Sad day

[TomT]

Looking forward to seeing your posts in a week then.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15627.msg322616#msg322616


Why limit it to a week?

[LiveFromUkraine]

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=15627.msg322616#msg322616

That is cute you think you warrant being on some ignored list.  I just found it funny you jump for forum to forum putting people down. 

Why limit it to a week?

I gave you the benefit of the doubt. 

[BillyB]

. And you do not possess the knowledge of the true future.

Who does? Who cares? Should we consult with the horoscope or palm reader if it's so important? What I see here is most people want to destroy this marriage and get Aloe paranoid into thinking her husband is no different than the guy who smashes his wife's face in. People are making assumptions that is what Aloe's future is going to be.
 

And most importantly, what are your motivation to criticize her?

Same motivation I have for criticizing her husband. So they recognize their faults and improve their marriage. Can't fix something if they don't understand what's broke.
 

2) silent treatment is also indicative of emotional abuse in the family. If one of the spoeses never participates in the dialogue, and ignores everything the other spouse is saying, how can they ever discuss any important issue? How can they reach a consensus on anything? How can they exchange information?

Hubby knows his limit in arguments and goes silent so it doesn't escalate. It's not abuse, it's smart. Why discuss the topic and exchange information if it's going to get bad results? Important tip. If your husband needs to cool off, don't nag at him endlessly, let him cool off.

These days we can call anything abuse. Look at the definitions of domestic violence here from a prosecuting attorneys office.
 
http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/what.htm
 
As you mentioned, silent treatment is abuse. So is name calling, ridiculing, and making false accusations which has happened to me in this thread. You guys are lucky we aren't living together because I could call 911 and put half this forum in jail for domestic violence. Funny how people who knows how to counsel on domestic violence/abuse does it to those who disagree with their opinions.
 
 
 
 

[LiveFromUkraine]

Who does? Who cares? Should we consult with the horoscope or palm reader if it's so important? What I see here is most people want to destroy this marriage and get Aloe paranoid into thinking her husband is no different than the guy who smashes his wife's face in. People are making assumptions that is what Aloe's future is going to be.
 

BS, no one here is wanting to destroy Aloe's marriage.  She left on her own and even snuck out during the night because she doesn't feel safe.


You are making as many assumptions, if not more, then what you accuse others of.  Who are you to tell her what she should feel?

[BillyB]

BS, no one here is wanting to destroy Aloe's marriage. 

Apparently you have not read some of her threads with posters telling her to divorce the SoB. That is the only advice they've given. Get the facts straight before making emotional outbursts. We've got too much of that already.

[LiveFromUkraine]

Apparently you have not read some of her threads with posters telling her to divorce the SoB. That is the only advice they've given. Get the facts straight before making emotional outbursts. We've got too much of that already.

Just because people call you out, doesn't mean they are having emotional outbursts.  Funny how you claim others are being dis-genuine but you are apparently applying the same technique.


How about you get the facts straight... she doesn't feel safe.  What if's are not facts so maybe you can spare us more. 


Why would someone want to stay in a situation that doesn't feel comfortable or safe for whatever the reason?

[lonedrake]

You guys are lucky we aren't living together

 

 

 






 

[Gylden]

It seems to me you are reading too much into that response.  Part of it may be that you don't feel safe, but it sounds as if your husband approaches the world methodically, perhaps logically? and you, at this point are reacting on emotion.  So, you are speaking different languages, and your communication may not be at an optimum level for resolving things.

IMO this is a brilliant post, worth re-reading

[BillyB]

How about you get the facts straight... she doesn't feel safe. 

You asked her why earlier and she said she feels this way because of the way he handled a door. I feel a little sorry for the door and the apartment owner for having to put up with this. Aloe's feeling is one thing but until her hubby proves himself a wife beater, he's not a wife beater and doesn't belong in jail and that is a fact. Read the DV link I just posted. It's enough to spook anybody out, men included, and claim they were victims of DV in current and past marriages. If all this were enforced, most of the population would be sitting in jail.

[Vaughn]

IMO this is a brilliant post, worth re-reading

I agree with Gylden. To even answer such a loaded question implies the possibility of killing is a real one. My own response to such would be, "What kind of lame question is that?"

[Gylden]

You asked her why earlier and she said she feels this way because of the way he handled a door. I feel a little sorry for the door and the apartment owner for having to put up with this. Aloe's feeling is one thing but until her hubby proves himself a wife beater, he's not a wife beater and doesn't belong in jail and that is a fact. Read the DV link I just posted. It's enough to spook anybody out, men included, and claim they were victims of DV in current and past marriages. If all this were enforced, most of the population would be sitting in jail.

I read the link and didn't see anything spooky.
What spooks you?
 

[LiveFromUkraine]

You asked her why earlier and she said she feels this way because of the way he handled a door. I feel a little sorry for the door and the apartment owner for having to put up with this.

Strange you think it is a joke.  You don't think a guy can dominate a woman using only body language? 

Aloe's feeling is one thing but until her hubby proves himself a wife beater, he's not a wife beater and doesn't belong in jail and that is a fact. Read the DV link I just posted. It's enough to spook anybody out, men included, and claim they were victims of DV in current and past marriages. If all this were enforced, most of the population would be sitting in jail.

I never said the guy was a wife beater.  I said she didn't feel safe and shouldn't stay in a situation where she didn't feel safe. 


She also said he told her he only grabbed and pushed to make it known that he had enough. 


Again, why should someone stay in an environment where the guy will push and grab you when he feels he had enough?  I asked you this before and haven't seen an answer.

[LiveFromUkraine]

I read the link and didn't see anything spooky.
What spooks you?

Some of that stuff is just ridiculous   My mom gives my dad an allowance and according to the website he is being domestically abused.

[Ade]

Strange you think it is a joke.  You don't think a guy can dominate a woman using only body language? 



I never said the guy was a wife beater.  I said she didn't feel safe and shouldn't stay in a situation where she didn't feel safe. 


She also said he told her he only grabbed and pushed to make it known that he had enough. 


Again, why should someone stay in an environment where the guy will push and grab you when he feels he had enough?  I asked you this before and haven't seen an answer.

Billy says these things because he believes pushing, grabbing, throttling, and the intimidation of a spouse is justifiable.

[Gylden]

Some of that stuff is just ridiculous   My mom gives my dad an allowance and according to the website he is being domestically abused.

you either didn't read correctly or didn't understand. Giving an allowance doesn't constitute abuse.

[LiveFromUkraine]

you either didn't read correctly or didn't understand. Giving an allowance doesn't constitute abuse.

Economic Abuse:
Giving her an allowance

My father would probably agree as well.

[Gylden]

"Abuse in a relationship is any act used to gain power and control over another person. Women who are abused physically are often isolated. Their partners tend to control their lives to a great extent as well as verbally degrade them. Listed below are some of the warning signs of domestic abuse. Look to see if there are multiple warning signs that are occurring in your life.
 
Disagreements develop from time to time in relationships. Domestic violence is not a disagreement. It is a whole pattern of behaviors used by one partner to establish and maintain power and control over the other. These behaviors can become more frequent and intense over time. "
 
clouds can be a warning sign that it will rain, but it doesn't mean it rains everytime there are clouds.
 
There can be many reasons why giving an allowance is not abuse and on it's own doesn't constitue abuse and the web site doesn't indicate that either.
 

[LiveFromUkraine]

clouds can be a warning sign that it will rain, but it doesn't mean it rains everytime there are clouds.
 
There can be many reasons why giving an allowance is not abuse and on it's own doesn't constitue abuse and the web site doesn't indicate that either.

I believe that was Billy's point, or it should have been. 

[Gylden]

I believe that was Billy's point, or it should have been.

So the question still is what is spooky on the web site Billy posted?

By the way, you do understand abuse can work both ways, yes?
 

[LiveFromUkraine]

So the question still is what is spooky on the web site Billy posted?

I thought it was obvious.

USING INTIMIDATION
Displaying weapons

Look at Billy's avatar.   

By the way, you do understand abuse can work both ways, yes?

Absolutely.  I think some people would be surprised at the percentage of women being the abuser.

[Welder]

Hubby says he can't guarantee that he will never call me names again. And that grabbing and pushing me in anger is his way of showing that he's had enough. I think i'll take him to my psychologist after i've gotten well acquainted with her.

Why wait Aloe?  Problems in your marriage will not go away on their own.  Stop playing arm chair psychologist reading articles and such and make him go with you.  If he will not go with you then you are fixing a relationship on your own.  It will not work.
The positive side of going back and being unhappy after 4 days is that you now know this.  If you had not returned you would be second guessing yourself.   There is a positive side to everything.

[die_cast]

But anyway, i came here to tell that it's day 4 since i returned and i already regret that i did. I just dont feel happy here. All these things have worn me down, i don't think there are any feelings left

Алой, я ж тебе говорила, сиди в отеле, пусть он к тебе ходит. 

[LAman]

.
And to answer someone upthread, no he didn't see me leave. I waited until he was asleep and snuck out as quiet as i could because i feared for my safety.

 
But anyway, i came here to tell that it's day 4 since i returned and i already regret that i did. I just dont feel happy here. All these things have worn me down, i don't think there are any feelings left

Dear...you came back for all the wrong reasons, partly to please your mother. In your mind you already are convinced it is a lost cause, that is what you had decided during your stay at the hotel.
Just remember......you deserve to love and be loved and there many, many out there that would love to meet your acquaintance if that is what you choose to do. I pray for you to have strength to decide what is best for you!!

[mies]

You asked her why earlier and she said she feels this way because of the way he handled a door. I feel a little sorry for the door and the apartment owner for having to put up with this. Aloe's feeling is one thing but until her hubby proves himself a wife beater, he's not a wife beater and doesn't belong in jail and that is a fact. Read the DV link I just posted. It's enough to spook anybody out, men included, and claim they were victims of DV in current and past marriages. If all this were enforced, most of the population would be sitting in jail.

would you be in jail if all this were enforced? (just curious)

[mies]

you either didn't read correctly or didn't understand. Giving an allowance doesn't constitute abuse.

according to the web site, it does, when the financial decisions in the family are made by one person solely, their spouse does not have access to family finances, and has to either ask for money, or receive allowance upon the discretion of the dominating partner.

LFU, if your father doesn't have access to family accounts (including the savings or retirement plan), is not allowed to participate in family decisions, and your mother decides on the amount of allowance she would give him - then this is an economic abuse of the spouse.