Reflecting on our K-1 period

[Photo Guy]

THE OPPOSITE OF LOVE IS INDIFFERENCE

...and there was no indifference.
Hey, thanks for all of those enquiring PM's. I appreciate your concern.

It has been two weeks since I last saw Larisa. I flew with her to Long Island,
spent a free day there with my parents, walked along the beaches collecting
seashells, and savored our time together, before her long trip home
to Ukraine.

I've been accused of making too quick a decision, after I had spent 7 days with
her in Kiev last year.  I knew she was right up my alley, my kind of girl. I was not
delusional about the romance between us.

Living with her for almost 90 days was an eye-opener. I had never lived with a
woman before, and this woman was an extreme challenge. The language barrier
was a huge obstacle, but I knew it would be from the beginning, a year and a half ago.

Yeah, sure, I admit I dove into the deep end of the pool, but hey, that's my style.
I have few regrets. I regret the fact that her English lessons were not very effective
before she arrived here. I recommend taking a very close look at your woman's
English teacher over in the FSU. There are teachers there who are scammers,
with no credentials and with very little knowledge of English.

When she first arrived, she was affected by jet-lag. For about three weeks, she
slept more than 10 hours per day. During that first month, she alternated between
loving and hating her new environment. I often took it personally. When she was
unhappy, I was too. I was her caretaker. She is more temperamental than I had
thought.

I agree with those who advised us that a RW needs to stay busy.  Her idle time was
not good for her. Part of the dilemma, is that she did not have an Employment
Authorization Document (EAD). I thought she would receive some sort of work
permission when she came through JFK in New York. I made the mistake of not
discussing that with her before she left Ukraine. I urge guys to plan and offer
options that will keep your RW occupied and creatively stimulated.

Like Turbo's Luda, I found it difficult to get Larisa to meet other RW here in the US.
I told her it was not possible to have 'too many' friends and she replied by asking
me how many friends I have.  ..Uh, right, but I'm always open to the idea of making
a new friend. Her attitude about this was a disappointment for me. I wanted her to
network, make social connections as part of her adjustment to her life here.

She resolved that in her own way, by making friends through her English as a Second
Language course. (ESL)  She made three friends there. Two were wives of RM who
had come here with work visas. The other had come using a K-1 and married an AM
five years ago. She is well-adjusted.  I saw there was hope for Larisa, in terms of
adjusting to life here.

As a result of living with Larisa, my perception of American culture has changed.
It now looks like a culture of gluttony. It pains me now to see so much wasted food
on restaurant tables, left behind. I saw her notice such things...

My work schedule during these three months was tough to deal with. In the beginning,
She would have a beautiful dinner prepared for me, and I would arrive home an hour
later than she expected. I never really know when my work day will end.

Larisa really missed her life in Ukraine. She missed her family and friends.
This was a total shock to her system. She told me she did not expect to have
those feelings, and it increased her feeling of isolation and anxiety. Her lack of
English contributed to these feelings and her ESL classes countered this very well.

My emotional life with her was a roller coaster. The pressure of the 90 day K-1 was
enormous. Was it worth it?
Of course it was!!  I was living with this dream girl and looking at our chemistry at
very close range. This period confirmed a lot for me. Yes, she is someone I do want
to marry. Yes, she is a complex person and far from boring. She has qualities I have
not ever seen in AW. There is something about her that is very child-like. Like the
way she smiles when she finds a beautiful seashell or sees an exotic fish in an
Aquarium. I loved the faces she made when she tested various unfamiliar foods.
I have many fond memories of our shared experiences.  ...many photos too.
Larisa is a very sweet woman.

It did not take her long to figure out the American shopping thing. She was very
considerate of my money. She found things on sale. For example, there was a
huge sale at a Robinson's May and she bought a beautiful jacket for $10. Another
time she bought two pairs of (sexy) shoes for $50.

During our last month of the K-1, there was  tension in the air about the big
marriage decision. She had mixed emotions.

This aspect of our relationship is not easy to write about.  Her father, and to a lesser
degree her mother, were telling her they wanted her to come home. They missed her.
Her father was freaking out. This was an enormous pressure on Larisa. I urged her
to marry me and then get Advanced Parole for a trip back to Ukraine, but this would
require too much time. She needed to deal with her father almost immediately.
She needed to sort through her feelings about her family and her feelings about me.
Add to the mix, the fact that she really didn't like many aspects of American culture.
In general, Larisa was in a state of being overwhelmed by all of this.

Currently she is back in Ukraine, getting over her jet lag. The future is unclear.
There could be another K-1 or K-3 in our future. Maybe a DCF (direct counselor filing)
Either we will grow closer or farther apart. Sometimes absence makes the heart
grow fonder. Her slippers near my front door is a bittersweet reminder.

No matter what happens. I am happy about our time together. If it doesn't work out,
I'll look elsewhere. Maybe Luthuania, Lativa, or Bulgaria. I just had a nice
conversation with Larisa yesterday, so I am still focused on my dream girl.
Unlike a year ago, I can now see all of her rough edges, and also the depth
of her beauty. I can still see her teary eyes at JFK as she made her way
to the screening area...           -doug
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[Maxx2]

Sorry to hear your dream ended.

Doug a dream girl can be made up of many different qualities but one quality she needs is to be a stayer and not a leaver. Otherwise a situation like yours has more in common with it being a nightmare. I know the feeling of seeing an empty apartment after they leave. When it happened to me I couldn't even live there anymore.

Please start looking at things critically so you can find a stayer next time. That doesn't mean you have to be negative but just perceptive of what you really need. Blind loyalty.... I had that too.

Maxx

[KenC]

Doug,
I am truly sorry that things didn't go as you planned. Regardless of what you may think, I would have enjoyed you telling me "I told you so" if they had worked out. Use your new found experience to move forward (when it is time) and to do things wiser next time. Chin up, buddy and good luck.
KenC

[Leslie]

Doug,

I am glad you had the courage to post the conclusion to your experience with Larisa.  It was obvious to me from the beginning that you had very little life experience with women. Your remark came as no surprise -

"I had never lived with a woman before, and this woman was an extreme challenge. "

Maybe now you realise that you need to be far more practical in your approach and much less of a dreamer.

The MOST important thing is you need to spend the time and the effort building a real relationship.

You cannot submit another K visa application for about 18 months so repeating your wish fulfillment fantasies is not an option. The alternative countries you mention are all members of the EU (or very soon will be).  All a woman needs there is bus fare to live and work in a western country. She does not need to marry.  This heralds the end of the MOB business.  This is a simple example of you not researching your options.

Personally I do not think you have what it takes to succeed in this quest,  but if you persist, you need to learn and that means listening. Something that in the past you have refused to do....

[catzenmouse]

Doug,

 Thanks for letting us know what is going on. I know it was not easy to post that. I was really hoping that this would have a happy ending for you. Perhaps it still will. It is much better to let her go now than to find out later that the pressure was just too much for her. Maybe this time in Ukraine will let her sort things out and decide that she does want to be with you. If it does not give yourself some time to grieve the loss and you will be in a better place for your next attempt.

Ken

[Jumper]

Doug,
Truly sorry things did not work out,
but as you mention, once home and sorting thru what she really wants in life,,
you may file another K1 with her.
Ther eare guys i kjnow that did 3 or 4 k1 with the same lady, ultimately marrying them. it can happen.

with her parents playing such a big role, it certainly added to the already high level of pressure.It seems she needs to decide if she wants a family of her own, or be tied to her parents,
A very tough choice for many, and an understandablky difficult choice!
 as she must leave not only her family, but everything that is famalier in her life.

at least now she has a much better basis for makin gthe decision
and so do you!
as you certainly both got the chance to see each other under the awful 90 day pressure cooker.


Thanks for posting your personal situation , that took a lot of courage.
What you relayed should be ingrained in many k1 mens minds ..because it is the USUAL case scenerio, wether it works out or not ,, that  roller coaster is very likelty to happen

if it doesnt happen, you BOTH hit the lotto. big time.
because that one, in one million.

Most men and women in this venture will face 3 to 6 months ,
of what you two just went thru.
the k1 poeriod isbnt long enough to sort thru this on average.

in 12 months things would be completely different in her eyes..
and yours
( that doesnt mean you both would eecide to marry, but at least the decision could be made without her in the middle of such a difficult transition period)

but the 90 days wont change, so k1 applicants read well and recognize the difficulties!!

During that first month, she alternated between
loving and hating her new environment. I often took it personally. When she was
unhappy, I was too. I was her caretaker

my guess is 90% of people go thru this.
Now add in the complexity of trying to decide to marry each other.. with a clock ticking.


Good luck to you both Doug!

[goleta2sin]

Doug,
I appreciate the candor and authenticity of your words. I wish the best for you. You should feel proud of time you had with her and the way you treated her.  You handled the situation with class and dignity.   

[Turboguy]

I am glad you shared this with everyone here.  I think everyone did really wish you the best and hoped it would work.  We all know Larisa had a chance for the best guy she could ever have hoped for.  You have learned a lot and had a wonderful experience even if it may not have had the ending you dreamed of.  Time will tell what that will be.  Life can be funny and unpredictable sometimes.  Usually things work out for the best.  Whatever lies ahead, it will be good. 

[PeeWee]

I am glad you shared this with everyone here.  I think everyone did really wish you the best and hoped it would work.  We all know Larisa had a chance for the best guy she could ever have hoped for.  You have learned a lot and had a wonderful experience even if it may not have had the ending you dreamed of.  Time will tell what that will be.  Life can be funny and unpredictable sometimes.  Usually things work out for the best.  Whatever lies ahead, it will be good. 

I will echo Turbo's words and thoughts. The true value of a forum is the value in experiences told be the good or be they one of disappointment. We live and we learn. I had not thought about how one would react when one was seperated from her family and living in a foreign land. If nothing else you have given a friend the gift of a life's experience just by bringing her here.

I had heard that the bond between a daughter and her father is most strong. If he was calling then what could she do but respond? I had not thought about this but maybe fortunate for me Lena has not parents, she has not family. When she comes here she will have left behind her country and her memories but no family to try to draw her thoughts and memories back home.

As I said, what Turbo said.

Peewee

[Jet]

The language barrier was a huge obstacle, but I knew it would be from the beginning, a year and a half ago.
When she first arrived, she was affected by jet-lag. For about three weeks, she slept more than 10 hours per day. During that first month, she alternated between loving and hating her new environment. I often took it personally. When she was unhappy, I was too. I was her caretaker. She is more temperamental than I had thought.
Her idle time was not good for her.
Like Turbo's Luda, I found it difficult to get Larisa to meet other RW here in the US.
Her attitude about this was a disappointment for me.
I saw there was hope for Larisa, in terms of adjusting to life here.
Larisa really missed her life in Ukraine. She missed her family and friends. This was a total shock to her system. She told me she did not expect to have those feelings, and it increased her feeling of isolation and anxiety.
My emotional life with her was a roller coaster. The pressure of the 90 day K-1 was enormous.
There is something about her that is very child-like.
During our last month of the K-1, there was  tension in the air about the big marriage decision. She had mixed emotions.
Her father, and to a lesser degree her mother, were telling her they wanted her to come home. They missed her. Her father was freaking out. This was an enormous pressure on Larisa.
She needed to sort through her feelings about her family and her feelings about me. Add to the mix, the fact that she really didn't like many aspects of American culture. In general, Larisa was in a state of being overwhelmed by all of this.

Photo,
This is not meant to be accusatory or degrading in any way shape or form, but all of the above quoted text seems INCREDIBLY NORMAL!

Liliya and I went through virtually everything you shared (in the quote) and more (and your story is not dissimilar to many others we know of). Larissa left a good impression on Liliya from their phone call, and your post completely backs up my wife's initial impressions.

As guys, we like to "fix" things, but you must come to the realization that there are some things you cannot fix. You can't fix American culture, you can't fix feelings of isolation, and you CERTAINLY can't fix pressure from her family back home - we still deal with this, but it has slacked off in the last year (it was especially bad after Lil's mom died 2 summers ago). Now that you've lived it... when we told you you'd need the patience of a saint, were we lying?

I commend you for coming back and updating everyone, it takes a lot of courage. Further, I wish you success in whatever the future holds for you.

[Son of Clyde]

Doug,
I am very sorry things did not work out as you had hoped for.
Leaving your country and family behind is not easy for anyone.
I think you have gained insight throughout the K1 process.
If Larisa cares for you, and I think she does, you will hear from her again.
She may not be the one for you but I think you have both gained something from this. You can still care for each other even if you are not meant to be married. Life changes.

[jb]

Doug,

I'm confident that this was a sad and heart rending experience for you.  However, as AJ pointed out, I believe this is the norm, not the exception to the "One Week Wonder" syndrome.  Most of the married men here will tell you that their wife is a member of the loose knit community of RW emigres from one end of the country to the other.  Russian women here have long since come to understand that for the most part, it's "them against the world".  The successful ones are masters at networking to achieve their goals, and the professional women among them are not against using their contacts to further their own, and the interests of their families.  This is how our step-son got accepted for his internship at the Los Alamos National Labratory, another RW, a fellow graduate of her old University works there, so certainly, my wife is a member of that sisterhood.   She, and they, also remain connected to the old country in ways we cannot fathom.  With the internet, and free VoIP long distance telephony, these women can communicate with each other in their native language almost at will, and their husbands are not able to read the innermost thoughts of their wives, I'd venture to say most husbands haven't a clue about what is going on behind that pretty face until they've been married a couple of years, so you should not feel badly for not figuring it out in 90 days.  Unfortunately for you, Larissa was not equipped to tap into the RW sisterhood for the support she needed, although it was stated several times that other RW wives made overtures to her.

Virtually all of these women have at least one story of a girl from their old home town who have tried and failed to make the transition to married life in the USA.  And that doesn't take into account all of the girls who went ahead and did marry within the 90 days, and sadly lived to regret that decision.  If we were as attuned to the problems these women face as we should be, there'd be a lot fewer unhappy women around.

I'm not talking about scammers and GCG's, these are simply good women who simply made a bad choice for a husband and family, and suddenly found themselves over their heads without a lifeline.  In most cases that lifeline would have been better English skills.  With better communication skills a woman can reach out to make friends, with better English she has the confidence to venture outside the narrow confines of her house, with better language skills she has the options of schools and jobs where those doors are otherwise closed to the non-English speaker.   With the absence of a common language, she even lacks the ability to communicate her deeper thoughts with the man she is supposed to be sharing her life with.   It's easy for me to see why such great feelings of loneliness are apt to beset the newly transplanted RW.  It's a sure path to depression and unhappiness, sleeping 10-12 hours a day is usually a sign of depression, not jet lag.

The internet abounds with such sad stories.  One needs to be able to read the RWA forum for a hint of what the gals are chatting about.

Doug, I do believe you make the correct decision in letting Larissa return to Ukraine, or maybe it was Larissa who had the good sense to recognize a lost cause and call it quits before a total disaster occurred.  That's kinda the way it sounded to me, although I'm sure you would have us believe it was a mutual thing.  For whatever reason, she's gone, so be it.  Life goes on.  Aren't you really glad it's over?

It's too bad, but this story will mean little to a future newbie a year from now because of the way it was continuously edited for content and style.  However, I do think this story typifies the mindset of most One Week Wonders, in that most of the guys are in such a hurry to get her over here because that's what he wants, he pays little regard to the feelings of a girl/woman who is soon to become the next "fish out of water".  I do not harbor any feelings of animosity towards you, Doug, however Leslie has the sense of it, until you learn to listen and learn to understand what a red flag means, you shouldn't set foot back in the RW marriage pool at all. 

Unfortunately, I see the same signs, writ huge, in the postings of a few other members here. 

[andrewfi]

I confess that I was expecting nuptials and also that I am glad that there were not.

Without rehashing what jb and Leslie accurately wrote, I would add this.

Given your somewhat surprising statement that you have never lived with a woman before Larisa, perhaps this is a good time to examine just why youwere seeking to marry a fish out of water. We absolutely know that the reason is not because there is not a woman from your own culture becasue you have never even tried before!

BTW, as already noted, Jetlag lasts just a couple of days and does not result in weeks of oversleeping. You were living with a person suffering with depression. Her social choices as described by you are also, symptomatic. Whilst it is not possible to know everything, this is kinda important and might have been interesting to know about before she arrived in the US. Sadly, without any way to communicate, even if you had been aware of what clinical depression looks like, you would not have been able to have any knowledge before her arrival.

Time to start meeting and interacting with women from your own background and social scene - even just as friends to start with.

I trust that Larisa is able to re-find her life back in her home and that you make some better choices in the future. Good fortune.

[BC]

Doug,

Can only echo most of the thoughts above (so won't repeat). 

All I can really add is that the time I took getting to know my wifes parents, being accepted as a member of their family and a prolonged visit here by my MIL early on proved in the end to be a critical asset in getting our relationship 'over the first hump', which was strikingly similar to yours, but came much later due to other factors (around the 1 year point IIRC).  Regular visits back 'home' and inviting the in-laws (on both sides) here every couple years really helps create a supportive family environment and keeps things in perspective.

I can understand the reaction of Larisas family and father, especially not having met you personally.  But don't be too harsh on them.. they were probably Larisas only true line of communications and may not have considered the 'true weight' of their words. They certainly were not in position to objectively consider the factors and difficulty of adjustment. They saw the symptoms of a daughter in distress in a strange, far away land and reacted accordingly without malice.

Do applaud your effort to re-appear here and summarize your experience... that's a huge step forward imho.

[PeeWee]

Doug,

Can only echo most of the thoughts above (so won't repeat). 

All I can really add is that the time I took getting to know my wifes parents, being accepted as a member of their family and a prolonged visit here by my MIL early on proved in the end to be a critical asset in getting our relationship 'over the first hump', which was strikingly similar to yours, but came much later due to other factors (around the 1 year point IIRC).  Regular visits back 'home' and inviting the in-laws (on both sides) here every couple years really helps create a supportive family environment and keeps things in perspective.

I can understand the reaction of Larisas family and father, especially not having met you personally.  But don't be too harsh on them.. they were probably Larisas only true line of communications and may not have considered the 'true weight' of their words. They certainly were not in position to objectively consider the factors and difficulty of adjustment. They saw the symptoms of a daughter in distress in a strange, far away land and reacted accordingly without malice.

Do applaud your effort to re-appear here and summarize your experience... that's a huge step forward imho.

Wise thoughts, BC. Very possible that the parents did here the sadness in her letters and calls and reacted in the way they thought best. By asking her to return home. Had she conveyed her joy and happiness then they may well have incouraged her to remain. It seems to me there is never enough time to get to know someone. Even in a relationship between two of the same country. Internet dating via eHarmony and Match bring two from as far away as coast to coast (in the US). Even that distance although short by comparison to Russia/Urkaine et al still presents the problem of two getting to know one another.

"Long distance romances do not work" is a declaration that we have all heard time and again. Add to that cultural differences and language barriers and expenses, both monitary and emotional, that go beyond predictable reason. It is amazing that any of these romances survive.

Peewee

[Bruno]

I confess that I was expecting nuptials and also that I am glad that there were not.

I was fearing nuptials... that Doug marry her same if she was not the right woman... Seem that the logic have win... That both have take a right decision using brain... It show that Doug was not so desperate to marry someone who was not perfect for him... this story show that Doug will marry only if he find the right one... and this is a positive side !!!

Time to start meeting and interacting with women from your own background and social scene - even just as friends to start with.

Maybe time for me to e-mail to Doug... i have meet a other interesting lady in Odessa who seek a husband ( the future husband can be from everywhere, same from Ukraine ! )...

Like Andrew write, continue meet and date, don't stop now... don't think about the past misluck but open your eyes to the future, a future that you will build with the knowledge of the past mistake...

[KenC]

Everyone here feels for Doug's sadness. The posts here have been mostly conciliatory and kind. It shows me that this board has a very human side to it. But if Doug's failures are to be of any value to other newbies tempting a similar strategy, then maybe we should take a closer look at things. There has already been a bit of this approach and some very fine conclusions IMO.

Lack of time together
As BC pointed out, this has more impact than just not knowing each other well. It is one thing to romanticize your relationship through emails and phone calls, but that doesn't endear you to her family. Doug's lack of "face time" in Ukraine did not allow him to even meet her family and friends, let alone make a good impression on them. I cannot imagine a parent being happy that their daughter moved to the other side of the world, let alone with a man that is a total stranger to them. They never had the opportunity to tell her "I know it is difficult for you Honey, but Doug is a good guy and we know he loves you." Conclusion Meet the parents and friends. Make a concerted effort to the parents and friends that you will be taking great care of their daughter/friend. If this support group is with you, it can mean the difference between success and failure.

Visting a RW in a city that is not her hometown This is almost a sub category of above because it does not allow you to meet her family and friends. It also does not allow you to absorb exactly how your RW lives her daily life (as pointed out in a recent thread) Conclusion Visit your RW in her hometown.

A language barrier is very difficult to over come Who knows what might have transpired if Doug and Larisa could communicate better? It is a romantic notion to think that "love" will be able to over come the ability to communicate. That anyone can have some mystical insight into another's thoughts without sharing a language. Ignoring or making excuses for the lack of progress in English lessons just doesn't cut it here. It is way too important. Conclusion Look for a woman that has at east some English ability. If you are counting on her ability to learn English, pay close attention to her progress and question it if it is not improving

Prepare for the social isolation that your RW is sure to feel If you have a job that takes you outside the home, prepare for some type of activity to fill the void. No matter how nice your living accommodations are, no one wants to feel "house bound." A RW's life is filled with interpersonal relationships: her family, her flat neighbors, her friends and even the acquaintances she has as she walks the street to work. Conclusion You cannot expect a smooth transition from a life filled with other people to being left alone in a home in a strange and unfamiliar land. You must some how fill the void with activities

Expect a certain amount of depression resulting from culture shock I think Andrew did an excellent job of pointing out that no one has jet lag for 3 weeks and that the conditions described by Doug probably were depression. This is a very common sense issue that I am surprised that it was overlooked. How can anyone not be depressed if they leave everything behind for another person they barely know and cannot communicate with? ConclusionExpect a certain amount of depression to occur. With closeness and love they will be able to make the adjustment. Without the closeness and love, you probably are doomed.

Know the woman you bring over I find it ridiculous that I have to even say this. No amount of translated emails or third party phone calls can replace time together. There were many cute stories of Doug and Larisa getting to know each other once she came to America. But that stage of their relationship should have already transpired before her arrival. With such rudimentary "getting to know you" stages out of the way, you can concentrate on the more serious and important facets of building a life together. Conclusion 90 days is not enough time to court, get to know and marry

A foreign bride is not for everyone There are many factors to conside here. Can you afford to do this the right way? Do you have the time to do this the right way? Do you have the experience to do this the right way? Do you have the patience to do this the right way? Conclusion A foreign bride is not for everyone

Your comments and additions are welcomed.
KenC

[Shadow]

Doug,

May be I am the only one who reads this different, but from what I read things between you and Larisa are far from over as far as you are concerned.
It was Larisa who decided to go back without marriage, not you. And your mind is on trying to continue your pursuit once she has settled things with her family. I don't know if it is wise, but I know that it is only you who will decide about it.
Larisa going back to her family shows that at least she is capable of making tough decisions. Perhaps it also shows that she is not putting you at the top of her list, which means the two of you are not ready to marry each other.

[PeeWee]

Doug,

May be I am the only one who reads this different, but from what I read things between you and Larisa are far from over as far as you are concerned.
It was Larisa who decided to go back without marriage, not you. And your mind is on trying to continue your pursuit once she has settled things with her family. I don't know if it is wise, but I know that it is only you who will decide about it.
Larisa going back to her family shows that at least she is capable of making tough decisions. Perhaps it also shows that she is not putting you at the top of her list, which means the two of you are not ready to marry each other.

If so the question that comes to my mind is will he now travel to her home for a meeting with her parents? Such a meeting could ease the parents concerns about their daughter living in another counrty.

Peewee

[Bruno]

If so the question that comes to my mind is will he now travel to her home for a meeting with her parents? Such a meeting could ease the parents concerns about their daughter living in another counrty.

Like leslie wrote previously :

"You cannot submit another K visa application for about 18 months so repeating your wish fulfillment fantasies is not an option. "

So, if Doug visit parents and all become right, he need wait 18 month until a new K1 application... add the delay for the process and we are two year in the future !!! Not sure that a DCF will work in these case... not sure that Larisa or Doug are ready to wait so long delay... Doug is not more a young guy, each year count...

[BC]

As far as I can see the 2 year waiting period is for persons that have applied 2 or more times in the past for different persons.   

(2)(A) Subject to subparagraphs (B) and (C), a consular officer
may not approve a petition under paragraph (1) unless the officer
has verified that—
(i) the petitioner has not, previous to the pending petition,
petitioned under paragraph (1) with respect to two or more
applying aliens; and
(ii) if the petitioner has had such a petition previously
approved, 2 years have elapsed since the filing of such previously
approved petition.

There is a big difference between 'and' and 'or'.

As I read it, one could apply for the same woman over and over and over again with the only result that after the second time he would appear in the multiple filer database.. who knows what effect that would have.

[Admin]

If Larisa and Doug decide to make a 'go' of it - they will certainly be in uncharted territory insofar as US immigration law is concerned. My guess is they would marry in Ukraine and file DCF - so as to avoid all the IMBRA crap.

With a similar situation in Russia, the DCF is probably not an option and the complications increase rather dramatically.

In any case - I wish them BOTH well - and I hope each find their happiness - whether it is together or separately.

- Dan

[RacerX]

BC ~ you are quite corrrect in all regards.  Nothing prohibits Doug from filing multiple K-1's for Larisa, and for that matter he can file a second K-1 for another girl without any restrictions.  And, of course he can marry and file for a CR-1 (this is not a DCF) thereby avoiding IMBRA entirely.

[Ste]

BC ~ you are quite corrrect in all regards.  Nothing prohibits Doug from filing multiple K-1's for Larisa, and for that matter he can file a second K-1 for another girl without any restrictions.  And, of course he can marry and file for a CR-1 (this is not a DCF) thereby avoiding IMBRA entirely.

Also I would add to Leslie's comments about ex-FSU countries in EU they cannot just move West and get a job. they have to register with the WRS - Worker Registration Scheme (for UK, other States will have similar prolly) which costs the applicant 70 quid and they have to show a letter from their employer showing their employment details.

This applies to A8 countries like Poland, Slovakia etc and will apply to Romania and Bulgaria if they can in which is by no means certain the way they are preparing.

Of course all the above can be forged by HM Gov is fining employers 2k for each discrestion WRT employing illegals......

Ste

[jb]

WRT Doug and Larrisa getting together again, I wonder if a lot of you guys aren't putting the cart well before the horse.  We have no idea if Larissa's expectations were met or not.  We don't know what she was led to expect, we don't know if she was, herself, living the fantasy or not.  She might have been expecting Hollywood's 90210, and what she got may have terribly disappointed her.  She might have finally got a good look at Doug's personality and found him wanting in some area or another, or even, God forbid, living in Phoenix, AZ is not everyone's cup 'o tea.  I've been there, and personally I would not choose to live there.  Coming from Ukraine to the desert southwest may have been what flung the poor girl into depression.  Factor in the rest of the culture shock she would ordinarily experience, and you might just have a glimpse of what she was feeling.  What one person might view as a paradise, may be hell for someone else. 

So far we only have one side of the story, until we get a read from her, lets not get too busy with all the remedies to the problems. 

Doug was told time and time again that he needed to visit her hometown and meet her friends and family, he blew that advice off as useless.  I think he now might have a clue, let's leave him to his own devices.  He knows if this situation is salvageable or not.