First Meeting

[Saltheart]

If you were to visit the states to see your potential partner, would you expect him to take that time off to spend it exclusively with you (Two to 2 1/2 Weeks) or would you prefer to see him in his natural lifestyle, work, obligations, etc.?

My schedule is flexible either way... in fact, I'm thinking we might do a tour of California... San Diego, LA, Pacific Coast Highway, Yellowstone, Big Bear, Palm Springs, etc..  however, the other part of me is wanting to throw some "normal" stuff in there to balance it.  I think it's fine either way as with it being the first meeting there's just that initial excitement, etc., and a lot of allowances are made, but am curious as to your opinion on this.

Thanks,

-Salty

[I/O]

I see this.................. coming.

[JR]

Your first meeting is a cup of coffee.....in a normal setting. There is not much normal in international dating) I am in Spb now and the lady in question cleared her schedule for the duration of my stay. For the first few days of my stay she was taking business phone calls equating to many hours each day. On the third day met someone, handed them the phone and charger and....no more calls. She recognized it was a major distraction and made what changes she could. I appreciated it.

Do what seems right to you. At this point I am sure you have expressed to her that you CAN take all the time off you want to. If you don't do that now it may come across as a lack of interest, disrespect or rejection. Remember, by coming to meet you she has cleared her schedule also.

[SFandEE]

Since you asked--

I think an effort to balance is good, especially depending on how well developed your relationship.  Since it is a first meeting I think there is some wisdom in going for the "wow" or romantic factor up front. 

My non-international dating experience is that if too much playing and travel are involved expectations are not well managed in the routine of life.  I trust you will sort it out between the two of you.  Some of the best times are spent just enjoying a pleasant day around the neighborhood.  Not sure where you live, but I would imagine she would be happy to meet family and friends, go to some of your favorite local restaurants, see what her life might be like should you choose to marry.

Hope you have a great time together.  Will be curious to hear how it goes.

[Gator]

I will also put on my dress and pretend to be a RW.   

Have you asked her what she prefers to do?

Her opinion will surely carry much weight.   Nevertheless, I suggest that you help her by proposing a couple of detailed options with photos/webpages of places that you intend to visit.

My opinion is as follows.

My schedule is flexible either way... in fact, I'm thinking we might do a tour of California... San Diego, LA, Pacific Coast Highway, Yellowstone, Big Bear, Palm Springs, etc.. 

Too much for a first meeting if you intend to do all.  Your first meeting is special and important; it is your one opportunity to create a good first impression.  It is a period of discovery and bonding.  IMO better to select a couple of your favorite places and focus on them at a leisurely pace, setting aside several hours each day to look into each other's eyes and talk.   

....however, the other part of me is wanting to throw some "normal" stuff in there to balance it. 

As far as building a relationship, the best use of time is to talk, talk, talk.   I assume you would want a wife with whom communication is not only easy and enjoyable, but also commands the highest priority and is insightful.  That is just my opinion as I want a woman who is also a good friend.    Some other men may simply want a good cook, tidy housekeeper and  sex slave, without talking (or just a travel companion). 

The second best use is for her to see how you live, because ultimately she would need to immerse herself into your lifestyle.   Nevertheless, she has traveled all the way to your country and you should show her some of the best parts. 

So why not do a week at your house/flat and a week of traveling (and  staying at romantic places as in room with a view if not a fireplace).

[Saltheart]

I will also put on my dress and pretend to be a RW.   

Have you asked her what she prefers to do?

Her opinion will surely carry much weight.   Nevertheless, I suggest that you help her by proposing a couple of detailed options with photos/webpages of places that you intend to visit.

My opinion is as follows.

Too much for a first meeting if you intend to do all.  Your first meeting is special and important; it is your one opportunity to create a good first impression.  It is a period of discovery and bonding.  IMO better to select a couple of your favorite places and focus on them at a leisurely pace, setting aside several hours each day to look into each other's eyes and talk.   

As far as building a relationship, the best use of time is to talk, talk, talk.   I assume you would want a wife with whom communication is not only easy and enjoyable, but also commands the highest priority and is insightful.  That is just my opinion as I want a woman who is also a good friend.    Some other men may simply want a good cook, tidy housekeeper and  sex slave, without talking (or just a travel companion). 

The second best use is for her to see how you live, because ultimately she would need to immerse herself into your lifestyle.   Nevertheless, she has traveled all the way to your country and you should show her some of the best parts. 

So why not do a week at your house/flat and a week of traveling (and  staying at romantic places as in room with a view if not a fireplace).

Excellent response, thank you. 

1 - Yes, I will ask her opinion of course.
2 - Yes, that agenda is far too much.
3 - Agreed, communication is the highest priority for me as well. 
4 - You look great wearing a RW dress

-Salty

[Blues Fairy]

She's spending her precious vacation days on this trip and you're going to throw in some "normal" stuff?   

[Muzh]

She's spending her precious vacation days on this trip and you're going to throw in some "normal" stuff?   

Finally, some common sense. 

[Lily]

Gator gave the best advice, IMHO.

If you were to visit the states to see your potential partner, would you expect him to take that time off to spend it exclusively with you (Two to 2 1/2 Weeks) or would you prefer to see him in his natural lifestyle, work, obligations, etc.?
 

This would very much depend on her individual demands and preferences. Personally I would prefer to see the man in his natural settings, because this would be the best signification of his behavior when, and if, married. No woman should expect the man to change, IMHO.

[Saltheart]

She's spending her precious vacation days on this trip and you're going to throw in some "normal" stuff?   

Valid question.  She's in a position where she can take as much time as she likes from her profession as well.  We're going to discuss it more for sure but I suspect she will very much want to see and experience "regular" days...she likes fun, romance and vacations as much as everyone else but recognizes that's only one aspect of a relationship.  How does someone handle stress, what are their living habits like, how do they interact and treat their employees, essentially, what type of guy am I really...other than the fun vacation side.  It will all work out.  She of course wants me to see that side too across the pond and draw my own conclusions as well.

[GQBlues]

The only 'Yellowstone' I know in Kali is a drug rehab. I don't think she'll be too kosher with that idea. Unless of course she's drug addict who finally found jeezazz.

But I think for the benefit of the fallen men before you, the first time you meet at the airport, take a good look at her for a minute or two, then tell her where she can find the taxi and walk away...

Tit-4-Tat, baby...

[Saltheart]

I'm a doofus...Yosemitie, my bad.

GQB - I have no idea what you are referencing or conveying?  Help a brutha out.

[SMS60]

Maybe I missed it but is this her first trip to the US.? Where is she from?

[GQBlues]

GQB - I have no idea what you are referencing or conveying?  Help a brutha out.

no problemo...But to be perfectly honest, you need to know and understand what her speed is before you plan around it. The first week she'll be lagged, Taking her long drives, etc...may be too taxiing...dunno. I can tell you all the little secrets you can do around Kali north-to-south, but without knowing who and what she likes they could be the worst of all suggestions...

I've had visitations from gals before. From WE/CE/EE...each one of them have their own preferences. The one thing they all shared in common in terms of appreciation and instant reaction is when we cruised along the strands of Manhattan Beach and they witnessed hundreds of tanned hardbodies on tap chillin' along...

Tell me a little about her (not too much) and I'll respond with suggestions what you can do or go to...

[Saltheart]

SMS/GQB -

She's been to the States twice.. Midwest and East coast.  She's active, fit, (late 20's..i'm late 30's) but not uber-fit.  Think she would prefer a nice, casual hike/walk rather than some hardcore rock climbing for example.  Very easy-going, relaxed, etc., but is open to new and different things.  I will need to ask her tonight more about her activities and what she thinks she would like to do on this trip.  Still much about her I don't know. 

Question - did you guys spring for First/Business class....it's about an extra $1,500 but I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  I didn't quite realize that she's looking at an almost 22-24 hour flight from Russia....jeez.  Looking at the Turkish Airlines flight as it only has 1 stopover in Istanbul.

[Lily]

I agree with that. In case she would be interested in pursuing some activities, that would do good for both of you.

Any activities that would be able to open up your personalities to each other, are more than welcome at that stage of relationships!

[SMS60]

I think the road trip would be way too much. I would lean more to daily excursions from your residence.

But, according to the information in your flower thread you should know this girl well enough to know what she likes and dislikes. With all the conversations, e-mails, skype, and romantic flowers, the plans to make should be fairly clear.

My suggestion would be start planning activities around what you know you both want to do and experience. I assume you know her well enough to know what she wants.

Good Luck

[Muzh]

Question - did you guys spring for First/Business class....it's about an extra $1,500 but I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  I didn't quite realize that she's looking at an almost 22-24 hour flight from Russia....jeez.  Looking at the Turkish Airlines flight as it only has 1 stopover in Istanbul.

<Hiting the breaks, panic stop>

Ahem, do you know for a fact that she has been to the US before?

Are you sending her money for the plane ticket or are you buying a non-refundable ticket?

Just checking.

[I/O]

<Hiting the breaks, panic stop> Ahem, do you know for a fact that she has been to the US before? Are you sending her money for the plane ticket or are you buying a non-refundable ticket?

'Bout time...!! I still think the most likely outcome is a "face plant".

She's spending her precious vacation days on this trip and you're going to throw in some "normal" stuff?   

She hasn't spent anything until (read, if) she arrives. Therefore...................

Finally, some common sense. 

..............for the moment, I disagree. The cart is way before the horse here.

[Saltheart]

Yes, I have pictures of her in the states, places I recognize and no they aren't photoshopped lol.  My business has to work with a good percentage of scammers, if she is one she is certainly the best I've ever encountered.  She's not.

I/O - why the pesimism?

[I/O]

I/O - why the pesimism?

Because I've seen this type of statement and thinking...................................

She's not.

..............too many times.

[GQBlues]

She's been to the States twice.. Midwest and East coast.  She's active, fit, (late 20's..i'm late 30's) but not uber-fit.  Think she would prefer a nice, casual hike/walk rather than some hardcore rock climbing for example.  Very easy-going, relaxed, etc., but is open to new and different things.  I will need to ask her tonight more about her activities and what she thinks she would like to do on this trip.  Still much about her I don't know. 

You sound so much in love.... Not Uber-fit as in kind'a chunky but kind'a not depending on whether or not she can hear you?

Question - did you guys spring for First/Business class....it's about an extra $1,500 but I want her to be as comfortable as possible.

Hell NO! Dude, IMO the flowers were already pushing it for me. You haven't met yet, man. If you're going to do that, then you better make sure it's a paper ticket to be picked up at the counter and fully refundable if not used.

I didn't quite realize that she's looking at an almost 22-24 hour flight from Russia....jeez.  Looking at the Turkish Airlines flight as it only has 1 stopover in Istanbul.

I'm not sure which part of Russia she's coming from BUT from Moscow it's a direct flight to LA. Where in the lower left coast are you from?

[viking]

First/business class? I hope your joking. Most guys, if not all, fly there coach. I see no reason at all for you to "ensure her comfort" when you have not yet even met her. I don't know a single guy who popped for that when even flying back their wives. Why do you feel this need to spend all this money? Why not a limo to pick her up, and a new wardrobe waiting her her, and your butler waiting on her hand and foot? Get the picture?

[Saltheart]

You sound so much in love.... Not Uber-fit as in kind'a chunky but kind'a not depending on whether or not she can hear you?

Hell NO! Dude, IMO the flowers were already pushing it for me. You haven't met yet, man. If you're going to do that, then you better make sure it's a paper ticket to be picked up at the counter and fully refundable if not used.

I'm not sure which part of Russia she's coming from BUT from Moscow it's a direct flight to LA. Where in the lower left coast are you from?

Well, I wouldn't call 5'7 - 125 lbs chunky lol...when I say she's not uber-fit I mean she's not some hardcore athlete.

I could be in for a seriously rude awakening, but the caution/suspicion that I see in some of these posts are sort of jaw dropping for me.   I find some of the comments ridiculous really although I know they are well intentioned and I appreciate that.  I wouldn't engage at all with someone in this manner if I had even a slight suspicion.  If I turn out to be wrong, good for them, they certainly earned the scam.  Any financial involvement for me in this is certainly nothing I'm not willing to lose and doesn't really affect me in that way fortunately.  I'm not willing to trade off the risk of being open to someone who I feel like I've done a pretty good job of vetting (without being overly weird about it) in order to save a couple bucks.  To me that's a shi'tty way to view the world.  Without sharing personal information that isn't relevant at this time, you don't do the type of work I do and not get burned a lot, it's part of the business... despite my daily risk of that, I still choose to not be suspicious or overly cautious of everyone I meet.  Anyway, thanks for the input folks.

[I/O]

Salty, there is a difference between paranoid and experienced. Trust me, I'm the latter. I've taken more risks in Russia / with Russians than most will in a lifetime. Guys who "knew" exactly what they were doing crying on the phone begging for Mrs I/O to check out an apartment address in her home town which she did, advised him it was a bunch of guys coming and going yet the said scammed dude still begged her to check again, is enough for me. This about a day after he had been stood up at JFK and was a few $K out of pocket. This is not unique in our experience. You're welcome to dismiss whatever you want and it's well enough known around here that I wouldn't exactly be the one blowing smoke up your arse but understand, my ringing the bell isn't for any personal kudos. It's up to you.

I could be in for a seriously rude awakening

I think you are, on several levels. A scam, if it were to occur, might well be the easiest to deal with.

the caution/suspicion that I see in some of these posts are sort of jaw dropping for me.

Which is more reflective of you than those who sound the warning.

I find some of the comments ridiculous

Not nearly as ridiculous as some dude standing in JFK or LAX, flowers in hand, a dumb look on his face and nothing to show for it all.

I wouldn't engage at all with someone in this manner if I had even a slight suspicion.

I've only seen several dozen say similar.

If I turn out to be wrong, good for them, they certainly earned the scam.

With such an opinion of yourself, you're setting yourself up for one helluva whack upside the head. Here hoping it doesn't happen but I fear..............

To me that's a shi'tty way to view the world.

Yeah well, rose coloured glasses don't provide 20/20 vision either.

Nobody here, least of all me, is trying to rain on your parade but experience, several years of it plus that of others here tells me to call a risk on your favour when I see it. You can choose to be a tad smartarsed and knowallish about it if you will, hopefully my concerns will be unfounded but for the sake of your own intelligence, slow it all down a tad.