Ice cold behavior on first meet

[YoungBuck]

oh  so tired, taking a break to recharge my batteries..

 I'm not a pushover,  and I don't shower anyone with love unless it's deserved.  I'm actually quite   clan like in my behavior.  if you are a friend or family, I  will have your back,  but I  expect the same loyalty. I tend to be intractable,  and  think in absolutes. that's why I'm trying new things to push my perception.

in fact, I  did mention I would visit my friends in Moscow. I  actually told her in the beginning,  that the only reason why I even contemplated the mob  thing was because of them.  my experience then of Russians  was based on them.  first I said,,  let's meet in Moscow,  have fun visiting dies,  meet my friend s,  and I can arrange separate accommodations and flights. she said no,  only her city.  ok,  then I said if we work out,  perhaps she would like to travel to meet them. I offered separate rooms if she felt more comfortable.  she brushed of the question saying that lets meet first,  etc.

I  am really looking for someone to marry and have a family. I  can get sex,  free or paid,  much easier than traveling to Russia,  so obviously I'm not looking for that.  I  told her about my nephews and  that I would like to have kids some day. I  think I may have scared her but that's the purpose of this no?  to find a good woman,  the whole nine yards? that is the reason why she's on,  to find the same.  could be a maturity issue and that's why she as well as my ex ran.  my ex  is  just one year older, 24.

 Perhaps she was just fearful and reacted strongly to that,  and it didn't even matter if it was me or Enrique Iglesias  who walked in. I would never know though. 

[Shadow]

Whatever it was with this girl or your ex, it is over and done with.
They are now your past, keep the good memories and valuable lessons, and never mention them unless asked about.
Move forward, and yes perhaps you might look for someone closer to 30 who will be much more inclined to produce offspring in the near future and think less about having fun and traveling the world.

As for the 'mob thing' you have one issue which is time. If you really have just single travel possibility in a year that severely limits your chances.
Once you are back, providing nobody showed up in the mean time, take a short time considering your options. If your next trip abroad is October 2014, I would suggest to spend 6 months locally before once again putting your horizons on the rest of the world. That way you have enough time to make initial explorations without getting lost in fantasy too long. This experience is to your benefit. First of all you know now that only a face to face meeting decides your future together.
Second after the first experience on the ground you know much better what to expect both good and bad.

In my dating time the whole world was my hunting ground. That I happened to find a wife in Moscow was pure luck. She could have come from any other place on the Earth, including my own street. I never gave up, and never considered my age or time and money spent. There was just one goal, to find a life partner and I was not going to give up until I found one who was dumb enough to accept me.

[BillyB]

 
 

the comedian would've gotten laid.

 
Funny guys can get laid but most of the time being funny is not much of a factor in sealing the deal. RW value a man that's serious more than funny when evaluating him for husband material. Telling too many jokes can make a guy look less serious and less appealing. When I was dating my wife, telling jokes was not a priority but now we're married, I tell more jokes now than then.
 
 

saying that lets meet first, 

 
It's easy for women to say "Let's meet". It's your job to gauge a woman's interest in you before agreeing. You said you Skyped with her but did you get her phone number and call at random times? By calling her on the phone, you may catch her with her friends, shopping, or just walking down the street and if she really likes you, she'd happily talk to you instead of saying "I'm busy". I certainly wouldn't visit a woman who isn't thrilled to hear my voice anytime of the day. If you do this again, Skype is ok for scheduled talks but get on the phone more often.

[GQBlues]

...I  am really looking for someone to marry and have a family. I  can get sex,  free or paid,  much easier than traveling to Russia,  so obviously I'm not looking for that.  I  told her about my nephews and  that I would like to have kids some day. I  think I may have scared her but that's the purpose of this no?  to find a good woman,  the whole nine yards? that is the reason why she's on,  to find the same.  could be a maturity issue and that's why she as well as my ex ran.  my ex  is  just one year older, 24.

 Perhaps she was just fearful and reacted strongly to that,  and it didn't even matter if it was me or Enrique Iglesias  who walked in. I would never know though.

Yup. Typical MOBer sentiment. The fault lies on everyone else...

But so far, at least, you haven't yet graduated to "ALL AWs are fat". Give it some more time though, I'm certain you will sooner than later.

[Gator]

I would definitely suggest a neutral ground for anyone contemplating a meet up. No one should have home advantage, or else they could just cut you and carry on like you never existed. At least, both parties feel equally invested and willing to give it a shot.

Wrong!    There are good reasons for meeting on neutral ground, but imprisoning a woman who does not like you to spend time with you is not a good reason. 
 
Best to meet the first time in her city.  However, if there is little to do in her city or if it is remote then neutral ground is okay provided you have spent considerable time on Skype developing rapport, .
 

The prolonged conversation we had, I felt for the first time since my break up, willing to love wholeheartedly again, but I'm back to square one.

You never left square one.  You still seem preoccupied with your -ex.  The best way to forget about a woman is to find another woman.   You thought you had such in your pen pal.  Alas, it did not work out, but making the attempt is good.  So you are close to   
 
How many times did you mention your -ex to your RW pen pal?  CLUE:  once is too many.  If a RW asks you about your -ex, give a short positive response and then change the subject.    Never, never, never introduce the subject of your -ex.  And never go into details.  Past is past.   
 
 

She, like my ex, seemed so repulsed by my existence. With my ex, I don't know how I went from being her one and only, to despicable.

Did you ask your -ex?  Some small annoying things can become huge if they persist.

If your soft hearted this isn't for you. I'm starting to see what people call the mysterious Russian soul, and it's carving an existence from a bleak reality. People act courteous because they need to save face later, but if they will never see you again, courtesy is just a fancy word that's hard to write. That's why we have stories of Russian women walking out with family in tow after the green card arrives. That's cruel but that's life.

You are describing the older RW who did go through some difficult times.  Many of them have a survivor mentality.  It does not mean they are bad.  Many hard types can melt if they feel secure with you.  Perhaps the younger RW have been trained by their mothers. 

Well, I avoided writing to Moscow girls because everyone said they were just gold diggers and sex workers...

There are many incredibly fine women in Moscow.  They have choices and are thus more selective.   

I'm afraid to say, but I must have repulsed her a lot if I couldn't even sell the LA lifestyle of a beachfront condo, fashionable clothes, fancy cars, etc. Shit I suck.

You can't buy love.  Sell yourself first, not your lifestyle.

One thing that bothers the most is that she thought I was a sex tourist or player....Or is it because Latino culture that is just so hyper sexualized that I don't even catch what I'm doing

 

Who knows?  Perhaps the two of you are simply incompatible in key ways.  Your persona may work with other women.
 
If you do another WOVO trip, you need to do a better job of filtering compatibility during your correspondence phase .    If you had done a WMVM trip, you would have simply said "Next" upon meeting your pen pal. 

[lordtiberius]

Somebody is jealous of Young Buck

[mendeleyev]

Young Buck, the good news is that you have traveled to Russia, something that most people in North America will only dream about. You have done so, and two major cities at that!

I'm very glad that you liked Moscow. To be honest your assessment of both cities is a bit jaundiced based on your experiences. True that Voronezh is not a cosmopolitan city like Moscow but there are beautiful parts of Voronezh but you weren't able to see them in your circumstances. There are parts of Moscow that look as you described in Voronezh too, but we often view a place in relation to our emotions. Flitabout was very correct in description.

I too love that blend of Asia and Europe and those are among the most beautiful type ladies on the planet to my taste. Everyone has a preference and it seems as if you are discovering yours.

Your frequent mention of the "ex" tells me that you have not put that previous relationship behind you. Oh, the two of you are over, but the reasons for that failure are not yet behind you. I'd recommend that you seek advice outside your normal friendship circle and ask for input. I use a business coach to help me evaluate blind spots I"m not seeing in growing my business ventures and invariably personal issues pop up--they have to as we are human and it is nigh impossible to separate one from the other.

You've received some great advice on these pages, take it to heart and move forward in life.

[SANDRO43]

Somebody is jealous of Young Buck

Most unlikely .

[cc3]

In my dating time the whole world was my hunting ground. That I happened to find a wife in Moscow was pure luck. She could have come from any other place on the Earth, including my own street. I never gave up, and never considered my age or time and money spent. There was just one goal, to find a life partner and I was not going to give up until I found one who was dumb enough to accept me.

+1000...
My exact experience and sentiment, although my quest ended, successfully, in Luhans'k. If I could have ventured forth to the FSU from the US only once per year, it never would have happened.

[YoungBuck]

I found a job with more flexibility so I'm able to go three or four times per year,  that is not an issue anymore.  it also helps in keeping in touch.

 now I understand it is me.  Two girls spread out through 12  time zones and they both run?

I never speak about my ex. I only mention her here because I can be candid with my thoughts.  so what do you guys think could be my issue?

 considering  we Skype,  etc.  it is something in person,  and it isn't physical I  think.  something that oozes out in person though,  and it is either  pathetic or scary.

 would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

[Ooooops]

The fact is that this girl would only agree on meeting in her hometown, starting with lunch at her home surrounded by her family, makes me think that she didn't trust YB much to be alone with him in unknown surroundings.   Meaning that even on-line something was not right and meeting in person confirmed that suspicion very quickly. 

[Belvis]

would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?

You should ask, in my opinion. Confident men don't fear to learn their failures.

[pokerintherear]

would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

Please don't do this. In a month or 2 you should be putting energy towards a woman who is interested in you. You will not get an answer that satisfies you. Its the man logic, woman emotion, riddle.

You will look like a weak man in her eyes. Just move on and spare yourself the embarrassment.

[Shadow]

I found a job with more flexibility so I'm able to go three or four times per year,  that is not an issue anymore.  it also helps in keeping in touch.

 now I understand it is me.  Two girls spread out through 12  time zones and they both run?

I never speak about my ex. I only mention her here because I can be candid with my thoughts.  so what do you guys think could be my issue?

 considering  we Skype,  etc.  it is something in person,  and it isn't physical I  think.  something that oozes out in person though,  and it is either  pathetic or scary.

 would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

It depends on your relationship. If there is regular contact, it could be. If not, I doubt you will get a reliable answer on such question.

But it is not up to others to tell you how not to be. It is up to you to find someone who can live with you at your worst.

[Boethius]

I found a job with more flexibility so I'm able to go three or four times per year,  that is not an issue anymore.  it also helps in keeping in touch.

 now I understand it is me.  Two girls spread out through 12  time zones and they both run?

I never speak about my ex. I only mention her here because I can be candid with my thoughts.  so what do you guys think could be my issue?

 considering  we Skype,  etc.  it is something in person,  and it isn't physical I  think.  something that oozes out in person though,  and it is either  pathetic or scary.

 would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

I don't think she will be truthful, as you didn't have much of a relationship to begin with.   It would be better to ask a female friend who has no romantic interest in you.

It could be as simple as she just wasn't interested.  You should not change who you are.  Out there is someone who will love you just as you are.  The only thing I would note is all women like a man who projects confidence.  It makes them feel secure.

[GQBlues]

... would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

A month or two?!? Dude, are you nuts? Why wait that long? I guarantee you her friends and family had been holding a vigil in their living room to console her because the gal is so devasted with thoughts she may have lost you. You should've gone back a long time ago and reassure her you're the only one for her, showing her your undying devotion, showering her with your immeasurable love...yeah, Russian women love that in a man. Bring K-1 papers with you when you go back to let her know you are one serious dude, man.
 
If you are finding it a bit difficult to get the nerve to bang of her door, now, today...that's cool. That's why I'm here to help a bruddah out. I'm posting a great source of inspiration for you and all you'll have to do is click play on the video, close the door and close your eyes, listen to every word in the song, and hang dearly to the very meaning of the message....then, in a very sincere, low-toned voice...slowly tell yourself....
 
":::::::Yes, I can do this. I use to only be Wuss. Now, I've finally become an MOBer, too":::::::::"
 
Believe she's in her lonely self, crying her heart out since the day you left, thinking/knowing you may have left her all alone for the rest of her life when you're all she can ever think about. How will she live from this day forward? How? She knows, understand and realizes she made a mistakew. Russian women are like that. They're survivors. It's hard for them to express themselves so easily and openly. "Give her other evidences of the feelings" This is song you hear is exactly the feeling she's feeling for you since you've gone..
 


 

[GQBlues]

Oh, and I just want to say I think that caption "Pretty cool black screen, eh?" in the beginning is really touching...
 
Anyway, here's another pefect song for the 'two' of you...you can make it 'Our Song'.
 

[LiveFromUkraine]

I found a job with more flexibility so I'm able to go three or four times per year,  that is not an issue anymore.  it also helps in keeping in touch.

 now I understand it is me.  Two girls spread out through 12  time zones and they both run?

I never speak about my ex. I only mention her here because I can be candid with my thoughts.  so what do you guys think could be my issue?

 considering  we Skype,  etc.  it is something in person,  and it isn't physical I  think.  something that oozes out in person though,  and it is either  pathetic or scary.

 would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

YoungBuck, I think you should be concentrating on yourself first.  You seem to be having some problems with insecurity.  For me, it comes across that way in some of your posts.


If you don't address the personal issues, chances are that any relationship will fail.


Don't ask her why she didn't want to be with you.  You are just not what she wanted.  The same for many women you don't want.  It isn't personal, it is just preferences.  We all have them. 

I bet if you were dating more this wouldn't be stuck in your head. 

[lordtiberius]

All this great advice and you speak to none of it.   

[Slumba]

I found a job with more flexibility so I'm able to go three or four times per year,  that is not an issue anymore.  it also helps in keeping in touch.

 now I understand it is me.  Two girls spread out through 12  time zones and they both run?

I never speak about my ex. I only mention her here because I can be candid with my thoughts.  so what do you guys think could be my issue?

 considering  we Skype,  etc.  it is something in person,  and it isn't physical I  think.  something that oozes out in person though,  and it is either  pathetic or scary.

 would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

I think it is very unlikely that you would get an answer that would help you. Women LIE, whenever it is convenient for them to do so; but especially around issues of emotions and the heart.

[YoungBuck]

 well I used to think I was confident and secure but I've been in a dating slump.
I actually  have been working the alumni clubs but I get one or two dates each, where I  think we have a good time,  but then radio silence.I  went out with this Russian girl from Stanford,  and she sent me a text saying I was great guy,  etc.  when I thanked her for the effusive reaction,  asked her for another date,  some place romantic,  she went silent...
I have been frustrated over the whole thing and this whole nuclear reaction really  sucked.  the vacation had been great,  and I'm looking forward to moving on.

[2tallbill]

would it too much to ask this girl, a month or two after,  why she rejected me?  I'll frame it in a  way of self discovery and not like a way of begging.

You could ask but you will never get a straight answer and that's assuming
she knows why anyway. A 23 year old girl changes her mind with the wind.
I've asked ladies after the fact what happened, and I always got some BS
that never made any sense.


Write it down in your book as chemistry. The best way to forget about a
girl is in the arms of another.


One of these days if you keep at it you will find a girl who IS THE girl.
Then you will wonder what the heck you saw in the 23 year old from
Voronezh. The only way to find THE girl is to move on and start looking.


Udachi !


Bill

[LiveFromUkraine]

I think it is very unlikely that you would get an answer that would help you. Women LIE, whenever it is convenient for them to do so; but especially around issues of emotions and the heart.

PEOPLE lie all the time.  It isn't a woman thing.  Hell, it isn't uncommon for people to lie to themselves. I have to say you come off as a woman hater in many of your posts.   

[LiveFromUkraine]

well I used to think I was confident and secure but I've been in a dating slump.
I actually  have been working the alumni clubs but I get one or two dates each, where I  think we have a good time,  but then radio silence.I  went out with this Russian girl from Stanford,  and she sent me a text saying I was great guy,  etc.  when I thanked her for the effusive reaction,  asked her for another date,  some place romantic,  she went silent...
I have been frustrated over the whole thing and this whole nuclear reaction really  sucked.  the vacation had been great,  and I'm looking forward to moving on.

There shouldn't be much to move on from.   You met this girl once.      

[GQBlues]

..Write it down in your book as chemistry. The best way to forget about a girl is in the arms of another.

   Bill, that has been the problem. Apparently, his personality had been like grease on a sliding pole with women. YoungBuck has been having a hard time gettin *a* girl long enough to forget the last one, LOL. He's been at it for a few years now.
 
As soon as he shows up, women hack their homes, sell their kids, divorce their family, neighbors and Senators, then burn the town down - running and blasting past Forrest Gump...just to get away from him.
 
So under this circumstances, what can you really advice him to do?