Ice cold behavior on first meet

[YoungBuck]

a couple of posts before someone mentioned that the image of YB  she had in her mind didn't match the real me in the flesh. I  think that has a lot of truth.

 so my  ex would get angry at me because I wasn't spontaneous. I  didn't want to join her bungee jumping,  sky diving,  etc.  because I  felt it was dangerous. I don't know,  but she got it in her head to do crazy things. meanwhile, I  was talking about buying a house, jobs,  essentially planning for life.

 when we broke up, I  have made it a point to do those things she wanted,  push my boundaries  and get out of my comfort zone.  when I wrote to my Russian pen  pal, I described all the things I was doing.  expecting a bigger than life character,  she sees a   nervous and mild mannered  guy.  it didn't take away the fact that I  do those things,  except,  the bravado that comes with the activities I'm lacking.

I don't think I ever had a chance with her. her comments about cats was eye opening. I knew she had a cat,  but she said she preferred them because they were fluffy,  and then she said she like dogs too.  she had asked me that before,  and she was creating this very sweet and warm personality.  when I Skyped with her,  we laughed a lot and we would talk about everything.  I'm going to miss those sessions.

 never did I imagine her being so cold and discarding me like last week's newspaper.

[Ooooops]

May be it is too early for you to be dating at all, looks like your "ex" is still very much on your mind.

[lordtiberius]

who wants to have sex with a whiner or Mr. Mopey?

[lordtiberius]

May be it is too early for you to be dating at all, looks like your "ex" is still very much on your mind.

a lot of kids are like this nowadays

[JayH]

YB--most are going to say that it was better to get to a conclusion quickly-- I agree with that. I try and not introduce too much anecdotal stuff into my posts-- but I   have run into the "ice-cold" syndrome also. After a night out & a day trying,a ridiculous excuse to be absent on 2nd night, next moring I checked out of hotel and moved on. While driving some hours to another city-- my phone rings-- she asks 'what are we doing today"? I explain that I have left her city and that I am surprised she is even calling. She promptly says--'why have you left so soon"?  In summary-- I told her that it was clear that she had no interest and was going thru the motions ( perhaps she felt some obligation to entertain me!!) . She was amazed that I had reached that conclusion so fast !!  I had felt like the 3rd wheel when only the 2 of us were there!! At that time I had already had a fair exposure to FSUW  and thought I had learnt a little.
Subsequently-on later visits--I met that girl and her friends -- who all laughed at my meeting the first time with her and her behaviour. In effect-- she was seeing it as not being "easy" or desperate to attract a western guy-- so was playing it "cool"in her eyes.
So--it shows that there can be numerous explanations for any given behaviour.

btw  her real personality was totally different to my first impressions !!

[Ooooops]

a lot of kids are like this nowadays

I don't think it's the age that makes memories linger, it's an unfinished business.   

[BillyB]

I  guess she didn't like to be told what to think, and felt that I would control her like a pet.
 

 
If a woman admired and respect you, she'd respect what you say. Most women want a man they can learn from. Figure out how to become that man. Don't feel like you need to attract every woman. You won't. Nobody does but if you can be an attractive man to just 10% of the ladies out there, you will be a very busy man.
 
 

 you need to be more serious.   
 

Most RW aren't dreaming of marrying a comedian. Most want a MAN who is responsible and a leader. For those men who got RW to laugh, keep in mind, they may not be laughing with you, they may be laughing at you thinking "you stupid 50 yo child."
 
 

It is clear you have made mistake upon mistake--
 

 If a woman has the hots for a man, she can forgive flaws. Most of the mistakes YB thinks he made aren't deal breakers. One thing didn't turn off his girl. She looked at YB's total package and didn't like the overall look of it.
 

 the big trick is to learn and adapt.
 

Yes but YB needs to be careful and not turn into a "YES" man. He's entitled to his opinion and he can have disagreements with women. He needs to craft his arguments in a way that he will still be respected afterwards.
 
 

never did I imagine her being so cold and discarding me like last week's newspaper.

 
All is fair in love and war. You knew something was wrong early on yet YOU were the one that hung on too long. Be a gentleman and quit blaming her for having the feelings she's having. Would you feel better if she felt sorry for you misled you to believe there's something there for 4 more months only to tell you then she isn't into you? You should have said "goodbye" first. Your love life can improve if you get rid of the urge of wanting to spend time with someone when something isn't there.
 
I once visited a lady in Ukraine and it didn't work out. I immediately met ladies in the street, online, and in coffee shops. I'd get an average of 3 phone numbers a day. I could've average more but the rest of my days was committed to dating the women I just met. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out there and make the most out of the rest of your trip.

[GQBlues]

a couple of posts before someone mentioned that the image of YB  she had in her mind didn't match the real me in the flesh. I  think that has a lot of truth.

 so my  ex would get angry at me because I wasn't spontaneous. I  didn't want to join her bungee jumping,  sky diving,  etc.  because I  felt it was dangerous. I don't know,  but she got it in her head to do crazy things. meanwhile, I  was talking about buying a house, jobs,  essentially planning for life.

 when we broke up, I  have made it a point to do those things she wanted,  push my boundaries  and get out of my comfort zone.  when I wrote to my Russian pen  pal, I described all the things I was doing.  expecting a bigger than life character,  she sees a   nervous and mild mannered  guy.  it didn't take away the fact that I  do those things,  except,  the bravado that comes with the activities I'm lacking.

I don't think I ever had a chance with her. her comments about cats was eye opening. I knew she had a cat,  but she said she preferred them because they were fluffy,  and then she said she like dogs too.  she had asked me that before,  and she was creating this very sweet and warm personality.  when I Skyped with her,  we laughed a lot and we would talk about everything.  I'm going to miss those sessions.

 never did I imagine her being so cold and discarding me like last week's newspaper.

Dude, WTF. The Lakers are balling right now so I'll make this short and sweet.
 
Put the @!$#@ tissue box away. A year from now if you read what you're writing these days, you'd hate yourself.
 
The whole dog/cat crap is just that, crap. You are so blown to bits you're missing the entire point. What galls women like her from guys like you is you keep trying to make something philosophical over something so redundantly mundane and stupid. Don't get your dating tips from the resident grandpas, you're only 30 ferchrissakes. Unless you want to invest on some silly hedge funds or would like tips on how to navigate Medicare applications. then listen to them.

Fact #1: Had you look like Zac Efron, it wouldn't matter one iota if you own an entire kennel. She'd be all over you. But you don't and life is just like that. You can either face that fact or be a miserable loser bag the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself while everyone else around you are banging the chicks.
 
Fact #2: Since you don't look anything remotely like good ol' Zacky, then you can at least have the same 'tude guys like him do. Make soemthing in your silly attitude that will always counter-balance other guys' advantage. That's having an attitude and assured confidence. You don't and can't do that sobbing over someone who soon will likely be banging someone else the minute you skamper out of her shadow.

Be the kind of guy she thinks about even wheh she's surrounded by a dozen Zacs. ESPECIALLY when she's surrounded by a dozen Zacs.
 
Shake this entire experience off and chalk it up as something that simply opens a brand new door to a new babe.
 
Man, I can't believe you're from SoCal. Sheeeshh..grow a pair quickly and with serious intention.
 

[Ooooops]

Sheeeshh..grow a pair quickly and with serious intention.

Why pretend to be something that you ain't?   There are plenty of girls out there who don't think that this prickly pair and macho attached to it is the best God's gift to women.   

[lordtiberius]

SoCal men have nuts?  news to me

[GQBlues]

Why pretend to be something that you ain't?   There are plenty of girls out there who don't think that this prickly pair and macho attached to it is the best God's gift to women.   

Right . Now go and ask YoungBuck how that worked out for him.

[Ooooops]

Right . Now go and ask YoungBuck how that worked out for him.

May be it is because he was shaking that imaginary pair over Skype as a bait (just look at his nick name - Young Buck!  Wow!     ) and got a wrong girl as a result?

[TomT]

This ice-cold-behavior phenomenon is something that I have never experienced and I am at a loss to explain it. I have no idea if my methods are different or if the climate has cooled dramatically in the last four years but something is certainly amiss.

[TS]

Ice cold behavior is not good.  Never heard of someone getting married and staying married with ice cold behavior. 
Jay's story above says the girl was just playing cool but his profile says still looking.
Best to never skype or write and show up and start meeting RW one by one to one that clicks for both of you.  Then stop seeing others.  Seeing more and more people who sykpe and then disappointed on meeting. 

[JayH]

TS-- I have been in Ukraine quite a few times and made many friends-- not necessarily all marriage material . I am quite happy to have developed friendships as the reality is  the concept of WOMO is highly unlikely to succeed. Along my journey I have had many interesting experiences and learnt a lot from people I have met.
I am very much in the "go and meet" category--skype is good -- but nothing beats actual real life meeting.For me-- progressing a relationship to real life is everything.
My profile will always be a fair way behind current situation-- there are simply too many creepy people who access forums .

[southernX]

YB it might be me ,

but im thinking  it would be wise  to go back to the drawing board and look at your strategy from the start,

seriously consider   who/what type of profiles you should be making  contacts with ,

how much discovery did you do on yourself ??  like what makes you tick ??
what are you REALLY looking for in alife partner etc


the reason i ask this , from reading your posts you refer back to your ex gf a lot , that didnt work out , are you chasing a clone by making her your main reference in any new adventure ??

one other thing , i hope you didnt refer to her much wth the girl you just got dissed  by ??  as that is not good at all 

anyway , stay with us here , there is lots to be gleaned from others experience as well ,

with a trip under your belt you will have added to your knowledge , question is what will you do with the new found experience /knowledge ??

you will know when you find one that matches you ,
so be true to yourself , understand yourself and dont try to be something your not ,

good luck

SX

[Patagonie]

Pat, while your advice is always worthwhile, some of what you have written here just cannot be done on an international flight.  Shaving, for example, is out of the question if you use a non-electric razor (e.g. Gillette or whatever) because it wouldn't be allowed in your cabin bag.  Also, shaving cream would be banned because I've never seen it in a transparent can that is less than 100 ml in size.  The same applies to perfume (I'm guessing that you mean deodorant and/or aftershave/cologne) for the same reason.
 
Washing up and changing underclothes (and shirt) is certainly possible, and should be encouraged.  However, all of the above can actually wait until you get to the airport - collect your luggage, with its oversize containers of deodorant and shaving cream, and head straight to the rest room to freshen up and change (unless you are running late for a connecting flight).  It's not as though your lady friend will be waiting in the baggage claim area to greet you - unless she works in that part of the airport!  The extra 10 or 20 minutes that this takes should be well worth-while, and with luck you can blame Customs and Immigration if you are the last one out into the terminal.

Ok i give you more explanation :
I always used an electrical razor on battery. If you put a disposable Gillette in your cabin luggage i have a lot of doubt that they can detect it through scanner. For cream you use soap in the plane toilets and it works.

For perfume you have two options :
option one : you buy some of your favorite on duty free (never a stupid purchasing) and you open it in the last connecting flight, nobody will tell you something.
option two : when you pick up your luggage, being aware if your girl can see you or not, you open your suitcase and apply some perfume : total time of the operation two minutes maximum. Be careful because in some little ukrainian passport there is no transitional area and you are not protected from outside eyes (they sometimes give you your luggage directly when you leave the plane).
Generally when you arrive, for many reasons you are in hurry to get out and don't want to add 10 or 20 minutes to your hostess waiting you, and with the uncertainty of the infrastructure i would not play this card.

[Anotherkiwi]

You know, you don't have to buy a gallon bucket of perfume, even if it's a good deal.       They come in 50 ml size which is perfectly fine for airplane security.

I know that, Ooooops, but Patagonie was referring to perfume for men, which is why I added the reference to aftershave or cologne.
 

...option two : when you pick up your luggage, being aware if your girl can see you or not, you open your suitcase and apply some perfume : total time of the operation two minutes maximum.

[Ooooops]

I know that, Ooooops, but Patagonie was referring to perfume for men, which is why I added the reference to aftershave or cologne.

Ta-dah!   


http://bbperfumes.com/Bvlgari-%20Blv-%20Cologne-%20by-%20Bvlgari-Man

[Anotherkiwi]

Ok i give you more explanation :
I always used an electrical razor on battery.

Fine, but I don't. 
 

If you put a disposable Gillette in your cabin luggage i have a lot of doubt that they can detect it through scanner.

Believe me, those scanners can see everything! 
 

For perfume you have two options :
option one : you buy some of your favorite on duty free (never a stupid purchasing) and you open it in the last connecting flight, nobody will tell you something.

Ooooops has found the small Bvlgari bottles, which would be fine, but I'm happy to keep anything like that in my suitcase - so far I've never had my luggage go AWOL, and that includes several domestic flights within Russia.
 

option two : when you pick up your luggage, being aware if your girl can see you or not, you open your suitcase and apply some perfume : total time of the operation two minutes maximum. Be careful because in some little ukrainian passport there is no transitional area and you are not protected from outside eyes (they sometimes give you your luggage directly when you leave the plane).
Generally when you arrive, for many reasons you are in hurry to get out and don't want to add 10 or 20 minutes to your hostess waiting you, and with the uncertainty of the infrastructure i would not play this card.

I'm thinking more of the main arrival from overseas, rather than the final arrival at Samara, Dnepropetrovsk, L'viv or wherever.  Of the international airports, I'm most familiar with Domodedovo - yes, people waiting to greet can see into part of the baggage claim area, but there are toilets opposite one of the carousels whose entrance can't be seen from the public part of the terminal.  If time permits me to freshen up, I would hope that the lady I've gone to see would appreciate the extra effort I've made to look and smell as clean as possible before overwhelming her with my magnetic presence!
 
In any case, the point is moot for me, because on both my trips I had arrived in Moscow some days ahead of travelling onwards to meet the women I went to see.  I therefore only had to be fresh enough to last the 50 and 90 minutes which each flight took. 

[mendeleyev]

YB, in previous posts it seemed as if you had a romantic scenario all laid out, a best case fantasy as it were. I'm wondering if what you read in her initial response was simply the real world not meeting the expectations you had constructed in your dreams?

Btw, I've passed the milestone of 23 with all 3 of our daughters and can't imagine any of them being swept off their feet by a foreign man when they were 23.

[Gator]

YB, in previous posts it seemed as if you had a romantic scenario all laid out, a best case fantasy as it were. I'm wondering if what you read in her initial response was simply the real world not meeting the expectations you had constructed in your dreams?

True, yet corresponding with just one woman and meeting only her does IMO create the opportunity for grossly exaggerated expectations, especially for a man making his first trip.   

Btw, I've passed the milestone of 23 with all 3 of our daughters and can't imagine any of them being swept off their feet by a foreign man when they were 23.

  My stepdaughter is 24.  Gorgeous, smart, proud and serious.   She has received much attention from men.   No man (in Russia, Austria or America) has ever swept her off her feet.   Around new men, she is neither cold nor warm, just friendly.    You can tell that her mind is working.   Aggressive men turn her off and are quickly dismissed (as Oooops stated in Reply #133).

[ML]

Pat, while your advice is always worthwhile, some of what you have written here just cannot be done on an international flight.

Shaving, for example, is out of the question if you use a non-electric razor (e.g. Gillette or whatever) because it wouldn't be allowed in your cabin bag.  Also, shaving cream would be banned because I've never seen it in a transparent can that is less than 100 ml in size.  The same applies to perfume (I'm guessing that you mean deodorant and/or aftershave/cologne) for the same reason.

The toilets in First Class area of planes have shaving razors, shaving cream and after shave lotion.

Not traveling First Class . . . just brazen your way in regardless.

Also, there are small battery powered electric razors available to buy and carry with.

[ML]

To wash himself as he can and bring some clothes in cabin to change at least his underclothes.
To perfume himself also.

You don't need to change underclothes.  Just take off he articles you are wearing and turn them inside out.

And, as an optional extra, as you are changing, just splash a good quantity of men's perfume (cologne) on them . . . then you don't even need to wash either.

Or maybe do nothing . . . and follow Napoleon's edict to Josephine.

[ML]

 
Most RW aren't dreaming of marrying a comedian. Most want a MAN who is responsible and a leader. For those men who got RW to laugh, keep in mind, they may not be laughing with you, they may be laughing at you thinking "you stupid 50 yo child."

I disagree mostly.  Yes, maybe not dreaming of full blown comedian, but humor and even a lot of humor (as in frequent jokes or humorous stores everyday) has worked great for me with women the world over (except for orientals).

Yes, there were a few (actually very small percentage, like 10% or less) who didn't appreciate humor . . . and they were quickly dropped.

And don't come back with the tired old line . . . "yes, but how many of them did you get to marry you" . . . because I never had as my goal getting married anyway.  Not to say I won't, but never the goal.

But, on the other hand, as has been said often here . . . you must be yourself.  Some guys are naturally humorous and some are not.