How did you meet?

[Chicagoguy]

It will be 2 years in April since my wife arrived here. When about some of the people ask where she is from we answer "Russia". Some will then ask where in Russia but I think it is just to be polite. As for those few who ask how we met we say "on the Internet". And no one has ever offered any opinion of this.

My wife is in Russia right now so I was at a bar celebrating St. Patricks day and I was talking to a gentleman and it came up that I was married to a Russian and his only comment was - Is she younger ?       Yes

[Muzh]

Gator, I forgot to mention I agree with your first four for sources of scorn from those who are not part of this journey.

Now, what do you mean that "these sources would suggest that the stigma is more from the RW’s perspective?" Are you suggesting that RWs are going or are afraid to go through this scorn once they get here?

One more question. Are you suggesting men are chided away because of the meat market mentality?

[Misha]

Are you suggesting that RWs are going or are afraid to go through this scorn once they get here?

In my experience, women quickly learn that the MOB thing is derided, so they will provide alternate venues for meetings. If an agency was used, it becomes a dating site, if it was a dating site, they simply met at a cafe, etc.... It is pretty normal for people to minimize potential scorn and otherwise draw attention away from what may be perceived as derogatory.

[Muzh]

In my experience, women quickly learn that the MOB thing is derided, so they will provide alternate venues for meetings. If an agency was used, it becomes a dating site, if it was a dating site, they simply met at a cafe, etc.... It is pretty normal for people to minimize potential scorn and otherwise draw attention away from what may be perceived as derogatory.

Understood. Luckly my wife never experienced anything like that. That's so sad.

On the other hand only one person, a woman, started on me. The amazing thing is that other women (AW) came to my rescue telling this woman "this is the most romantic thing I ever heard."

[dbneeley]

I'm sorry that apparently some of you folks have been on the receiving end of terrible treatment simply because of how you met or where your spouse is from.

During the too-long time when I was going back and forth before finally relocating here full time, I mentioned my Ukrainian wife in conversation with many people. In all that time, I had exactly *two* people who had negative reactions--one was a former supervisor who had lived in France for several years but who had had no luck at all in finding a husband there; the other, unfortunately, was my sister.

Otherwise, I typically only got very positive responses. Most women thought my story was "so romantic!"

Of course, I made it clear that I would have been delighted to find a lady next door or around the block, but that simply didn't happen so I merely widened my search a bit. But then, I am not so negative on American women as many men are who are in this pursuit.

I think, therefore, that if you have a very positive attitude yourself this will often give no cause for negativity on the part of others. If they still wish to persist in such rudeness, that says far more about them than about you anyway.

David

[Woodie]

Woodie, the woman that you married, was she the first and only Russian/Ukraine woman that you met?

Yes, she was, unless you count her friends; and I don't since they don't speak much english...

[Woodie]

Good and keep it that way. Don't fall into the barrel of men who loudly speaks as though they've found the path to heaven with this experience. But when asked how they met their wives by the big wide open, the first thing they do is deny it as if that process is so beneath them. There's a thread here where one can read 1001 ways to circumvent the truth behind how they met. Even all the way on up to simply telling folks that it's none of their business. LOL.

If you believe and respect your marriage, your wife, and yourself...never, ever deny the very process that put the two of you together. There's no stigma attached to finding and meeting someone who want to share your lifetime with in the manner we all have. The only stigma in the MOB are the men whose first impulse is deny it. There's something sinister in men who are embarassed to admit how they met the women they supposedly hold in high regards.

I didn't think about Elena's Models as a MOB agency.  I saw it more as a dating site where the majority of women were explicit about wanting to find a husband and have a family, which lined up perfectly with my wants as well.  I also searched some north american based dating sites and some local ones... there were a lot less women there who were interested in marriage and kids, especially in my age range.  I didn't learn about this MOB stuff, until I was well into my relationship with my wife.  I guess I was pretty niave back then... maybe I still am...  and thats fine too.

[Gator]

In my experience, women quickly learn that the MOB thing is derided, so they will provide alternate venues for meetings. If an agency was used, it becomes a dating site, if it was a dating site, they simply met at a cafe, etc.... It is pretty normal for people to minimize potential scorn and otherwise draw attention away from what may be perceived as derogatory.

Good explanation.

The average neighbor or friend in America would not know the difference between a dating site or a MOB/IMB agency.  All they know is that she is from Russia, and meeting her on the Internet would seem natural.  The average American will find marrying a RW to be odd but maybe interesting, and most American people will judge her based on her own merits with no weight given to how we met.


The only place where I have encountered MOB stigma is at RWD.  My feeling is that the stigma comes mostly from RW who do not want their photo shown on MOB sites for reasons I gave above.  I doubt that they look down on RW who used a MOB agency; a MOB agency was not for them.   Once married and living in the West, I have heard that some RW spend much time comparing their material goods (house, diamond ring, car, etc.).  I find that silly, and worse, it could create a social caste in which one variable is how one met her husband. 

My ex-wife was never into material comparisons even though she stressed consumption and acquistions   I did detect a little jealousy of RW who came here on a student visa and stayed, finding their husbands via conventional methods and/or starting a professional career.   But the jealousy was not because she had to use a MOB site.  It was because she married the wrong RM, had children early and had to forgo her university studies when the economy crashed - she felt 10 years behind the RW of the same age who came here on a student visa. 

[I/O]

The average neighbor or friend in America would not know the difference between a dating site or a MOB/IMB agency.  All they know is that she is from Russia

Agree.

and meeting her on the Internet would seem natural.

Disagree.

The average American will find marrying a RW to be odd but maybe interesting

Generally agree.

most American people will judge her based on her own merits with no weight given to how we met.

Gator, you have way more faith in humanity than I have. Of course I can't speak with authority on "American views" but I do recall dating a lady, let's say not too far from New York years back (I was in USA for an extended period at the time) and shortly after my first trip to Russia. She was rather inquisitive as to my motives for visiting Russia and relaxed somewhat when it was apparent I wasn't for meeting women. Nevertheless, she and several people I met were certainly less than complimentary regarding AM - RW marriages and or relationships they were observing locally. The bottom line was and in my experience here also, is, international marriage = MOB period.

Mrs and I met by accident in an airport precinct initially and that part of history can't be changed but try explaining that to anyone and you'll simply get that knowing smile and somewhere in the conversation a "barb" will be tossed our way. Frankly, I've given up bothering with explanations and am likely (depending on my mood at the given moment), if asked, to answer with anything from she found me drunk on the street outside a Russian brothel through, we met in an airport to, via the internet through, I was in bed with her sister when she walked in etc etc. It simply isn't worth trying because in actual fact, most are not really that interested in the answer but more interested in confirming their own particular stereotypical assumption.

[BillyB]

I believe her name was Anastasia and the murder scene was the garage. The husband turned out to have a roommate just out of jail and whatever they both decided to do with the girl ended with murdering her.

Honey Bunny!!!!

Since you're interested in this story, I'll tell you more. Indle King's roomate Daniel Larson was also his homosexual lover. Besides being a victim of domestic violence, Anastasia found this out and was planning to divorce Indle. Daniel was no angel since he's a convicted child molestor. Anastasia was no angel either since she's taken on multiple lovers since she was never in love or physically attracted to her husband Indle.

Detailed story here: http://www.seattlepi.com/local/brid02.shtml

When I was on the mamba network, I encountered a few married women. They had Russian and American husbands they were not happy with. If any of you men aren't lighting your lady's fire, someone else probably is.

Honey Bunny, just because you read one story that is alarming, it doesn't mean there are problems with the justice system here or lack of preventive measures. I've dated a couple of RW and in Russia, they had husbands that busted their nose and bruised them occaionally. They had families but they still had nobody to turn to.

[hon_bun]

Thanks for the link, BillyB.

[Gator]

Of course I can't speak with authority on "American views" but I do recall dating a lady, let's say not too far from New York years back (I was in USA for an extended period at the time) and shortly after my first trip to Russia. She was rather inquisitive as to my motives for visiting Russia and relaxed somewhat when it was apparent I wasn't for meeting women. Nevertheless, she and several people I met were certainly less than complimentary regarding AM - RW marriages and or relationships they were observing locally. The bottom line was and in my experience here also, is, international marriage = MOB period.

What am I missing?  Their response had nothing to do with how you met.

I have received many barbs when with my ex-wife, yet I always thought  they were prompted by the huge age gap, not how we met.  A secondary reason may have been the fact that they heard bad stories about AM-RW marriages, something you mentioned. 

When socializing with Galina, my Cossack lady who is 10 years older than my ex-wife, we receive much fewer judgmental looks.  In fact she is almost a magnet for friends to come over and say hello.  How we met is not part of the equation. 

After my divorce with my Moscow wife, I dated AW briefly.  Then Galina arrived on a tourist visa.  My friends rolled their eyes because I had just diviorced a Russian and here I am with another one.  They had questions but not about how we met.   Instead it was, "How is she different?"   

I have noticed when meeting American couples, especially on trips, the man is usually friendly and the woman withdrawn if not rude.  How we met is not an issue.  I assume it is simply my being with a younger woman.

The more sophisticated (worldly) the couple,  the more receptive they are to us.  I give the example of when we were in northern  Laos at a delightful open air restaurant full of expats and tourists.   One group of old AW (old as in my age ) kept staring at us, particularly at Galina.  It made Galina uncomfortable so we changed seats.  How we met had not entered the equation.  In contrast, one expat couple (probably French) sent us two glasses of wine and made a toast to "life."  [Galina and I declined to join them as they had the look of swingers - life in Laos is boring I guess. ] 

[Vaughn]

On explaining how you met:

It simply isn't worth trying because in actual fact, most are not really that interested in the answer but more interested in confirming their own particular stereotypical assumption.

By far, this comment exactly mirrors our own experience.

Woodie, the woman that you married, was she the first and only Russian/Ukraine woman that you met?

Yes, she was, unless you count her friends; and I don't since they don't speak much english...

Woodie, far be it for me to speak on behalf of Jack - but he seems to believe that a great number of
Russian and/or Ukrainian women must be dated or at least met before you'll know you found the "best
woman" for you. He tends to discount all other experience in your life - as if the FSU female population
is quite unique in itself. 

[JR]

In my experience there has been more ignorance and even comment, albeit some of it almost deafeningly silent, on the basis of the international thing and the Russian (it's a poor country whom everyone wants out of) thing than has there has been regarding the internet factor.

The internet is nothing more than a medium. The intent comes from the individuals involved. The real meeting is where the B.S. starts to fall away and the sun starts to shine...

[HiTech]

I wrote 3 letters via an agency asking facts and stating I would be visiting Ukraine to my wife and many other women , along with other agencies.

The interpreter responded nicely to all 3 of my letters and my wife had never seen them.

I met the other women , and last I met my wife.

She had just met another man about a month before who she was interested in so she didn't wish to meet but the agency talked her into it so that I would not know it was not her writing.

She met me at near a MacDonalds in Kharkov, We hit it off and have spoken to each other every day since we met. 3.5 years ago.

So now did we meet via internet dating agency? Did we meet on line? Did we meet via a MOB agency? Or did we first meet in person?


HiTech

[I/O]

Their response had nothing to do with how you met.

I guess perception is reality. I felt (and do) it was a factor. Foreign........must be a bit sleazy hey? Internet...........hmmm that's for sickos. Russian................poor people who need to get out. Etc etc it's all part of the judgemental package.

BTW, Mrs draws people like a magnet almost wherever and whenever we go, some have become friends but even among those friends the "suspicions" have raised their head and almost every time those suspicions have been vieled under the leader of "how did you two meet"?

The more sophisticated (worldly) the couple,  the more receptive they are to us.

Agree and....................interestingly, since the birth of our daughter, I've noticed a difference in peoples approach to us. It's almost like that legitimises us in there eyes, it's quite interesting actually.

[scafidi454]

I met my fiance from her cousin, my friend of several years. Anastasia came to the U.S. on a J-1 Student visa in 2010, and will be coming back next time on a K-1 visa )))