Sad day

[Vasilisa]

Aloe, may I ask how old you are?

[Muzh]

 
What I am really curious about is your opinion on this statement I made: "I also humbly submit on this one point, that American Women are much more forgiving."
 
Agree or disagree?
 
GOB

Oh boy, that's a hard one. My experience will definitely differ from some one else so it is a toss up.


Me generalizing?


Still cannot give you a direct answer.


Personally?


The Russian woman.

[Muzh]

i will tell you exactly when and why.. When he got in the habit of saying "vacuum or divorce", and "tan or divroce". He also took me by the collar and shook me then, also pushed in those times. Thats when and why.
Do  you seriously honestly think that i, marrying a person who i knew was unemployed for years beforehand, living with his mother, and only recently had found a job for 1200 euro a month, do you honestly think that i expected a mansion and a yacht?? Srsly..

Aloe, of course not I didn't expected you to ask for a mansion and a yacht. Sorry, I was listening to my son watching this on TV





and somehow thought it would fit into the argument. I guess not. Sorry.


Point is, you have made so many statements along the lines that your husband will never be able to fulfill your fantasy. Nothing wrong with having a fantasy, however, we need to know our limits. If not, it may skew our version of reality.


And this is what I'm trying to advise you.


I'm not here to insult you nor put you down. I'm trying to reason with you for you to look at the big picture.

[GQBlues]

Dunno. Aside from the physical abuse part of the marriage, I think Aloe's marriage is a girlfriend away (not necessarily a Russian) from this marriage having a better chance of succeeding.
 
Beyond the abuse, and not taking the female's side for granted - it aint easy being everything, everytime, everyday for anyone 24/7 beyond being a good husband.

[GQBlues]

...
No indictment against my marriage or disrespect meant to my beautiful wife Marina, BUT  there are so many divorced/single FSU ladies here where I live, that if I knew back in 04' what I know now, I would have started dating locally here in Sunny Isles Beach and probably married locally.
 
After all, this place is only 51 miles from where I used to live.
A hell of a lot closer than Omsk. For sure!  ....

I've long held the merit of marrying someone 'local' instead. Strongly so with a woman who is accustomed to your own society and culture. For those with slavic persuasion, there's a plenty of those already here too and very likely well-adjusted.
 
Caveat is, you better be in-line with the local competitors, otherwise you're surfing the MOB and likely soon will be bringing home Forrest Gump's box of chocolate.
 
That goes for the women, too.

[ML]

What I am really curious about is your opinion on this statement I made: "I also humbly submit on this one point, that American Women are much more forgiving."   Agree or disagree?

How about we have a dichotomy here:

1. Which is more accepting?
2. Which is more forgiving?

I will go way out a limb here and say that FSUW are more accepting of a man's failings and indiscretions than are AW.

And, out on a different limb, I will say that AW are more forgiving.

However, we never really know how forgiving the woman is . . . until we either wake up or not, after she has given us something to eat or some medicine to take.

[Boethius]

I will go way out a limb here and say that FSUW are more accepting of a man's failings and indiscretions than are AW.

FSUW generally have fewer options than do AW, which may be why that's the case.
 

[ML]

FSUW generally have fewer options than do AW, which may be why that's the case.

That is exactly my feelings and thoughts also.

[Aloe]

Aloe, of course not I didn't expected you to ask for a mansion and a yacht. Sorry, I was listening to my son watching this on TV



and somehow thought it would fit into the argument. I guess not. Sorry.


Point is, you have made so many statements along the lines that your husband will never be able to fulfill your fantasy. Nothing wrong with having a fantasy, however, we need to know our limits. If not, it may skew our version of reality.


And this is what I'm trying to advise you.


I'm not here to insult you nor put you down. I'm trying to reason with you for you to look at the big picture.

I think i'm coming up with unfulfillable fantasies because i'm unsatisfied with hubby, so looking for many excuses
Im 25 Vasilisa

[Ooooops]

That stupid "Galatea" idea!   Unfortunately you can't carve out a perfect mate out of imperfect one.   People rarely change and it's silly to expect them to do so on our whim.   Been there, done that.     

[Boethius]

Everyone is imperfect.

[Ooooops]

Everyone is imperfect.

Yes, but the ideal thing to find somebody who's imperfection will easily fit with yours like a jigsaw puzzle and not try to chisel them into fitting with chain saw.   

[ML]

Everyone is imperfect.

That's not what my Mother says about me.   

[Ooooops]

That's not what my Mother says about me.   

Greatness skips a generation...   

[Shadow]

That stupid "Galatea" idea!   Unfortunately you can't carve out a perfect mate out of imperfect one.   People rarely change and it's silly to expect them to do so on our whim.   Been there, done that.     

There is an old saying that women marry a man hoping he will change, while men marry a woman hoping she will not.
Both ideas equally fail.

[Ooooops]

There is an old saying that women marry a man hoping he will change, while men marry a woman hoping she will not.
Both ideas equally fail.

Very sad saying - women undermarry and guys are shallow...   

[BillyB]

People rarely change and it's silly to expect them to do so on our whim.     

Actually we all change, especially when we're young, but it's at our own pace, not somebody elses.


Aloe and her husband played video games when they met. Aloe wanted her husband to grow into a man and her husband wanted her to grow into a woman thinking this will happen right after they marry. Both are young and failing at their duties in marriage so they lose respect for each other and the "divorce" word is used more and more often.


Aloe is growing and her wants and desires are changing. She needs a man more mature, more responsible, more financially stable, and hugs the wife more than the computer. If anybody is still confused why RW accept larger age gaps than their western sisters, Aloe's experiences are the main reason. Young men provide more drama and RW aren't as accepting to BS.


If Aloe remarries again someday to an man who is established and has his act together, she needs to make changes about herself to keep the marriage healthy and strong. If she lets the house go to hell, don't feed the family, and continues to be unmotivated expecting someone else to motivate her, she will be in another unhappy marriage.

How about we have a dichotomy here:

1. Which is more accepting?
2. Which is more forgiving?

I will go way out a limb here and say that FSUW are more accepting of a man's failings and indiscretions than are AW.

And, out on a different limb, I will say that AW are more forgiving.

Russian and Ukrainian women divorce their husbands at a higher percentage than American women do. If a man has issues, it's best he stick with American women if he wants a better chance at success. If he has his act together and gain the respect of a RW, she can make a wonderful wife.


If we have to ask your questions if our spouses are accepting or forgiving of our failing and indiscretions, then we got problems that should be fixed before the spouse finds out.

[ML]

Russian and Ukrainian women divorce their husbands at a higher percentage than American women do. If a man has issues, it's best he stick with American women if he wants a better chance at success.

I don't know the actual statistics; but from what I heard from several FSUW, you are incorrect.

According to these FSUW, the FSUM more often initiates leaving the marriage.

And I know in USA, it is the women who more often initiate the breakup.  The FSUW knew that also.

So they often asked me . . . what is wrong with AM that their wives so often want to divorce them.

I discussed this with Ochka also some time back.  She thought over her female aquaintances who were divorced and realized that of ten she knew of . . . only two were initiated by the women.  In the 8 other cases the men had simply left.

Most often, the men left for a younger woman.

When the woman initiated the breakup, it was because the man was not working or making an attempt to find work, or had drinking problem.

Again, I don't have statistics on this idea of who most often initiates breakup in FSU; perhaps others here do.

In USA, the statistics are readily available that show women most often initiate the breakup.

[Faux Pas]

Russian and Ukrainian women divorce their husbands at a higher percentage than American women do. If a man has issues, it's best he stick with American women if he wants a better chance at success. If he has his act together and gain the respect of a RW, she can make a wonderful wife.

Care to back that up? I didn't think so. 

[OlgaH]

According to these FSUW, the FSUM more often initiates leaving the marriage.

According to the Russian social studies  women are initiators of divorce more often then men especially in young age, but closer to 50 and after men start to show initiative.

[Boethius]

Beyond the abuse, and not taking the female's side for granted - it aint easy being everything, everytime, everyday for anyone 24/7 beyond being a good husband.

I missed this post initially.  This is an excellent point that seems to have been overlooked. 

[Vasilisa]

I think i'm coming up with unfulfillable fantasies because i'm unsatisfied with hubby, so looking for many excuses
Im 25 Vasilisa

Move on...

[LAman]

 Beyond the abuse, and not taking the female's side for granted - it aint easy being everything, everytime, everyday for anyone 24/7 beyond being a good husband.

I missed this post initially.  This is an excellent point that seems to have been overlooked.

I didn't overlook it.....
I don't think Aloe was looking for perfection...or a 24/7 hubby.....just someone that showed some caring,
someone that showed some love........more often.......daily would be nice!!!! Is that too much to ask for???? Not for the women I would  love!!!!

[Boethius]

We don't know that he didn't show caring, or he didn't show love.   I think going to work everyday to support not only himself, but her, is showing love.


All we know is that, according to Aloe, she has been unhappy in her marriage for some time.  They are equally to blame for that.

[LAman]

We don't know that he didn't show caring, or he didn't show love.   I think going to work everyday to support not only himself, but her, is showing love.


All we know is that, according to Aloe, she has been unhappy in her marriage for some time.  They are equally to blame for that.

I don't equate going to work to support someone, showing love. If so, then I truly love myself all these years!!
I don't know either how hubby showed his love...maybe for him it was being faithful, going to work and coming home....and spending his free time on his game. Again we don't know all the facts...but one thing was very clear...Aloe was not happy. There should be no blame...only two people that were not growing together only apart.