Psychology..nefarious intentions..Master and slave

[ML]

1- Don't rush the proposal. Instead of being a 1 or 2 trip wonder, use time as a transparency tool. The few girls looking to immigrate are on a mission, they won't wait. That means that time is on your side. Wait. A gal who sees a sincere man consistently working on a goal, yet without rushing, knows that he is worth waiting for. If not, NEXT.

2- Don't rush the honeymoon. Too many guys honeymoon first, commit next, and then get to know her family and friends last. That is backasswards. Get to know family and friends (HUGE clues are found in those relationships), commit later, honeymoon dead last.

I can certainly agree with your number 1.

But I can't agree with your number 2.

The issue with most men here (not the ones living in FSU) is time available on the ground in FSU.

So consider the time involved to do the honeymoon vs getting to know her family and friends; and the info gained from each.

Let's assume 'doing the honeymoon' involves at the minimum sharing the same apartment to see if a compatibility exists regarding cooking, cleaning, sleeping, sex and other day to day activities.  Finding out if the two of you are really compatible might not be determined for a very long time; but finding out if you are incompatible might only take one day.

So if doing the honeymoon helps in the screening out process, it is vastly more efficient and speedy than going through a process of getting to know her family and friends.  Plus, it is not unheard of that a guy/gal gets along famously with the family of the other; yet is not compatible at all with the person him/herself.

It will be of little comfort to you to gain a pair of middle aged  friends (her parents) and yet find you can neither sleep well with nor have satisfying sex with their daughter.

And, despite rhetoric we see repeated endlessly here about importance of family to her, in the end it is the two people.  There are countless examples of couples happily married for years where the inlaws of both are hated and/or hate their son/dau in law.  If you were to get TRUE answers from  MIL around the world to the question: Do you like your DIL or SIL; the results would be something like 2 out of 10. 

[Gator]

Let's assume 'doing the honeymoon' involves at the minimum sharing the same apartment to see if a compatibility exists regarding cooking, cleaning, sleeping, sex and other day to day activities.

This is not my definition of a honeymoon and I doubt it is Mendeleyev's.  I presume he is talking about mindless and endless sex with little serious discussion.  Nevertheless, I think the two activities of family/friends and sex can happen concurrently. 
 
I agree with Mendeleyev that one can not underestimate the values inculcated from a functioning family.  And friends reveal much more because friends are chosen. 
 

Finding out if the two of you are really compatible might not be determined for a very long time; but finding out if you are incompatible might only take one day.

It usually took less than an hour for me to discover the energy and chemistry between a woman and me.  If not abundant at first, it rarely happened later.  Although there are some women who are reticent at first but would improve dramatically if you could get them out of their shell of mistrust or whatever, I never enjoyed those women as much as those who went "all in" quickly.  YMMV.

[ML]

This is not my definition of a honeymoon and I doubt it is Mendeleyev's.  I presume he is talking about mindless and endless sex with little serious discussion.

He says do the honeymoon 'dead last,' so your presumption cannot be correct.

[Gator]

He says do the honeymoon 'dead last,' so your presumption cannot be correct.

Huh?  Is this a joke?
 
Mendel is recommending:  1) family and friends, 2) commitment and 3) honeymoon (which I presume is a journalist word for mindless and endless sex). 
 
What's wrong with that sequence.  It's perfect:  meet her mama for lunch, have tea with her friend that afternoon,  at dinner express your your sincere interest, after theater that evening proclaim your strong feelings and desire to be exclusive, and spend the night in bed together.   Cooking and cleaning would not allow time to schedule a meeting with another woman.    

[Aloe]

Same here Aloe!
 
If you are ever in our neck of the woods (Miami) you are more than welcome to stay with us.
 
Marina has had several of her girlfriend's from Omsk and Moscow stay here.
 
We have had a blast!
 
Seriously.
 
GOB

Thanks

[Gator]

So how does one go about stopping wallowing in self-pity?
 

Count your blessings.  Last Thursday was Thanksgiving Day in America.  I shared dinner with 14 people.  Each person spoke about what he was thankful for.  We went around the table twice.  The second time was more revealing.  A young RW your age expressed gratitude for the long missing love she now sees in her mama towards me.
 

I have a goal, i need a stupid diploma. I hate this goal though. But without a diploma i feel like an unworthy human. Which is pretty stupid, but that's how society treats you.

Is that not one of your blessings - you have the time, resources and intelligence to earn your diploma?  How many people without diplomas never had the opportunity to earn one. 
 
Also, not wanting to study and to attend class just makes it worse.  Recognize how learning something is improving your life.  That is "smart" and not "stupid."  You have so many years ahead of you.  Having that diploma may be more than just increasing your social status.
 
Pardon me if you have mentioned this before - how long before you complete your studies?

[kmin]

I have to agree with the above. A heart that is not grateful or is jealous will not be a happy heart.

 

[GQBlues]

....Horses aren't an option. I'd be happy to learn to take care of myself. Let alone a horse. Too big a responsibility

I understand. It isn't for everyone, although those times when i did are arguably one of the more fulfilling times I ever experienced myself.
 

///Something to look forward to, like what for example?? I have to get up, go study, then come home, more study, and clean. There is nothing going on except studying and cleaning. And i walk around knowing i have to study and clean and do laundry. And that haunts me all the time. Especially now, im sitting on the forum instead of studying, i feel very bad about it, and feel very burdened and obliged to study. But thinking of it every minute that i should be studying instead of this, is also an extra burden.  There is nothing but burdens all around

I find this remark very fascinating and I hope you don't find anything in what I'll say to be negative.
 
Next only to life during high school, the years in the Uni were actually 'fun' times for me despite having to work 3 jobs and fully supporting myself the whole time. Talk about 'no-life', LOL. 14 hour days, 6 (sometimes 7) days every week for years...
 
'Cleaning' is a 'good' thing. Certainly 'school/studying' is a good thing. Most importantly, being 'young' is a great thing. You have the luxury of time and being able to afford these things that are, IMHO, positive 'things' to practice/garner in your life can only be a  wonderful time to be in, and quite arguably enviable to the millions less fortunate than you to be *burdened* by such opportunities, i.e. actually having something, or a place, 'to clean' and getting the opportunity of higher education..
 
I can only guess that maybe something else is amiss in you, Aloe. I hope you find it soon.

[pitbull]

Aloe,
 
Do I understand correctly that you actually became disintrested in education/studies since roughly the age of 16, didn't get higher education while in Russia, and kept playing computer games most of the time till you turned 21? When you met your  future husband?
 
Did you work during this period? What were your hobbies, what made you happy? Did you have friends back home?
 
Also, what drives you in life? What is your goal?
 
Thanks,
 
P.

[Jumper]

There, i just came to a perfect wording. MY LIFE IS SORELY MISSING ADVENTURE. How to get adventures? Going out isn't an adventure...

 
Adventure Tyler!! ADVENTURE!!!!
 
lol !!!
 
aloe , this is my favorite line from any movie-
 
Watch the movie
"Never Cry Wolf"
 
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Brian Dennehy's line is just classic,
and was my whole philosophy , as a younger man
 
I've pretty much lived things that way, despite lifes more mundane responcibilities...
ha!
 
Just as a heads up ,eventually the *need* to do so wears thin, and whats truly important to you may not be so simple as a relief of perceived boredom.
 
It will still ultimately come down to your own choices in what you want to be fascinated an amazed by.
 
The study of any given thing locally that draws your interest..
volunteering for some humanitarian cause,. or other..
 
or  a father or mother simply amazed daily at the new and developing nuances and workings of their young childs mind and imagination.
 
 While adventure might sound fabulous,
Life certainly isnt the movies..There's a lot of down time in *adventures* that isn't shown.. LOL
 
 
Anyway , you really don't have to base jump ,or race Paris to Dakar to satisfy a taste for adventure.
 
If there is some  true calling, or obsession, like climbing Everest, you will find a way, thousands do , and yes perhaps they save a lifetime for one shot.It is often anti climatic if you dont enjoy the path itself.
 
If anything is pursued to exclusion of family ,friends,and relationships, it won't leave you feeling any better about yourself for having done them.
as you've noted already , walking alone isn't for you,and that's not simply because of a fear of attack.
 
Things are simply not as poignant     , without someone to share them with.
 
It's the human condition that drives this very forum.
 
 
Sorry for any Zen like post content..   
 
If you are with someone who doesn't like to walk, or hike, etc, and won't compromise..
If it's something you love, you still  need to get out and do so when possible.
The first step is to plan to do it ,where, when and how.
Write it down.
If there are actual dangers alone, then how to address them or get a like minded fellow hobbiest to join in.
 
If you think it wouldn't be worth it , to save, plan, and do it..
i'd contend it's a lot better than to whine about not doing it
 
One thing is certain,. nothing happens unless you make it.
 
ANY exercise is a  help towards depression ,which certainly you show many symptoms of.
 
 
i know very few couples who truly enjoy each others hobbies..fully.
Yet they still manage to both enjoy the respective interests,  and each others companionship and home life.