Not Russian Custom

[Son of Clyde]

When she first arrived we were using a inexpensive digital camera to take family pictures. A few months ago the camera stopped working. I rarely ever took pictures myself preferring to buy disposable cameras.

I thought it would be a good idea to but her a nice camera of her own for her birthday. Everyone I know has their own camera. She opened the package and said "this is not for me it is for family" and placed the $350.00 camera on a shelf. She said it is "Russian custom" for me to buy her a present that cannot be used by anyone else. Her sister sent her candy and money.

Do you think this is Russian custom or just her being ungrateful? I will probably never use this camera, I know to her pictures are very special.  

[jb]

Birthdays I generally go straight to the jewelry store.  

In addition to the candy, flowers, and wine, I gave my wife her very own 5 Mega Pixel digital camera with an extra gig of RAM for Woman's Day.  (I was not crazy about anyone messing with my Nikon.)  She was delighted with the gift since she will be going home to Moscow after the end of the school year.  She plans to take lots of pictures while she is there.

Granted, birthdays are special, but I'd think a camera would be a suitable gift for any occassion, as long as it comes with flowers and candy.

[BC]

jb,

In your case the camera was a true gift for your wife as you already have one.

Clydes case may be interpreted a bit differently.

Jewels or clothes along with flowers here.. no salad shooters ..

Picked up an Olympus E300 and snapped this shot out a dirty airplane window over Istanbul.  I'm a total photo newbie.  The pic your son took a while back in Moscow inspired me to try this hobby with a decent camera.

[Bruce]

Things to get on special occassions:

Jewelry Store:  Diamond hearts /  pendants (crosses are ok, but they have to be blessed in the church properly if she is a real believer), fancy ear rings, rings.  There is white gold and there is yellow gold.  Each big occassion I get her something to complement her other jewelry I have bought her.  I am pretty much complete with the platinum / white gold.  Soon I'll start with yellow gold.  Then there are colored stones.  Believe me, nice jewelry will cost between $150 to just about unlimited per piece so there is alot to play with.  Broaches are another jewelry item - but not for me because my wife thinks they are for older women. 

Clothing is ok if you know her size - and for me even knowing her size has been a mistake - so I do not buy clothing items.

Something she can remember you or the family by ie. a nice picture frame for pictures you already have that she cherishes / heart box for jewelry she has.

Flowers if your wife does not think they are throwing money down the drain.  Unfortunately for me, my wife has told me she does not me "wasting" our money on flowers any more.

Chocolates, especially high quality dark truffles go a long way.

Fancy perfurmes / bath soaps / salts are a nice present as well.

A really nice card along with a well wrapped (whatever you choose) present is a must!

Again, it does not have to be so expensive - get something you know she really wants, something that makes her feel special - she is your wife......................guys, by now we have to know what our wives cherish / wish for / desire to help make them feel special!

[Son of Clyde]

I was planning to take her to dinner and bring her flowers. I was totally taken aback by her reaction. I should probably have given her cash because she does not like my taste in jewelry or clothes. She thinks candy, flowers and perfume are not so great because they will not last long and she can just as easily buy them herself.

Next holiday I will give her $$$'s inside a greeting card.

[Goombah]

Might be a local custom, but my new daughter suggested I buy my new wife a camera for her birthday...  She got pearls, but thats not the point.

Kevin

[Bruce]

Clyde, if dollars inside a letter works for you fine, but it does not sound romantic in the least.  I hope it would work for you.  Its a nonstarter for me, but to each their own. 

[BC]

The only paper gifts that bring smiles here are tickets to RU.

[Bruno]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

She thinks candy, flowers and perfume are not so great because they will not last long and she can just as easily buy them herself.

This remember me the first time i have give parfum to my ex-wife... "air du temps colombe" in a cristal bottle hand make, around 10 ml for $260... it was a extract, a drip was normally enough for one day... she have use it all in one time and trow the cristal bottle...

The next time, i have give a big canister of cheap women parfum at a few dollars and she was happy...

My most bad birthday gift was a membership card for online catalogue ( clothes, jeweltry, shoes, etc ... ) ... in a few month, she have spend several thousand of dollars... and all was removed from my own account :huh:

Now, i keep it to flower, chocolat, restaurant, and some outdoor activity ( museum, theather, opera, ... )

[Bruno]

The only paper gifts that bring smiles here are tickets to RU.

One way, you smile.... two way, she smile

[PeeWee]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

I was planning to take her to dinner and bring her flowers. I was totally taken aback by her reaction. I should probably have given her cash because she does not like my taste in jewelry or clothes. She thinks candy, flowers and perfume are not so great because they will not last long and she can just as easily buy them herself.

Next holiday I will give her $$$'s inside a greeting card.

It sounds to me that her reaction to the camera was her personal interpretation of a custom. Good that you did not think to buy her a kitchen appliance or a TV.

 

Peewee

[dfb]

My learning lessons from being married to my Belarusian wife since 2000:

 

Birthday Gift(s):

[list=1]

• They do not need to be expensive;[/*]
  
• They need to be for her (not for the family);[/*]
  
• They do not need to be a surprise - they could be predictable, flowers and candy works great; [/*]
  
• They do not need to be something that she needs or would find useful, but it is a bonus.  Giving her a gift that is useful is more important to me than for her.  Remember, the gift is for her, not for your own ego; [/*]
  
• Cards are very important, a requirement;[/*]
  
• She enjoys us going out for a dinner at her favorite restaurant; and,[/*]
  
• Most importantly, she is looking for something that makes her feel that she is thought of, loved, and appreciated - a "heart-felt-gift".

[/*]
Christmas Gifts:

[list=1]

• Some of the gifts could be things that she needs, or could use, i.e. clothing…[/*]
  
• Some of the gifts could be for the family (for my wife, the camera would work better as a Christmas Gift);  [/*]
  
• Some, if not most of the gifts should be a surprise; and,[/*]
  
• The gifts do not necessarily need to be a "heart-felt-gift"; however, never appliances, TVs, tools…

[/*]
Anniversaries:

[list=1]

• Save the jewelry for the Anniversaries;  [/*]
  
• Flowers and a Card are a must; and,[/*]
  
• Go out for dinner at a restaurant of both our choice.

[/*]
 

Final advise, never give cash or a gift certificate as a gift to your spouse.  My wife would never accept cash as a gift from anyone - this is a cultural thing.  I gave a gift certificate once, first valentines; there is an element of detachment with the gift certificate.  It took a few years for her to become comfortable with accepting gift certificates from OTHER people; gift certificates are too much like money.  In the end, she doesn't need or want cash as a gift; she just takes how much she wants anyway - she doesn't need a special occasion for that!

[rose]

Guys, I read your posts, and have a great fun!

First, I just MUST to mention that all of you, who wrote here, are so great people and husbands!!! I give you my respect!!!

Now, I'll go through your posts with my comments, buy remember, they are my own opinion!

SoC wrote:

I thought it would be a good idea to but her a nice camera of her own for her birthday...  She opened the package and said "this is not for me it is for family" and placed the $350.00 camera on a shelf. She said it is "Russian custom" for me to buy her a present that cannot be used by anyone else.
Do you think this is Russian custom or just her being ungrateful? I will probably never use this camera, I know to her pictures are very special.  

[/quote][/quote][/quote]The Russian custom is even if you don't like the present let person who gives it to you know that you appreciate his effort(at least).



jb and Bruce wrote:

Birthdays I generally go straight to the jewelry store.  
Granted, birthdays are special, but I'd think a camera would be a suitable gift for any occassion, as long as it comes with flowers and candy.

Jewelry Store:  Diamond hearts /  pendants (crosses are ok, but they have to be blessed in the church properly if she is a real believer), fancy ear rings, rings.  There is white gold and there is yellow gold.  Each big occassion I get her something to complement her other jewelry I have bought her.  I am pretty much complete with the platinum / white gold.  Soon I'll start with yellow gold.  Then there are colored stones.

Jewelry is great, but... (my personal opinion) the design not always is great, and the selection is pretty the same everywhere. What are you going to do when you'll run out of the selection? Be creative!!!

As to the camera, I agree with jb, I wanted the camera for my last birthday. My husband dragged me through a zillion of catalogs, trying to decide what I wanted. After I made my choice, he looked at it (Canon SD500), said ok, and wrote me the check on 1/2 price. Well, I was pissed off because I wasted so much time for nothing.

SoC wrote:

I was planning to take her to dinner and bring her flowers. I was totally taken aback by her reaction. I should probably have given her cash because she does not like my taste in jewelry or clothes. She thinks candy, flowers and perfume are not so great because they will not last long and she can just as easily buy them herself.

Next holiday I will give her $$$'s inside a greeting card. 

Maybe I shouldn't give here any advices for you, but it seems to me that next holiday the best persent which you can do for both of you is get her a GC and divorce papers in a greeting card.

Just get rid of her, she is like a poison for you, don't you see it?



Bruno wrote:

Now, i keep it to flower, chocolat, restaurant, and some outdoor activity ( museum, theather, opera, ... )

Sounds great!!! Don't forget the card, it's very important!!!

 

dfb wrote:

Birthday Gift(s):


[list=1]

• They need to be for her (not for the family); [/*]
  
• Cards are very important, a requirement; [/*]
  
• She enjoys us going out for a dinner at her favorite restaurant; and, [/*]
  
• Most importantly, she is looking for something that makes her feel that she is thought of, loved, and appreciated - a "heart-felt-gift".

Christmas Gifts:

[/*]
[list=1]

• Some of the gifts could be things that she needs, or could use, i.e. clothing… [/*]
  
• Some of the gifts could be for the family (for my wife, the camera would work better as a Christmas Gift);  [/*]
  
• Some, if not most of the gifts should be a surprise; and, [/*]
  
• The gifts do not necessarily need to be a "heart-felt-gift"; however, never appliances, TVs, tools…

Anniversaries:

[/*]
[list=1]

• Flowers and a Card are a must; and, [/*]
  
• Go out for dinner at a restaurant of both our choice.[/*]

 

Final advise, never give cash or a gift certificate as a gift to your spouse.  [/font]

I'd probably keep the list this way. As to your final advice, it is only your and your wife opinion. A lot of people in Russia wouldn't agree with it.

 

Anyway, all these is much better than a check, which I had to go cash, on a half of the camera .

Final advice, and the most important, as I believe: give her your love, attention, and affection. Together with these three things everything, no metter what it is: camera or candies, will work great!!!

And be creative!!!:D

[Jooky]

The Russian custom is even if you don't like the present let person who gives it to you know that you appreciate his effort(at least).

Of course! I don't understand why people are willing to accept bullshit behaviour and pass it off as a foreign "custom".

Clyde, it sounds to me like you gave a nice thoughtful gift.

 

[Captmonk1]

I just got my wife an "early" birthday gift. A nice leather jacket lined on the sleeves and collar with fur with some sort of leopard print interior. She had been mentioning since she got here that she wanted a nice leather jacket and was thinking about having her mom send one from Russia.

We were however out shopping and she spied this one and fell in love with it. I will admit the jacket is awesome. It was also pretty expensive even at 50% off.

My wife was litterly bouncing up and down. Her hands were shaking she was so excited. When I say litterly bouncing up and down...I mean it. I thought people only got that excited in movies. The lady who sold us the jacket was laughing and even excited because Katerina was so excited.

I am usually pretty good about gift giving but I ALWAYS tend to ask a month or two in advance what sort of things they are looking for and I ALWAYS listen when she says something is really cute...or that's really pretty...things like that. Going back to get those things for birthday's and Christmas's are always good.

Brad

p.s. Clyde your gift was fine. I wouldn't call it something she was longing for obviously but she shouldn't have reacted that way in my opinion. I don't see it as a culture thing.

[Maxx]

Russian and Ukrainian women are practical by nature. Get them a $50 gift certificate to the local food buffet and you will win their respect and a place in their heart.

Maxx

[rose]

Maxx, $50 dollar gift certificate for a food buffett?

After $50 dollar gift certificate to the food buffett for the birthday the best case scenarion you'll get the blow dall, the worst - just a part of it.

I, personally, would be offended. Guys, I know my previous post is too long, but please, read at least last lines of it!

[Maxx]

OK, so a $100 is more like it. At least this way she can bring her RW friends along.

Thanks Rose for setting me straight. BTW that is a good time to for the husband to get his RW detective to infiltrate the group. Is there any food buffets that serve hard liquor? Piva will do...

 

Maxx

[rose]

Maxx,

are you hungry? Why do you so fixed on food buffettes?

If you really want to give a gift certificate for the birthday, try Nordstroms or something like that, but don't give her "Home Depot".

 

To everybody:

By the way, my birthday is coming, gifts accepted!

[Bruno]

By the way, my birthday is coming, gifts accepted!

Ok...



A rose for rose :cool:

[Jooky]

I'm like Brad in that I pay attention to the things a woman likes, says are cute, and so on. If she sees something she really really likes, I'll chide her saying 'that's ridiculous', 'that's ugly', things like that, so she'd never think I'd buy such a thing.

Then come gift time... big happy surprise. Works every time. ;-)

[rose]

Thank you, Bruno, I always knew you are a good guy!

[dfb]

Like Jooky, my wife also gives me plenty of signals on what she would like or needs.  I also will verbally dismiss it while keeping it in mind for a gift.

[Jet]

I'm like Brad in that I pay attention to the things a woman likes, says are cute, and so on. If she sees something she really really likes, I'll chide her saying 'that's ridiculous', 'that's ugly', things like that, so she'd never think I'd buy such a thing.

Then come gift time... big happy surprise. Works every time. ;-)

Yep!

If it gets down to 4 or 5 weeks before the holiday and I don't have anything in mind yet, I'll take her out shopping for the express purpose of watching her browse and taking mental notes.

The Other paper gift that's always a winner in our house is theatre tickets. Opera, ballet, symphony, or play, it doesn't matter as long as it's for a weekend night :cool:.

[Daknack]

SoC...  I would be pissed about this personally.  It is an insult to you, to your family, and to the effort and thought you put into the gift.  Who says this is a gift to the family??  Why can someone not have a camera to themselves, for themselves?  When I was a kid, my father would often buy her chocolates for birthdays / Valentines day and such and she ALWAYS shared with the family (my father included).  Not once did she claim it was a "family" gift and expect something else.  Because you give someone a gift and they choose to allow others to use it, does not make it an unacceptable gift.  Now if she take the money her sister gave her and uses it on something for the family, isnt that equally as "bad" a gift.  Personally I would have been more insulted by the money.  I dont know if she wants you to buy a second gift but if you do you should be kicked in the head.  You shouldnt be worried that you did wrong you should be pissed that she wasnt satisfied with your gift.  IMO it was too extravagant for a birthday anyway and I would be upset if a woman spent several hundered dollars on a gift for me.  Rather then kicking your self over this, put the foot where it belongs.  Aka the wifes a$$