Sad day

[ML]

Russia is leading in the suicide rate among G8 Countries according to the World Health Organization

You have probably heard the statistic that married men live longer than single men . . . but that married men are more willing to die.

[OlgaH]

You have probably heard the statistic that married men live longer than single men . . . but that married men are more willing to die.

Here you are...

The death rate among the able-bodied men in Russia is 5 times higher than in Europe and the US  (question is how many married)

http://izvestia.ru/news/506205

80% of all suicide deaths in Russia are males. Russia also has the highest suicide rate among teens.

http://economicsandwe.com/doc/2295/

[Aloe]

Whoa. I'm reading my old posts and i had a sudden realization of a few things.


1. I already knew that hubby has made progress, but reading my old posts i realize how GIGANTICALLY ginormous his progress is. He used to be pretty horrible 
2. Physical stuff and blackmail began 6 months into marriage.
3. The entire time there has been an enormous lack of communication (in my early posts i've often said "i thought we are happy and doing great, and then out of the blue hubby goes BAM!!")
4. Basically our marriage broke 6 months in, as my posts clearly say, ever since he told me to vacuum or divorce, my view of our marriage changed drastically.
5. Only a couple months in and hubby was already accusing me of being lazy and ungrateful, and was refusing to acknowledge my progress. He has also said lots of horrible things on many occasions! Geebus, it's a miracle we lasted 4 yrs, reading those posts.
6. Throughout the entire period he continually refuses to see my point of view and only sees his point as the only correct one.

[Shadow]

Whoa. I'm reading my old posts and i had a sudden realization of a few things.


1. I already knew that hubby has made progress, but reading my old posts i realize how GIGANTICALLY ginormous his progress is. He used to be pretty horrible 
2. Physical stuff and blackmail began 6 months into marriage.
3. The entire time there has been an enormous lack of communication (in my early posts i've often said "i thought we are happy and doing great, and then out of the blue hubby goes BAM!!")
4. Basically our marriage broke 6 months in, as my posts clearly say, ever since he told me to vacuum or divorce, my view of our marriage changed drastically.
5. Only a couple months in and hubby was already accusing me of being lazy and ungrateful, and was refusing to acknowledge my progress. He has also said lots of horrible things on many occasions! Geebus, it's a miracle we lasted 4 yrs, reading those posts.
6. Throughout the entire period he continually refuses to see my point of view and only sees his point as the only correct one.

Well seeing that he made a lot of progress, how much did you make? 

[BillyB]

1. I already knew that hubby has made progress, but reading my old posts i realize how GIGANTICALLY ginormous his progress is. He used to be pretty horrible 

Any women that wants to marry a young immature man needs patiences and tolerance. As discussed around here before the average RW has little of that. They deal with enough BS in their lives and they don't need more from a hubby. The important thing was your husband was improving a lot. Too bad it wasn't enough.

4. Basically our marriage broke 6 months in, as my posts clearly say, ever since he told me to vacuum or divorce, my view of our marriage changed drastically.
5. Only a couple months in and hubby was already accusing me of being lazy and ungrateful,..

A few months after the honeymoon hubby mentioned your lack of effort and 6 months in he started to make demands. That's what I thought since that is what likely happens when one or both partners are lazy. I was in a relationship where my woman slept up to 2 in the afternoon. We had little time for activities on the weekends since she slept most her life. I came home to a dirty house often. I didn't make demands but eventually the relationship ended. She wasn't happy about it ending but she should have been more responsive to my needs.

5. .....hubby....  was refusing to acknowledge my progress. He has also said lots of horrible things on many occasions! Geebus, it's a miracle we lasted 4 yrs, reading those posts.

6. Throughout the entire period he continually refuses to see my point of view and only sees his point as the only correct one.

Read your opening statement and #1 again and you'll realize you're guilty of not fully acknowledging hubby's progress too. If you were to show you were grateful for his progress earlier and throughout the marriage, he may have reciprocated the compliments back to you and things would have headed in a more positive direction instead of spiraling down hill. He gets more blame than you since should have been the MAN and taken the lead showing his appreciation of your improvements first but you've known he's young and immature a long time ago and that's not going to happen. It may happen but you may not have the tolerance and patience to wait. If you turn out to be an exceptional woman, it will be his loss.

[Ooooops]

Whoa. I'm reading my old posts and i had a sudden realization of a few things.

Now it would be good to write a list like this about your progress as well just for your own eyes, not to prove the point.   

[Aloe]

Now it would be good to write a list like this about your progress as well just for your own eyes, not to prove the point.   

My progress has been tremendous   

[Aloe]

Billy, it's interesting how you seem to know more about me than my psychologist does  She seems to disagree with your assessments 

[Muzh]

Too little, too late. That is one of the reasons a few of us didn't feel sorry for you. Both you and your hubby's behavior bred more bad behavior. I blame your hubby more. As a MAN, he should have taken the lead to fix the problems. Maybe he did? Maybe you didn't respond to his requests to make things better? There are women out there that can't be pleased no matter how much a guy takes the lead or tries to make her happy.

Wow, a man's man.

There you have it Aloe.

Servitude should work next time.

[Muzh]

Whoa. I'm reading my old posts and i had a sudden realization of a few things.


1. I already knew that hubby has made progress, but reading my old posts i realize how GIGANTICALLY ginormous his progress is. He used to be pretty horrible 
2. Physical stuff and blackmail began 6 months into marriage.
3. The entire time there has been an enormous lack of communication (in my early posts i've often said "i thought we are happy and doing great, and then out of the blue hubby goes BAM!!")
4. Basically our marriage broke 6 months in, as my posts clearly say, ever since he told me to vacuum or divorce, my view of our marriage changed drastically.
5. Only a couple months in and hubby was already accusing me of being lazy and ungrateful, and was refusing to acknowledge my progress. He has also said lots of horrible things on many occasions! Geebus, it's a miracle we lasted 4 yrs, reading those posts.
6. Throughout the entire period he continually refuses to see my point of view and only sees his point as the only correct one.

This is called rationalizing.

No really major things to change (on you), just a tweak here and there and find the right guy who will understand you.

Yep. 

[Aloe]

Found a place, it's mega expensive, but at least i'm moving finally 

[Boethius]

Billy, it's interesting how you seem to know more about me than my psychologist does  She seems to disagree with your assessments 

Well evidently, your psychologist is WRONG!

[Ooooops]

Found a place, it's mega expensive, but at least i'm moving finally 

Is it close to college?   Good luck with the move!

[GQBlues]

...No really major things to change (on you), just a tweak here and there and find the right guy who will understand you....

LOL!
 
Details... 
 

[Aloe]

Is it close to college?   Good luck with the move!

No I tired and tried and tried to get something there, but they make an appointment for next week and before our appointment comes, they call to cancel cuz its been rented out! Or one we visited was super crappy. So now i still have to take the train to go to school.

[Aloe]

So i signed up on a local website, suddenly got like 250 expressions of interest and messages in less than 24 hrs    On EM i used to get like 1-2 a week 

[Shadow]

So i signed up on a local website, suddenly got like 250 expressions of interest and messages in less than 24 hrs    On EM i used to get like 1-2 a week 

Let Hubby judge them to wield out the losers. 

[LAman]

Let Hubby judge them to wield out the losers. 

Does that come under the same heading as ' takes one to know one' ? 

[lonedrake]

suddenly got like 250 expressions of interest and messages in less than 24 hrs

 Holy S!!!

 Post up one of your pics and let us all see what all the excitement is about

 

[Anotherkiwi]

Post up one of your pics and let us all see what all the excitement is about

She did that last year!  We're more than a bit spoilt here in the "beauty + brains" department - mies, aloe, ghost of moon goddess, vwrw, Lily...and those are only the ones whose photos I've seen. 

[knighta]

She also has a picture of herself in her wedding dress that is still up.

[BillyB]

And my psychologist is kind of useless. I've gone like 12 times by now, the only thing i learned is that i'm overly self-critical. All my issues are still unresolved. She hasn't taught me how to get rid of anger, although i asked.. What a waste of money?

Billy, it's interesting how you seem to know more about me than my psychologist does  She seems to disagree with your assessments 

Should I take that as a compliment although you didn't meant it to be one? What would you think of me iif I was the type of man that have little faith in professionals but when debating people, I use what the professionals say to put people in their place? That's what people will think of you if you use that style of debating. You can't have it both ways. Criticizing your psychologist except when you need his/her words to use for your benefit.



Maybe you think you need little or no changes in your life. Why go small? When a teacher requests my kids to write 3-4 paragraphs with 7-10 sentences in each I tell them "Why always do the minimum of what's asked of you? Do you want to go through life always doing the minimum? If you do more, you will be respected more than your peers since you have a better work ethic, you will learn more which will result in increased knowledge and as a result your next class and the rest of your life will be easier."


Aloe, if you think you are at the ideal place you need to be to find a soulmate, then do what I did, write a thread before the ending and amaze people with the results. Talk about your dating experiences, your ways of choosing and filtering out the insincere and incompatible people, and finally talk about the qualities of the man you married. You not only need confidence to write that, you need to possess great qualities to attract a winner and get that winner to commit to you for life.


Why not make big changes in your life? Change your attitude and work ethic for the better. Sure there are a lot worse people in the world but if you're not in the top 10%, you should try to get there.

Wow, a man's man.

There you have it Aloe.

Servitude should work next time.

What's wrong with husband and wife serving each other? Would it be a threat to your independence if that happened in your marriage? Marriages are much better when two people are giving more than they want to receive. In the past you've also had problems with people accepting roles in marriage. I'm not into a 50/50 equal rights marriage. How many husbands out there make their wives work a full time job and mow the grass half the time?


Muzh, when you prove your wife is happier than mine, I'll consider you the "go to guy" for advice on how to be a good husband. Until then, I'm still convinced women don't like grumpy men who sit on the computer most of the day.

No really major things to change (on you), just a tweak here and there and find the right guy who will understand you.

Yep. 

Don't stop short of helping a person out. Be more specific. What does she need to tweak? Does Aloe need to add more seasoning to food to please a man?

So i signed up on a local website, suddenly got like 250 expressions of interest and messages in less than 24 hrs     

There are people here that criticize men who date women while still married or right after their divorce. Where are those people now? Everybody who checks out of a marriage does so at different times. At the speed you are getting back into the singles life, it's apparent you checked out long ago.

[Aloe]

So, it's been 4 days since i moved out, and i suddenly miss hubby horribly    While on vacation one month apart i didnt miss him at all. But now i miss him so bad    We went to see his mom, and there was this cutest little girl there, so adorable. I wanted nothing but to go home and make babies with hubby! Lol. Maybe a lot of our problems was my having too much time to think about things, or overthink. And his communication problems. But surely those can be sorted out?
Also went out on a few dates, didn't have any connection with anyone. Makes me miss hubby even more!
Hubby says he wants to have sex with lots of different girls, and that we should take a 1 yr break every 5 yrs! Lol. It was painful to hear that, but after a a few days i dont mind it. As long as he loves only me?
I think im even more confused now than ever!!

[Ranetka]

So, it's been 4 days since i moved out, and i suddenly miss hubby horribly    While on vacation one month apart i didnt miss him at all. But now i miss him so bad    We went to see his mom, and there was this cutest little girl there, so adorable. I wanted nothing but to go home and make babies with hubby! Lol. Maybe a lot of our problems was my having too much time to think about things, or overthink. And his communication problems. But surely those can be sorted out?
Also went out on a few dates, didn't have any connection with anyone. Makes me miss hubby even more!
Hubby says he wants to have sex with lots of different girls, and that we should take a 1 yr break every 5 yrs! Lol. It was painful to hear that, but after a a few days i dont mind it. As long as he loves only me?
I think im even more confused now than ever!!

Woman, forget about men for now!

[BillyB]

So, it's been 4 days since i moved out, and i suddenly miss hubby horribly    While on vacation one month apart i didnt miss him at all. But now i miss him so bad     

Since you made the break, this is a good opportunity to sit down with hubby and talk about expectations and roles a husband and wife are to play in a marriage. Do not go back to him unless he accepts "change". If he doesn't want change, he doesn't want you.

Hubby says he wants to have sex with lots of different girls, and that we should take a 1 yr break every 5 yrs! Lol. It was painful to hear that, but after a a few days i dont mind it. As long as he loves only me?

Immature way into scaring you to come back. There may be a little truth to every joke though. Is his computer littered with naked women? If his focus is on other girls, it may explain why he neglected your feelings.

Also went out on a few dates, didn't have any connection with anyone.

Although it's not easy to find the right person, don't be desperate and get involved with the wrong person. You want to be loved. Make sure it's right.