know that the OP has to decide to tell us or not... This is a very personal situation, and maybe not one to be discussed in an open forum.  But it might help explain what we are going to be guessing and saying in the near future.

[Doll]

Doll, I don't see how it matters.

One more time- it does. Now and then there are topics on RW forums where girls want to know if their PA are fair or not. Their attitude depends on the essence of the particular PA.

[ECOCKS]

The part that concerned me in your opening statement was that you don't know your partner "AS WELL AS YOU WOULD LIKE." If that is true, my advice is don't get married yet.

The only instance I can see where pre-nups need to be done is when you have contractual requirements or pre-existing commitments which necessitate limiting  transferability of the asset or timing of liquidation. If those situations exist then get a good lawyer to help you put it together. Make this situation clear to the woman as soon as it is appropriate and be patient explaining to her why this is necessary and how it would affect a divorce or early death scenario.

In the long-run I'm a believer in everything down the middle, even-steven, no games, since I view marriage as a full partnership. If you're doing this to save yourself from ruin, my advice is to not get married since it seems a clear signal you aren't ready to trust her yet.

[alex330]

Feel free to pm me and we can discuss it there. I would prefer not to talk about investments or money issues publicly.   

[Vaughn]

The OP asks for the RW's opinion- I am a RW.

I'm not disagreeing with that fact.

For me it does matter- what is my husband-to-be is going to protect. One thing is his business where he can have partners, another- is his retirement that is supposed to be shared.

Alex isn't going to be your husband - so why the necessity to pry into his personal affairs to generate your own
opinion - which you generally explained that an existing business with partners would be fair - and a portion (or all?)
of his retirement nest egg would not?

Personally, I've never considered a pre-nup. IMO protection of assets is something to be practiced fervently in the
field of government taxes, not to exclude a woman with whom I've decided to spend my life...  that's just me. Folks
that insist on prenups might argue "So you probably have little to protect..." Yada yada... Spare me the philosophy.
And spare the OP the obligation to bare his finances online so you can form an opinion.  

[I/O]

Prenups are like age gaps and visit many / visit one trips. There's about a thousand threads on these subjects with no difinitive answers.

[Doll]

Alex isn't going to be your husband - so why the necessity to pry into his personal affairs to generate your own
opinion - which you generally explained that an existing business with partners would be fair - and a portion (or all?)

In a very plain English- BECAUSE IT DEPENDS!

of his retirement nest egg would not?

No
Retirement, business, real estate, stocks, education fees, loans , debts and many other things can the the target of PA. 
It is not possible to generalize it.

[alex330]

The part that concerned me in your opening statement was that you don't know your partner "AS WELL AS YOU WOULD LIKE." If that is true, my advice is don't get married yet.

I have not chosen a partner or even discussed marriage yet. I meant that gettting to know somebody overseas you may not be able to put in as much time together as a relationship locally is all.
This is a general question on how RW view pre-nups really.

[Seeker]

Prenups are like age gaps and visit many / visit one trips. There's about a thousand threads on these subjects with no difinitive answers.

Yes, it is all up to personal experience and circumstances.  Each perspective is different and valid if presented with truth and a balance of what "my opinion" is versus "the other persons opinion."

We are never ALWAYS RIGHT when talking about other peoples lives.  The best we can hope is being right half of the time in our own lives.

[Blues Fairy]

I am on the upswing and honestly could care less about anything I currently own or make now or in the future except the one investment.
I am curious about how the RW feel on this one. Ladies?

Theoretically, I would sign a prenup if its objective was to protect the man's kids from a prior marriage and if it was not designed in such a way as to severely curb my rights and the rights of my kids (but I guess the laws of the state would override such a prenup anyway).  

If the said man brought up the issue of a prenup even before bothering to win my heart, it would raise a major red flag for me.  

[Doll]

If the said man brought up the issue of a prenup even before bothering to win my heart, it would raise a major red flag for me. 

It would not for me. Actually, it is the opposite - before we get involved romantically I would prefer to know about this kind of intention.

[Blues Fairy]

before we get involved romantically I would prefer to know about this kind of intention.

I.e. before the first date? 

[alex330]

Theoretically, I would sign a prenup if its objective was to protect the man's kids from a prior marriage and if it was not designed in such a way as to severely curb my rights and the rights of my kids (but I guess the laws of the state would override such a prenup anyway).  

Yes, it would impact my family. Thanks for the input.

[Doll]

I.e. before the first date? 

ok, the better way to say- before we fall in love.

[RussianWind]

Prenups are like age gaps and visit many / visit one trips. There's about a thousand threads on these subjects with no difinitive answers.

Nope. Alex thinks this board was organized yestarday 

I saw gentlemen left without pants with their prenups for a memory.

I wouldn't sign for a simple reason. I personally think that if the prenup question arises, that means only one thing - your relationship has big cracks and the wise thing would be not to marry this man at all.

[Doll]

I personally think that if the prenup question arises, that means only one thing - your relationship has big cracks and the wise thing would be not to marry this man at all.

I was marrying the man with 2 kids, these kids insisted in their dad's prenup because they wanted to inherit the house. I was mad at the man, he didn't go for it, but now I regret.
BTW I would like to get the postnup.
Anyway- it all depends.