Women with Children - more strongly worded advice

[jone]

Quite honestly, Mies, and Southpaw, neither of them are without blame, as with any marriage that ends.  And neither is fully to blame.  On behalf of your son, Southpaw, you should revel in your future and be cordial to your ex.  If not, the impact will certainly be felt by him  - and you and Jmana will have only yourselves to blame.

Jmana, you have used this forum to drag us all through your mud for the past couple of months.  You took nobody's advice on here, and when you had the chance to be noble, you flagged.  It is time to belly up to the bar and be a man.  A man doesn't spend a minute ratting out his ex.  He does things that build up his family.  You may have problems, but your job is to rise above them.  Should you choose to spend your life with Alina, your job, every day, is to build her up - regardless of how you think she is treating you. 

My dearly departed uncle, whom I remember fondly, used to tell us that a man and a woman do not contribute 50/50 percent to a marriage.  They both contribute 110/110 and never worry about how much the other is contributing.  If you don't believe that Alina is up to the task, then you shouldn't be with her.

There isn't anyone on this forum who lives a perfect life.  Hopefully, these two couples can grab a bit of air and recede from the limelight.

[die_cast]

People, you scare me... 

[TheTraveler]

i had jmana pegged from the git go as cheap and self centered.

and i believe that he's probably almost as bad as southpaw describes.

but what i can't figure out is why southpaw isn't fighting to have custody of her son, so he can be raised in a less abnormal environment?

that just doesn't sit right.

[die_cast]

but what i can't figure out is why southpaw hasn't fought to have custody of her son

She wrote why.

[TheTraveler]

...and you stop paying jmana money...

a telling choice of words.

is that how you see it?

southpaw is paying *jmana* $500 per month?

according to the story, that's her kid, too.  and i've got news for you, $500 a month isn't enough to half raise a kid.

sick.

[jmana]

This story makes me cry.

I think it should be used as a case study on "what type of guys NOT to marry" in the book of "finding a spouse" advices.

Or what woman to not marry.  Seriously, never marry a woman who thinks she's god's gift to men, and that her crap don't stink, and is a narcissist, because she will make your life hell. 

[jmana]

 A man doesn't spend a minute ratting out his ex.  He does things that build up his family.  You may have problems, but your job is to rise above them.  Should you choose to spend your life with Alina, your job, every day, is to build her up - regardless of how you think she is treating you. 

Hey, I didn't start this BS.  She's the one who came on here and started dredging up past crap that has absolutely no bearing on anything in the present.  That's because she's a woman who lives in the past and will never let go.  Look at what she writes, keeping all these "papers".   Like what the hell does she think she's going to do with that??  Try to get custody someday?  Yeah, good luck with that.  Oh judge, sorry I abandoned my son while I went out and married a drug dealer and stripped, and then took off for Florida and since have only seen him for maybe 3 weeks out of the year, but I promise I'm better now, and besides I have all these PAPERS showing my ex went to such and such porn site in the year 2006 and he witnessed a beheading online, and I think I should have custody just because I feel like it's a good idea.  Yeah, OKAY!! 

[jmana]

a telling choice of words.

is that how you see it?

southpaw is paying *jmana* $500 per month?

according to the story, that's her kid, too.  and i've got news for you, $500 a month isn't enough to half raise a kid.

sick.

She's not paying $500 a month (I have NO idea where you came up with that figure), and you're right, what she IS paying isn't nearly enough to raise a kid.

[jmana]

but what i can't figure out is why southpaw isn't fighting to have custody of her son, so he can be raised in a less abnormal environment?

Because she only cares about herself and she thought she could be a model (cough cough) and having a kid just wouldn't fit her lifestyle.  True story.  I gave him a VERY normal environment.  The only abnormal thing about his upbringing is his mother, and her occasional decisions to be involved in his life.  She'd go months without contacting him, then all of a sudden it's every day "have him call me" and he's like "why?".  She's a mom on her own time.   She's always making broken promises.  She only cares about one person, and that's herself.

[Gator]

Quite honestly, Mies, and Southpaw, neither of them are without blame, as with any marriage that ends.  And neither is fully to blame.

 


Completely agree.   

We at RWD always wonder about the other side of the story.  Having heard both sides, my only conclusion is that ML has more evidence to support his thesis that it is far better to not marry than marry.   

On behalf of your son, Southpaw, you should revel in your future and be cordial to your ex.  If not, the impact will certainly be felt by him  - and you and Jmana will have only yourselves to blame.

This goes both ways.  jmana and Southpaw should be grateful to each other for the gift of a son.  Neither jmana nor Southpaw should say anything negative about the other in front of their son.   Considering the high level of bitterness between the two demonstrated in this thread, I wonder what each tells the son  about their ex-.    Hopefully, they can find something positive to say.

[mies]

Quite honestly, Mies, and Southpaw, neither of them are without blame, as with any marriage that ends.  And neither is fully to blame.  On behalf of your son, Southpaw, you should revel in your future and be cordial to your ex.  If not, the impact will certainly be felt by him  - and you and Jmana will have only yourselves to blame.

Jmana, you have used this forum to drag us all through your mud for the past couple of months.  You took nobody's advice on here, and when you had the chance to be noble, you flagged.  It is time to belly up to the bar and be a man.  A man doesn't spend a minute ratting out his ex.  He does things that build up his family.  You may have problems, but your job is to rise above them.  Should you choose to spend your life with Alina, your job, every day, is to build her up - regardless of how you think she is treating you. 

My dearly departed uncle, whom I remember fondly, used to tell us that a man and a woman do not contribute 50/50 percent to a marriage.  They both contribute 110/110 and never worry about how much the other is contributing.  If you don't believe that Alina is up to the task, then you shouldn't be with her.

There isn't anyone on this forum who lives a perfect life.  Hopefully, these two couples can grab a bit of air and recede from the limelight.

Please, let me recite the events:

1) A young, but already an adult guy, a porn addict, pot smoker and person who has some behavioral issues (restraining order from ex-gf, pellet gun in his car, anger management classes) brings in an 18yo inexperienced in life, obedient (to her parents and everyone) ballerina from FSU. She is a virgin and don't have any prior experience with men or relationship.

2) Gets her pregnant during her first sex ever.

3) Is emotionally cold and unavailable to her (is annoyed by her affection and prefers re-decorating the house) and tells/shows her that he is disinterested in her and that she makes him bored and he prefers watching all sort of bizarre porn and decapitations (WTF??? really. WTF???? is this what people are watching when they are bored?) instead of spending time with her.

4) Has a sister who is a stripper and a drug user/addict, who gets his young wife into stripping (and I do not fully exclude the possibility that jmana conspired with his sister to get his wife into stripping), so that he can continue relaxing and watching porn, while his wife makes money to pay their bills and provide for him and child.

5) Encourages his wife to  do stripping and asks her for money.

6) Despite the horrors of her life, the wife manages to get a college degree, and eventually finds a good job.

7) But for jmana it isn't enough how much he hurt her already. He decides he needs to do more. After the divorce - takes the child so that he can collect child support/alimony.

8 ) Is poor to the degree that $500/months of child support from his ex wife make a difference to him.

9 ) While he is so poor that he needs $500/mo of support from his ex-wife, he brings another foreign woman with a child.

If you ask me, if a man needs to fight for $500/mo from his ex-wife for child-related expenses, this man is financially (and otherwise) unfit to bring into the country another woman with second child. If this person brings another woman with second child - he acts irrationally and selfish to the extreme.

Now, remember, he imported into the country pure/hardworking/obedient and loving teenager, and made her pregnant and a stripper, then did everything possible to damage her emotionally.

How come this is their both fault that relationship didn't work out? How exactly did you arrive at that conclusion?

Seriously, if anyone of you guys had a sister who is a stripper and a drug abuser, how much would you encourage her interaction with your young wife and your child? How much would you encourage her helping find your wife the job in a strip club?

[Southpaw1982]

Because she only cares about herself and she thought she could be a model (cough cough) and having a kid just wouldn't fit her lifestyle.

I never claimed to be a model.  Screw off already...Jeez... I worked 3 jobs and went to school that is why I wasn't always there for your convenience you non-considering  creature.  Model... lol  No, you are a model! LOL

[mies]

a telling choice of words.

is that how you see it?

southpaw is paying *jmana* $500 per month?

according to the story, that's her kid, too.  and i've got news for you, $500 a month isn't enough to half raise a kid.

sick.

Then jmana should give the child to southpaw, and pay her $500/month. And stop bitching.

[mies]

but what i can't figure out is why southpaw isn't fighting to have custody of her son, so he can be raised in a less abnormal environment?

that just doesn't sit right.

We don't know if she is fighting or not.

Was it already mentioned in the thread why jmana wanted to get the child custody in the first place?

[Southpaw1982]

Please, let me recite the events:

1) A young, but already an adult guy, a porn addict, pot smoker and person who has some behavioral issues (restraining order from ex-gf, pellet gun in his car, anger management classes) brings in an 18yo inexperienced in life, obedient (to her parents and everyone) ballerina from FSU. She is a virgin and don't have any prior experience with men or relationship.

2) Gets her pregnant during her first sex ever.

3) Is emotionally cold and unavailable to her (is annoyed by her affection and prefers re-decorating the house) and tells/shows her that he is disinterested in her and that she makes him bored and he prefers watching all sort of bizarre porn and decapitations (WTF??? really. WTF???? is this what people are watching when they are bored?) instead of spending time with her.

4) Has a sister who is a stripper and a drug user/addict, who gets his young wife into stripping (and I do not fully exclude the possibility that jmana conspired with his sister to get his wife into stripping), so that he can continue relaxing and watching porn, while his wife makes money to pay their bills and provide for him and child.

5) Encourages his wife to  do stripping and asks her for money.

6) Despite the horrors of her life, the wife manages to get degree, and eventually finds a good job.

7) But for jmana it isn't enough how much he hurt her already. He decides he needs to do more. After the divorce - takes the child so that he can collect child support/alimony.

8 ) Is poor to the degree that $500/months of child support from his ex wife make a difference to him.

9 ) While he is so poor that he needs $500/mo of support from his ex-wife, he brings another foreign woman with a child.

If you ask me, if a man needs to fight for $500/mo from his ex-wife for child-related expenses, this man is financially (and otherwise) unfit to bring into the country another woman with second child. If this person brings another woman with second child - he acts irrational and selfish to the extreme.

Now, remember, he imported into the country pure/hardworking/obedient and loving teenager, and made her pregnant and a stripper, then did everything possible to damage her emotionally.

How come this is their both fault that relationship didn't work out? How exactly did you arrive at that conclusion?

Seriously, if anyone of you guys had a sister who is a stripper and a drug abuser, how much would you encourage her interaction with your young wife and your child? How much would you encourage her helping find your wife the job in a strip club?

He did everything to destroy me emotionally and financially. He would not sign a separation agreement unless I co-signed on refinancing for the house we owned in Raleigh, the house I was not going to live in anymore and the house he was bringing his hookers from craigslist into. The shortly after, he stopped making payments on that house which ruined both of our credits. Well, he did not care, because he had another townhouse already, but I could not even  get an apartment. I had some nice friends from Starbucks helping me to get a room. But, he continues to try to screw me out of everything watching me suffer and making fun of me.
I hope he effed himself finally!

[Gator]

Mies,

I don't agree with your #7.  Collecting child support was not jmana's reason for agreeing to primary custody.  Hopefully it was because he loved his son and realized than Southpaw did not have the time to be a full-time mother while getting an education.   

Southpaw's support is welcomed but is only a small part of the costs in raising the son. 

[mies]

Or what woman to not marry.  Seriously, never marry a woman who thinks she's god's gift to men, and that her crap don't stink, and is a narcissist, because she will make your life hell.

speaking of the narcissist. After all you've done to her you still expect to be treated as a .... not even sure how.

With all due respect, most of women wouldn't want to have anything to do with you, let alone marry you or have a child with you.

[mies]

Mies,

I don't agree with your #7.  Collecting child support was not jmana's reason for agreeing to primary custody.  Hopefully it was because he loved his son and realized than Southpaw did not have the time to be a full-time mother while getting an education.   

Southpaw's support is welcomed but is only a small part of the costs in raising the son.

Gator, please see the previous reply from Southpaw, just above yours. 

Also, please see this quote of jmana in his very first post in this thread: "But the thing that is really scaring me about marrying a woman with a child, is what if it doesn't work out?  Then I'm really going to be paying out some cash via child support. "

A person who loves his son doesn't try to screw up in every possible way the mother of his beloved son.

The person who loves his son doesn't pushes mother of his son into stripping and doesn't let his drug user sister to find a stripping job for the mother of his beloved son. The person who loves his son doesn't speak badly to his son about the mother of this son, and doesn't forbid his son to speak nicely about his mother. Because anyone knows how important is to have a loving and loved mother figure for a child.

The only person jmana loves is himself.

[Southpaw1982]

Then jmana should give the child to southpaw, and pay her $500/month. And stop bitching.

It is not even about money to me. It is the principle and how low an individual can go. I am more about my son's mental health, safety and development. I am worried jmana will sexually exploit him to gain money. There are plenty of perves out there like Penn State coach, for example...Knowing this man has mental issues and his greed issues, I am super nervous...

I wish I could get some help...But it is up to NC judges...Wait, they don't care, it is about state's revenue to them... That is what my attorney told me. So it will be up to my son and God... Pray for my boy, please...

[LiveFromUkraine]

I'm surprised you guys are taking Southpaw's word.  Jmana may be a cheap man, and have a good deal of problems that should be fixed, but I don't see how you can take the extreme posts of Southpaws as being anymore serious as jmana's posts.



It's unfortunate but these people have shown on this board that they are not fit parents.

[mies]

It is not even about money to me. It is the principle and how low an individual can go. I am more about my son's mental health, safety and development. I am worried jmana will sexually exploit him to gain money. There are plenty of perves out there like Penn State coach, for example...Knowing this man has mental issues and his greed issues, I am super nervous...

I wish I could get some help...But it is up to NC judges...Wait, they don't care, it is about state's revenue to them... That is what my attorney told me. So it will be up to my son and God... Pray for my boy, please...

I think you need to collect the evidence against your ex, and make the case that he is dangerous for your son. Perhaps, if there is enough evidence to make the case strong, you can have your son living with you. Although, I don't really know how the courts work in this case. I've heard they allow the husband keeping the custody even if he is an abuser and a drug user. Because both parents have equal rights. I am wondering why the "parental rights" over a child in such cases prevail over the child's rights for safe (physically and emotionally) childhood.

[mies]

I'm surprised you guys are taking Southpaw's word.  Jmana may be a cheap man, and have a good deal of problems that should be fixed, but I don't see how you can take the extreme posts of Southpaws as being anymore serious as jmana's posts.

I am taking Southpaw's word because every time jmana says something, and SP responds to him saying "I have screenshots" he never dares her to post the screenshots. Instead he stops elaborating on this particular argument and goes on inventing new accusations and switching the discussion topic into discussion about some other SP's flaws.

Which proves to me that screenshots indeed exist, and that what SP is saying is true. It also proves that jmana is lying and doing everything possible to destroy the image and morale of SP, the mother of his "beloved" son. 

[Hammer2722]

I think they are both totally screwed up!!!! The only victims in this entire sordid saga are the poor boy and Alina's daughter Maria......

[mies]

I think they are both totally screwed up!!!! The only victims in this entire sordid saga are the poor boy and Alina's daughter Maria......

I think jmana screwed up SP, and continues to do it, and is screwing up his son's life. I have not read the whole thread so I don't know whether he screws up the lives of Alina and her daughter as well. If that is the case too - he destroys everything he touches, like a plague.

[jmana]

Please, let me recite the events:

1) A young, but already an adult guy, a porn addict, pot smoker and person who has some behavioral issues (restraining order from ex-gf, pellet gun in his car, anger management classes) brings in an 18yo inexperienced in life, obedient (to her parents and everyone) ballerina from FSU. She is a virgin and don't have any prior experience with men or relationship.

2) Gets her pregnant during her first sex ever.

3) Is emotionally cold and unavailable to her (is annoyed by her affection and prefers re-decorating the house) and tells/shows her that he is disinterested in her and that she makes him bored and he prefers watching all sort of bizarre porn and decapitations (WTF??? really. WTF???? is this what people are watching when they are bored?) instead of spending time with her.

4) Has a sister who is a stripper and a drug user/addict, who gets his young wife into stripping (and I do not fully exclude the possibility that jmana conspired with his sister to get his wife into stripping), so that he can continue relaxing and watching porn, while his wife makes money to pay their bills and provide for him and child.

5) Encourages his wife to  do stripping and asks her for money.

6) Despite the horrors of her life, the wife manages to get degree, and eventually finds a good job.

7) But for jmana it isn't enough how much he hurt her already. He decides he needs to do more. After the divorce - takes the child so that he can collect child support/alimony.

8 ) Is poor to the degree that $500/months of child support from his ex wife make a difference to him.

9 ) While he is so poor that he needs $500/mo of support from his ex-wife, he brings another foreign woman with a child.

If you ask me, if a man needs to fight for $500/mo from his ex-wife for child-related expenses, this man is financially (and otherwise) unfit to bring into the country another woman with second child. If this person brings another woman with second child - he acts irrational and selfish to the extreme.

Now, remember, he imported into the country pure/hardworking/obedient and loving teenager, and made her pregnant and a stripper, then did everything possible to damage her emotionally.

How come this is their both fault that relationship didn't work out? How exactly did you arrive at that conclusion?

Seriously, if anyone of you guys had a sister who is a stripper and a drug abuser, how much would you encourage her interaction with your young wife and your child? How much would you encourage her helping find your wife the job in a strip club?

Are all you Russian women so dense??  Seriously.  Let me tell you the truth, one last time, pay attention this time, please!
1.  I've never been a porn "addict".  Looking at a few porn sites does not make a person an addict.  The same way that having sex does not make a person a sex addict.  If you can't understand that concept, I guess you must really be more dense than typical.  Second, I don't smoke pot.  I did on occasion over about a year when I was 23, never really liked it.  Never ever took anger management classes (I'll pay anyone $1,000 who can prove otherwise!).
2.  She loves to put out there that she got pregnant the first time.  Yeah, whatever.  Like you can pinpoint the exact day.  According to the doctor it was more like when we were stuck in a hotel for a week while I was working and I took her with me, but again, she likes to play the victim and it sounds better to cry that she got knocked up the same night she lost her virginity. 
3.  This was after 5 years of marriage and 3 years of her wanting to be a stripper/model and that was her only preoccupation.  She would spend all this time chatting online with sleazy photographers trying to get them to pay her for pictures and such, and she wasn't the one unavailable to me, so yeah I got to the point where I got bored with the situation.  Plus she really doesn't have much of a personality, talking to her was difficult.  She lacked any basic sense of humor (and still does).  She has no idea when you're joking, and takes everything as a personal attack.  Not the best choice in a life partner.
4.  My sister was never a drug user or addict, and if my ex wants to say that again I'll be sure to let me sister know so she can sue her for slander.  And no my sister did not get her into the stripping business at all.  What it was was my ex was jealous of how well my sister was doing, and my ex thought she could do better. 
5.  Never encouraged her to strip, not at all.  Never asked her for money, other than for helping to pay bills.  When she was sending thousands to her mother so she could fix her teeth, then her mother would use it to buy alcohol, I would get pissed and tell her it would be better to help pay OUR bills instead.  I don't see a problem with that. 
6. Yeah, horrors, lol!  And she got some BS degree in Medical Assisting.  Ask her what she does for a living.  Yeah, she answers the phone for her new hubby.  Way to utilize that degree you paid $40k for.
7.  I didn't "take" the child.  She left him.
8. It's NOT $500.  I'm not poor.  I DO expect her to contribute just like any woman would expect her ex husband to contribute to her kid's well being.
9.  Again, I'm not poor.