Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[die_cast]

I know if I would get involved with another one that I will not be paying for everything like this time.  That was a HUGE mistake. 

Do you seriously think that was your main mistake? Money? Not that you didn't pay enough attention, not that you didn't make efforts to learn much more about her and her life, but that you paid for her tickets? Really? That what you sorry about now, not your time, not your feelings, but your money?
And next time you will do the same, just you will ask your woman to pay for herself and your mistakes?

[pitbull]

Do you seriously think that was your main mistake? Money? Not that you didn't pay enough attention, not that you didn't make efforts to learn much more about her and her life, but that you paid for her tickets? Really? That what you sorry about now, not your time, not your feelings, but your money?
And next time you will do the same, just you will ask your woman to pay for herself and your mistakes?

His main mistake was to go there in the first place. He should not be allowed to show up in the FSU.

Mod edit: Please refrain from personal attack. Last warning

[die_cast]

Completely clueless and wacky.

Unfortunatelly, he is. Clueless about women and establishing a relationship with them.

[Muzh]

"Snuggling" while a kid is screaming and throwing herself into walls in the next room.... and yanking the plug on the internet are just goofy...when compared to the other ideas. 


If anything many of the things I advocated earlier, have been reinforced throughout the thread by many people whose opinions are well thought out and logical. 


Fathertime!

Feel free to disregard what another RW had said pertaining this subject.
 
What the hell do I know? Or the RW for that fact?
 
Right?

[Muzh]

I know if I would get involved with another one that I will not be paying for everything like this time.  That was a HUGE mistake.  I dated another girl from Moscow years ago and she came here entirely on her own dime, which was great.  Unfortunately it didn't work out, but this situation where I'm paying for everything, including having to buy both her and her daughter new clothes because she didn't pack much (because her damn luggage was full of Japanese DVDs and books) is a bunch of BS.

I'll join the Ade and Pitbull chorus.
 
Dude, you are cluless. Stop doing this to yourself.

[Muzh]

Do you seriously think that was your main mistake? Money? Not that you didn't pay enough attention, not that you didn't make efforts to learn much more about her and her life, but that you paid for her tickets? Really? That what you sorry about now, not your time, not your feelings, but your money?
And next time you will do the same, just you will ask your woman to pay for herself and your mistakes?

And you haven't figured this out yet?
 
Hint: check the prenup threads for more examples.
 

[Hammer2722]

jmana,


This will not work. I hope she realized she was coming for a trial, not to get married, and she didn't quit her job in St. Pete.
You need to sit down, have a frank conversation and have her go back as soon as possible to cause as little disruption to her and her daughter's life as possible. Give her enough money to resettle her life.


On another note, please do not come back to FSU for another woman. This is not for you, you are clueless about women, children and relationships in general.

Absolutely correct!!!! 

[Hammer2722]

No, just trying to figure out what will be the easiest for her.

Its not about what is easiest for her dude. you brought her here on a K1 visa. Seattle is not an option. YOU!!!! must send her back if you have no intention of marrying her. Man up and do what is your responsibility. Send her back home.....

[pitbull]

His main mistake was to go there in the first place. He should not be allowed to show up in the FSU.

Mod edit: Please refrain from personal attack. Last warning

Oh,really? He IS clueless and has no idea about relationships, this is glaringly obvious. He PERSONALLY got himself and the woman and the small child into this situation by going about this in a completely clueless, wacky, and outright stupid way.
Now what?

[fathertime]

Feel free to disregard what another RW had said pertaining this subject.
 
What the hell do I know? Or the RW for that fact?
 
Right?

Well I don't think the ideas were good...it has nothing to do with 'what you know about RW'....letting a children throw a wild tantrum the next room over during 'snuggle time' wasn't feasible....and disconnecting the internet is not the right way to go about it either....There has always been reasonable alternatives like having a 'frank discussion'...  It would appear to me that is in all likelihood a lost cause though.  Just ending the situation appears to be the best of the less than perfect options. 


Fathertime!   

[pitbull]

His main mistake was to go there in the first place. He should not be allowed to show up in the FSU.

Mod edit: Please refrain from personal attack. Last warning

Also - sometimes this doesn't work, just because people are not compatible in the end, not because something is wrong with them.


But there are AM who just should not go to FSU. They have no time, money, basic understanding of relationships and women, or frankly the minimum IQ needed to have a chance at this. As a FSUW who went through this process and has been reading FSUW stories for years, I can spot these men pretty easily.


Jmana is one of them. He should stay where he is.


If I get banned for this "personal attack", but my words encourage jmana to reconsider, I will deem this my best input on RWD

[jmana]

Do you seriously think that was your main mistake? Money? Not that you didn't pay enough attention, not that you didn't make efforts to learn much more about her and her life, but that you paid for her tickets? Really? That what you sorry about now, not your time, not your feelings, but your money?
And next time you will do the same, just you will ask your woman to pay for herself and your mistakes?

Did I say that was the "main" mistake?  No.  What I was saying is if she would have had to invest something into this also, maybe she would have thought more about it before coming here.  But I think she was of the opinion "why not go and see what happens, I'm not losing anything on the deal".  And I think she's still thinking that she's waiting to see what happens, but I don't see how anything is to develop when she is putting zero effort into it.  It's not just going to happen on it's own, and even though I'm trying to win her over, it's not a one way street.  All she wants to do is to keep doing what she apparently has always been doing, and that's been to be a lazy bum who sits and writes pointless stories all day, which explains why her daughter took so long to speak, she probably was never spoken to by her mom.  I imagine it was even worse when she was working full time, I bet her daughter was really ignored.  It also explains why Alina would sleep all day on her days off, she was probably up all night online while her kid wasn't trying to get her attention.   Maybe it's a good idea to have a person investigated before applying for a K1, I know in my case it would have been, if I would have known the extent to her involvement in this fantasy world I would have never pursued this further. 

[Wayne]

Jmana, you did not answer! What work did Alina do in St Petersburg?
 
Or did she just play on the computer? Did she live with her Mother? Did her Mother work and support Alina and Maria?
 
You cannot force her to return to Russia! You can be stuck for 125% of the poverty level to support both of them.
 
I suggest you call USCIS to find out your options.

[TheTraveler]

how many weeks has she been here?

after her arrival, how many days have you taken off work (excluding weekends)?

did you have a wedding day picked out?

[Hammer2722]

Did I say that was the "main" mistake?  No.  What I was saying is if she would have had to invest something into this also, maybe she would have thought more about it before coming here.  But I think she was of the opinion "why not go and see what happens, I'm not losing anything on the deal".  And I think she's still thinking that she's waiting to see what happens, but I don't see how anything is to develop when she is putting zero effort into it.  It's not just going to happen on it's own, and even though I'm trying to win her over, it's not a one way street.  All she wants to do is to keep doing what she apparently has always been doing, and that's been to be a lazy bum who sits and writes pointless stories all day, which explains why her daughter took so long to speak, she probably was never spoken to by her mom.  I imagine it was even worse when she was working full time, I bet her daughter was really ignored.  It also explains why Alina would sleep all day on her days off, she was probably up all night online while her kid wasn't trying to get her attention.   Maybe it's a good idea to have a person investigated before applying for a K1, I know in my case it would have been, if I would have known the extent to her involvement in this fantasy world I would have never pursued this further.

Maybe it would have been a good idea to have made several trips and lived with her to actually build up a real relationship. You would have seen the real her and never would have brought her over. This is all mostly your fault not hers....

[jmana]

Jmana, you did not answer! What work did Alina do in St Petersburg?
 
Or did she just play on the computer? Did she live with her Mother? Did her Mother work and support Alina and Maria?
 
You cannot force her to return to Russia! You can be stuck for 125% of the poverty level to support both of them.
 
I suggest you call USCIS to find out your options.

She had a job working at a photo and graphic arts shop up until October. She lived with a roommate (also a single mom) up till sometime around November then moved back with her parents.  She had quit the job because her roommate's daughter needed some major surgery and they had to go out of town, and this woman was taking care of Maria when Alina was working, so at the end of October she no longer had anyone to leave her daughter with.  Her parents work full time, and her siblings are in school.  She could have gone back in December, but since she was coming here in January she didn't.

[jmana]

how many weeks has she been here?

after her arrival, how many days have you taken off work (excluding weekends)?

did you have a wedding day picked out?

She's been here for 2 weeks.  I've taken off more than half that time (not including weekends).  No wedding date picked out. 

[jmana]

Maybe it would have been a good idea to have made several trips and lived with her to actually build up a real relationship. You would have seen the real her and never would have brought her over. This is all mostly your fault not hers....

Yeah, in a perfect world that would be great.  Real life is a little more messy.

[Hammer2722]

Yeah, in a perfect world that would be great.  Real life is a little more messy.

Not reallly, only when your not using your big head to do the thinking do things get messy..

[jmana]

Not reallly, only when your not using your big head to do the thinking do things get messy..

Trust me, I was not going at this thinking I was getting some hot sex partner.  If I wanted that I would have stayed with the 24 year old nympho chick I dated last year    Sex was the last thing on my mind. 

[AnonMod]

Also - sometimes this doesn't work, just because people are not compatible in the end, not because something is wrong with them.


But there are AM who just should not go to FSU. They have no time, money, basic understanding of relationships and women, or frankly the minimum IQ needed to have a chance at this. As a FSUW who went through this process and has been reading FSUW stories for years, I can spot these men pretty easily.


Jmana is one of them. He should stay where he is.


If I get banned for this "personal attack", but my words encourage jmana to reconsider, I will deem this my best input on RWD

Careful. I am not agreeing or disagreeing with your previous post. I am insisting that you refrain from personal attack. You are a smart woman, craft your posts to not hurl insult or personal attack, PERIOD, attack the posts not the poster.

Stop challenging moderation, you will lose

[Shadow]

While it seems easy to put jmana in to a corner and flog a number of dead horses on what he did wrong, it is more productive to concentrate on what is ahead for everyone involved.

First of all, jmana needs to either get closure on his current situation or find a way to turn it around. As said, considering her behaviour the exit strategy seems to be the logical option, unless jmana wants to spend the next month or so doing what he should have done before opening the K-1 and that is build a relationship. The problem there is that it takes two people and so far he seems to be on his own.

As far as future relations, it is too early to think about it. What is clear is that if jmana wishes to pursue a FSUW, he will need t be willing to pay foor all incurring cost. A prospective spouse gives up het friends, family and job, with the chance of returning back with nothing more than she had, minus her job and money. Being paid the travel costs seems to be a minimal compensation.

[TheTraveler]

... Sex was the last thing on my mind.

jmana, in about 90% of your posts, there's something that makes me *cringe*!

[Wayne]

So Alina has no job to go back to and no place to live, plus no one to watch the child so she can work. How can you just send her back?
 
Perhaps you should call her father?

[jmana]

As far as future relations, it is too early to think about it. What is clear is that if jmana wishes to pursue a FSUW, he will need t be willing to pay foor all incurring cost. A prospective spouse gives up het friends, family and job, with the chance of returning back with nothing more than she had, minus her job and money. Being paid the travel costs seems to be a minimal compensation.

Oh I think I'm done with the FSU thing if this ship can't be turned around (which I think it's about 2 inches from hitting an iceberg at this point).  If what you people say is true, and I have to spend thousands of dollars and actually live there (which is impossible because I have a real JOB and a SON) to break through the facade and see what these women are really like, then it's not worth it, I'd rather be alone.  I'll just assume that most of them are putting on a front and that maybe there are a few needles in the haystack, but it's not worth the effort to find them.  And yeah, I don't see a problem with paying for the travel costs, but I think if a woman is serious it's not unreasonable to ask her to cover some of the costs such as the visa fees, or at least the medical exam fees.  Even if it's a token thing just to show she's willing to put something into this future she claims to want so badly.