Women's Day -should I?

[Saltheart]

Thanks.  I agree.  I appreciate the advice - I'm sure most of it is well earned here and I recognize that I am new to this.  I've gone through as much of a "screening process" as I am comfortable doing without being cuckoo about it.  Many of the girls I have spoken to seem to fit into the more traditional category, especially if they are in some of the outlying areas/stans, etc.. but this one is very westernized as I mentioned, she has traveled extensively and is very current in that regard.  Really, it feels more like I met someone from match.com rather than some foreign, exotic place.  Frankly, I'm not sure I would pursue this if it was in the traditional sense... , I've started to question if that's a road I would even want to go down.  God bless the guys who are going through translation issues, etc., you are far better men than I!  I couldn't do it.  Too much work!

I don't really have any problems with WW - I was referred to the site from a friend who had spent many years in the Ukraine and out of curiosity started to look into it and got fascinated by the process - it IS fascinating after all.  I didn't actually expect to meet someone though, not in a real sense, so this has been a pleasant surprise.  At the end of the day, she's a girl, a very nice one as far as I can tell, and sending her flowers doesn't seem like a big deal, more my question was whether or not to send to her mom and sister, which in hindsight, is a little silly.  Of course, as westernized as she is, I don't know about her family, if they are or not, and as such, wasn't sure what custom would dictate, etc.

Anyway I'm a big boy and I appreciate the different viewpoints.  I hope I can post a success story someday, but if not, that's ok too

-Salty

[Dave13]

OK, it's Woman's Day, a very special day for RW, send the flowers, you will make her very happy,    plus it's a positive statement to her family about you!

Dave

[Rubicon]

I always start small with a new acquaintance; just a bouquet of 3 red roses and a box of chocolates.  from there it gets better and better, or not; depending on what happens after you actually meet.

good luck!

[mendeleyev]

Until you've met or come close to meeting, I'd lay low on the flowers. One can purchase flowers very inexpensively from a street vendor when in-country, but you can expect to be gouged in ordering delivery from the West. My wife was shocked when learning how expensive it was to send flowers back to relatives on 08 March or any time of the year.

Here is a good alternative for guys in the early stages as you want to do something since 08 March is FAR more important that the somewhat newer Western idea of Valentine's day in the FSU. Send an ecard.

First, navigate to this website: http://www.davno.ru/cards/m8.html

Then in another window go to the Mendeleyev Journal's page on 08 March, Women's day page. We have a line by line translation of what you have open in the www.davno.ru/cards/m8.html window and you can create, and send, a very lovely ecard for FREE.

It takes about 5 minutes, if even at that, and you've properly remembered without spending a ton on a person you've yet to meet. Of course many of our readers also send ecards long after meeting because they're convenient and attractive.

Time the email not to arrive too many days early as for many in the FSU its a sign of bad luck to celebrate a holiday earlier than it arrives.

The Mendeleyev Journal has no relationship at all with Davno cards other than we just like the ease of use and nice selection of designs.

[Gator]

I don't feel a huge need to send flowers or anything like that, and she certainly is not going to be expecting them...in fact, I think they would be a gigantic surprise to her.  It's a little out of character for me to do so... I would probably be giving the same advice frankly, but I'm not sure, something tells me I should...not any sense of pressure or anything like that... I'm going to do it.  Feels right.

The above statement contradicts somewhat with a later post:

Why do I want to send the flowers?  Honest answer - I want to.  ..... I want to send them because I know it will make her day and put a huge smile on her face and that's enough for me.  I respect her, I respect the relationship thus far and I respect the process.  The money isn't an issue, hell, for the enjoyment I've received out of this the last month this is the cheapest thing I do on a daily basis.

There are certain key qualities most RW appreciate in a man.  One such quality is generosity.  In fact, if you are not generous they may think you "greedy," which is the kiss of death.   

The fact that you have not set a date for your first meeting suggests that it is too early to send flowers.  However, intuitively you are feeling something special about her.  I would acknowledge that feeling by sending her flowers even if your meeting is not yet established.  She will appreciate the flowers, and you will feel good. 

[Faux Pas]

Why do I want to send the flowers?  Honest answer - I want to.  Why would I have sent flowers in the past.... to engender warm feelings, woo her, etc... in the past I would've done it to benefit me as sick as that sounds (just being honest here), but now I want to send them because I know it will make her day and put a huge smile on her face and that's enough for me.  I respect her, I respect the relationship thus far and I respect the process.  The money isn't an issue, hell, for the enjoyment I've received out of this the last month this is the cheapest thing I do on a daily basis.

Not sure that's the best answer but it's my answer

-Salty

This alone is enough reason to send flowers. It doesn't matter that you haven't yet met. Things seem to be progressing nicely, why chance it?

The other side of that coin is, women love flowers and FSU women love them on Women's Day. You want to send 15, then send 15. Don't ever send less such as 3 if you are "feeling" 15. Not a good time to be a cheap bastid.  The flowers you send are an expression of how you feel as well as how you wish to make her feel. If she is feeling on you the way that you are her, she'll love them. If she doesn't love them, find another woman. 

[Vaughn]

This alone is enough reason to send flowers. It doesn't matter that you haven't yet met.

This week ten years ago, I came to the same conclusion and sent a bunch. She was surprised and
elated. At this point we had not met face to face, nor were either of us feeling exclusive.

If it feels right, Saltheart, go for it.

[Shostakovich]

Bah, this flowers thing.  Really, what girl is seriously impressed by it?  So what, you sign on to a website, put your credit card in and in 5-10 minutes you've made your grand gesture, a real Quixote. 

The flowers on those sites are ordinary, droll arrangements with 5x inflated price.  Try stepping it up, with carefully considered gifts that matter.  You do know, of course that, for women, it is not about getting the gift, it is knowing that you'll play the game.  Thus, the expectation of the same tired chocolate surprise, diamond heart, or red rose bouquet -- it amounts to the same thing as when women demand that you keep the toilet seat down.  Really, they can put it down themselves.  They just want to see that you jump at least a little when they pull your chain.  This is romance in small denominations -- get what you 'pay' for.

[Gator]

Bah, this flowers thing. 

Bah?  Hello  Ebenezer. 

The flowers I sent were fine.  I forget the website, yet it was one that focused on flowers the year around.

[Saltheart]

Thanks for all the viewpoints.  Really appreciate it although the thread diverged into a different direction than I expected.

Gator - I do see the contradiction, although there is a difference between something being out of character for me vs. It being something I want to do.  Normally I wouldn't do something like this because I don't feel the need to buy my love if that makes sense, I don't mean that literally of course and I don't think there is anything wrong with stepping up and putting out to a woman you love, etc., but when there is an expectation to do so, for the wrong reasons, I draw the line.  I don't like being used.

In this case, as someone else called it, "feeling it" - I certainly am, much to my own surprise.  I picked "Saltheart" for a reason, haha!  I'm not totally jaded or bitter or anything of that type, but I've been around the bend a few times and there's no doubt, I'm rather taken by this remarkable woman.  And more-so, she's earned it, my attention/affection in this regard as her behavior, attitude, values, healthy boundaries, etc., have done nothing but earn my deepest respect which frankly, isn't exactly easy to do.

So - 40+ posts later - I will send them.  15 Red Roses ...it's a little cheesy but it's a sweet gesture and I know she will not be expecting it at all which makes it that much better. I wish I could think of something other than chocolates, however.

Thanks again for all the suggestions.  It's been informative.

-Salty

[erudite]

This flower delivery agency is US based and is reliable, trustworthy and very customer oriented. They stand by their products and services. I have used them many times.  They want to know if you or your lady has any problems at all with the flowers you purchase and the delivery to her. The cover Ukraine and Russia as well.

http://www.flowerstoukraine.com/

[JR]

Hi there, quick question.  I've been corresponding with a lovely lady this last month.  It is proceeding quickly and so far so good.  We both seem to like each other very much and despite the short period of time there's been something like 50,000 words written, not to mention IM and Skype.

My question is regarding Women's Day.  I would like to send her flowers.  She lives at home with her mom and younger sister (mid twenties)... I was wondering if I should send some flowers to them as well?  How would that be perceived do you think?  Also, bot entirely sure what type of flowers she likes...lol...that topic hasn't come up yet.  Also, should i include like a box of sweets, etc?

Thoughts?  Thanks

Neglect to do this at your own peril

[ECOCKS]

I wouldn't, but that's me.

If you really are the type to send flowers to someone you haven't met then have at it. "I want to" is an acceptable reason.

[JR]

Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about her. If you show respect towards her and the traditions she holds dear you will do much to endear yourself to her:)

[Saltheart]

ECOCKS - In your view, is it possible to feel an emotional attachment to someone you haven't met in person?  When people donate money to a charity (e.g., Haiti) to help people they don't know, what impulse is driving them?  They are connecting with something yes?  I guess I'm just a little unclear as to why there are certain do's/dont's when each situation is a little different depending on the variables? 

I once had a relative whom I had never met,...but had spoken to and bonded with over the years and grew to love very, very much prior to meeting them.  When I did, it was like I had known them all my life and she became a huge part of my life, so I am unclear as to why that's different?  I was much younger than and not in a position to send my relative flowers at that age, but I certainly would have had I been able to.  I hadn't met her but I loved her regardless..

I'm not criticizing you by the way, just genuinely want to understand the view point and I know you have a lot of experience with this stuff.  I dunno, I think I am going to turn out to be a WOVO.  I don't see the point I guess unless I am feeling some sort of connection, and a serious one at that.  Thanks for the feedback.

-Saltheart

[Faux Pas]

ECOCKS - In your view, is it possible to feel an emotional attachment to someone you haven't met in person?  When people donate money to a charity (e.g., Haiti) to help people they don't know, what impulse is driving them?  They are connecting with something yes?  I guess I'm just a little unclear as to why there are certain do's/dont's when each situation is a little different depending on the variables? 

I once had a relative whom I had never met,...but had spoken to and bonded with over the years and grew to love very, very much prior to meeting them.  When I did, it was like I had known them all my life and she became a huge part of my life, so I am unclear as to why that's different?  I was much younger than and not in a position to send my relative flowers at that age, but I certainly would have had I been able to.  I hadn't met her but I loved her regardless..

I'm not criticizing you by the way, just genuinely want to understand the view point and I know you have a lot of experience with this stuff.  I dunno, I think I am going to turn out to be a WOVO.  I don't see the point I guess unless I am feeling some sort of connection, and a serious one at that.  Thanks for the feedback.

-Saltheart

SH

There's no "right or wrong" answer to your original OP question. I suggest you send the flowers and do it with a quickness before you talk yourself out of it. You want to and (trust me here) she will appreciate receiving them. She'll also take it as a positive sign of your seriousness.

I can tell you ECOCKS is a really good guy. Possibly a little anti-bougeois but a good guy. Flowers aren't for everyone. Some find them a waste of money and emotional expression. Chances are your woman doesn't expect anything from you on March 8th. IMHO, all the more reason to send them and show her you are in tune, know of the holiday and you appreciate her.

I have always enjoyed sending flowers. I send them often and to my mother, daughter and sometimes even friends in addition to my wife. They're not "that" expensive. I could blow 5-10 flower deliveries at the Horse track in an afternoon. Most generally they are appreciated by the recipient. They're beautiful to look at and they help define how you are feeling. A win/win in your current situation

[Gator]

Saltheart,


You seem to be the example of a hopeless romantic.  Not saying it is wrong, because it is you.   A WOVO is good for you.  If you went WMVM you probably would disappoint if not anger a few RW.

I have one caution:  do not build up your expectations to lofty levels until you meet.  It is good to have a woman who makes you forget about all other women.  Yet, such a  feeling should not happen until you have spent some time together.  And don't forget Plan B (the phone number of a local agency will suffice).

Giving flowers has more value after marriage, and many men forget that.  So, after you marry and settle down, keep giving her flowers. 

[Muzh]

Geez, send the damn flowers already. Boy, why do you bother asking for permission?

I will second Vaughn, more than ten years ago I sent my now wife some flowers just because. No pictures taken to verify her existence and all that jazz. It just felt right and I wanted to do it. The peanut gallery went wild because I was being a fool. As I explained to my wife later on, I agreed with them, I was a romantic fool which brings me to Gator's comment: Hopeless Romantic.

IF you can get this point across to her, you are golden. Actually, you've won the contest.

BTW, I was looking for some records for my children and came across some emails I sent to my wife back in 1999. She still saves them. The majority of these ladies are suckers for romance and if you play your cards right you'll be ahead of the game. However, they can smell a fake miles away so think what you do.

[tfcrew]

'Faint heart ne're won fair maiden'

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra


Dittos Muzh...dispatch this floral arrangement forthwith [the 8th is Tues]

[Saltheart]

LOL!  Flowers are already done guys, relax!

-Salt

[GQBlues]

LOL!  Flowers are already done guys, relax!

Well, yeah, that's fine...but what about the chocolates? Did you remember to send the chocolates, too? The clock's ticking, man.

Culturally, if a RW doesn't have chocolates to munch on with her tea while staring at those ridiculously priced, overly-inflated, pointless dying blooms, it doesn't mean a darn thing. How else can a woman appreciate you if you don't show her how you like spending good money buying dead things to give her?

She must also have her chocolates.

My neighbors cousin's father's co-worker's wife really liked it when her hubby, an anonymous admirer then, sent her a box of chocolates 20 years ago before they ever met in person. Heck, she even saved the wrapper, that sentimental, hopeless fool...

So there...

[GoodOlBoy]

My neighbors cousin's father's co-worker's wife...

  :whirling:

Come again??

GOB

[GQBlues]

Come again??

GOB

LOL, c'mon GOB, you remember him...

He use to be a member on these boards. He's actually the brother of that English guy's ex-brother-in-law's lawyer's uncle's golfing buddy...

Remember him now?

[Muzh]

My neighbors cousin's father's co-worker's wife really liked it when her hubby, an anonymous admirer then, sent her a box of chocolates 20 years ago before they ever met in person. Heck, she even saved the wrapper, that sentimental, hopeless fool...

So there...

Man, I hate this long lunches.

For a second there I thought I read "sent her a box of chocolates 20 years ago before they ever met in prison."

[GQBlues]

In your view, is it possible to feel an emotional attachment to someone you haven't met in person?

I had that feeling once, with Julianne Hough, and look what that got me...

When people donate money to a charity (e.g., Haiti) to help people they don't know, what impulse is driving them?

I can't speak for everyone, but Tax Write-offs is as good a guess as any...

They are connecting with something yes?

Yep. Mr. P. Aypa L.

I guess I'm just a little unclear as to why there are certain do's/dont's when each situation is a little different depending on the variables?

Grasshopper: when each situation is a little different depending on the variables, THAT IS when you will have certain dos and donts .

When you can snatch this pebble in my hand, then it is time for you to make the trip.