Keep her or leave her?

[Badabing]

I have been communicating by email with Katya from Belarus for almost 4 months now. The problem I have is that I can barely understand her emails. It seems she is translating into English what she writes in Russian through an electronic/online translator. After reading her messages, some of the sentences donīt make sense at all. Overall I do get the context of her message but it is hard for me to find anything new or exciting in what she writes. Itīs always the same Ļlook forward to meet with you in personĻand Ļletīs be sincere about each otherĻ...I just donīt find any passion in what she writes. Something is missing... All she writes about is going to visit her grandparents at theĄr village on weekends...and hating to go back to work on Mondays.  She doesnīt ask any questions about my life or how is it where I live or anything like that   If for some reason I donīt write or reply to her email, she will not take the initiative to email me again or write something on her own.

I have tried to call her several times and my call ends up in her voice mail. In 4 months I havenīt had the chance to talk to her once! I asked her once to videochat on Skype and she said she doesnīt have a computer at home. I can tell she has a feisty personality (which I like) because she told me she didnīt want to go to an Internet Cafe, where all the teenagers hang out, to use Skype and let the whole town find out she is looking for a husband on the Internet 

I told her I was coming to see her by the end of June. She said she will take me to her hometown and introduce me to all her friends and family...yet she will not videochat through Skype with me first. I donīt even know how good her English is or if I will have problems communicating with her. Iīm dubious about the trip. I donīt have a plan B. Sheīs really the only girl I have been writing to in months, but Iīm confused. Iīm not sure if I should go to visit her without ever talking to her on the phone ! Am I weighing all on the negative here or being to pessimistic ? Any feedback is welcome.

[Hammer2722]

Seeems to me that if this lady was serious about trying to establish a relationship with you, she would be making more of an effort. Your already planning to go and see her? I would have dropped her for lack of interest on her part. Remember the phrase: "you will know when an FSU woman is interested in you" This lady does not seem all that interested if she isn't even wanting to know anything about you or your life.

[BC]

First,

welcome Badabing!

Of all, the most valuable asset needed is patience..

Second don't loose perspective - and at the moment she is not yours, either to keep or leave..

You are just pen pals.. nothing more, nothing less.  That will only change when you meet face to face if it gets that far.  She seems to realize this.. so should you.

That given, first reflect a bit and posture accordingly.

Women neither here or there just plop in your lap so forget any expectations on either side.

It's way to early to draw a line in the sand.

Obviously she is not using an interpreter.. that might be a good sign.. maybe stick with email and see where it goes.

What common interests do you two have? 

[Faux Pas]

Several points you raised also raises some flags. Too many things point to fat Yuri. You are not going to find much in the way of impassioned emails with a women that doesn't speak your language. That should the least of your concerns. More concerning is the fact you haven't spoken to her on Skype or phone. Avoiding your direct questions, the going straight to voice mail thing and poor excuse for not skyping reeks of nefarious intentions and at best an insincere women and worst you are getting played for a scam.

To many things just don't add up here IMO. If she was sincere and truthful, she would not have gone 4 months without numerous phone calls or a Skype session or two.

There is no relationship here Badabing. As BC stated, you don't have her to drop but, I would recommend if you continue to communicate that you be very measured.

Good Luck

[Badabing]

This lady does not seem all that interested if she isn't even wanting to know anything about you or your life.

Good point Hammer, but I think I probably presented this in a more emotional than factual way. She does show some interest because she has to go to an ĻInternet ClubĻ where she rents a computer to write to me. And we do exchange 3 or 4 messages each week. So, there is an effort from her side to keep the communication going on. The problem is the content of her emails...theyīre like dull and monotonous. Maybe a conversation in person will be different but I donīt want to put myself in the position of having to go there to find out.

[Gylden]

Badabing,
 
I would keep looking if I were you. You obviously have some doubt.
IMO you will know when it feels right to you.
 
Of course take my comments with a grain of salt, as you yourself are the best judge.

[Badabing]

You are just pen pals.. nothing more, nothing less. 

What common interests do you two have?

Thank you BC. Youīve made me look at this from another angle which is exactly what I was looking for.

Our common interests are very basic...finding a life partner and being happy. I understand she lives in a different world and culture which Iīm sure will make it difficult for her to adapt to the western world. She talks about planting vegetables at her granparents backyard, being a good cook and going to church from being very religious...a few things Iīm not. I guess the whole point here is I will only know for sure if she is the right girl in a face to face conversation...as you said, if it ever gets that far.

[Badabing]

You are not going to find much in the way of impassioned emails with a women that doesn't speak your language. That should [be] the least of your concerns. More concerning is the fact you haven't spoken to her on Skype or phone. Avoiding your direct questions, the going straight to voice mail thing and poor excuse for not skyping reeks of nefarious intentions and at best an insincere women and worst you are getting played for a scam.

To many things just don't add up here IMO. If she was sincere and truthful, she would not have gone 4 months without numerous phone calls or a Skype session or two.

There is no relationship here Badabing. As BC stated, you don't have her to drop but, I would recommend if you continue to communicate that you be very measured.

Good Luck

Thank you for your reply Faux Pas. I really doubt she is a scammer but you are right. My main concern is her resistance to have a phone conversation or a Skype session. It puzzles me and simply doesn't add up in my mind.

[Faux Pas]

Thank you BC. Youīve made me look at this from another angle which is exactly what I was looking for.

Our common interests are very basic...finding a life partner and being happy. I understand she lives in a different world and culture which Iīm sure will make it difficult for her to adapt to the western world. She talks about planting vegetables at her granparents backyard, being a good cook and going to church from being very religious...a few things Iīm not. I guess the whole point here is I will only know for sure if she is the right girl in a face to face conversation...as you said, if it ever gets that far.

You really should do some serious Google on this woman and the letters she's writing. You might be surprised. Something is not right my friend

[ECOCKS]

Move on.

She isn't that serious.

[Faux Pas]

Thank you for your reply Faux Pas. I really doubt she is a scammer but you are right. My main concern is her resistance to have a phone conversation or a Skype session. It puzzles me and simply doesn't add up in my mind.

It's not my intention to pooh pooh on your situation here Bada but, keep this in mind. If she was real, sincere or interested, she would have dropped you by now because you haven't spoken or made enough/serious effort to speak on the phone or Skype. The old adage that if it looks, feels and tastes like shit, it's probably shit

[newjason]

I have been communicating by email with Katya from Belarus for almost 4 months now. The problem I have is that I can barely understand her emails. It seems she is translating into English what she writes in Russian through an electronic/online translator. After reading her messages, some of the sentences donīt make sense at all. Overall I do get the context of her message but it is hard for me to find anything new or exciting in what she writes. Itīs always the same Ļlook forward to meet with you in personĻand Ļletīs be sincere about each otherĻ...I just donīt find any passion in what she writes. Something is missing... All she writes about is going to visit her grandparents at theĄr village on weekends...and hating to go back to work on Mondays.  She doesnīt ask any questions about my life or how is it where I live or anything like that   If for some reason I donīt write or reply to her email, she will not take the initiative to email me again or write something on her own.

I have tried to call her several times and my call ends up in her voice mail. In 4 months I havenīt had the chance to talk to her once! I asked her once to videochat on Skype and she said she doesnīt have a computer at home. I can tell she has a feisty personality (which I like) because she told me she didnīt want to go to an Internet Cafe, where all the teenagers hang out, to use Skype and let the whole town find out she is looking for a husband on the Internet 

I told her I was coming to see her by the end of June. She said she will take me to her hometown and introduce me to all her friends and family...yet she will not videochat through Skype with me first. I donīt even know how good her English is or if I will have problems communicating with her. Iīm dubious about the trip. I donīt have a plan B. Sheīs really the only girl I have been writing to in months, but Iīm confused. Iīm not sure if I should go to visit her without ever talking to her on the phone ! Am I weighing all on the negative here or being to pessimistic ? Any feedback is welcome.

Hi Badabing

Your questions are fair.

This to me seems very much like you are writing letters to someone who is not interested in YOU.

To sum it up for you,  If I PM you and tell you I am a  hot girl, would you come to visit me based on what  I type to you in my messages?


I think you already know the answers to your questions 

Badaboom

[Hammer2722]

Why go to the trouble of traveling thousands of miles to confirm that she really isn't into you. There are so many other women that can speak English and are willing to chat on Skype. Why are you making this venture so hard for yourself. Move on and find one that is interested and does capture your interest as well. It is because you were hooked by a photo?

[Vasilisa]

My main concern is her resistance to have a phone conversation. It puzzles me and simply doesn't add up in my mind.

OK, Badabing, would you pick up the phone if I called you to speak Russian?!

What puzzles me is why would you wish to meet the girl who you are unable to communicate with?

She is not necesserily a scammer, she may be ashamed of her poor English, not to believe in all this online dating thing and you are the first man she is writing to, and be too old fashioned (don't call to the man first, if he is interested he will call or write) and  shy. Also , you say "if I don't answer her she doesn't write to ask", I can't understand why wouldn't you answer her ? And how much time do you give her to ask about what happened?

[Muzh]

Yo Badabing, 
 
Have you considered asking her to write you a letter in Russian and then you can have it translated here? See if there is anything in there for you?

[JP5380]

Hi Badabing- take the advice of the other members here.  Something is definitely not right.  There are far too many red flags here.

I have always used Skype as a "first line of defense."  In my experience, most women who are sincere will meet with you in Skype.  At least, within the first few weeks of correspondence.  I would never get on a plane and meet someone I have never seen on Skype.  Just seems far too risky.

There are some good ones out there, but it is your job to find them.  Just be patient and don't forget to "think with your big head."

Good luck.

[Vasilisa]

Seriously, guys, when I met my future husband I wrote good English but I was out of speaking practice and I was trying  to avoid phone conversations as I was afraid that I would not be able to support a nice conversation or understand him and he would be dissapointed and run away. 

Also that would be a good idea to discuss the time of a phone call and not just call when it's convenient for you, by the way, do you know ther is  time difference?

Why don't you just write a note to her(in a polite way) and share your concerns about coming to a different country to meet the girl you haven't even been able to hear or know for sure what she looks like. If she is interested in you and just being shy she would understand you.

[GQBlues]

I think the difficult component in these types of instances aren't so much keyed as to whether or not the gal is interested, whether she's real, whether she shampoos her hair twice a week, or whether she's feeling fresh all day long..

More times than not, the problem lies in men. The most difficult component is recognizing and accepting what they are.

Why would you plan a trip to visit a woman you have yet a good reason to do so. Why would you pursue a woman, who after 4 months of emailing each other, you literally still haven't any degree of certainly of understanding her ~ *having an idea* hardly justifies the pending action you're about to do. Why would any man want to be with a woman who feels 'embarrassment' in her effort to communicate with her potential 'husband'. For any person, man or woman, who have any feeling of embarrassment for the process should NOT be IN the process. What does this say about 'YOU'?

[Faux Pas]

Seriously, guys, when I met my future husband I wrote good English but I was out of speaking practice and I was trying  to avoid phone conversations as I was afraid that I would not be able to support a nice conversation or understand him and he would be dissapointed and run away. 

Also that would be a good idea to discuss the time of a phone call and not just call when it's convenient for you, by the way, do you know ther is  time difference?

Why don't you just write a note to her(in a polite way) and share your concerns about coming to a different country to meet the girl you haven't even been able to hear or know for sure what she looks like. If she is interested in you and just being shy she would understand you.

Okay, so how long after your first communication until you felt comfortable enough to Skype or phone? 4 months? Would you seriously have waited for 4 months or more before some sort of interacting communication?

If that were the only flag raised by Badabing's story, it would be understandable but, coupled with the others, it really reeks of a scammer and not a very good one.

[Kuna]

Here is the truth....

OK, Badabing, would you pick up the phone if I called you to speak Russian?!

What puzzles me is why would you wish to meet the girl who you are unable to communicate with?

She is not necesserily a scammer, she may be ashamed of her poor English, not to believe in all this online dating thing and you are the first man she is writing to, and be too old fashioned (don't call to the man first, if he is interested he will call or write) and  shy. Also , you say "if I don't answer her she doesn't write to ask", I can't understand why wouldn't you answer her ? And how much time do you give her to ask about what happened?

... and here's the only decent idea in this thread so far:

Yo Badabing, 
 
Have you considered asking her to write you a letter in Russian and then you can have it translated here? See if there is anything in there for you?

I think the lady is not stroking the OP's ego enough or asking the right questions IN ENGLISH so Muzh's suggestion is one way to find out FOR SURE if she's interested or interesting.

I'm not trying to talk the OP into a relationship but he chose to correspond with someone who has poor English so he should be expecting anyway to at least wear some of the burden of translation.

[Vasilisa]

Well, I am not sure I would be impressed if my personal letter would be posted on a public forum.
My advice would be to persuade her to have a skype video call at least to wave to each other and go from there.

[Gylden]

I'd have a tendency to agree with you Kuna, but it sounded as if he has tried to pursued her to skype or answer the telephone with no luck.
 
Communication is alpha omega and if there is such a language/communications barrier at this stage IMO better to throw in the towel.
 
However as I said earlier all the advice from us armchair quarterbacks have to be taken with a grain of salt, he is obviously the best one to make the decision.
 
Our job is to spark different angles right?

[Muzh]

Well, I am not sure I would be impressed if my personal letter would be posted on a public forum.

That would be very tacky, so no, I did not suggested that. 
 
He can find a very competent translator and keep it personal.

[tfcrew]

Move on.

She isn't that serious.

+ 1
Move on to Ukraine.

[ECOCKS]

+ 1
Move on to Ukraine.

While I still think Ukraine is a better pond to fish from in this endeavor, things like this can happen there as well.

You read the Commandments, comb through the forums, ask for advice, filter the response and then you switch on your own Spidey-sense and tweak it as you go.

Several of us seem to think the odds are pretty apparent. While she may well be some demure little Russian wildflower, she's not playing the game effectively if she isn't willing to communicate after dancing around the floor for four months.

The OP wanted some opinions, he got them.