Unrealistic Expectations - Women - Entitlement Mentality

[Vasilisa]

Ok I’ll step up to the plate and state for the record. I am not looking for a cheap cow. I am not even looking for a cow. I am looking for a truly equal life partner

Are you planning on getting boobs and a womb? If not  and you are not planning on getting pregnant and breastfeeding then it will not be truly equal, sorry.
That's what I call somewhat equal.
Pregnant man

[pitbull]

The more damning words of entitlement came in Reply #3 of this thread:   "She brings a 30-year age difference to the table. Sorry, you have to pay for that..."

Well, Gator, you should know by now that if an old goat wants a young hot wife 30+ years younger, he should realize that she won't be with him just for his "hot wrinkled booty", you know. You should compensate, most probably by providing a much better lifestyle than she would have had with the man of her own age. Otherwise, he would just be used as a mule and dumped as soon as she can trade up/get a GC, get independent (good job etc.)
To pretend that you don't understand what your part is in ther arrangement leads to (sometimes ugly) divorves, and lots of whining on the forums 

[Daveman]

Are you planning on getting boobs and a womb?

 




So you do have a sense of humor.. 

Do you mean me?! Or any RW ?!
As for me it depends on the situation,  I could  do that, even more than that, depending on the situation, I wouldn't like to do that for the rest of my life though. And definitely not with the person like OP. I have actually worked in a store in the US but the plan was to go to college eventually.

I was asking you... and anyone who will answer honestly...  You seem quite normal to me.


A speaking/writing of "true equality"... it's more of a myth I think when dealing with an FSUW.  Basically, your function as a man is to better her life and give her children.

After years of analysis in this (you wouldn't believe)... the best analogy I can come up with about equality is this...

men and women "partners" are like two sides of a coin. Equal only because made of the same substance yet are as different as the head and tail in appearance and responsibility.

Basically is boils down to this...

It's the man's job to provide for the family... and it's the woman's job to bitch at him and about him until he does..   

[happyandstable]

Are you planning on getting boobs and a womb? If not  and you are not planning on getting pregnant and breastfeeding then it will not be truly equal, sorry.
That's what I call somewhat equal.

    Bitter much? It has always been clear to me that trying to convince someone who believes the earth is flat is a waste of my time and effort. There are many women I have talk with both in the FSU and the USA that do not share your flat earth perspective.

[Gator]

Well, Gator, you should know by now that if an old goat wants a young hot wife 30  years younger, he should realize that she won't be with him just for his "hot wrinkled booty", you know.

 
And how many RW marry a hotter stud muffin than the RM they could have in the FSU?  So there must be something else these RW seek.  However, I will agree that I am a mere shell of my former physical self.  And I would have physical trouble with a woman my age.

Actually I did not when married to my AW wife as she still looked beautiful to me.
 

You should compensate, most probably by providing a much better lifestyle than
she would have had with the man of her own age.

Compensate?  Compensation is a legal term used when there have been damages such as in personal injury claims.  And a judge will decide what the injured party is entitled to receive.   There.... that word entitlement again.   
 
What you describe is a transaction, and befits someone with a sense of entitlement.   And if that indeed is the situation, the man should never marry.  Surely there must be more of a connection than merely being the Great Pretender Provider.
 
 

To pretend that you don't understand what your part is in ther arrangement leads to (sometimes ugly) divorves, and lots of whining on the forums 

Divorces are not beautiful.  Fortunately mine was quick and simple.  Whining?  Who, the women?   I do not read the other forums as RWD takes enough of my time.   My attorney said I smiled when the judge granted my divorce and returned me to "single life."    The sense of relief far exceeded the pain of broken dreams.   Plus at my advanced age one usually has learned what is important in life.   

[Gator]

I was asking you... and anyone who will answer honestly...  You seem quite normal to me.

Now wait a minute.  I agree in part with ECOCKS; however, I do not see the situation as bad as he paints it becuase  I believe there is hope. 
 
However, your statement about "normal" is pushing the envelope.  Have you forgotten that she is RW?     
 
Do not be fooled.  There is nothing normal about these sweet beautiful creatures, and therein rests much of the attraction.    I abhor boredom.   
 

[Boethius]

True love, for most men, has little to do with lifestyle or bank accounts.

I have come to the conclusion true love is not very common. 
 
Were I to only read posts of a slight majority of men here (just a slight), "true love" is based primarily on physical attributes. 
 

The picture of the average FSUW painted in the majority of the replies in this thread portray an accurate picture of FSUW (IMO).

The remarks show pretty conclusively a sense of entitlement as the term is generally used. Whether most of those who read through this will believe it is reality or simply persist that they have the ability to pick the needle from the hay stack after
pushing their hand into the rick a few dozen times is up to them.

I disagree.  Look at it from a FSUW's perspective.  She is leaving everything to build a future with, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger.  She leaves behind family and all that is familiar to move to a land where she is a foreigner, in a vulnerable position and usually economically disadvantaged.   You recall a poster here complaining that his wife was not "grateful" enough?  Now that was a real entitlement attitude!
 
Women, in general, want stability and certainty in their family lives.  If she lives without that, then what was the purpose of sacrificing her life in the FSU, where she is a fish in water?
 
I didn't think the 39 year old woman had an entitlement attitude.  She just had an attitude that was not compatible with what calmissile wanted in a wife.  There are many men who would be happy to have a stay at home wife taking care of their home, cooking their meals, mending their clothes, cutting the lawn, etc., etc.  It is not "entitlement", it is having common desires and goals.
 

Bitter much?

You missed her point, which is that women and men are never completely equal.
 

And how many RW marry a hotter stud muffin than the RM they could have in the FSU?  So there must be something else these RW seek.  However, I will agree that I am a mere shell of my former physical self.  And I would have physical trouble with a woman my age.

Rarely, TBH.  But, as you noted, beauty fades with time. 
 

[Daveman]

 
... There are many men who would be happy to have a stay at home wife taking care of their home, cooking their meals, mending their clothes, cutting the lawn, etc., etc.
 

Well... hell yeah... SOLD!

[pitbull]

 
And how many RW marry a hotter stud muffin than the RM they could have in the FSU?  So there must be something else these RW seek.  However, I will agree that I am a mere shell of my former physical self.  And I would have physical trouble with a woman my age.

Actually I did not when married to my AW wife as she still looked beautiful to me.
 
 

OMG, I just remembered the exact  "sex and the city" episode your story reminded me of. Disclaimer: A MUST for every old Romeo to watch! I guess this situation is universal for AW as well: sometimes, no amount of shiny "compenasation" overshadows the wrinkly senior booty:

 

[Gator]

  OMG, I just remembered the exact  "sex and the city" episode your story reminded me of. Disclaimer: A MUST for every old Romeo to watch! I guess this situation is universal for AW as well: sometimes, no amount of shiny "compenasation" overshadows the wrinkly senior booty:
 

Pitbull I remember that episode!!!!  My wife and I laughed our asses off.   Wooops. maybe the wrong choice of words?
 
Samantha tried the approach of  "Beauty is just a light switch away"  and it failed.   Let's be real - that was a flabby ass.  He needs to work out.  My father at 80 had a better ass.
 

[Daveman]

Now wait a minute.  I agree in part with ECOCKS; however, I do not see the situation as bad as he paints it becuase  I believe there is hope. 
 
However, your statement about "normal" is pushing the envelope.  Have you forgotten that she is RW?     
 
Do not be fooled.  There is nothing normal about these sweet beautiful creatures, and therein rests much of the attraction.    I abhor boredom.

Yes indeed... and perhaps we've been doing *this* long enough for "normality" to take on a slightly different warp... 




re:other stuff


Buried within the RW huff and fluff she actually makes some excellent points.  If guys are NOT willing to understand the hierarchical culture of status and roles from which these "blessings" come then they should really shoot themselves in the head before ever getting on that first plane (not to kill yourselves, but you'll understand RW better with a hole in your head.. their reasoning is, er, different).


Stereotypical, yes, but what would she have in common with most plumbers if she was raised in a different strata?  All women (and men) have some ideal mental picture of/with whom they believe they must be with... it's just imagery. Her point about meeting and THEN falling in love, IF there is chemistry, attraction, etc... heck, that's the same stuff we say all the time.  She's made quite a such points.


Does she have a sense of entitlement?  depends on your perspective.  I say "nay".  She simply has the mindset of a "woman" and ingrained more deeply as roles are in the FSU as compared to the more homogenized environment of the west.


Not only that, we're basically talking about multiple millennial periods of role programming, separation and refinement.  I think Lily described it perfectly upthread.  Men want a "traditional" wife who'll take care of this and that, look like a supermodel, dance like a stripper, be the perfect sex partner, then wake her up and send her off to earn her keep..


It seems there is a prevalent expectation that they should be more like AW, yet, nothing like them,  yet.. yet.. yet...


There is a bit of expectation mismatch going on...


Yeah, there are some fsuw who are just plain stupid with their expectations.  Vasilisa (imo)  isn't one of them... 


Take a look at the profiles of the ladies who post most frequently here... most have been married 5+ years.. hmmmmm... don't seem to be jumping ship or trading up..


Debate is cool and of excellent value, but let's all remember that first and foremost, individuals are just that - individuals..

[GQBlues]

OMG, I just remembered the exact  "sex and the city" episode your story reminded me of. Disclaimer: A MUST for every old Romeo to watch! I guess this situation is universal for AW as well: sometimes, no amount of shiny "compenasation" overshadows the wrinkly senior booty:

 

 

   Holy over-cooked fettucine Batman! Where did the butt stopped and the legs began? Does that really happen when we, men, get to our pension age? Dang, does Medicare cover butt-lifts?

[Gator]

   
I disagree.  Look at it from a FSUW's perspective.  She is leaving everything to build a future with, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger.  She leaves behind family and all that is familiar to move to a land where she is a foreigner, in a vulnerable position and usually economically disadvantaged.   You recall a poster here complaining that his wife was not "grateful" enough?  Now that was a real entitlement attitude!

 
Exactly!    One of my business partners is married to a prominent psychologist.   Many years ago I had a frank discussion with her about marriage to a RW.   She listened and asked a couple of questions.  She told me not to be overly concerned because  in deciding to come to a strange land with two young kids, the RW "had far more to lose." 
 
The psychologist questioned me more about my understanding of the huge responsibility I would assume and whether I was dedicated to fulfill it.   I believe some men do not appreciate what is involved.
 

Women, in general, want stability and certainty in their family lives.  If she lives without that, then what was the purpose of sacrificing her life in the FSU, where she is a fish in water?
 

Expressed perfectly.

[ECOCKS]

I have come to the conclusion true love is not very common. 
 
Were I to only read posts of a slight majority of men here (just a slight), "true love" is based primarily on physical attributes. 
 
I disagree.  Look at it from a FSUW's perspective.  She is leaving everything to build a future with, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger.  She leaves behind family and all that is familiar to move to a land where she is a foreigner, in a vulnerable position and usually economically disadvantaged.   You recall a poster here complaining that his wife was not "grateful" enough?  Now that was a real entitlement attitude!
 
Women, in general, want stability and certainty in their family lives.  If she lives without that, then what was the purpose of sacrificing her life in the FSU, where she is a fish in water?
 
I didn't think the 39 year old woman had an entitlement attitude.  She just had an attitude that was not compatible with what calmissile wanted in a wife.  There are many men who would be happy to have a stay at home wife taking care of their home, cooking their meals, mending their clothes, cutting the lawn, etc., etc.  It is not "entitlement", it is having common desires and goals.

I agree that it (true love) is not very common, yet I believe few men consciously set out seeking just a set of tits and a handful of booty for the mother of their children and partner in life. Whether they are being honest with themselves or not is a different matter entirely. This is pretty well borne out by the complaints of those 6's, 7's and 8's who despair that they will find a man who either wants more than quick roll before meeting the more attractive gals or simply ignores them altogether.

We'll have to agree to disagree on whether this woman is an exception simply not in agreement with Cal's expectations. She knew the age gap, she professed to have read his profile, they were conversing about joint future plans and this attitude finally saw the light of day. If it (the question of entitlement) hadn't occurred a thousand other times and we had not heard these comments from multiple FSUW, I might agree with you but....where there is smoke, there is at least a tiny little bit of fire. From the number of times this topic has come up, it's reminiscent of the Russian wildfires a couple of years ago.

[Gator]

  Holy over-cooked fettucine Batman! Where did the butt stopped and the legs began? Does that really happen when we, men, get to our pension age? Dang, does Medicare cover butt-lifts?

The ass will melt away if not used.   There are some simple exercises to keep it up.....the ass that is.     Don't plan on wearing your trousers low as in the home boy look.

[Vasilisa]

    Bitter much? It has always been clear to me that trying to convince someone who believes the earth is flat is a waste of my time and effort. There are many women I have talk with both in the FSU and the USA that do not share your flat earth perspective.

Come on, it was a joke with truth in it.
there is nothing wrong with your desire to have an equal partner, the only thing I can't understand is why to look in Russia, in my opinion the US has a larger amount of women who share your point of view

As I mentioned before in other threads a lot of RW work a lot and support their children and even husbands financially but not because they want to, because they have to. Some of them has a desire to stop being a working horse and wants to feel a weak lady, so they are looking for their prince overseas. It's their right.

Another thing I can't understand is why so many modern women are blamed for their desire to be housewives, that was a womens' role for ages, then there was a feminists' movement and what many countries have now is the inheritage of the past. Modern women have nothing to do with it, they were born after that and they have to live in this society. Blaming them for their desire to be housewives and stay at home moms saying it's not fashionable  is like blaming this particular 20 year old American for what his country did in Vietnam many years ago, he has nothing to do with it, he was born after the war. Who said that being a housewife and raising kids  is easier than being an accountant or a pharmacist, it has nothing to do with laziness as well. Each situation is different.
 But again, why to look in Russia? Why not Scandinavian countries or Germany for example?

[onlyFSU4me]

 
I didn't think the 39 year old woman had an entitlement attitude.  She just had an attitude that was not compatible with what calmissile wanted in a wife.  There are many men who would be happy to have a stay at home wife taking care of their home, cooking their meals, mending their clothes, cutting the lawn, etc., etc.  It is not "entitlement", it is having common desires and goals.
   

 I agree with you that she doesn't have an entitlement attitude... more like a "gold digger looking for a sucker" attitude!
 Think about it, this 39 year old woman is the one who initiated first contact with Calmissle, a man about 30 years older than she was. That is suspect in the first place. (I dont know why so much emphasis is being put on the fact that Calmissle was talking to a woman her age when she was the one who contacted him first!) Then she says she doesn't want to work AND expects him to pay for her childrens college education when they come with her to the US. Who in their right mind would be compatible with a woman like this???
           

  Seriously, even if a guy was 45 or 50 do you really think she has a chance of finding someone who would agree to this? Is 100,000-200,000 in college fees a reasonable thing to ask a guy to pay for in return for being a stay at home wife? Look at how many college students here at home have to pay there way with no help from their parents. It was made clear to me once I finished high school that I was on my own. In my opinion that is way too much for a woman to expect a guy to commit to. If he offers to do it that is different, but to expect him to do it is ridiculous! I'd run as fast as I can from this woman!

[Vasilisa]

 

 

   Holy over-cooked fettucine Batman! Where did the butt stopped and the legs began? Does that really happen when we, men, get to our pension age? Dang, does Medicare cover butt-lifts?

I am trying to guess the number of older guys on the forum who are looking at their butts now.

[pitbull]

 

   

       Holy over-cooked fettucine Batman! Where did the butt stopped and the legs began? Does that really happen when we, men, get to our pension age? Dang, does Medicare cover butt-lifts?

Luckily I haven't seen one of those with my own eyes, but I've heard that the saggy old b...ls are a much more horrible picture than just the saggy old butt. I guess the show producers were somewhat constrained in what they could show 

[mies]

Yeah, funny isn't it?!?   

do you find the death of Dekabrists' wives funny? 

[OlgaH]

We'll have to agree to disagree on whether this woman is an exception simply not in agreement with Cal's expectations. She knew the age gap, she professed to have read his profile, they were conversing about joint future plans and this attitude finally saw the light of day.

If the woman was honest at the beginning with her desire to find a man who would accommodate her and her children financially so she would not need to work and could be just a housekeeper and stay home mom for her two teens, or better if she was honest about it in her profile, most likely the OP would not get engaged himself into communication with the woman at all  and we would not have this discussion. 

[Boethius]

I agree that it (true love) is not very common, yet I believe few men consciously set out seeking just a set of tits and a handful of booty for the mother of their children and partner in life. Whether they are being honest with themselves or not is a different matter entirely. This is pretty well borne out by the complaints of those 6's, 7's and 8's who despair that they will find a man who either wants more than quick roll before meeting the more attractive gals or simply ignores them altogether.

Yet many require an interpreter to even speak to the women they pursue.  What are they really looking for in chasing women with whom they cannot even carry on a conversation?  How can one learn if a potential mate has compatible life goals if one cannot even converse with them normally?

We'll have to agree to disagree on whether this woman is an exception simply not in agreement with Cal's expectations. She knew the age gap, she professed to have read his profile, they were conversing about joint future plans and this attitude finally saw the light of day. If it (the question of entitlement) hadn't occurred a thousand other times and we had not heard these comments from multiple FSUW, I might agree with you but....where there is smoke, there is at least a tiny little bit of fire. From the number of times this topic has come up, it's reminiscent of the Russian wildfires a couple of years ago.

I think we disagree fundamentally on whether her particular attitude is "entitlement".

[Boethius]

 I agree with you that she doesn't have an entitlement attitude... more like a "gold digger looking for a sucker" attitude!
 Think about it, this 39 year old woman is the one who initiated first contact with Calmissle, a man about 30 years older than she was. That is suspect in the first place. (I dont know why so much emphasis is being put on the fact that Calmissle was talking to a woman her age when she was the one who contacted him first!) Then she says she doesn't want to work AND expects him to pay for her childrens college education when they come with her to the US. Who in their right mind would be compatible with a woman like this???

Why do you assume she is a golddigger?  Because she wants to be a housewife?  Is there something wrong with that?  Education in Ukraine is practically free.  Why do you assume she would know what education costs in the US (and BTW, a perfectly good education can be obtained for far less than $100,000 or $200,000)?

Since many forty something WM are looking for women who are much younger, or women of their age with grown children, how many options does she really have?  She has expanded the parameters of what is acceptable in age gaps to adjust to the market.
           

Seriously, even if a guy was 45 or 50 do you really think she has a chance of finding someone who would agree to this?

Being unrealistic is not a sin, nor does it default to "golddigger".

Is 100,000-200,000 in college fees a reasonable thing to ask a guy to pay for in return for being a stay at home wife? Look at how many college students here at home have to pay there way with no help from their parents. It was made clear to me once I finished high school that I was on my own. In my opinion that is way too much for a woman to expect a guy to commit to. If he offers to do it that is different, but to expect him to do it is ridiculous! I'd run as fast as I can from this woman!

From her side, she could say is it unreasonable, for a loyal wife, to be treated as second class because she is foreign born? 

I don't think it is too much to ask, as long as it is all laid out early, and it was.  A true golddigger with nefarious purposes would not have been so open.

[OlgaH]

 I disagree.  Look at it from a FSUW's perspective.  She is leaving everything to build a future with, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger.  She leaves behind family and all that is familiar to move to a land where she is a foreigner, in a vulnerable position and usually economically disadvantaged.   You recall a poster here complaining that his wife was not "grateful" enough?  Now that was a real entitlement attitude!
 

Boethius,

I think, it is all about being honest not only with yourself but with your future partner too. If a FSUW was deceived by a foreign man I can understand your position. But I also think that a FSUW should bear not less responsibility for her actions when she decides to change her life of her own free will.

[ECOCKS]

Yet many require an interpreter to even speak to the women they pursue.  What are they really looking for in chasing women with whom they cannot even carry on a conversation?  How can one learn if a potential mate has compatible life goals if one cannot even converse with them normally?

I think we disagree fundamentally on whether her particular attitude is "entitlement".

Oh, I completely agree that they think they are looking for it but are fundamentally unarmed in the fight for true love in the FSU.

In fact, I'd hazard that even if the full implications of what V, PB and others are saying were fully understood and accepted there would be some other equally absurd rationalization as to why western guys were searching for women in the FSU.

They used to claim they were more mature, it was culturally acceptable to marry older men and other such ridiculous hogwash, thankfully that died away in the last year or so.

Entitlement, tradition, culture, call it what you will but, as Dave said, FSUW don't really seem to buy into that whole "in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth...til death us do part" thing.