Update. Not Good.

[lonedrake]

  Just logged back in for the first time in about a year. Thats about the time things started to go south. Lets just say i was not allowed to "search for women" on RWD. I gave my word I would not log on here…and I kept it.

Anyways…I just wanted to let those who may be wondering what happened to us that we will be getting a divorce. I filed last tuesday and moved out till things are finalized. Just makes me sad. We had so much in common, but I could see the issues we had would never end. I am hoping the divorce will go smoothly so we can both move on.

[mendeleyev]

Sorry to hear.

[BillyB]

Lets just say i was not allowed to "search for women" on RWD.

The jealous type and probably unreasonable too. When my wife first seen this site on my computer monitor, she thought is was a place to search for RW too until I gave her the tour. She hasn't bothered me since.

Anyways…I just wanted to let those who may be wondering what happened to us that we will be getting a divorce. I filed last tuesday and moved out till things are finalized. Just makes me sad. We had so much in common, but I could see the issues we had would never end. I am hoping the divorce will go smoothly so we can both move on.

I wished we could've helped with some advice before it got this far. I assumed you tried to talk to her and offer to see a counselor? Hopefully things don't get ugly. Has she got her 10 year green card or does she plan on going home?

[Anotherkiwi]

Very sorry to hear this, especially after your earlier posts (December 2014) were so optimistic.

[dragonkid]

What happened? and where can i read your report when you met your ex wife?

[Faux Pas]

Hate to hear that LD. Where and why did things go South?

[jone]

Steve,

Just reminding you that you are among friends.  We're here to support you. 

[Gator]

Lonedrake,

This is indeed unexpected.  Based on your posts, you impressed me as a mature, well adjusted man with a positive attitude and a clear vision.

The pain of your broken dreams will be offset by the peace of mind that will come. 

We missed your posts because you were a valuable contributor.  However, your absence is now apparent - it seems you had your hands full with adjustment phase.   

I commend you for deciding rather quickly to take your medicine and end your marriage rather than limp along for perhaps years in an unfulfilling relationship. 

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.  Sometimes the divorces can get messy.  I hope that is not your case.   

 

[2tallbill]

I'm really sorry to hear that things didn't work out.
I wish you success as you start the next chapter in your life.


I have a hundred divorce jokes to lighten the mood but will only tell one here. 
Why does divorce cost so much? It's because it's worth it.

Udachi!

Bill

[pokerintherear]

LD, who initiated the filing of the divorce papers? Did you both agree to move forward with the divorce or was there a surprise element involved?

If you filed and she was not expecting the papers I hoped you prepared and planned your life ahead of time to prepare for the fall out. Hopefully it was a mutual agreement.

I remember posting my opinion when you were discussing your relationship on the forum. I always hate to see sincere, good men get burned and the reason for posting my thoughts and opinions on your relationship even if they seemed "negative" to most readers.

Good luck with all.

[lonedrake]

Guys, Thank for the words of support. I did miss this place and there was many times i wanted to log on looking for some advice. It is very difficult to talk to family members and friends because you don't want them to have negative feelings about her. I made many mistakes I am sure. The misunderstandings did happen many times.
 
 I don't really know what to say. I don't want to get into all the details. We did go to counseling, we moved back to Mlps, she has her drivers license, is over halfway through her cosmetology course with good grades and most of the time things were good.  She was meeting a counselor in ukraine once a week for a couple of hours. She was actively trying to make things work. But when her mind started to tell her things…..it was not good. 

She was aware that I contacted a lawyer in Jan. She agreed that we should divorce. I think she plans to stay in the US, but who knows. 

Just makes me sad.

[BillyB]

She was aware that I contacted a lawyer in Jan. She agreed that we should divorce. I think she plans to stay in the US, but who knows. 

Lonedrake, you needs some answers and a game plan. I had to go back to look at when you married. You have not been married long enough for your wife to get the 10 year permanent resident green card. She probably has the 2 year conditional resident green card and only you can upgrade her to permanent resident through your next interview together to verify the marriage is legit which isn't going to happen so she has to leave the country when her conditional green card is up unless a domestic violence charge happens.


You have a lawyer and if she wants a lawyer, you will pay for it. You also signed an affidavit of support for 10 years. I have never heard a judge making a guy pay alimony for 10 years but expect to pay longer than the average guy since your wife at this time will be considered unemployable. Do your best to make the divorce amicable and don't let your lawyer be an asshole to her. Offer alimony that is fair now otherwise she may get an attorney that you will be paying for. If you suspect any reason that she can make a false domestic violence charge against you, it's best you stay under a different roof.

[ML]

She probably has the 2 year conditional resident green card and only you can upgrade her to permanent resident through your next interview together to verify the marriage is legit which isn't going to happen so she has to leave the country when her conditional green card is up unless a domestic violence charge happens.

Not true.  Read on Visa Journey.  Foreign spouse can apply on his/her own for 10 year card, even if divorcing or divorced.

There was a lot of misinformation on these discussion sites about it; and guys were always warning about what would happen once 730 days passed by.  But, in reality, the foreign spouse does not have to wait even that long . . . to file on their own.

All they have to show is that the marriage was valid and not a sham up to the decision to divorce.

Gator can verify this info.

[Gator]

Gator can verify this info.

ML speaketh the truth.  I know of multiple cases in the same situation. 

The RW does not need to claim abuse.  The USCIS will ask for evidence showing that the two entered the marriage in good faith.  The fact that lonedrake paid for her re-education is such an example.  lonedrake does not need to interview the USCIS either. 

[lonedrake]

ML is correct. She can file on her own as long as it was a good faith marriage.  I have no issues with that. I have no experience with divorce so I will find out what I need to do. I have told her I will continue to pay her psychiatrist and education for now. Once the divorce is over I can explain how it turned out.

[Faux Pas]

IIRC, once the wife has received her 2 year conditional green card, the husband is out of her immigration process.

[BillyB]

Not true.  Read on Visa Journey.  Foreign spouse can apply on his/her own for 10 year card, even if divorcing or divorced.

There was a lot of misinformation on these discussion sites about it; and guys were always warning about what would happen once 730 days passed by.  But, in reality, the foreign spouse does not have to wait even that long . . . to file on their own.

All they have to show is that the marriage was valid and not a sham up to the decision to divorce.

Gator can verify this info.

You're right. I found an article below that talks about what you said among other different kinds of exceptions. Lonedrake's wife can file for the 10 year card on her own before her temporary one expires as long as Lonedrake signs her paperwork saying their marriage was real(not a sham).

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/citizenship-now/two-year-rule-applies-marriage-cases-article-1.1449267

I have no experience with divorce so I will find out what I need to do. I have told her I will continue to pay her psychiatrist and education for now. Once the divorce is over I can explain how it turned out.

Educate your wife on how she can apply to be a permanent resident but offer to help her with the paperwork or hire an immigration attorney for her if she wants to stay in America. Gator may be able to give you a few pointers since he knows a few cases. Helping her increases the chances of the divorce ending amicably

Even though you are paying for your wife's psychiatrist and education and feel you are doing more than your fair share to help her move on with her life, you won't get any credit for being a nice guy should she get an attorney later on that tries to bleed much more out of you. Hopefully your attorney can draft up documents that both of you can agree on. It has to follow your state guidelines or it's no good and it should provide her with enough alimony to make a smooth transition to life in America if she chooses that path.

[Gator]

Psychiatrist!   Adjustment to a new country!  Not having family and friends!   Very taxing.

You had your hands full.  Reading between the lines, you are taking the right step. 

[fathertime]

ML is correct. She can file on her own as long as it was a good faith marriage.  I have no issues with that. I have no experience with divorce so I will find out what I need to do. I have told her I will continue to pay her psychiatrist and education for now. Once the divorce is over I can explain how it turned out.

It sounds like you have a good attitude and approach thus far.  As Billyb said, you really want to avoid a contentious court battle.  The costs can be onerous and they will all fall on you in this situation.  So at least in that respect being a little generous, aside from being nice, can be beneficial to you.  Since you have decided to divorce, I'd also say GET IT DONE, don't waver or hesitate, the more time that passes the more that can go wrong.


I'm sorry to read that you are sad over all this.  You can look on the bright side, you are free to see other ladies again if you so choose, and the burden of a difficult relationship is moving farther away in the rear view mirror.  Being divorced is usually for the best, and both individuals can wind up much happier with a different person, or single. 


Good luck,
Fathertime! 

[BillyB]

I'd also say GET IT DONE, don't waver or hesitate, the more time that passes the more that can go wrong.

I second that. Divorce can drag on, get ugly, and get depressing but one has to get it done in the best possible way for both parties. Lonedrake, we're here if you need us. I don't know your attorney but he may be the kind that will try to get you as much as possible without considering how your wife will survive. Make sure to tell him you want to do your legal responsibility to your wife according to your state's guidelines and you do care about your wife having a smooth transition to life without you.

[ML]

She was meeting a counselor in Ukraine once a week for a couple of hours.

I am confused.

Was this before you were married and she came to USA?

Or you mean she is there now?

Or she is getting counseling via phone or internet?

Or what?

[Chicagoguy]

For many years I read episodes in Visa Journey where there were divorces and other "girl friends" quickly came into the picture with advice almost all of which were ways to win and not to help you. Doubt if this is your case but it shouldn't hurt be fair and could pay off for you in the long run if it runs smoothly.

Wishing both of you the best.

[ML]

Several have opined that the better you treat her . . . the better the outcome will be for you.

Hate to burst bubbles . . . but that is probably not true about the same percentage as it is true.

I have seen cases where the man went all out in offering more than required and other acts of kindness.  This was repaid by taking all of that, then demanding more, lying about events, actions, etc.

[BillyB]

there were divorces and other "girl friends" quickly came into the picture with advice almost all of which were ways to win and not to help you.

Those "girl friends" may put poison in the lady's head that her husband is hiding assets and recommends she get an attorney herself which the husband has to pay for. A wife may not have a claim on the husband's home for a short marriage but the husband will have to borrow money against his house to pay for two attorneys that could drag things out for a long time in an ugly fight.

I have seen cases where the man went all out in offering more than required and other acts of kindness.  This was repaid by taking all of that, then demanding more, lying about events, actions, etc.

A guy doesn't get credit for good behavior but if Lonedrake can get his attorney to draft up an alimony agreement that follows his state's guidelines, a judge will honor that regardless if things get ugly. If there is no agreement on paper, the nice guy stuff doesn't count and a judge will order alimony starting from the time they appear in front of him/her and make it last as he/she feels fit. Hopefully Lonedrake doesn't become the first guy in America that has to honor 10 years of support based off that affidavit we all have to sign.

If Londedrake continues to be kind and generous, he should get credit for it. It's still much cheaper than an ugly fight involving alimony and two attorneys that will get paid a combined $500 an hour.

[cc3]

Steve, Nina (refugee from Luhansk, who met your previous friend, Eva, there in March, 2013) and I are married now and comfortably settled in Lviv. We were distressed to learn about your present situation and wish you a quick and relatively painless transition to a happier future.