She is here! My 'trip' report continues

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]I wasn't sure where to take my blog. My story doesn't fit in the Married section yet, I am too old for the Newbie section, and the 'Experienced' section will have to do, as experiences are now flying around me at full force here in OUR cozy home in the 'burbs.

[color="gray"]It is a little like that Talking Heads song: Once In A lifetime:
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
Wife And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?[/color]

How? I wrote a few women in the FSU after a lifetime of dating AW. One of them struck a chord with me. She had all of the qualities I was looking for. Unlike my past choices, she is not an independent recreational-sex type. Instead she is closer to a clinging vine who encourages a kind of cozy dependency while having no qualms about her powers of seduction. She is proudly feminine while also having a great deal of strength that is ...more under the surface compared with AW. Not far below her surface persona.

I guess our story, on the surface, is as close to the [color="black"]Mail Order Bride[/color] scenario as you can get. Some will say, I casually picked out a puppy in the window and took her home, lah dee dah dah. Others will agree with me when I say you actually can learn a lot about a person through translated emails, phone calls, and my seven day 'vacation' with her last April.

Here's the crux of the matter: [color="blue"]She wants to make it work and I want it to work. I have a sense of humor and so does she. I look at life as an intriguing adventure and so does she.[/color] To answer the question in that song- we got here by having thought patterns that created the reality.

As I said in my Trip Report, we escaped NY right before the blizzard. During these first four days, she has gotten a ton of sleep. I reminded her of my zombie-like state in Kyiv, and now she smiles knowingly. I'm talkin 10 or 11 hours of sleep per night. She finds her way to the kitchen around 10 am, where I am making coffee and breakfast. I've tried to supply her with a culinary variety. Omelettes, instant oatmeal, cheese danish, etc. Most of her reactions to new experiences are positive. Sometimes she reacts with a stubborn 'nyet', but if I think she'll like it- like vanilla yogurt, I'll give her a small portion of it anyway. She likes my attention and I enjoy giving it to her.

I've been using translation software to get basic ideas across to her. It works okay. Right after breakfast, I have her phone her friends and family. Wow- she has the loudest phone voice I have ever heard. I'm sure my neighbors in the next condo would be able to hear her, if they were home. She's exuberant and witty on the phone, like she's about to salute you with a mug of beer.

She brought many gifts for me and my family. She didn't bring very much clothing. Our first day here, we went to a sporting goods store and got her hiking boots. There are some fun trails here in Phoenix. And it's great exercise. We finished our afternoon at the upscale Fashion Mall in Scottsdale.

Last night, she met my parents and it went okay except the language barrier kept conversations to a minimum. Maybe that's a good thing. Ha. She wore pants from home and a top that I had bought her at Robinson's May, and jewelry I had given her in Kyiv and by mail. She enjoyed the pool and jacuzzi today. I'm tempted to post a photo or two...  uh, Better not. We enjoyed relaxing in the sun. To tell you the truth, it's also kinda nice FOR ME to be sleeping in every morning.

Back to my parents- Larisa ate her veggies, mashed potatoes, and cucumber/tomato salad, but did not even place any of the broiled chicken on her plate. My mom looked at her weird. It was probably the most awkward moment of the dinner.

Tonight I gambled and played a DVD movie called Moulin Rouge with Nicole Kidman. I guessed that the story line would be understood by Larisa and I was right. It helped that the movie is such a musical/visual extravaganza. She appreciated it.

Already, Larisa is a bit frustrated by the language barrier. I have encouraged her. I had her taking English lessons that began last June with a private tutor. I have emphasized how important her knowledge of the language would be. I don't know- I'll help her as much as possible. Sometimes we need to call our interpreter for clarifications. It's work, but I realize that situation should slowly improve over time.

This second phase has begun and we are both happy about that. She is the same sweet/sexy woman that I had met in Kyiv. We're optimistic as always. I'll post more as the adventure continues.

On the plane from Long Island to Phoenix:

[/color][/size]

[catzenmouse]

Doug,

 Congradulation on her arrival! I hope all this works out wonderfully for you and Larisa!

 Check with your local government and churches for ESL classes for Larisa. There are also some pretty good books/CDs/PC Programs to help her learn. I got several for Elena and she is taking an advanced ESL class at the locan community college right now.

 Elena talks loud on the phone too. Part of not having good phone lines and also part of being comfortable with speaking the native tounge I think.

Ken

[Voyageur]

Good luck to you Doug, I wish you the best.  Patience is everything right about now...

[mischief]

You are very nice man, Doug... hope everything works out great for you, guys! 

If you ever need anything I can help you with, let me know!

[bbernard]

Doug,

I wish you both the very best! Good luck!

bbernard

[Photo Guy]

[color="navy"][size="3"]It was nice to wake up to all of these nice emails. Thanks! Great to be part of this community.  -doug[/size][/color][/b]

[Son of Clyde]

Best of luck to you Doug. It will not be an easy road even if it seems perfect. She will be very lost right now so you will need to be close and supportive from day one. I did not leave my wife and step-son during the first few days (I took time off from work). They have gradually adjusted to life here but still to them Ukraine is their first home. It will take a year or two for them to really feel like they belong here. And my wife thinks the immigration people couldn't care less about us. She thinks American doctor's are inferior, and she hates root beer.

[Maxx]

Congratulations!

I know everyone here wants you to have amazing success.

 

Maxx 

P.S. Did you get kissed yet?



 

[Bruce]

Yes, good luck - but you better look into the origin of her name .

[Son of Clyde]

Doug,

Buy her a bottle of Hires, A&W or Mug root beer.

If she drinks it without complaining you have a keeper.

[RussianGal]

Congratulations, PhotoGuy.

 If she feels frustrated/lost at times, may be she should go to one of those forums for RW married to AM,  where everybody shares sort of the same fears and problems upon arrival, as well as exchanges experience and helps each other.

[John Doe]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

If she drinks it without complaining you have a keeper.

HAHA!



Sorry, SoC, you simply display some serious unintentional humour that sends me into hysterics.



Carry on.....

[Albert]

Congratulations, PhotoGuy.

If she feels frustrated/lost at times, may be she should go to one of those forums for RW married to AM, where everybody shares sort of the same fears and problems upon arrival, as well as exchanges experience and helps each other.

Question for RussianGal:

Some of the forums are filled with FSU women who are bitter and looking for ways to rip off their AM husbands.

An 'innocent' gal who visited such forums could very easily become cynical about her marriage and future prospects with her AM husband.  So much more harm that good would come to the relationship from visiting such sites.

Which of the forums are frequented by FSU gals who are serious about making their marriage work, and which are frequented by bitter, cynical scammers or scammers in waiting?

[BC]

Albert,

If the relationship is 'in ordnung' there is no need to worry about any forum or content.

Those that are paranoid probably have good reason.

[RussianGal]

...If the relationship is 'in ordnung' there is no need to worry about any forum or content..

Ditto! :-)


Albert, of course I cannot speak for every RW but my experience with forums created by and for RW in US was a positive one: I found a lot of useful information there.
As for 'bitter women' .. well, I don`t have a head on my shoulders for nothing. ;-)

[KenC]

Photo,

As I told you in the PM, best of luck to you both.

How did your parents react to Larysa?

Did you take off from work to be with her?

What do you plan on her doing during the day when you go back to work?

It doesn't appear that she took her English lessons all that seriously.  Does that concern you?

Any plans to enroll her in ESL classes?

Without being too nosey, has her level of affection increased?

Any wedding plans?  Or is this just a 90 vacation for her?

Is she acting like a true fiancee or a guest?

Is it comfortable being with her or akward?

Any concerns (red flags) yet?

KenC

 

[Jet]

...If the relationship is 'in ordnung' there is no need to worry about any forum or content..

Ditto! :-)


Albert, of course I cannot speak for every RW but my experience with forums created by and for RW in US was a positive one: I found a lot of useful information there.
As for 'bitter women' .. well, I don`t have a head on my shoulders for nothing. ;-)[/quote]
 

Our experience has been the same. Liliya has checked out RussianWomenAbroad, had a few laughs and decided it was not at all for her. Also backing up what RussianGal has stated before, my wife believes she has much more in common with her professional colleagues who are American, Indian, Mexican, Cuban, and British, than our Russian neighbors who work at the local casino..... 

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="navy"]
Yes, please send me all of your luck and good wishes- hey can't hurt. Well, it's been two weeks now. In the first few days, we were going through her state of jet-lag while in New York and then for about a week in Phoenix. Even today, she sleeps long hours and so do I. I took two weeks off from work. we have been vacationing. Last Saturday we drove to southern California, so she could see the other ocean and meet my bro and his fiancee. When we returned she called a few people back home and kept on saying, in her exhuberant blaring style, 'California is krasiva (beautiful)' We had two nights at a resort by the beach and then two nights at my brother's. I wanted the nights at the resort to be 'romantic', but instead it was characterized by her ...cramps, and she also could not use the jacuzzi. My bro and his two kids came over and we used it, but it had recently rained and the water was only luke warm. Larysa and I did enjoy a nice walk along the beach looking for seashells and finding none. What's up with that? There were plently on Long Island. She went from no oceans to two oceans in just a few days.

Culture shock was hitting her like a clue bat. Me too. It's a wonder we are getting along. We have been eating the 'wrong' food at the 'wrong' time. Ha. My coffee is 'too strong'. The refrigerator in our resort bedroom was too noisy. No tantrums or anything- just mild complaints.

She loved Sea World, on DAY 3 in California. We petted bat rays. Believe it or not, I had never done that. She loved the rides too. We saw the fishy sights with my bro and his two kids. Nice whale show. The whole experience did not require much language skills. I tried to coordinate a dinner or coffee with an interpreter, but it didn't happen.

Before our CA trip, I introduced Larysa to my youngest sister, and my parents here in Phoenix. It went okay. They weren't judgmental. They want me to be happy. Larysa loved their pet dogs.

We are both sometimes frustrated by the language barrier. I think she miscalculated how tough it would be, even though I often made a point of telling her she must learn English. Before CA, on her fourth day here, she sat in a chair and stared off into space, about to cry. I phoned our interpreter. Larysa would not speak with her. Larysa was feeling frustrated and isolated. It was our toughest day.

Yes, of course I am looking into English as a Second Language course. Now that the 'vacation' is over, it's at the top of our list. She took her private lessons seriously. I've seen her notes from Mariupol. She just happens to be slow in that area. Every day I help her with pronunciation. She'll get there.

It took a week for the affection thing to come along. We went from shoulder massages to full body to...
pressed pretzel configurations, etc. In the beginning, she was upstairs sleeping on my king-sized bed while I was the gentleman down on the sofa. Now we're in the same big bed. Say no more.

A woman without a wardrobe is like a cat without fur. I've got her up to five pairs of shoes. Two pairs are boots from Ukraine- not too practical here in the hot desert climate. Watching her pick out shoes in a store is like torture. Too many choices and she is picky. When she learns a little more English, I'll send her shopping on her own. Thank God she doesn't have a problem gravitating toward those sexy high-heels. <grin> And yes, I did buy her a pair of hiking boots.

Today, we'll go look at some model homes on Phoenix's perimeter. Should be fun. By the way, every morning she watches PBS shows for kids and I always have the English captions on.

We are comfortable together, except I do feel her discomfort when someone speaks to her in English. It may be a few weeks before I discuss the marriage plans thing. She really is going through culture shock now. She is somewhere between a fiancee and a guest, but much closer to a fiancee.  She is on shaky ground as I remain her solid rock. She depends on me, and I'm here to give her whatever she needs, especially love.

She's up now- time for coffee and computer translations.  I'll keep y'all posted.:dude:
[/color][/size][/b]

[viking]

Hey Photo guy,

 

I really wish you the best. Sounds like you have a keeper and from your letters you sound like you are in heaven right now. I suspect so is she. Don't forget to take her to that resturant..something Peak... where they cut off your tie. Sure she would enjoy it.

Plus the sunsets there are great!

[Admin]

Hey Photo guy,



I really wish you the best. Sounds like you have a keeper and from your letters you sound like you are in heaven right now. I suspect so is she. Don't forget to take her to that resturant..something Peak... where they cut off your tie. Sure she would enjoy it.

Plus the sunsets there are great!

Pinnacle Peak Patio. It used to be at the end of a paved road - with the remainder of the dirt road leading on down to the Verde River.

Spent many days (and nights) as a teen - down there on the Verde - or at least, *trying* to be on the Verde. Even had a pack of Boy Scouts sabotage our vehicles while we were tubing down the river. Seems they were a might unhappy about the drunken instrusion on their campsite in the middle of the night before - not that we *knew* we were intruding, mind you.

Lots of 'knock-offs' of the original PPP, unfortunately.

- Dan

[viking]

Pinnacle Peak. You got it!! It's been awhile.  Steaks that fell out of the plate they were so large. Thanks for  jogging the old memory.

 

 

[KenC]

Photo,

Everything sounds about normal (and that is a god sign in my book).  The lonely homesickeness is something you will have to get used to because it really doesn't go away for the first few years.  A couple of tips for you:  Look on the TV guide for your cable International channel, they should have an hour of Russian news in Russian from Moscow.  Check your local public school system for free ESL classes.  They usually offer them in their adult education programs.  Good luck.

KenC

[Bruno]

[size="3"][/size][size="3"]Look on the TV guide for your cable International channel, they should have an hour of Russian news in Russian from Moscow. [/size]

If you have a good internet line : http://tv.rtvi.com/webtv2/usa/rtvi

The 700kb/s stream seam to be go quality... 4 channel from RTVi

[Photo Guy]

[color="navy"][size="3"]Thanks. Yes, my neighbor just told me about ESL classes nearby at the  local high school. I'll check it out tomorrow.  This morning I  woke her up after 8 and a half hours of sleep. I wanted us to go to the  Russian Church. I wanted to be there before the 9:30 start time. From  under the covers, she said 'No church'. I was not happy. We missed that  window of opportunity to meet people she could relate to.  Maybe  I'll get us over there for the 6 PM service. Today I'd like to take a  peek at some new model homes too. I heated up some leftovers from a  Chinese restaurant. I showed it to her when it was ready and she said  'No' as she finished her toast with butter, jelly, and cheese.  Interesting combination. And we both like coffee. So, I'll put the  Chinese food back in the refrigerator. She's picky and sometimes  obstinate...   On a positive note, she talks in her sleep  with a cute little-girl voice. Priceless.

I've been to Pinnacle Peak Patio about a dozen times since moving here  in '92. Not bad. I might take her there or 'Rawhide' where they have  free shows- gun fights and stuff. I'm sure she'll like the cowboys and  indians stuff.  -doug[/size][/color][/b]  

[KenC]

Doug,

Lena is not a morning person either.  It may be a Russian thing, but they seem to like to stay up late, sleep long hours and get a slow start in the morning.

Breakfast suggestions: Lena has a combination of roasted almonds (with honey to dip them in), cheese and crackers with seseame (sp) seeds on them every morning.  All washed down with coffee.  Most RW probably will prefer tea I would think.  Occasionally she will add a slice of good bread, with butter and cheese.  RW don't seem to go in for our big breakfast concept.  I don't know anyone but you that would go for reheated chinese food!

KenC