Another newbie

[Gator]

Prowler,

How did your woman enter the US?  Student visa?  Fiancee visa?  Work visa? 


What has she been doing here for two years? 


Does she have a job?

[tim 360]

prowler, from what you have written it seems that you are just nice for her to have around because you "help" her.  With what I don't know?  What type of visa does she have?  How much time do you spend together?  She seems pretty cold to me so if you are expecting her to thaw you may be barking up the wrong tree.    Some women will use a guy for what she can get.  She does not seem HOT for you and the fact that she is from Siberia has little to do with it.

[prowler911]

lololol...I knew once i hit the post button i made a mistake lol...well i guess i just didn't want to sound like some desperate sod,I may be no Brad Pitt but i am no Mr. Hyde either lol..and I do pass for mid 30's easily lol ...i figured i would be hammered for that but it's all in good fun...I hope...I didn't mention siberia because i thought that it would make her different from other RW.I know it doesn't matter i just tried to add as much info as i could..lol..love the video...wonder if my old bronco would get through.....  Hey AJ we have been seeing each other socially since the end of August...she takes me out as much as I do her..Hey Maxx...I am going to try that...make excuses to not be around and well...see if she misses me...I thought of that a couple times then off I go lol..Hey Blues Fairy is siberia really like that..I am sure some is but there are also some nice places to live i am sure..lol...Morse code..i was wondering why she always taps on the table lol..I don't give her money...any that i have she has paid back...she works at a large chain restaurant and does ok...she is a hard worker and never misses a day...she has introduced me to her family and i took her nephew to the movies to see yogi bear over christmas...No i have not fallen in love but i do care a lot about her and given time i would...how she got in the U.S. I am not sure but i do believe it is legal on a visa of some kind or another...I am also considering just putting everything on the table and see what happens..if it goes south than it is what it is...if it goes the way I would like well then i take it from there...but i don't want to mess up the friendship i have either,we really have loads of fun...and i know it is 15 yrs but it doesn't seem it..we like the same music,shows,movies etc...thanks for all the input...Jon

[Gator]

..I don't give her money...any that i have she has paid back...

That eliminates much of my concern.  What you initially wrote gave me the wrong impression. 

...she has introduced me to her family and i took her nephew to the movies to see yogi bear over christmas...

That is very positive because "family" is very important to RW.

...I am also considering just putting everything on the table and see what happens..

My guess is that she will respect you more.

I would ask her some icebreakers first.  For example, ask her about the differences she sees between AM and RM.  After discussing her answers, work in the question if she has any experience dating men your age.  Then......

[prowler911]

prowler, from what you have written it seems that you are just nice for her to have around because you "help" her.  With what I don't know?  What type of visa does she have?  How much time do you spend together?  She seems pretty cold to me so if you are expecting her to thaw you may be barking up the wrong tree.    Some women will use a guy for what she can get.  She does not seem HOT for you and the fact that she is from Siberia has little to do with it.

I didn't mean siberia in a bad way...I put it in to add as much info as i could..I don't know the type of visa..we never really spoke about it..we spend a lot of time together  at least 4 nights a week and at least one friday or saturday night....and they are fun...she definitely has a cold streak...I have met her sister and she is the same way..maybe it is a defensive means of protection..don't know..Her sister once told me that she never saw her laugh and smile the way she does when i am around...I don't think she is using me for much..she doesn't ask for anything...sometimes i wish she would...she doesn't seem hot for me until my attention wanders a bit..then she will close in..just a bit..enough to be noticable and will reach over and eat something off my plate or move my drink by hers..just enough to make it seem we are together....to others lol...I am thinking i am gonna try to make her miss me and see what happens then just tell her everything and take it from there....hopefully it will go my way...if not at least I know...Thanks for the help

[prowler911]

I am sorry about the misconceptions and wrong impressions...I have never done anything like this before and I am trying to be as forthright...honest and respectful as I can...thanks

[tim 360]

Thats good that you are not giving her money and you've met some of her family.  Also, it's good you look younger than you are since most on RWD do look much younger too.

She must have a work visa or GC since she is working?

Good luck.  If you are good friends you should be able to talk with her about anything.

[Lily]

lololol...I knew once i hit the post button i made a mistake lol...well i guess i just didn't want to sound like some desperate sod,I may be no Brad Pitt but i am no Mr. Hyde either lol..and I do pass for mid 30's easily lol ...i  

Jon, as a RW I can tell you a secret For a dating success, it does not matter how old or how young are you. What does matter is how attractive and interesting are you. There are very attractive and interesting older men out there, and there are bleak and uninteresting younger men. Got my drift?

Sorry but your mentioning that you are somehow older but look younger does not speak good for you. A number of men say so, but reality (and women) may say otherwise. Such men may leave a phony impression, if I use the word correctly. My point is, don't say it in words but just illustrate it People will see you, and therefore would be able to estimate your marketability, to a certain extent. Of course I realize that posting photos and videos might not be a good idea for a newcomer to the forum, but I think you understand what I mean.

 how she got in the U.S. I am not sure but i do believe it is legal on a visa of some kind or another...

Visa is given for entry in the US, but then a certain status, temporary or permanent, is required. A number of visitors just overstay their visas, therefore supplementing the illegal army of aliens in the US. I understand that it is not easy to know about her status in the States. However, I assume that if she is permanent resident on her own right, she should have no problems answering the question.

[tim 360]

..then she will close in..just a bit..enough to be noticable and will reach over and eat something off my plate or move my drink by hers..just enough to make it seem we are together....to others lol...I am thinking i am gonna try to make her miss me and see what happens then just tell her everything and take it from there....hopefully it will go my way...if not at least I know...Thanks for the help

This is a symbolic girl move.  She may have a cold streak--so talk to her about it all.

[GQBlues]

I am also considering just putting everything on the table and see what happens..if it goes south than it is what it is...if it goes the way I would like well then i take it from there...but i don't want to mess up the friendship i have either,we really have loads of fun...and i know it is 15 yrs but it doesn't seem it..we like the same music,shows,movies etc...thanks for all the input...Jon

...and you're supposed to be the senior..

Based on your follow-up posting, I think what you need to reconcile with yourself is either you're satisfied being her buddy or you're not. It now seem apparent you're the only one who's pre-occupied with any thoughts of romance.

Are you satisfied with being just a friend (honestly), or is it all or nothing with you (no need to answer).

At 28, trust me on this, there's a greater likelihood she'll shag anyone she wants at any given time she finds very attracted to than not. Up to this point, it isn't looking too good for you...you can hang around for crumbs and the possibility someday she'll weaken and submit, but at 40, who looks like he's in his 30s and one who don't have a hard time getting dates; I seriously question the truth in the assessment of yourself or the (real) extent of your social life. Any man who have a healthy social life would never be clammoring after one woman who obviously is NOT into him.

[prowler911]

Hey Lily...pleased to meet you and thank you for your input...I didn't put my looks in there as an act of vanity or an ego boost...I am actually a pretty down to earth humble guy who is very secure in every aspect of my life...till it comes to her..then I am a jelly fish lol...I put it out there more to show that it isn't some girl with another gray haired guy trying flaunt his stuff lol...I'm sorry that I gave off the wrong impression...Yes I understand what your getting at...I will for now on let others be the judge of that...She works..she is a hard worker and we do talk about everything...I have told her more than i have told most people and i believe she has done the same...except elevating our relationship to something more than social dating...for some reason when it comes to that I get tongue tied and nervous...then I just chicken out and leave it alone..maybe it would be better to send her an e-mail though i do think face to face would be better if i can muster it up lol...I am not trying to be phony or exaggerate,that would do me no good and any advice I get would be fabricated on falsehoods and do me absolutely no good...maybe one of my best qualities is also one of my biggest faults..well off to work but i will be back later when i get a chance..again thanks for your time..help and consideration....Jon

[Gator]

...she definitely has a cold streak...I have met her sister and she is the same way..maybe it is a defensive means of protection..don't know..Her sister once told me that she never saw her laugh and smile the way she does when i am around

This struck me as humorous; however, my SOH is twisted and I am amused by incongruity.  So forgive me.

You describe her as "cold."  That is a negative word so it is apparent that you do not appreciate her reticence.  In contrast, her sister says in effect that you make her laugh and smile.  What would she be like if she was having a bad day or if you irritated her?  Is this the type of personality you want in your life day after day?  

No need to answer here at RWD....just something for you to file away as you deliberate what this woman means to you.   IMO  people can change, yet their demeanor will remain mostly the same.  

[Blues Fairy]

...except elevating our relationship to something more than social dating...for some reason when it comes to that I get tongue tied and nervous...then I just chicken out and leave it alone..

Two quesions: how do you define "something more", and why do you think you chicken out when you start talking about it?  Does she intimidate you in any way?  Do you hope that she will start this conversation herself? 

[Gator]

...till it comes to her..then I am a jelly fish lol......for some reason when it comes to that I get tongue tied and nervous...then I just chicken out and leave it alone..maybe it would be better to send her an e-mail though i do think face to face would be better if i can muster it up lol...

Weak!  Very weak!  Borderline P_______whipped.   

She is RW with Russian mentality.  RW appreciate strong men.  You are merely a "girlfriend," and because she is not a lesbian you will never get any loving.   Sorry for the harsh words.  I don't know how else to say it.

Can you grow a pair?  RW call them "eggs" not balls, and they appreciate them even if angered by them.

[Faux Pas]

prowler911,

Most of the poster's comments and remarks will be based on the information you provide. So, more, accurate and poignant is better if you want solid advice. Poop in/poop out, good in/good out kind of thing.  

My wife is from Siberia and trust me in that there is nothing ice princess or cold about her. If you've been dating this woman since August and you are not happy with the progression of the relationship (quite understandable) trust me, it has nothing at all to do with her being Russian. Re-read what Lily wrote.

She is in the US and apparently doing quite well for herself so much of the information here pertaining to ladies in the FSU does not apply. All bets are off so to speak and perhaps you should approach her much as dating any other local woman. Do you normally date women 13-14 years younger than you? There isn't much difference in the age relationship mindsets in Russia and the US. Don't expect this lady to be any different from other 28 year old women in your area in that regard. If you are attractive and interesting enough and you want her, you can likely win her over. Or, you can possibly fill in until that victor does eventually come along. I recommend you do these assessments now and proceed accordingly.

It sounds like you and I along with most other men on RWD are cursed with boyish good looks and look much younger than our actual ages. I am a ripe 49 and don't look a day over 48. Just good genes I suppose    

[Muzh]

Guys, guys, guys, and ladies. Whoa!

You all have missed it, haven't you?

Jon, she is another Russian spy. Astaroshna!

Just kidding.

In all seriousness, what's the rush? This is not your typical AM meets RW seen on these fora. You have all the time in the world to get into a relationship with her. No need to get jellyfish-like. Don't ask her; tell her that you want to have a serious relationship with her and you'll do everything for her to love you. Use those same words.

From what you have said she is into you, just making sure. Give her time to form a relationship with you. DATE! And that means you'll have to spend money, just like you do on your regular dates with AW.
If it doesn't work out, it will not be the end of the world.

And whatever you do, don't go playing games with her. If you don't show up trying for her to miss you, at this stage she will most probably tell you "keep walking." (My wife's assessment)

Good luck. Have fun dating.

[prowler911]

Guys, guys, guys, and ladies. Whoa!

You all have missed it, haven't you?

Jon, she is another Russian spy. Astaroshna!

Just kidding.

In all seriousness, what's the rush? This is not your typical AM meets RW seen on these fora. You have all the time in the world to get into a relationship with her. No need to get jellyfish-like. Don't ask her; tell her that you want to have a serious relationship with her and you'll do everything for her to love you. Use those same words.

From what you have said she is into you, just making sure. Give her time to form a relationship with you. DATE! And that means you'll have to spend money, just like you do on your regular dates with AW.
If it doesn't work out, it will not be the end of the world.

And whatever you do, don't go playing games with her. If you don't show up trying for her to miss you, at this stage she will most probably tell you "keep walking." (My wife's assessment)

Good luck. Have fun dating.

LOLOL...anna Chapman she is not...i hope for my sake anyways lolol....that did truely make me laugh...Muzh there is no rush you are right...I do think I have been getting ahead of myself...she does know that I have stopped dating other women and as for her i don't know..all i do know is we spend a lot of time together...and enjoy the time...maybe I should just leave it staus quo and wait to see what pans out..I am sure she wants to be sure just as much as I do...someone asked me if i would be happy being just friends if thats all she wants..yes that would be fine...but i don't know absolutely because I haven't seen the other side of the coin yet...so that is still up for grabs so to speak...other then that GQ it seems you have had some bad experiences so I will take the rest of what you said with a grain of salt but thanks anyway for the input...she is a lady and doesn't shag, that much I know...and I don't look at myself as a senior but as an equal...thanks anyway...Gator that is still open for me to decide...if that is the way she is so be it...but if it isn't well i will let you know but i will answer since i put it out there...Blues fairy..lol..i don't know why i chicken out..maybe the wrong choice of words i don't know...maybe i just don't wanna rock a boat that doesn't need rockin...just yet..and yes i sure would love for her to bring it up...and what i mean by something more i really don't know...but i will think more on it and let you know..lol...gator..lol..eggs huh?...she knows what i do and what i am so she knows that in the grand scheme of things eggs I do have...except when it comes to her...weak well that was a strong word to use and not exactly accurate but i guess with what i have put out i seem that way and thats ok ..nothing i say or do will change your thought pattern on that so it is what it is...it's all good no worries..like I said I am an extremely confident and secure man...except when it comes to her...I know I can't figure it out either....but I will....Hey Muzh...thanks and tell your wife thanks...

[LAman]

I do agree that a FSU girl and a FSU girl living in USA are completely different. I have seen a couple instances....don't know if it always happens this way but it makes much sense. In the summer a girl I know from Moldova, who I have spent much time with her in her country, obtained a visa to come to USA. I invited her to stay with me( no ties promised both ways). In one months time here, she had her pick of almost any guy around LA area. We spoke one night about the attention she got here as compared to her home. She is 29 and most of attention was from guys in their 20's. When she was on dating sites she did favor older men late 30's/40's because of the thought of security for her and her son.
It just reminds me of the attention Jon's friend would get from guys closer to her age.....what is most important for HER?
Just my thoughts.....

[LAman]

prowler911,

It sounds like you and I along with most other men on RWD are cursed with boyish good looks and look much younger than our actual ages. I am a ripe 49 and don't look a day over 48. Just good genes I suppose    

Gosh FP...here........ I was going to ask when you started SS benefits!!!

[Blues Fairy]

Blues fairy..lol..i don't know why i chicken out..maybe the wrong choice of words i don't know...maybe i just don't wanna rock a boat that doesn't need rockin...just yet..and yes i sure would love for her to bring it up...and what i mean by something more i really don't know...but i will think more on it and let you know..

You want something more but can't define what exactly, so you hope she'll bring it up.  Hmmm that doesn't sound too mature.   Why don't you work on the definition first, and then on finding the words to bring it up yourself.  Otherwise, why even whine at all, you're getting exactly what you're asking for.

[JohnDearGreen]

Just imagine spending those years in Siberia - no sun, no men, just snow and snow and bears... 

I'm sure it must be a great place to go back to...
For wife or husband.
Before or after the divorce.
When does the next bus leave from Ft. Worth?

[acrzybear]

You want something more but can't define what exactly, so you hope she'll bring it up.  Hmmm that doesn't sound too mature.   Why don't you work on the definition first, and then on finding the words to bring it up yourself.  Otherwise, why even whine at all, you're getting exactly what you're asking for.

You have to figure out what the problem is before you can figure out a solution, other wise you're just pi$$ing in the wind. Not as eloquent as Bluesfairy, but I'm sure you get the point.  If you don't know what you want-how is she?

[nitrous]

From what you have told us.. you are unsure if she is keen in a romantic way about you.  The good thing is that you are friends.
A little puppy dog will cower and hope for some indication that she is interested in you. A REAL MAN wouldnt care about indicators of interest but would ask her out full knowing that he is a confident man and that he would make great company for her.
Grow some balls Ask her out 1v1 dinner  candle lights. You wont have to say any words the candle light dinner says it all. Chat and at the end plant a kiss on the lips. And if shes not intereted your not waitin around .. for some asnwer, you got it,...She will appreciate you for being a man and trying, instead of some pissy weak little puupy dog. BE A LION   GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! go get her !!!

[Muzh]

Nitrous brings up an excellent point regarding the REAL MAN. However, you can do without the GRRRRRRRRRRR. 

Actually, what would apply here would be some of Mendy's wise tales. Mendy posted somewhere else a superb post relating how Russian women view courtship and dating. Specifically the REAL MAN. I don't know if he also posted it here, but it should be a must read for those contemplating the courtship of these ladies. It touches on many cultural details that Western men would not consider or misinterpret. It took me a number of years to get to the point that is explained on this post.

Mendy, can you do the honors?

[GQBlues]

...other then that GQ it seems you have had some bad experiences so I will take the rest of what you said with a grain of salt but thanks anyway for the input...

Oy is that bad as in "Dude you have had some Baaaad experiences, haven't you?", or bad as in "Man, you are one BAD dude!". If so, either way I am guilty as charged. LOL.

she is a lady and doesn't shag, that much I know...

No doubt speaking from your own experience with her. LOL. You need to do something about that, either with this gal or someone else. At your age, you should no longer be in the position of second-guessing yourself around women. Just IMHO.

and I don't look at myself as a senior but as an equal...

Equal?!? How the heck can you even begin to think that much less believe it? You just told us you have no idea how she feels or what she thinks and you've been hanging around and spending your way silly for her company for a while now? Equal? LOL.

She got you in a serious state of confusion and you're going to try and tell me you're equal to her? She'll laugh at that one too I bet.

Look, not saying it's you, but I've seen enough men ask a woman out and when she tells him she doesn't see him in that manner, he then assures her they can just go out as 'friends'! Weeks and a few hundred/thousand dollars later, these guys cop a 'tude about the woman disbelieving how cold and distant she is. LOL.

Here's another you can take with a grain of salt. You'll find MANY WMs going to FSU trying to date FSUW (or any women period) by spending their way into a woman's heart. There's a guy here not too long ago who was dating a woman 20 years his junior (almost like you) and he was spending serious money on the gal and he comes here asking if there's anything wrong with her, or is there something he needs to know about FSUW, because he hasn't even yet gotten any tongue action with the gal, much less any type of squeeze. Imagine that. The guy flies halfway around the world for a set of blue balls...LOL.

Not saying you fit the mold, but the shape looks pretty much the same with me looking at you from this angle.

You wanted an opinion I gave it to you. You want someone to stroke your silliness, there's a few here who'll be glad to do so for you, too. There's a lot of 'experts' here who have done exactly that. So as always, be all you can be anyway you want to be. 

Know and understand what you want, then go out & get it. If it isn't there, move on.