City Women Vs Country Gals

[dsbean]

As you know, I am a newbie and to help me get a feel for this I signed up for a couple of the free sites and I am now in email contact with a few ladies.

One of my initial observations is the difference between the 'Big City' girls and those out in the sticks (as we say in the UK). I am emailing 3 women from different cities and 3 more that are further afield and the difference is quite interesting as they all seem to play to a familiar type.

The city women have much better english, better cultural observations about the west and seem much more 'focussed' in their discussions with me. They also seem a little more wary and guarded about talking about themselves.

The country women have much worse english and a worse understanding of western life however they come across much more natural and personal and want to talk about a much wider group of topics. Two of them keep sending me pictures of the food they prepare.

No I know I am generalising and I also know it's a small sample but it seems rather polarised? Is this the experience of others?

I wonder if this makes a difference to the end result? I also wonder if it can be used to my advantage, not in a bad way of course? For example, two identically beautiful women, one in a big city and one in a much smaller place, one with A1 English, the other a bit ropey and disjointed. Now the first one is likely to get a LOT more attention I would guess so maybe pursuit of the country girl is the better option? However would the big city girl adapt to the west better?

I know the answers to these are subjective and very individual but I would be interested in the experiences of others. One of the 'city' women has been very disparaging about non city women, how unsophisticated they are and has gone to great lengths to stress how cultured and refined she is. One of the country girls letters have much worse english but are much more personal and lots about how she enjoys simple things like roller skating and the movies.

I do have my list and that list includes a very good command of the language of Shakespeare, but am I being too harsh on the country girls? Let's be honest, they are all beautiful but the country girls are coming over much more 'genuine' or maybe just less polished.

Has anyone actually managed to have success in the west with someone off the beaten track and next to no english? Or do I just need to get over myself and stick with the women that share my mother tongue?

[Patagonie]

Your mistake is to write to girls of differents cities, so now you are going  to loose control of the process.

[dsbean]

Good point, well made, but I am just starting out and getting a feel for it. Russia is a very big place, one of the girls that contacted me was a 28 hout train journey from Moscow! So, three and half hours flight from London then 28 hours on a train! I might as well get a ferry from Dover to France and drive there!

[Gator]

dsbean,
 
The women vary.  A city girl may consider nature her primary interest, and a country girl may have concerts and dancing at the top of her list.
 
The most important factor is the individual woman:  her personality, values, goals, interests, character, etc.  Such should be your paramount goal regardless of where she lives and her command of English.  Keep in mind that the less fluent she is in English, the more you will need to spend time  with her, and it will be frustrating.
 
Please tell me the population of the cities where the "country girls" live.  I doubt these women are milking goats every morning.  These country girls may be more urban than you imagine.  I met many RW from small and large cities, and none were what I would term nature's child. 
 
Also, what age range do you seek?
 
Do you live in a large city?  If not, the "city girls" may not be happy watching squirrels play all day.  If you are talking with a woman from Moscow,  London would  be at the top of her list unless she recently moved to Moscow.

[Gator]

bean,
 
Do not worry now about the geographic spread.  If you are meeting only one woman, it matters not.  If you are meeting many RW, you should focus your search to a couple of areas.

When I met more than one RW on the same trip, I made it a point to meet only one woman per city and then leave for another city to meet the next woman.   While in a city I had the full attention of that woman. 
 
Other men will advise differently.  It depends upon what you want to do.  If you want to read more, search the archives for WOVO vs. WMVM threads. 

[dsbean]

Good advice Gator,

Anyway, I quite fancy a 28 hour cross russia train ride, in my own compartment, of course!

When I say country girls, I mean women out of the major cites, sorry if I painted a picture of a wooden clogged maiden, yoke across her shoulders, two pails of freshly drawn milk on either end.

I am 41 and I am looking at 30 upwards with no children

Has anyone here actually met, married and had a happy ending with a women from the backwaters with no english to her name? Or is it a lost cause?

[Lily]

Similar threads:
 
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3456.0
 
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=8357.msg152571#msg152571
 
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=9800.0

[dsbean]

Thanks Lily

[lonedrake]

dsbean,

 There are no guarantees no matter which method or girls you choose. It's a crapshoot. All you can do is increase your chances of success.....but no matter which route you take you can never eliminate the possibility of failure.

[Misha]

To answer your question, my wife knew no English when we met, but I spoke Russian. It makes culture shock worse most times, and means that it will take many, many years before she gets a meaningful job. She was from a smaller Russian city.

[Brianinaz]

I agree with Gator, you just can't pigeon hole them like that. My wife is from Kharkov the second largest city in Ukraine and her English when we met consisted of the few words she remembered from the English class she took in college more than 10 years prior. Personally I didn't find the language thing to be a big deal at all. Others would disagree with that but that was my experience. We live in a town of about 25K in about an hour outside of Phoenix. She loves it and when I've asked if she would prefer to move to a larger actual city the response is "no way". Are you going to find women who would be miserable in a town of 25K....you betcha, Are you going to find situations where poor English skills are going to kill a potential relationship? Same answer. The thing you need to do whether you communicate with someone before hand or not is pick a destination and get on a plane and go. When you meet someone you "click with" be completely honest about your living situation and environment. If you live in a smaller place then make sure to paint a very clear picture.

[Gator]

Has anyone here actually met, married and had a happy ending with a women from the backwaters with no english to her name? Or is it a lost cause?

Yes, me.  You say happy ending - the bliss here continues to build. 
 
I received flak from a few critical RWD married members.  However, it worked for us although it followed a long, tortuous path.      I have bragged about her qualities for pages in many threads.  Suffice it to say she is glorious.
 
The largest problem of her not speaking adequate English is a difficult adjustment and assimilation period.
 
Would I recommend it?  Only if you have a lot of time (years) and much patience and understanding.   

[chooter]

I was engaged to both per say..city girl and a country girl. It seems the city girl wanted to spend my money much more so than the country girl.
The city girl introduced me to all the "elite shopping malls" in Moscow. The country girl was just happy I visited her. Not saying all city and country girls are like that.

[Patagonie]

bean,
 
Do not worry now about the geographic spread.  If you are meeting only one woman, it matters not.  If you are meeting many RW, you should focus your search to a couple of areas.

When I met more than one RW on the same trip, I made it a point to meet only one woman per city and then leave for another city to meet the next woman.   While in a city I had the full attention of that woman. 
 
Other men will advise differently.  It depends upon what you want to do.  If you want to read more, search the archives for WOVO vs. WMVM threads.

Hi Gator
How did you manage the thing at the airport when it was obvious that you were not returning to your country ?
What did you say to the lady ?

[BillyB]

I do have my list and that list includes a very good command of the language of Shakespeare, but am I being too harsh on the country girls?

If you marry a woman who loves you, she will communicate with you well even if she has to learn the language of the country you live in. If you marry a woman who doesn't love you, communication will be lacking no matter how good she knows your language. You've written a wide range of ladies so you've given yourself a lot of options and that's good. All you have to do now is choose wisely.

[dsbean]

Billy, I think that is the wisest reply yet.

Thank you

[Boethius]

How can someone with whom you cannot communicate love you?  That type of "love" is usually a mile wide and an inch deep.

[Vasilisa]

Women are different. You can find women with very a "country" personality in a big city. Vv is way harder to find though.
As for the women with no English I know a lot of stories when they met they  couldn't comminicate  well, so they exchanged hugs and kisses and fed each other with strawberries and cooked pasta together, took wonderful pictures, then she learned English and they finally realized how different they are and got divorced.

Anyway, don't try to use stereotypes, think wider, for example men here are afraid of GCG, in a way: she loves my country, not me, for example, personally I don't know why it's bad, if the woman doesn't like her life in the FSU  and wants to escape she will welcome anything foreign without thinking much, just because it's foreign and foreign means better in her opinion, it will make the process of acclimatization much faster and smoother.

Just try to find the one that you feel comfortable with and have similar attotude towards life. Don't look for a classy woman just because she looks so great, think if you are a classy man and you are ready to have this "classy" life style on a regular basis.

[dsbean]

Thanks Vasilisa, very helpful.

OK, so I am a few weeks in and here is where I am (if anyone is remotely interested, sorry, I'm British so I have to apologise, it's the law here!)

I have weeded 2 women out and am emailing 4. However there is one, let's call her Ekaterina, and that is going the best so far which is good as she is the least likely scammer/pro dater based on the scorecard. However I would like to reject her based solely on the fact her english is poor? She lives in Syktyvkar, which let's be honest is well off the beaten track, another reason to say no.

However, she hasn't complained about anything, she seems genuinely interested in me and is in no rush to leave it all behind. She uses my name all the time, she hasn't told me she loves me but is affectionate, likes to impress me with her cooking skills and tells me she enjoys her life in Russia and will only leave for love. She's 30, (i'm 41) and other asking me if I work or not has shown absolutely no interest in my financial standing but is very interested in what the UK is like, what my hobbies are, what relationships I have and how close my family are. She ticks a lot of boxes, as far as you an without meeting but the english thing is bugging me. She can write english ok enough but cannot converse but she has said that she would have to learn english better to have a 'full relationship'.

I get long emails from her and she answers all my questions and it feels like I know her whole family already. Has anyone actually managed to pull off this kind of relationship and made it work as she certainly seems the most interested in ME and seems to make time to email me often, normally twice a day.

It's easy to write off women on paper but am I doing her (and me) a disservice and is she worth a chance? I am actually getting to look forward to her emails so that's probably a good sign.

Confused? I am.

[rambler]

I think there is a bit of a syndrome in Moscow with the man woman relationship.
There are lots of country girls who came to the city - meaning not satisfied with the the country life.
Not satisfied with  much of anything really, or you could say ambitious.  Then there are the native Muscovites and the native country girls who stayed put.  But wherever they are from, in Moscow there is constant flow of 20 yr olds ousting the 27 to 30 somethings.


This process leads to a lot of cynicism among the city girls (native or arriviste) who have an attitude of, " The guys try to use us so we try to use them."  at 27 they are too old for the local guys with a bit of Money. One question you should ask early on is how long have their relationships lasted? You might be shocked. A few months to a year is sometimes the max, which means there is no experience of sustaining a relationship and total mistrust regarding giving their heart and soul in a relationship.  They tend to pull out before you do just because they think it is inevitable sooner or later.


On the other hand dealing with even very good English speakers is hard enough but dealing with a big big language deficit makes it virtually impossible to get a rapport going. 


Then there was for me a total lack of understanding about how Puritanical the Orthodox Church can be.  They seem to be able to impose quite scary punishments over long periods of time. this can lead to some odd attitudes from girls who dress like sex objects to complete for the local men, but actually behave like butter wouldn't melt in their mouth.  But I digress. Back to the topic. The girls I met who were the most rounded characters were those who were natives of their current surroundings.  The country girls in Moscow were out of their depth and had lost a lot of control over their fate, not good. Like girls who came to town after Uni and couldn't eat meat except once a month ... Unless a hapless stream of mugs come to town and wine and dine them ... doesn't mean they won't marry one of them though. But that can lead to a myopic decision making process for them. I know a Russian country girl who married an English guy about 6 months after meeting, got pregnant a month after marriage in the UK and started divorce proceedings 2 years after marriage, about 6 weeks after getting her UK visa extended from spouse to Indefinite Leave to Remain. Country girl in Moscow for 7 years.


BTW download and read the current Visa application forms an charges, waiting times and restrictions on travel for spouse, Fiancee' and ILR visas - that might give you pause for thought.


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/sitecontent/newsarticles/2013/june/13-rules-july


http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/partners-families/citizens-settled/fiancee-proposed-cp/documents/


etc .... The application form is about 35 pages long and requires about 25 different supporting ducuments but a divorce application requires 18 pages and no supporting evidence of wrong doing by you but provides her with an income of about a 1000 a month for the next 20 years. Pretty tempting considering she was earning 200 a month in Moscow but not getting paid half the time.


R

[Gator]

It's easy to write off women on paper but am I doing her (and me) a disservice and is she worth a chance?

Yes IMO.  Keep corresponding.  Learn more.  Correspond with other women.  Compare.  You will have your answer
 

....she hasn't complained about anything, she seems genuinely interested in me and is in no rush to leave it all behind. She uses my name all the time, she hasn't told me she loves me but is affectionate, likes to impress me with her cooking skills and tells me she enjoys her life in Russia and will only leave for love. She's 30, (i'm 41) and other asking me if I work or not has shown absolutely no interest in my financial standing but is very interested in what the UK is like, what my hobbies are, what relationships I have and how close my family are.
 
I get long emails from her and she answers all my questions and it feels like I know her whole family already.... she certainly seems the most interested in ME and seems to make time to email me often, normally twice a day.
 
......I am actually getting to look forward to her emails so that's probably a good sign.
 

Definitely a prime candidate for a meeting.  Are you able to Skype with her?
 
When you say "she hasn't told me she loves me" I hope you were teasing us.  I trust your research has taught you that sincere RW do not say such without first meeting you and spending time together.  If a RW says this before meeting, please be very cautious.
 

.... I would like to reject her based solely on the fact her english is
poor?......

Your decision.  Now find a RW who speaks English well and is as affable, compatible and enthusiastic as Ekaterina.   It will take time; however, they are out there somewhere.  Meanwhile regarding Ekaterina, keep in mind that if you delay a RW about meeting her she will assume you are a Keyboard Romeo.
 
 
 

She can write english ok enough but cannot converse but she has said that she would have to learn english better to have a 'full relationship'.

IMO that seems adequate for a start, if you have time for multiple trips.   If you meet her and feel really good about her, you can give her money for English lessons.  It is a good sign if she then spends much of her time to learn English.  Over multiple trips, you should notice much improvement in her English.
 

     She lives in Syktyvkar, which let's be honest is well off the beaten track, another reason to say no. 

If you enjoy travel adventure, a trip to the hinterlands is very interesting.  You can rent a dacha with a banya.
 
It does make it difficult to meet other RW; however, if Ekaterina is a good one you will not want to be with other women. 
 
For your first meeting you may want to meet in Moscow or St. Piter (let her take the long train ride).  If instead she wants you to come to her city and meet her friends and family, that means this woman is very serious about her intentions and you. 
 

[dsbean]

Definitely a prime candidate for a meeting.  Are you able to Skype with her?
 
When you say "she hasn't told me she loves me" I hope you were teasing us.  I trust your research has taught you that sincere RW do not say such without first meeting you and spending time together.  If a RW says this before meeting, please be very cautious.

We tried Skype but it was tricky (language). At least I have seen her and the body language was good. I was teasing you guys, we do that in the UK sometimes! She is affectionate but in a reserved and subtle way, she should fit right in here!

Your decision.  Now find a RW who speaks English well and is as affable, compatible and enthusiastic as Ekaterina.   It will take time; however, they are out there somewhere.  Meanwhile regarding Ekaterina, keep in mind that if you delay a RW about meeting her she will assume you are a Keyboard Romeo.

I agree. I understand the language issues but it's easier to learn English than learn to be a great human being!

If you enjoy travel adventure, a trip to the hinterlands is very interesting.  You can rent a dacha with a banya.

Good idea, how does one go about that? I think the idea of a Moscow or St P meeting is a good one, I can book her a ticket and being in the UK I can go for a weekend! That will tell me all I need to know.

She is the best score on the scammer scorecard and the worst prospect but i will be honest, shes my fav! I just love her spirit, it really comes through even if her english sentance structure isn't always 100%!

Where would be better, Moscow or St P for meeting 1? I have been to neither place. I do quite like the idea and travel so Komi region hold no fears for me. I might not even fly, get the Paris-Moscow overnight train, very Agatha Christie!

[Gator]

Good idea [dacha, banya], how does one go about that?   

She will find out.  I did such a trip and the RW suggested the dacha and made all the arrangements. 

Where would be better, Moscow or St P for meeting 1?

Let her decide.  Both are good, and both different.  IMO I believe St. Piter  is more relaxed, has some magnificent architecture, is friendlier, has more to see and do, and is easier to get around.
 

I might not even fly, get the Paris-Moscow overnight train, very Agatha Christie!

Overnight!   This is not London to Edinburgh express train.   Ask Napoleon and Hitler about how far it is to Moscow.  St. Piter - Moscow is overnight. 

[BillyB]

How can someone with whom you cannot communicate love you?  That type of "love" is usually a mile wide and an inch deep.

I think those who never had a real live conversation with pets and God will disagree. Their love runs deep.


Love is developed more with deeds than words. People love pets for the joy they bring their owner and God for all the good He has done. When I date a woman, I watch her body language. That tells me more about how much she likes me more than the conversation we're having. If a woman is working everyday to nurture the relationship she's in, that tells me she loves her man. Action speaks louder than words.


A woman would wisely assume a man who doesn't share her language but visits her 3 times and proposes marriage loves her more than a man who calls her 50 times, communicates in her language, and promises a bright future together.


A man would wisely assume a women who doesn't share his language but is a good host during his visit loves him more than a women he can talk to but neglects him half the time during his visit.


Whether it's about friendships or relationships, it's not that hard to see how motivated or unmotivated people are when they are near you.


Of course there are greater risks when marrying a person you can't talk to but there are ways to minimize risk. Online translators such as promt.com can help people talk about their religion and other beliefs, goals, etc... to help with judging compatibility. Other important things one must take into account such as motivation and actions have to be seen, not spoken.

[Ooooops]

One of my initial observations is the difference between the 'Big City' girls and those out in the sticks (as we say in the UK).

What about yourself?   Do you consider yourself an urban dweller or a country bumpkin (as we say in the USA)?      This should be your main driving point in choosing your future wife, IMO.