How and where to find the AM who would like to live in Russia (or Europe)

[LiveFromUkraine]

I did not reply to this question. Unless the guy works for an American company and can do all his from Russia (likely some kind of computing work), the answer is pretty much nothing. Other than teaching English or working as an expat for an international company in Russia, there really isn't much of a need for Americans employees who likely wouldn't speak any Russian...

Agreed, there are many people who work remotely for American companies which would allow them to work from anywhere.  Many people have also created their own income sources using the internet for all marketing and distribution.  I have done something similar with software.

[FredC]

I know that before I married my wife I considered what I would do if she hated it after she was here. I decided that I would be willing to relocate to Russia if that were possible. I figured that I would be willing to do the same thing that I was asking her to do for me.

[Misha]

I decided that I would be willing to relocate to Russia if that were possible. I figured that I would be willing to do the same thing that I was asking her to do for me.

The difference is as follows for most men and women: if my wife does not find a job that she likes, I have no objection to her staying at home or studying or pursuing other interests. Would most women be satisfied if they moved to Russia, they worked and the husband would stay at home not working? I would wager that few women would agree to this...

[GQBlues]

Role reversal and all things relative? I won't be too sure about that. SHE : Generally well to do, late 50s early 60s, eager to wed and support a mid 30+ unemployed study man who seeks his soulmate and loves nature. Heck she may even belong to a message board where they talk about how wonderfully traditional these dudes are.

You never know.

[Anotherkiwi]

Role reversal and all things relative? I won't be too sure about that. SHE : Generally definitely well to do, late 50s 20s early 60s 30s, eager to wed and support a mid 30+ 50s unemployed study man who seeks his soulmate and loves nature. Heck she may even belong to a message board where they talk about how wonderfully traditional these dudes are.

You never know.

That's better! 

[Vasilisa]

Wouldn't it be easier to find a Russian man already living in Russia    Logically, best to move first and then look for a guy.

Mainly because I wouldn't like to have an average  Russian man as a husband.
It's also quite hard to find a decent RM in Russia after you turn 30.

[Vasilisa]

What part of Russia are you going back to?

Seems to me that their "could" be some economic bright spots in the eastern part of the country for a American?

I think i read some were that the government was planing on investing to boost mineral production and such....

I was thinking either Moscow or Nizhny Novgorod, maybe Kazan as i have friends and relatives there. European part.

[Vasilisa]

I suspect that Vasilisa knows that her options of Russian men are going to be very limited.

Exactly. Also, you don't meet a lot of men in the place where I worked in Russia. If I had worked in the place connected with mashinery/oil/gas/engineering/ programming/police/army etc that would have been different but it is the way it is. I could try, should have tried at least 10 years ago though. Would have had a lot more opportunities and variety. Wouldn't have been here then

[Misha]

Wouldn't have been here then

Why don't you stay in the United States? Would be easier I expect than trying to find an American man willing or capable of moving/working in Russia.

[Slumba]

Mainly because I wouldn't like to have an average  Russian man as a husband.
It's also quite hard to find a decent RM in Russia after you turn 30.

Not according to some of the genius Western men, here on this forum. 

Who do you think you are, Vasilisa, contradicting their rich fantasy life 

[Vasilisa]

Why don't you stay in the United States? Would be easier I expect than trying to find an American man willing or capable of moving/working in Russia.

People like me don't make very good immigrants I guess, you need to have a different type of personality (easy-going, not thinking much about the details or moral values, extremely talkative extraverts), no  emotional or physical , financial and other types of connections with the homeland or to hate your native country and everything that is connected with it. That's not me. I came here to have a family, not for a new career start.

I've been trying to get used to life here and I haven't been successful  so far. I also miss my family and friends back there , I enjoy talking with people better there, I understand people better there, and if I work as hard as I do here I will make more money there. If I want to earn more here I need to get another degree and this means getting into debts which I don't like, also I don't like driving a car but I have to, I have to spend a lot more than I spend there,  I don't like the food, people's values, priotities, attitude and behavior. I don't like being a minority and everything that is connected with it, like people's attitude towards me, I don't like answering the same personal questions of  strangers about myself over and over again.

The 2 places where I've felt more or less comfortable are Hohonulu, Hawaii and New York City. The problem is that I simply can't afford living there because of the cost of living.

[Belvis]

Mainly because I wouldn't like to have an average  Russian man as a husband.
It's also quite hard to find a decent RM in Russia after you turn 30.

Yes, an average RM is such a creature who does not live long, irresponsible and incline to cheat given him a chance.  I tend to agree. Though I suspect there is no average RM in the flesh. They represent a wide spectrum with tiny populated area in between the edges.
But weighting odds I have no doubts that it would be easier to find a decent RM than AM who would move to live in Russia. Fortunatly decent RM still exist in quantities that make them not eligible to be listed in Red List of Threatened Species. Usually they are just  shy and not visible  to the naked eye.

[Misha]

But weighting odds I have no doubts that it would be easier to find a decent RM than AM who would move to live in Russia.

I agree.

Fortunatly decent RM still exist in quantities that make them not eligible to be listed in Red List of Threatened Species. Usually they are just  shy and not visible  to the naked eye.

The same could be said of men in Canada, the United States and pretty much anywhere I wager

[Misha]

[size=78%]The 2 places where I've felt more or less comfortable are Hohonulu, Hawaii and New York City. The problem is that I simply can't afford living there because of the cost of living.[/size]

Moscow isn't exactly cheap either unless you have the good fortune of owning an apartment. Large cities invariable involve greater commutes for most to find a place that you can afford.

[Eduard]

Moscow isn't exactly cheap either unless you have the good fortune of owning an apartment. Large cities invariable involve greater commutes for most to find a place that you can afford.

Yes, Moscow prices are similar to Manhattan prices now.

[Gator]

Vasilisa, 
 
You are a smart dyevushka and you know it would be far easier to find a Mr. Right if you stay here.  Very few American men are interested in traveling to Russia much less moving there and starting a family. 

However, if that is your goal, I do have a suggestion for whom it could be and where to find him.  If you can make a decent living in Russia, why must your husband work?   Find and adopt marry a disillusioned intellectual soul who is an unconventional thinker.  He could be an artist or writer or IT creator or musician or anyone who still has dreams but is unable to support his pursuit. 
 
Where to find him?  I doubt he is on Match.com and I doubt he frequents the singles bars.  Finding these people at work is impossible.  If they work it is a menial job hidden among the masses and difficult to spot.  So you must go where they have fun. 
 
You may find them on weekends in artistic gatherings, hidden coffee shops (not Starbucks), vegetarian cafes, vintage clothing stores, used book sales, bong shops, liberal political events, etc.  Study the "What to Do This Weekend" media and select the most esoteric to visit.
 
When you get around these people, you must make the first contact.   Getting them interested could be difficult because they consider most people, especially strangers, to be idiots.   Do not expect them to be impressed simply by your attractive face and slender body.   These people are more about mental attributes rather than physical appearance.  You will fail if you wear fashionable clothes.  These people are not materialistic.  You will need to wear something unsophisticated yet individualistic that makes a statement.  Can a RW actually do such?
It will help if you study the characters in independent films.   
 
I know because I have walked this other world there for brief periods of my life.  But I was too mainstream to stay.  One girlfriend who still makes me smile when I think of her.  These people can be a real joy.
 
Good luck!
 

[ML]

People like me don't make very good immigrants I guess, you need to have a different type of personality (easy-going, not thinking much about the details or moral values, extremely talkative extraverts), no  emotional or physical , financial and other types of connections with the homeland or to hate your native country and everything that is connected with it. That's not me. I came here to have a family, not for a new career start.

I've been trying to get used to life here and I haven't been successful  so far. I also miss my family and friends back there , I enjoy talking with people better there, I understand people better there, and if I work as hard as I do here I will make more money there. If I want to earn more here I need to get another degree and this means getting into debts which I don't like, also I don't like driving a car but I have to, I have to spend a lot more than I spend there,  I don't like the food, people's values, priorities, attitude and behavior. I don't like being a minority and everything that is connected with it, like people's attitude towards me, I don't like answering the same personal questions of  strangers about myself over and over again.

Vasilisa, I don't remember all of your previous postings, but based on what you have written above, I sense that you are suffering from depression related to your previous relationship here in USA.

Yes, not everyone loves it in USA, but most people by far prefer it to the place  they came from.  There is a reason why thousands of people immigrate to USA every year while very few emigrate from USA.

So my limited knowledge of your personal situation, coupled  with the above  suggests to me you could benefit from some sort of counseling or introspection to separate the unhappy or depressing part of your experience in USA from the reality of the good experience you could have here in the future.

Can you step back and look at it with some objectivity?

Best to you in any event.

[Misha]

Find and adopt marry a disillusioned intellectual soul who is an unconventional thinker.

In theory it would work, in practice he will be hanging around cafés all day in Russia and will soon be finding plenty of intellectuals and artistic souls 

[Misha]

ML is making a good point. It seems to me, based on the little I have read, that it is a question of trying to make a difficult decision without accepting the likely consequences. It boils down to this choice IMVHO:


1. Accept that it will be difficult to find a husband or even long-term relationship, but accept this in exchange for an easier career path and relatives close by;
2. Accept that staying in the USA will entail some sacrifices: student loans, living in New Jersey instead of Manhattan, a longer period to establish a career, but a much better chance of finding a suitable life-partners...

[Vasilisa]

  If you can make a decent living in Russia, why must your husband work?   Find and adopt marry a disillusioned intellectual soul who is an unconventional thinker. 

The problem is that I don't want a disillusioned intellectual/gigolo dreaming about something all day long laying on a couch , I want a responsible and reliable man, who will be the head of the family.

[Misha]

The problem is that I don't want a disillusioned intellectual/gigolo dreaming about something all day long laying on a couch , I want a responsible and reliable man, who will be the head of the family.

If you define head of the family as earning a very good salary, then I would say the odds of finding what you seek to be remote at best...

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa, I don't remember all of your previous postings, but based on what you have written above, I sense that you are suffering from depression related to your previous relationship here in USA.

Yes, not everyone loves it in USA, but most people by far prefer it to the place  they came from.  There is a reason why thousands of people immigrate to USA every year while very few emigrate from USA.

ML, thank you for your advice, but I don't belong to those thousands of immigrants, I guess,  I belong to the millions that like it back there, at home. The US is a great country, the problem is in me, it's just not my life style. I enjoy the little details, little pleasures of my every day life back there and I was quite happy there except for the fact that I had difficulties meeting my man working in women's environment and not going to parties/clubs, etc. 

[Vasilisa]

If you define head of the family as earning a very good salary, then I would say the odds of finding what you seek to be remote at best...

I have no idea what you are talking about, I am looking for a modern educated man with traditional family values, I know many  families back there and I know them in the US, I don't know why you are trying to separate them into groups:either a stupid big bucks maker or an intellectual gigolo and see the head of the family as the person who has an enormous salary or something. I am not looking for big bucks, but the man who can provide his wife and children with a decent life level. Yes, this guy should have brains and be educated and have some hobbies other than drinking beer and watching baseball.

[Misha]

I am not looking for big bucks, but the man who can provide his wife and children with a decent life level.

This will be difficult to impossible for an American who doesn't speak Russian, who isn't working as an ex-pat for an international company or who isn't teaching English-as-a-second-language....

[CDW]

Yes, this guy should have brains and be educated and have some hobbies other than drinking beer and watching baseball.

What is wrong with men enjoying watching baseball?

Watching sports make me feel happy and enjoyable.  You cannot expect men to make themselves feel miserable.  You should learn to make men feel happy.   If you cannot make men feel happy, then your relationship will fail.  Learn to accept these men who love watching sports.  They will accept you watching soap, gossip TV shows!

All the men deserve to feel happy as much as women do.