Bad consequences of taking someone "home"?

[Muzh]

Like Muzh, my wife and I are 'naturalized' Americans. However, unlike Muzh, I identify more as an American (sans oxymoron) and are largely more Americanized than not. Thank goodness too, because I can't fathom the thought of sporting those hideous huge wooden spoon and fork as our main room wall decoration.

Just to clarify, I was born an American citizen. I mean, I can run for Prez of the US without any impediment. I just happen to be born NOT in the Continental US. For more clarification purposes, the Jones Act gave the American citizenship to anyone born in Puerto Rico after the law was enacted, and I'm not that old.

How much she changes and whether it is negative will largely depend on the woman one married. I don't buy into the "it's determined or predetermined on her age". It's all determined on the lady you married.

There's no such thing as "russian mentality".  People who start out as jerks in their home country will likely continue so abroad, and vice versa.  Simple relocation cannot bring about a drastic change in character, morals, and psychological makeup.  As for lifestyle and having kids, these are all negotiable things, and a reasonable person will negotiate them reasonably.

And, justifying bad behavior as "cultural" as the convenient excuse to excuse/ignore all the signs that are evident to everybody else but them  

Walerian, notice the pattern? From people married to a foreigner and foreigners themsleves. The trick here is to find that person that complements you, no matter where you go.

Finally, for GOB, how do you know the AW under the snuggies is NOT wearing what the RW is wearing.  :evil: I knew some AWs who pull something like that.

I would also like to comment on the AW weight issue. I will not deny that you see some porkers out there. But, I feel I need to mention this. I attend to my 8 yo school's functions and I notice the vast majority of AW (25 - 30 yo) are not obese. That they may have an extra 5 lbs? To the guys, have a baby or two and then get back to me.

The sad reality is that the average American is devoid of daily exercise as compared to the rest of the world. We do live a sheltered life of convenience and we are paying the price for it. To compound the problem, there are those who would engage on the excersise routine and then overdo it causing some psychotropic imbalances that equate to an addiction. These are the vocal minority who will chastise people who are overweight. (More clarification: no one here is the recepient of this commentary) This by itself is counterproductive by giving those who are overweight an excuse of indulgence as they claim they are the victims and should be treated as such. There is definitely an overweight issue in the US and it is as bad as any other illness. Unfortunately, no one has come with the approriate answer to remedy this problem. (Hint: why do you have to drive a beheemoth half a mile to get a soda?)

[Walerian]

Walerian, notice the pattern? From people married to a foreigner and foreigners themsleves. The trick here is to find that person that complements you, no matter where you go.

Yeah, I´m starting to see something forming yes 

[wicheese]

"She changed when she arrived" is a common mantra when one of these relationships implodes. I'm of the opinion that in the vast majority of cases she didn't change, simply her suitor/bf/spouse never bothered to get to know her before popping the big Q.

Yep, it's so true and can be applied to both parties (granted if she's a GCG, then she does not really care)!  

But, do you really need more than a week together when she looks great and way out of your league of what you can attract locally?      

Note: It's not advised to marry anyone after only knowing them for a week, even if they can't speak your language...  

[Aloe]

Yes I could. I´m just curious what would happen with her if I didn´t.

An examples of bad consequences would be that she assimilates to western society so well that her "russian mentality" disappears after a few years in a western country. She stops caring about her appearance as much because the bar is set so low. She starts thinking having children before 30 is some kind of tragedy. She starts wearing a fake smile around I don´t know, but you know what I mean don´t you?

It couldn´t happen as much if you had a french girl or a german girl or a spanish girl because to an extent, those cultures are a lot more similar to mine (and the rest of the west) than the russian one is. The russian one is a mystery even to the russians themselves

I definitely dress worse, stiletto heels is something i brought from home and haven't worn since my wedding day. If you see a woman in high heels here, you can tell she is a foreigner, no exceptions. All in all i must be doing a great job blending in, cuz local people come up to me all the time to ask all kinds of things, like directions or about the train or the bus and stuff like that    I do wear some heels, just twice lower than back home.
I started to fake smiles all the time, i don't see why that is so bad? I prefer strangers smile at each other, even fake, rather than looking displeased to see you.
I stopped thinking that paying 500 bucks for a bikini is acceptable.
I stopped thinking that it's better to drive the 500 metters to the store. It is better to walk.
When in Russia my husband pointed out in the airport that it was bad for the nature to use so friggin much plastic wrap (to wrap your suitcases like they do in airports), back then i laughed at him, now i'm actually trying to save electricity and water a bit and i wouldn't use the plastic wrap service.
Back home i hated the looks of boxy city type cars, they looked too ugly, and i'd laugh if someone told me i'd drive one. Here they are EVERYWHERE, and they have started to look beautiful to me.
So yes, environment definitely shapes your perception and most people will adjust to their environment, i think. But as it has been pointed out, it does not affect core values. (A way of dressing oneself does not belong to core values).

[Walerian]

I definitely dress worse, stiletto heels is something i brought from home and haven't worn since my wedding day. If you see a woman in high heels here, you can tell she is a foreigner, no exceptions. All in all i must be doing a great job blending in, cuz local people come up to me all the time to ask all kinds of things, like directions or about the train or the bus and stuff like that    I do wear some heels, just twice lower than back home.
I started to fake smiles all the time, i don't see why that is so bad? I prefer strangers smile at each other, even fake, rather than looking displeased to see you.
I stopped thinking that paying 500 bucks for a bikini is acceptable.
I stopped thinking that it's better to drive the 500 metters to the store. It is better to walk.
When in Russia my husband pointed out in the airport that it was bad for the nature to use so friggin much plastic wrap (to wrap your suitcases like they do in airports), back then i laughed at him, now i'm actually trying to save electricity and water a bit and i wouldn't use the plastic wrap service.
Back home i hated the looks of boxy city type cars, too ugly, and i'd laugh if someone told me i'd drive one. Here they are EVERYWHERE, and they have started to look beautiful to me.
So yes, environment definitely shapes your perception and most people will adjust to their environment, i think. But as it has been pointed out, it does not affect core values. (A way of dressing oneself does not belong to core values).

It sounds to me like you´ve assimilated in a good way then (I hope ).
I´m mostly worried about the core values changing as you say, making the woman lose the very reason I chose her to begin with.

About the fake smile, I don´t think if we think about it the same way. I feel like I smile for real, not falsely I´m happy a lot so :p I think I´m mostly afraid of people smiling while thinking bad things you know.
Like presenting something to the world that is not real.

[Aloe]

It sounds to me like you´ve assimilated in a good way then (I hope ).
I´m mostly worried about the core values changing as you say, making the woman lose the very reason I chose her to begin with.

About the fake smile, I don´t think if we think about it the same way. I feel like I smile for real, not falsely I´m happy a lot so :p I think I´m mostly afraid of people smiling while thinking bad things you know.
Like presenting something to the world that is not real.

So the loss of stiletto heels/high heels and a lot less sexy way of dressing is a change to the good for you? Not everyone thinks that way I do miss my heels terribly But the cobblestone roads and pavements everywhere are a killer

[Walerian]

So the loss of stiletto heels/high heels and a lot less sexy way of dressing is a change to the good for you? Not everyone thinks that way I do miss my heels terribly But the cobblestone roads and pavements everywhere are a killer

No, that was not the good part :p

I think the other tweaks in your values were actually the better part :p Like some values can change and that would be a good thing, like the ones you have changed. But core-values is another thing
I think it all comes down to if I think she developes in a good direction or a bad one.

It is a shame that the high heels have gone into hiding though

[Aloe]

No, that was not the good part :p

I think the other tweaks in your values were actually the better part :p Like some values can change and that would be a good thing, like the ones you have changed. But core-values is another thing
I think it all comes down to if I think she developes in a good direction or a bad one.

It is a shame that the high heels have gone into hiding though

try walking (faster than 1km an hour) in heels on pavement like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:St._Louis_wharf_cobbles_20090121_2.jpg then see how many minutes it takes for you to break a leg  

[Walerian]

try walking (faster than 1km an hour) in heels on pavement like this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:St._Louis_wharf_cobbles_20090121_2.jpg then see how many minutes it takes for you to break a leg  

Haha yeah, I live in a university town which was founded around year 950 so I recognize it :p
The women here avoid high heels too as you might imagine.

It comes down to a choice. Do you like cobblestone medieval feeling or high heels

[Aloe]

Well there you go, we have already established that your future partner will abandon all high heels and possibly all heels in general with 100% certainty And i prefer to move somewhere with a normal damn pavement, thx Except i don't think they have that in this country   Maybe in Antwerpen, but they have a funky dialect there   Sigh

[Gator]

Aloe,

There are other choices such as muddy clay roads after a rain  in the rural South.  Very sensual, however.  If you have never made love in warm mud, you are missing something.

[Jumper]

Well there you go, we have already established that your future partner will abandon all high heels and possibly all heels in general with 100% certainty And i prefer to move somewhere with a normal damn pavement, thx Except i don't think they have that in this country   Maybe in Antwerpen, but they have a funky dialect there   Sigh

Aloe:
 The kind of funny part is that  the photo example of cobblestones is  being in St Louis, Missouri USA.

We think of cobbestoned European streets,
but not often of them in a city in Middle America
(i have walked on those though , so knew they were there)

 
 

[Rubicon]

I think you should try to live with a lady in Ukraine or Russia for at least six months prior to getting married and bringing her to the West.  that way you have a much better chance of getting to know the real person prior to making a life changing commitment which can be very very expensive if she becomes too "westernised" and takes you to the cleaners in a divorce settlement.

[Blues Fairy]

I´m mostly worried about the core values changing as you say, making the woman lose the very reason I chose her to begin with.

That's not likely, unless you choose a woman based on superficial things which you mistake for her core values.

[Shostakovich]

All is Flux

[SFandEE]

Because they cant

I think a lot of people that post on this board agree with you about men being interested in FSUW because they can't find WW of comparable qualities.  Not that they don't exist, but that they are unable to attract them.  Why do you think people who think this way participate on RWD.

Personal Entertainment

Anger about relationship with FSUW 

Anger about relationship with FSUW and desire to mock others into not pursuing such a relationship

Not really sure why participating on RWD   :ohbrother:

[Mike78]

Good theme. Personally I have witnessed the "Americanization" of foreign women many times. Most visible is the puffing up of course. I think it's best to date girls that are already here for some time. Good example is my Romanian-born GF who came here when I she was 15. She is 105 lbs and wears heels even at home! AND I don't have to marry her

Anyways, here is a funny article I came across discussing this issue:

http://www.singledudetravel.com/2011/02/internet-dating-no-in-america-yes-in-eastern-europe-and-asia/


So now that I’ve convinced you of the potential benefits of internet dating, I need to warn you about the biggest risk. Do not, I repeat do NOT actually marry one of these chicks and bring her back to the states or anywhere else in the west. You will ruin her. You wouldn’t drive your brand new Ferrari down a dirt road full of potholes would you? Then do NOT bring your hot new Eastern European fiance to the west. No matter how great a girl she may be, the west will corrupt her. For one thing, if you bring her to the US, for example, she’ll get a bunch of stupid fat American girlfriends that will convince her that you don’t treat her well enough, she shouldn’t have to cook for you and so on. To add insult to injury she will likely become fat herself. It may not even be her fault, the food in the US is just so awful, her flawless little body will not be used to this chemically processed garbage and will respond with a severe case of edema. Again the Ferrari analogy is perfect: you wouldn’t put non-synthetic oil and low octane gas in your Ferrari would you? Of course not! So don’t take your hot Eastern European model girlfriend to McDonald’s, Burger King, Arby’s and Taco Bell!!!! Next thing you know you’ll be looking at a total [fat] bitch that’s very expensive to support in the best case scenario and a divorce in the worst case. If you’re looking to donate your house and half your assets to an Eastern European girl, more power to you but there are easier and faster ways to do it. If you truly do fall in love and want to get married, great, we at Single Dude Travel are happy for you, but we implore you, please do not take her to America or Western Europe. Stay in her home country with her or if that place sucks run away to Thailand or Belize or something. Also make sure you get married in a country where the marriage will not be recognized in the country(ies) where you have the majority of your assets.

[GQBlues]

.....So don’t take your hot Eastern European model girlfriend to McDonald’s, Burger King, Arby’s and Taco Bell!!!! Next thing you know you’ll be looking at a total [fat] bitch that’s very expensive to support in the best case scenario and a divorce in the worst case. If you’re looking to donate your house and half your assets to an Eastern European girl, more power to you but there are easier and faster ways to do it. If you truly do fall in love and want to get married, great, we at Single Dude Travel are happy for you....

Ha-Hah! Mike ako sa maje-

Are these cats from SDT operating from an abandoned single wide somewhere in middle America? On one hand, they talk about feeding their gals fast food, then in the same context speak about Ferraris and possibly losing assets...what gives?

btw - what ever happened to your Slovak GF with nice cicky?   Romanians gals can be pretty. Congrats with that, man! But IMO, go back to Czech or Slovak gals. They're primo..

[Mike78]

Ha-Hah! Mike ako sa maje-

Are these cats from SDT operating from an abandoned single wide somewhere in middle America? On one hand, they talk about feeding their gals fast food, then in the same context speak about Ferraris and possibly losing assets...what gives?

btw - what ever happened to your Slovak GF with nice cicky?   Romanians gals can be pretty. Congrats with that, man! But IMO, go back to Czech or Slovak gals. They're primo..

Hey GQ! Mam sa dobre!
Slovak girl came to visit me in November, but was being "difficult" so I sent her home after one week
Yeah, Romanian girl is not as hot as my Slovak or Mexican exes (still cute though and great body) but is super-sweet, wants it literally all the time and since she makes good money (attorney) it means I don't have to spend much money on her.
But yeah, I'm just living my life day by day and I'm open to possibilities, we'll see what happens, it's not like I'm getting married anytime soon or something...

As for SDT, I'm not sure where they operate from, but they are funny as hell methinks

[Kuna]

That's not likely, unless you choose a woman based on superficial things which you mistake for her core values.

Agree with BF here...

Will add:

Behaviour WILL change...  it's inevitable.  The added freedom, disposable income, life changes (children is an example) will definitely change a FSUW's behaviour... 

but...

Her character is unlikely to change.  If you know the woman well enough before marriage you should be comfortable with the +'s and -'s.

I could give you a hundred examples of how my wife has changed in different ways...  but some things don't change (or shouldn't, if you know her well enough).



I read something interesting (but obvious) a while ago in a book on raising children in the Orthodox Church.  Effectively it said one value of raising your children in the "Orthodox way" was that later in life, even if/when they were tempted by drugs/booze/greed/loose women/Democrat values/etc is that an instinct will stay within to guide them back to better decisions when it is is really needed.

I'd say this is true for many... and the parallel here is that a woman's core values will always guide her,  or draw her back to certain certain beliefs at different times in her life... even as her behaviour evolves.

[Aloe]

My hubby and i have a very big issue because of my not changing after he "brought me home". He wants me to tan, and i don't want to tan, because it irreversibly ruins your skin and makes you age prematurely. I see these middle aged tan babes running around Belgium, looking scary as hell and 10 years older than they really are, they definitely look 10 years older than the men they are with, it is an awful site of saggy rubber brown skin. I don't wanna get crappy skin like that by the time i'm 30. So anyway, i am very against tanning, but my hubby wants me to tan, and last september when we were in spain, he was making a huge drama about my unwillingness to tan, but he knew before marriage that i wouldn't tan. Although i did make a mistake telling him i will tan, and i made an effort to do it, but then i googled it some more and it just made me even stronger against tan But he really really really wants me to tan dammit, i don't know what's wrong with him. I am so dreading the summer time, it's gonna be so awful. And i can sure forget going to any warm place for vacation unless i wanna deal with drama the entire time we are there. He just walks around annoyed and pouting then. Very sad. I wish it was winter again I do love summer but i'm scared of what it's gonna do to our relationship. AGAIN.

[The Natural]

I have to side with your husband here Aloe. Getting moderate sunshine is vitally important to your health as vitamin D has so many benefits. Here in the north we have long and dark winters and one way to get vit. D is through fish oil. Another is to go to Spain or somewhere else warm or use a tanning bed from time to time.

I'M sure those prematurely aged women you talked about overdid it. As for messing up the skin, I am more concerned about the use of toxic sunscreens. I never use them!

[Aloe]

I have to side with your husband here Aloe. Getting moderate sunshine is vitally important to your health as vitamin D has so many benefits. Here in the north we have long and dark winters and one way to get vit. D is through fish oil. Another is to go to Spain or somewhere else warm or use a tanning bed from time to time.

I'M sure those prematurely aged women you talked about overdid it. As for messing up the skin, I am more concerned about the use of toxic sunscreens. I never use them!

Oh snap!!!!!!! You have polar night/day?? Forgot all about it  I don't waaant it to be niiiiight for half a year
Define 'moderate sunshine'

[The Natural]

Oh snap!!!!!!! You have polar night/day?? Forgot all about it  I don't waaant it to be niiiiight for half a year
Define 'moderate sunshine'

Well, the sun is away for 2 months and it's gradual before and after that time. In the summer it's daylight 24/7.

Moderate really depends on where you are, how strong the sun is. Obviously less time in really hot places that more temperated places like the summers up here. Besides, one must start off carefully and increase exposure over time. But there is really no point in lying in the sun for hours. Once the bodys store of vit. D is filled, more exposure won't make it better. I'd say 20-30 minutes in the hot sun of Spain is plenty!
Another thing I'm convinced of, if you have a crappy diet, you will burn much easier.

[I/O]

Another thing I'm convinced of, if you have a crappy diet, you will burn much easier.

Damn...!!! I thought it was simply white Euopean skin that burned so easily. Now I understand why Russians burn, it's that candy-for-breakfast start to the day that does it.